posted on Aug, 12 2016 @ 04:41 PM
There has been a strange feeling coming over me. I really do not know how to describe it. I have been up and down and tossed around. No sleep.
Eating habits screwy. I have been trying to get a grip on it. There have been some poems I have written lately and they exhibit signs of this
problem. One day I am overcome with sadness and the next day I am resistant to being overcome by that sadness. Replies to those poems have gone left
unanswered, not out of rudeness, just incapable of responding sometimes because, even though I never quit, sometimes all I can do is sit and stare out
There is something I am feeling about the future. It paralyzes me, not with fear, but with uncertainty, like I am just waiting for the sky to fall on
me. I have been searching within for answers, looking out there for answers, finding nothing yet but more questions. What is my destiny? What is my
fate? Where am I going? Why am I feeling this way everyday? I meditate. I write. I read. I absorb information. Still no answers for this
I used to be trapped by my past and consumed with my present, but now, all I can think about is the future. The future of this planet, this galaxy,
this Universe, this dimension, this life. Where are they heading? Anxiety has run amok in my brain and at the same time so has hope for something
better to be out there, somewhere. But where? Is everything just random? Is there a grand scheme?
Has the ending been written or is it all just a giant circle, like a snake eating its tail? Are there more dimensions? Do we inhabit multi-verses?
There must be more than this existence, right? The fact I have any notion of these possibilities must mean they at least exist in some probability,
right? Most of what I am saying is rhetorical in that I really do not expect any answers from anyone here to dispel my sense with reasoning.
After all, it is my mind that is never quitting, I suppose an endless search for meaning will endeavor, until such a time the sky does fall on me and
put an end to this madness.