Ways to Mend a Broken Heart

Are there any secrets to overcoming a broken heart?

The article linked to below has some ideas that seem good to me.

12 Ways to Mend a Broken Heart

I have never had a broken heart. It's a nice benefit of being callous.

a reply to: Profusion

I don't know about secrets but definitely time is key.
From your article I especially liked
#1. Go through it not around it (very important, IMO, don't hide from it)
#2. Helping someone else
#3. Detach (double edged sword but necessary sometimes for self preservation)

I think #3 is an eventual part of the process that one must go through to be able to halfway mend and move on.
There were times in life that I absolutely knew I was going to die without the other person in my life (my Mother's death for example) and time has managed to diminish the pain somewhat. At least enough to become relatively functional but I will say that helping others will take your mind off of your own woes, even briefly, and help.

I think if you think of life as a learning process, of sorts the whole thing, that can help in that you can look back and see what that person (lover or whomever) brought to your life both good and bad. The bad were lessons perhaps teaching you wisdom, insight and knowledge about folks and the good times are just good times.

Most people start with liquor, results may very.

a reply to: Bluntone22

Yeah booze and loose women.

a reply to: Profusion

My strategy has always been go clubbing almost immediately and quickly find a no-strings sexual partner to take my mind off it.
I've kind of got used to that though over the last few years so I'm not interested in a committed relationship at all now.
Maybe just haven't found the right person yet, but certainly slutting it avoids any future heartbreak for me.

a reply to: grainofsand

Definitely!
Don't give it away for someone else to be able to break it.

Wise man

Live on the beach, enjoy life and all of it's gifts!

to the beach!

a reply to: TNMockingbird

Lol, it's tourist season here right now, a committed relationship is the last thing on my mind!
Winter is better for a relationship, but I've got long-time female friends I hang with and enjoy no strings intimacy, so offering my heart up is not something I'm drawn to.

...as I said though, maybe just haven't found the 'one' who makes me go "I want, I want!" yet...I've stupidly let loads slip through my fingers for being a twat though...ah hindsight!

I've had my heart broken a few times.

I take my guitar to open mic places, sing the blues and meet someone else straight away. Two birds with one stone....sell a few CDs and make a new friend.

a reply to: grainofsand

Have you and I talked about something similar before?
(foggy recollection, sorry)

I don't know that there's a 'one'. One perhap that someone feels deeply connected to for a great length of time but does that necessarily mean that there aren't others that they would share that same emotion/feeling with?
Get your mind out of there! Not what I am meaning.
Sure, someone can 'think' this person is the one but those feelings often are not reciprocated, at least to the same depth, and there you have the broken heart. Perhaps people set themselves up to become broken?

I've seen a lot of broken hearts that could have been avoided if honesty was an important factor between the two individuals. I think sometimes folks think that they want honesty but do they really?

I think sometimes people fall in love with an illusion of what they want the other person to be and somehow convince themselves that the illusion is real.

I've got to stop thinking and work! Darn you Grain!

a reply to: olaru12

That's a good tactic

My small town seaside world is the same faces at parties/clubs so when you split with someone you really have to get over it quick because you WILL see your ex at the next 'locals' social gathering lol.
That's why summer is excellent with the tourists, they don't want anything which will last longer than their holiday.
So easy to get that ex out of your mind after a fun night in a hotel room.

originally posted by: grainofsand
a reply to: olaru12

That's a good tactic

My small town seaside world is the same faces at parties/clubs so when you split with someone you really have to get over it quick because you WILL see your ex at the next 'locals' social gathering lol.
That's why summer is excellent with the tourists, they don't want anything which will last longer than their holiday.
So easy to get that ex out of your mind after a fun night in a hotel room.

Good point!!

Actually I'm still friends and lovers with my ex's. Sometimes it gets complicated and a little kinky.

btw, my whole state is a tourist mecca.

a reply to: Profusion

Orgy ?

worked for the Romans

a reply to: TNMockingbird

Haha yeah we've spoken about similar!
There probably isn't 'the one' for anyone, just a compromise on both sides.

I've loved different girls for different reasons over the years, some visually beautiful, some more beautiful on the inside, all finished with a broken heart though, and about 50/50 in the fault side.

One of my deepest loves ended because I didn't want another child and she did, there was no broken heart, it just had to end because having a child for all the wrong reasons would have been the biggest mistake to make.
We both still deeply love each other and she has had her children now, bit rocky in her relationship with the father of her kids now though, I hope for the kids sake they'll make it work.
But if they do split then we'll be going for a drink for sure...never stopped loving her, just didn't want any more kids of my own...she is the strangest 'one' in my life and we both melt when we randomly bump into each other, make eye contact and hug.

...I'm rambling now though so sorry to the OP for my off-topic musings!

originally posted by: olaru12
Actually I'm still friends and lovers with my ex's

Same here, even my ex-wife and mother of my child is my most trusted friend, and we've been split 16+ years.
We occasionally have moments if we've had a drink...wouldn't wanna be with her again though, there were reasons we were incompatible lol.

Only one ex I haven't seen for years and she cheated badly on me, really felt pain from that one...but if I bumped into her at a club and she was up for it then for sure...she just wouldn't get anywhere near my heart again! lol

superglue?

a reply to: Profusion

I've had mine shattered a couple times - twice by the same person, 7 years apart.

Seeing as I did the breaking on the last one, the last time I got my heart broken was within the week of my birthday (which already wasn't looking to be a good week last year). I went out, and started doing things for myself.

If anything, the breakup drove me to get stuff accomplished I was never able to to when with someone - I finally was motivated to pick my violin up and do my lessons (partially for the wrong reasons - the person that broke up with me played violin, and I wanted to be better than them, haha; now, I love my violin almost as much as my trumpet). Went kayaking for the first time, and loved it. I even felt refreshed enough to enjoy NYE out with other people!

If it ever happens again...I'll probably do the same thing, and re-find the person I lost. Myself.

-fossilera

originally posted by: TheKnightofDoom
a reply to: Bluntone22

Yeah booze and loose women.

Works miracles.
Don't sit around being absorbed in self pity.
Move on when it's time to move on.

a reply to: Profusion

Duct tape!

Duct tape fixes everything.

a reply to: fossilera

If it ever happens again...I'll probably do the same thing, and re-find the person I lost. Myself.

That's never good, if that's starting to happen, run.

Stupid story but I'll tell it.
My 'brother' was always the dominant/strong/opinionated type. He did what he wanted and never made excuses for it.
He finally met the love of his life (his words) when he was 36 and married her 10 years later.
After one year, she called my folks crying after a fight and told my Dad that basically now that they were married she couldn't believe that he was still being the same person and behaving in the same way he was when they lived together for 10 years. She thought once they married that everything would change.

My Dad told her that he was sorry she felt that way but if she wanted to be with someone different then why did she marry him? That has stuck with me my entire life.

Don't lose yourself.

And duct tape.