It looks like you're using an Ad Blocker.

Please white-list or disable in your ad-blocking tool.

Thank you.


Some features of ATS will be disabled while you continue to use an ad-blocker.



page: 1

log in


posted on Jan, 19 2005 @ 07:43 PM
This is one of the first stories I ever wrote (about a year ago), and I've finally got the balls enough to toss it up here on ATS. I was just having fun playing around with dialouge. I'll throw a few more up here in coming days, just for the fun of it. Enjoy!

“Where am I?” the man asked.
“You’re on the third floor. At the customer service desk, sir.” replied the gruff looking man behind the counter.
“What do you mean? Who are you?”
“I mean you’re here in this store, presumably buying or returning something. I’m a worker here at this store.”
“What store is this?”
“Sears, sir”
“Oh, okay. Could you tell me where the restroom is?”
“Follow this aisle until you get to the men’s department. Turn to your left and go straight. It’s right near the exit. There’re signs.”
“Thank you.”

“Where am I now?” the man asked.
“You’re in all these peoples way, that’s where you are!” bellowed the scrawny little woman beside the counter. “Get out of the way!”
“Where’s the man I was talking to a moment ago?”
“What man? There was no man! I’ve been here all day! Now get out of the way or I’ll have you forcefully removed!”
“Okay, okay. I swear there was a man here a moment ago. Where is your restroom though?”
“You can use a restroom at another establishment. You have two minutes to leave now before I call security.”
“Fine, I’ll find the restroom on my own.”

“What the hell? Don’t call security on me! I didn’t do anything!”
“Security? Sir, I don’t know what you’re talking about. I wasn’t going to call security. A medic, maybe though. A minute ago you were asking me where the bathroom was and then you just stood there motionless. You wouldn’t respond to anyone or anything. Are you okay?”
“Yeah, yeah. I think I am at least. The rest room was that way you said?”
“Yes, just go that way.”

“Thanks again. Sorry for any inconvenience I may have caused.”
“Yeah, you better be. Now come with us to the security office.” Said a man who looked surprisingly like the man behind the counter.
“What do you mean the security office? I just want to go to the bathroom!”
“I was afraid for myself and the other customers. Thank you for coming so fast. He was just standing there right up until you came.” Cried the scrawny woman.
“I just have to use the bathroom!”
“Well too bad, come with us now!”
“Let me use the #ing bathroom!”
“That’s it!” said a second guard as he reached for his tazer gun. “I’m gunna ta…”

“No! Don’t! I’ll go with you!”
“Sir, are you sure you’re okay?” It was the man behind the counter. “Go with whom and to where?”
“The security guards… to the security office.”
“I don’t see any guards around here. Do any of you?”
“Nope.” “Not here.” “Me either.” Members of the crowd around the man murmured amongst themselves.
“What is happening to me? One minute I’m here and then the next I’m somewhere else!”
“Sir, you’ve been here the entire time. I swear.”
“Right. Yeah. I need to make it to the ba…”

“…red now punk? Just standing there won’t help you now boy! You here me?” yelled the second security guard.
The man collapses to the floor…

“Sir! Sir! Are you okay?” yells the clerk as he kneels over the man.
“What the hell? Why am I on the floor? What happened to me?”
“You just collapse and started to shake. We thought you were having a seizure. I’ll call a doctor for you sir. Just sit tight down there. Help will arrive shortly, I’m sure”
“No. No. It’s okay. Help me up please.”
“You obviously need medical attention,” Said someone behind the crowd as the clerk helped him up.
“I feel a lot better now. Thank you very much,” said the man as he walked off to the bathroom.

posted on Jan, 19 2005 @ 08:43 PM
Very cool story cmd.

Will you share others?

posted on Jan, 19 2005 @ 08:54 PM

Originally posted by MacKiller
Very cool story cmd.

Will you share others?

Thanks, and of course I will. I'm looking for someone to critique my work though, so I can improve my writing of course.


log in