What is a...Family

a reply to: ImmortalLegend527

Somebody once said "Nobody can f--- with you quite like family". They know where your weak points are.

Ironically, as I was typing this response, my daughter came to me with an "ouchie". In that moment, I had a choice. (A choice of a lot of possible options... all somewhere in between the 2 extremes of "berate her for not being careful" and "wait on her hand and foot for the rest of her life").

And way off the chart of possible options would be to take advantage of her weakness for personal gain somehow.

Only a complete and total ass would take that last option. If someone has taken advantage of you in a moment of your weakness, they don't deserve the dignity of being called family.

So I guess I am saying that family is anyone who you can trust to not take advantage of you.

I can tell you what a family should be...

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

If you can find a few people in the world with whom you can aspire to that ideal, it doesn't matter that they have different dna.

originally posted by: ancientthunder

A con is a deception, the idea of family is a con because we have been sold a lie about what it is. Truebrit has made his own idea of what a family is for him, the way to go. a reply to: ImmortalLegend527

When i hear or see family incidents it saddens me but i can relate to what your saying,it seems like a con in so many ways.

originally posted by: mysterioustranger
a reply to: ImmortalLegend527

Its what you make out of what you have. Good or bad, blessed or cursed. Mine is a wife and little dog that loves me, and a mother in law that loves me just as much as her own son.....

Ive had deaths, suicides, cancer, back stabbings, desertions, divorces...you name it. But Im happy to have a wife and dog that loves me. Everyone else, mom, dad, brothers, sisters have all passed on...

Still? I consider myself truly blessed....every single day. Even when its a bad one.

Best to you my friend! MS

You are blessed ,it's good to have someone that's in your corner,some one who has your back and has loyalty for you,i feel blessed for some reason because your happy..might seem strange but thats the feeling i get.You must have a good spirit!

a reply to: ImmortalLegend527

You have heard the predictable, idealised version of family from the other respondents. Now for some accuracy.

A man and woman and their biological (sometimes non-biological) offspring.

Now obviously, this CAN be a very happy little set-up; but it doesn't have to be and almost never is.

You say you "found" your brother 3 years ago. I'm getting from this that you were adopted in infancy?

Personally, I would think twice about contacting anyone else. What is it you expect to happen? You're not a child any more, you can't expect to be able to walk into people's lives - strangers' lives - with a fanfare and a lavish display, like the biblical prodigal son.

They wont necessarily think like you and, almost certainly, will have mixed feelings on the whole thing. You may be fortunate and have a good experience, but don't bank on it. Or you could be unfortunate and contact someone who is a bit crotchety, like me. How would I feel if I was tracked down by a stranger claiming to be a long, lost brother. Honestly? Not great.

Here is what I think will happen. They will be cautiously welcoming to you. You will meet up, go for a drink, reminisce on growing up. Maybe even stop over for a day or two.

But if you are expecting your diary to be filled with lots of new family invitations, you could be setting yourself up for disappointment.

a reply to: CJCrawley

I will most definitely take your advice because it's real, thanks for sharing. Were your thoughts from a learning experience about family or your just saying?

a reply to: ImmortalLegend527

you have an immortal family
you are loved
whether you see it or not


let the rhythm guide you
shake that booty

a reply to: kibric

Thanks Bro,respect!

No family is perfect. NONE. And no one picks their parents and they don't get to pick you, it cuts both ways and disappointment can land anywhere. If you define yourself by your family, you're doing it wrong. You must recognize that they helped shape you AND you helped shape them. Take the lessons learned and move on if it wasn't positive. Try to do better with others moving forward.

I get tired of the old line that "Friends are family that you pick" or some such. While it is true you get to pick them, it's no replacement for the petri dish you were cultured in. It can indeed be better is some ways but there is no dismissing your foundation and formative years.

I just got back from a weekend of family vacation hell, multiple generations. I loved it, I hated it. It reminds me where I came from, how I got to be me and also it reaffirms that I'm headed down a road in the opposite direction. Immersing myself in that gene pool again reminds me that I don't have to choose that for myself or my own nuclear family.