Is Flirtatious Texting or Sexting Cheating?

a reply to: Profusion

I guess it's ingrained in Western culture because of Jesus' words: "Matthew 5:28 But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart."

You're probably right. Although it probably comes down to individual interpretation.... and application. Is "lust" simply recognizing and acknowledging the beauty of a man/woman? I wouldn't call that lust. But if it goes farther than that, monopolizing the person's thoughts and or actions, and takes away from the ongoing relationship, then it is a form of adultery.

I once had a friend who had an "open" marriage. It made no sense to me to marry if one wanted an "open" marriage, but it wasn't my life and therefore not my problem. But one day it came up in conversation, and I said even if I could get past the jealousy part of it, and the risk of STDs(!), and the financial part, that it was still just not practical. For example, if I've got two sick kids at home, and work to get done (I was working from home at the time), and whatever else, the last thing I want to hear from my husband is, "Oh, I wish I could help but I've got a date tonight." We're either in this together -- all for one and one for all -- or we're not. And if we're not, then it's really not a marriage (my rules!). She kind of laughed it off at the time, but one day my scenario came to pass, and she wasn't laughing anymore.

Of course, I'm looking at it through 21st century eyes... they would have looked at it through 1st century eyes and the patriarchal system. It might have had more to do with assuring legitimate paternity and inheritance rights and all that.

Yup sow them oats and be honest about intentions... tying people up with emotional lies due to insincerity and an inability to communicate is no excuse. Get that crap out of your system and then you can actually be serious about someone and not fixated on sexual pleasure, holding someone emotionally hostage just for that purpose is nonsense... I know it you know it and everyone else knows it.

Nothing new going on, be straight up it's easier on you and every body else. Guess what playas being honest with those intentions up front gets more oats sewn than trying to pretend to play house with someone leading them on... if they looking for building and you looking for bedding? You spreading blankets of pain no one wants that kinda picnic.

Like nonspecific said same thing, communication. That means openness and honesty... telling people your intent what you're looking for and want so you aren't wasting anyone time playing serious... youre a grown adult right? What are you hiding from cant talk to another adult like an adult?

I'm more than sewn, nobody needs any kinda games... except children and everybody knows it, so play the fool if ya want just makes things way tougher and full of drama than ever need be.

originally posted by: Profusion
a reply to: Boadicea

This is the best answer possible. You described the issue perfectly. Those who deny your answer are anti-human freedom in my opinion.

I think of sexting and pornography (extreme cases excluded) as being matters of pure fantasy. How can fantasy become a "sin"?

I guess it's ingrained in Western culture because of Jesus' words:

Matthew 5:28 But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.

So, somehow that idea is programmed into people's heads in the West.

The concept of thoughts being "sin" makes no sense to me at all.

Your words are funny in a way. You're essentially saying westerners have a twisted view because of religion but only after saying sexting and porn are okay because they're not against a religion or, "sin".

Thinking all "Westerners" love Jesus (oh my oh my lordy do I ever!) is your first problem.
Thinking everyone else has a psychopathic point of view is the second.

Whether you want to call it "sin" or just plain "being a dick" ... It is what it is and the fantasy is usually worse than what reality would be.

It's that twisting of someone's mind where they're always lusting after others that causes the most harm.

If s man cheated on his woman by having sex with another and never told woman and she never found out, well that would still be horrible but ... she wouldn't know.
If the man never cheated on her but had no interest in her anymore because he's been too busy smacking his pud, she'd feel very bad.
Even though what he's doing wouldn't normally be viewed "as bad", it's actually causing more strain in these scenarios and I think it's one that happens very frequently.

... or if the woman becomes okay with sexting ("not a sin") but it winds up getting her so horny that when she's having sex with her man she's imaging the other dude then her man doesn't deserve that.

It's never okay. Not unless both partners agree. Even then it's questionable but hey, they're adults.

Our relationships are not built on sex typically. Sex is a big part but in the end the driving force of a relationship is how the two feel about another. If you're too busy sexting some side hoe and smacking it to x-art, you're not giving your woman (or man) the attention they deserve/you could instead be giving them.

I must just be an anti-human Jesus-freak though. Let's sext?

a reply to: Profusion

Almost all of that is cheating.

I sort of feel bad for the younger people because they have been fed so much BS that apparent things don't seem apparent.

Yes, if you hump another woman you're cheating. That's an affair. That's cheating.

If you get your jollies by flirting with or chatting with or sending naked pictures with another woman.... That's an emotional affair. That's cheating.

It's not very complicated.

a reply to: Gothmog

Yeah, I figured that out from your original post. Was it worth the scars and tshirt that shrinks on the first wash?

originally posted by: NewzNose
a reply to: Gothmog

Yeah, I figured that out from your original post. Was it worth the scars and tshirt that shrinks on the first wash?

Uhhh. no.

a reply to: Gothmog

Ah. Lesson learned the first time. You have indeed achieved wisdom of your ancestors, grasshoppuh...

a reply to: eluryh22

Youth is wasted on our youth.

a reply to: NewzNose
Yeah , it was those darned , dead on UFO strikes that got me.....

If it hurts you to think about a mate doing something that something is wrong.
Do you want your mate thinking about someone else in an intimate way? They are doing that with flirting. By flirting I don't mean being coy or friendly. I mean flirting that says I'm interested in you and want more. And sexting. That's sex at a distance but still sex.

I have witnessed promiscuous relationships completely fall apart mostly because of one odd thing. Trust. In those relationships porn was ok. Even a threesome ounce in a while. Carnal satisfaction seemed ultimate. Why the mistrust then? The relations seemed honest. Desires communicated properly it seemed. Why all the worries about cheating.
The answer I believe is Monogamous Love binds and is true only with two. Once your partners eyes start to wonder the bond breaks. in degree of course to the act which follows after "the cheaters" sight demands it. If your partner was sexting and says look honey what i'm Doing. Most would be like WTF!!! _javascript:icon('')

originally posted by: Profusion
Here are my opinions:
My answer: No.
My answer: No.
My answer: Legal pornography is okay.
My answer: As long as it's legal, no.
My answer: I have no preference on this issue.
My answer: Not applicable. I would never do this.

Do divorce court a favor and Don't Ever get married.

a reply to: Profusion

Let me give you some advice, quit watching porn. It makes people see women in a different way. Women are not like that in real life. It pollutes your mind. Peace.

a reply to: Profusion

I have a pretty strict rule when it comes to outside relationships..."
"You shouldn't say or do anything that you wouldn't do or say in front of your husband/wife. etc".
I've always had a strict code when it comes to cheating, but my wife doing it and the resulting end of our marriage, reinforced it. If you both agree to it, fine. If not and you're doing it without the other's approval, you're cheating. The question that always gets them is :
If you don't think you're doing anything wrong, why are you hiding it?

all questions of course 100% depending on what type of relationship you are in.

Plenty of couples will sit together and do online virtual "sex" with others..all the fun of swinging with none of the consequences. I recommend finding those relationships. shared experiences > sneaky mental cheating.

As others have said it depends on the relationship and rules. If it is cheating in the partners eyes then it is cheating. Sexting is also even worse than pornography imo. Simply because there is actually another physically known person on the other end. Also sexting will almost always include nude pictures of the cheaters exposing themselves personally and also almost always leads to physical cheating. I mean it leads to sleeping around outside of the relationship.

It is all no good. And then youve got women even members here i have read with absolutely zero self respect who say their husband sleeping around is no big deal because it is "natural." Peeps are wierd.

But there again it comes down to the individual rules of each relationship. Some watch porn together, some wouldnt care about sexting, swingers, etc etc.

But lets be real people who take it as far as swinging or 'open' with their defined rules are not in any kind of realistic relationship.

a reply to: Profusion

This question doesn't even make sense to me. Marriage is defined by the people involved in it and nobody else.

Think of it like a store policy. Most stores accept returns but some don't. So you could never accurately answer the question "What is the return policy for stores" because it depends on the store.

In my own marriage, no. None of those things are "cheating" and most of those things can be done with your spouse. If you have to keep that sort of thing a secret but you really feel it makes you happy, maybe couples therapy is in order.

originally posted by: lightedhype
But lets be real people who take it as far as swinging or 'open' with their defined rules are not in any kind of realistic relationship.

I've heard the same thing said about monogamy. If your behavior in your relationship is scripted and the rules are placed higher in importance than the people involved, then maybe that's not a "realistic relationship".

a reply to: BLee8127

Um yeah... some are not gonna throw numbers, quit counting as it was rude. But I'd say 1/4 or more were all porn style. That's the thing about being honest, if you hide your sexuality someone else likely will too because there is a lot of shaming that goes on.

I've turned down more 3 somes than I can even count, never was my suggestion either... just an iceberg I don't want to get stuck on. Sort of like addictive drugs some boundaries are better left alone so you don't get that taste or craving for it. I like close emotional bonds with a partner like throw myself in front of a bus trust... you could be the center of a dream orgy and that sex will not be as fulfilling nor satisfying as those chemicals are not released like when it's love and 100% trust between two people.

FWB sex fulfills a need but anyone that has had one vs. one in love know it is what it is... fwb is like a work out at the gym or some performance, but not melting though the entire universe in each others arms quantum entanglement good.

Yeah there's a difference...

originally posted by: NewzNose
a reply to: stosh64

I agree with you.

I pose this question: would you feel the same if your spouse were chronically ill and totally unable to partake of the marriage bed?

(I apologize if this is already the case; I don't want to presume)

Absolutely I would feel the same. Our trials together throughout our marriage are what has made us so strong.

She is my better half. She is now grey and weighs a few more pounds than when we met. We don't have sex like we did when we were newlyweds.

But I love AND respect her more than I did when we got married.

Things like porn and flirting are what put unreal expectations on a relationship.

WTF, your sex life will NEVER live up to what is FAKED in a porn video. But so many try to live their lives like that is what is to be aspired too.