I need cheering up, give it your best shot. ;)

a fly is buzzing around thinking how hungry he is. All of the sudden, he sees a cow plop a big drop of # on the round. It's so fresh, it's steaming. The fly immediately heads straight for the pile. He gobbles up as much as he can stand. As he rocks back, satisfied that was the best meal he had ever had, it dawned on him. He was now to heavy to take off. After looking around, he spots a shovel leaning up against a wheel barrow. He thinks, if I can just climb up to the top of that handle, I could jump from there and generate enough lift to fly home. So he struggles a bit, (has to wipe a bit of fly sweat from his fly brow) but makes it to the top. He happily spreads his wings, jumps......and splat! Dead fly.


The moral of the story is, never fly off the handle if you are full of #.

A penguin is driving through the country. His car starts to spudder. Luckily, he spots a small town up ahead. He pulls up to the gas station/mechanic and explains his problem. The mechanic tells him he can get right on it, but with it being so hot, the penguin might want to go over to the grocery store and cool off in the air conditioning. So he does. He wanders over to the freezer section and spots some vanilla ice cream. (his favorite!) he starts to gobble up the ice cream, being a penguin without opposable thumbs, he just plows his head into the bucket. Just then the mechanic calls and asks the penguin to come back. So he does. The mechanic turns and said, "well, it looks like you have blown a seal", the penguin replies, no, it's just ice cream.

See if you suffer from any of these matey...



Some are classic.

You are my favourite poster on ATS. You contribute a lot to this forum including educating people on math vs maths.

Don't let something ever ruin your outlook, just smile man!

originally posted by: superman2012
You are my favourite poster on ATS. You contribute a lot to this forum including educating people on math vs maths.

Don't let something ever ruin your outlook, just smile man!

Cheers man a nice white lie can often lift the spirits lol.

Am having a particularly rough time lately and needed some distractions.

In the kindest possible way I'm going to advise you to get some proper, professional help.

Please.

Call the Samaritans they'll know who to put you in touch with.

Don't brush me off - I've been following your threads and wondering when or if to pitch in. Well, I wouldn't be much of a friend if I kept staying quiet.

I'm sorry if this post is unwelcome (maybe you got help already - if so, get something more effective) but I had to pipe up.

a reply to: nonspecific
I wasn't lying at all. You contribute humour and thought provoking threads. I may not reply to all but I do read most of them. You seem like a genuine nice person, a behaviour that I strive to emulate (and struggle with! lol)

Take care of yourself first.

a reply to: berenike

Thank for the advice mate but to be fair I am jut a bid fed up right now, I really did just want to see what funny stuff people might offer to cheer someone up.

I have been better but been worse and will be alright.

a reply to: nonspecific

I understand and will go away in a minute. Before I do, I'm going to be blunt.

As comfortable as it is in denial, you're actually up # creek and I'm trying to offer you a paddle.

Also, I'm on my sick bed - so no sending the boys round unless they'll make me a cup of tea before sorting me out

originally posted by: berenike
a reply to: nonspecific

I understand and will go away in a minute. Before I do, I'm going to be blunt.

As comfortable as it is in denial, you're actually up # creek and I'm trying to offer you a paddle.

Also, I'm on my sick bed - so no sending the boys round unless they'll make me a cup of tea before sorting me out

No need to go anywhere brother, life is just a bit upside down right now living in a shed in my mates garden was not what I had in mind but been in worse situations lol.

a reply to: nonspecific

Bacon.







That is all.

*drops mic*

originally posted by: CranialSponge
a reply to: nonspecific

Bacon.

That is all.

*drops mic*

Dip that in beer and we can pretty much close the thread.

a reply to: nonspecific

I don't know you personally, but if it will help, *big hug* . It might amuse you to know that the first time I saw your Walternate avatar wink it scared me to death. I had to sit and watch it until it winked again just to make sure, haha.

a reply to: nonspecific


Your wish is my command...






/end thread

originally posted by: CranialSponge
a reply to: nonspecific


Your wish is my command...

/end thread

# it, it's nearly the weekend I recon we should dip it in tequilla and set fire to it and then swallow it whole.

Ever had a flaming Drambuie?

originally posted by: Pillywiggin
a reply to: nonspecific

I don't know you personally, but if it will help, *big hug* . It might amuse you to know that the first time I saw your Walternate avatar wink it scared me to death. I had to sit and watch it until it winked again just to make sure, haha.

I had its wink set to about 62 seconds so that it did not happen very often and even if you saw it would give up before you decided it was your imagination lol.

I have had loads of pm's from people that said they read one of my posts and the thing winked at the end like it was a secret lol.

Cheers for the hug.

a reply to: nonspecific

Ever had a flaming Drambuie?

Why yes, as a matter of fact.

Yes I have.

(more than once)


I always have a bottle of Dram in the liquor cabinet.

Without a bottle or two of Dram on hand, I tend to feel.... naked and vulnerable.

originally posted by: CranialSponge
a reply to: nonspecific

Ever had a flaming Drambuie?

Why yes, as a matter of fact.

Yes I have.

(more than once)


I always have a bottle of Dram in the liquor cabinet.

Without a bottle or two of Dram on hand, I tend to feel.... naked and vulnerable.

You should try the nonspecific version and forget the lame lighting it in the glass and sticking it to your hand business.

I used to order a quadrouple drambuie, get the barman to turn the main lights of, tip back my head and pour it into my mouth and then put a match to it so six to eight inches of flames shot out of my mouth. This was made better as I had a stupid green spikey mohawk at the time and everyone could cheer and shout huzzaa.

a reply to: nonspecific

I don't think I'm brave enough to try the 'nonspecific version'...

Especially the green mohawk part.



And besides, I like my eyebrows just the way they are.

originally posted by: CranialSponge
a reply to: nonspecific

I don't think I'm brave enough to try the 'nonspecific version'...

Especially the green mohawk part.



And besides, I like my eyebrows just the way they are.

Yeah maybe your right, not done it for maybe 20 years now as was dared to do it with Cognac stright out of the bottle and it went everywhere and set fire to my head.

I slowed down a bit after that, they had to beat out the flames with a bar cloth.