It looks like you're using an Ad Blocker.

Please white-list or disable AboveTopSecret.com in your ad-blocking tool.

Thank you.

 

Some features of ATS will be disabled while you continue to use an ad-blocker.

 

Is This What Mid-Life Crisis Feels Like?

page: 1
5
<<   2 >>

log in

join
share:

posted on Jul, 12 2016 @ 08:10 PM
link   
Hello ATS,

This is my first opening up moment in a long time. It was a choice between posting it here and letting it out, or walking up to a random stranger and doing it. I believe I made the better choice.

I'm 30 years old, I have less than a year of college left to get a degree, but with the dead end job I'm working and fighting to pay down bills; it is very unfeasible for me to actually finish college without going further into debt. As it stands now, my debt is manageable; $10k in school loans and $12k on the car. I have a motorcycle that was paid off a year ago, am planning to sell it as soon as the oil/oil filter ship in from amazon.

Anyways, I have been in panic mode for about 3 months now; new boss at work, I haven't been getting as many hours and there will be no more raises for anyone. Needless to say, it is a dead end job, physically demanding so the only real perk is I am in good shape and enough vitamin E to supplement Canada.

I have been living in the same area code my whole life, I'm restless and want to get out; there is honestly nothing here for me. The past month I must have been unconsciously seeking something to ground me here, so I contacted an ex-girlfriend(the one who got away). Boy was that a mistake, all those old feelings boiling up trying to contain what I really wanted to say; failure on an epic proportion. She actually dumped her current boyfriend that day when I called her, had breakfast on a Sunday and everything was going alright.

Then Friday she changed plans, convinced me to go out downtown; I did, hated it, I even drank one beer, yeah that doesn't happen very often. Anyways, long story short, we had a good bye hug, I knew deep down it was the Good Bye hug. A couple days later, that is when the panic mode came into full swing, I have been contemplating my options: I'm intelligent, hard working, adaptable, courteous etc, unfortunately on paper I am nobody.

So, there is absolutely nothing keeping me here; I have no reason to stay, and every reason to leave. I have been longing for a purpose in life, to unlock my full potential, I was stupid in my early twenties but the past is dead and there is nothing I can do to change that now.

I am left with only one good option, which could possibly the best decision I make in my life, or the worst; I am getting my affairs in order, and plan to join the military. I almost joined at age 20, but the major turn off was the lies, it just didn't sit well for me.

Now, I have spent the past few months weighing this option. I have come to the conclusion, it is my only option. I'm leaning towards either Air Force or Army, when I took the ASVAB a decade ago, my score was 95, I'm not too worried about that part. I know the training will be rigorous, but I am confident I can hack it, have been working out more and getting myself mentally prepared.

I've had my criticisms about government over the years, but my perspective on life has changed. This is the jungle, there is no place for morality; only strength, cunning, and ruthlessness. I do want to see a better world, I know I have the potential to actually change it, but the logistics are a little fuzzy.

Since I've finally come to the conclusion and getting things off my chest, my panic mode has been subsiding.

I do have a question:

I was hyper-critical of the government during the Bush years, which I began noticing certain people keeping tabs on me in my daily life. At first, I felt like being an ass and goading them, purchasing certain technical literature that would raise red flags. Then, it became very overt, basically taunting me and I actually started to get scared; started taking kung fu classes and learning up on surveillance/countersurveillance. After Obama was elected, the surveillance became more subtle, an agent parked across the street from the old house I lived in, or a predator drone flying overhead during Ferguson riots.

What should I expect with this?

I probably won't voluntarily bring that stuff up, but I have a feeling my dossier is heavy. The only defense I have on that front is to be honest, 'can't beat 'um, join 'um' and I have never advocated for violence against the government.

Thanks for your time, hoping for the best, if it comes to the worst: one in the head, one in the chest.




posted on Jul, 12 2016 @ 08:19 PM
link   
It has nothing to do with a mid life crisis. You've woken up to the fact that there is more to life than a sh** job, in a sh** town, that has nothing for you. Go see the world. Get a better job. Life will look much better.



posted on Jul, 12 2016 @ 08:21 PM
link   
a reply to: GodEmperor

Go to church on Sunday and eat a brunch afterwards



posted on Jul, 12 2016 @ 08:24 PM
link   
a reply to: DAVID64

That is the plan, it's going to be a serious change.

Not quite following you on why it isn't considered a mid life crisis.

If this isn't it, I'd hate to see what one really feels like.



posted on Jul, 12 2016 @ 08:26 PM
link   
a reply to: tikbalang

Any particular denomination?



posted on Jul, 12 2016 @ 08:32 PM
link   

originally posted by: GodEmperor
a reply to: DAVID64

That is the plan, it's going to be a serious change.

Not quite following you on why it isn't considered a mid life crisis.

If this isn't it, I'd hate to see what one really feels like.


Because 30 isn't mid life. You're at least a decade away.
It's just a regular old existential crisis....



posted on Jul, 12 2016 @ 08:35 PM
link   
Try to get a sugar momma



posted on Jul, 12 2016 @ 08:40 PM
link   
a reply to: Indigent

That's not a bad idea...

but I'm not looking to be THAT kind of productive, at the moment anyways.



posted on Jul, 12 2016 @ 08:41 PM
link   
a reply to: GodEmperor

Most people opt for a family or a cause.

Why do you give up so readily on a family?

Why can't your cause be a hobby or something out of love?

etc.

Also, there's some sites that might help you: meetup.com, blahtherapy.com, and maybe even helpx.net

Good luck.

Oh and if what you're really looking for is for someone else to give your life some structure, I guess military isn't a bad option - I think they will definitely take the wheel for you.
edit on 7/12/2016 by Bleeeeep because: (no reason given)



posted on Jul, 12 2016 @ 08:44 PM
link   
When I was 30 I was a single parent of two and had been since I was 25......stop lamenting your own caution. Just do as others have said, life has away of passing you by if you don't live it.



posted on Jul, 12 2016 @ 08:49 PM
link   
a reply to: Bleeeeep

That is not an economically viable option at the moment.

I'm looking for a purpose in life.



posted on Jul, 12 2016 @ 08:54 PM
link   

originally posted by: snowspirit

originally posted by: GodEmperor
a reply to: DAVID64

That is the plan, it's going to be a serious change.

Not quite following you on why it isn't considered a mid life crisis.

If this isn't it, I'd hate to see what one really feels like.


Because 30 isn't mid life. You're at least a decade away.
It's just a regular old existential crisis....


I've always hated the term "mid-life crisis" although I can understand how that phrase was coined because there is an element of age in it.

I think that many people, myself included, have multiple "mid-life crisis-es".

The age when they occur may be different and the anxiety may be about different things accordingly, but these crisis share common elements.

I can't say if I'm accurately describing the OP's thoughts but if I am right, a "mid-life crisis" is when a person hits a point in there life when they take stock of themselves and don't feel like they are where they should be. They feel like so many opportunities slipped through their fingers. They worry that it might be too late to accomplish and achieve what they want.

The good thing is that (I belive for most people and again myself included) these emotional and somewhat irrational thoughts and state of mind dissipates and people can get back to business. In some ways, these crisis can be beneficial because once a person pulls themselves out of the rut, they can use that as motiviation to move forward and take a chance, apply for a new job, ask out that girl, take that financial risk.

Although the OP lost me towards the end of the post with the whole "the government is spying on me thing" because it doesn't jive with the "I'm nothing on paper" thing.... like.... why would the government spy on someone that isn't doing much... but I digress....

I feel sympathetic to the OP because I know what it's like to have a mid-life crisis when, based on calendar years, one isn't at "mid-life."



posted on Jul, 12 2016 @ 08:55 PM
link   

originally posted by: openyourmind1262
When I was 30 I was a single parent of two and had been since I was 25......stop lamenting your own caution. Just do as others have said, life has away of passing you by if you don't live it.


I'm realizing that...



posted on Jul, 12 2016 @ 08:57 PM
link   
That's not a mid life crisis....

Wait till you're 50 and look back to see that you basically skated and now have nothing to show for it.
Start drinking, drugging, and acting like a fool trying like hell to recapture that majic that never even existed.

Depression, contemplating suicide, more drinking and drugs until you got yourself a full blown, certifiable psychosis. Your ex even took your dog because you couldn't even take care of him, and you are living in a garage with a F150 w/ blown transmission and another guy that makes you look almost sane.

That's a real mans midlife crisis.

There's also a negative side....


edit on 12-7-2016 by olaru12 because: (no reason given)



posted on Jul, 12 2016 @ 08:59 PM
link   
a reply to: GodEmperor

A family is not economically viable even with a partner who also works?

Also, check out those links. One is a place to anonymously talk about stuff like this, one is for people who want to meetup and make friends or find others (serve the cause purpose), and one is for traveling to help others (serve a cause) while also giving you room and board (which you can add in a part-time job with and save up money.)



posted on Jul, 12 2016 @ 09:04 PM
link   
a reply to: eluryh22

I apologize for not being as clear towards the end.

On a resume, not so much.

Being outspoken on internet forums, would produce something on paper. Not something I would bring up in a job interview though.



posted on Jul, 12 2016 @ 09:07 PM
link   
a reply to: olaru12

I've been losing my bad habits, never going back.

I still have one left, chewing tobacco, and that is going to be hell.

My crisis is probably relatively benign compared to others, but it's probably a good motivator for me.



posted on Jul, 12 2016 @ 09:16 PM
link   
a reply to: Bleeeeep

I'll check the links out

Women in this area are more concerned about what kind of car you drive and house you own.

I feel the kind of cause I'm looking for is something along the lines of a 'Sword of Damocles'.



posted on Jul, 12 2016 @ 09:33 PM
link   
a reply to: GodEmperor





Women in this area are more concerned about what kind of car you drive and house you own.


Quick story. I married my high school sweetheart right out of school (well, I was out of school but she was still finishing up her senior year). We were broke as all hell and our "wedding bands" came from a kiosk in the mall and came to a total of $32.60 with tax (I'll always remember that).

A female, decent looking coworker of mine at the time said, (paraphrase) "I would NEVER marry a guy that couldn't give me a decent engagement ring and wedding band" Fast forward a couple of decades and based on the last time I crossed paths with her... she is an "old maid" wondering what went so wrong. I don't have the heart or desire to tell her.



posted on Jul, 12 2016 @ 09:39 PM
link   
a reply to: GodEmperor

You want to be servant to a sword? I don't see the logic in it so I can't help you. I think most who choose that life choose it to bear their own, not to live beneath one (as per the story illustrates).

Cicero asks, "Does not Dionysius seem to have made it sufficiently clear that there can be nothing happy for the person over whom some fear always looms?"
edit on 7/12/2016 by Bleeeeep because: bear not bare



new topics

top topics



 
5
<<   2 >>

log in

join