I should feel bad, but I don't feel bad.
There's been a homeless dude roaming my neighborhood for a few months at this point. I sometimes toss a few dollars his way. It's usually just an
impulse; not so much that I think it'll make a major difference or change anything. It won't save the world. Sometimes I check my wallet and have
absolutely no cash. I've gone whole workweeks eating one can of soup a day because I can't afford lunches.
Quite honestly, I wouldn't be surprised if some homeless people make more per hour than I do sometimes. But that's not the point, no, no, no--just
trying to provide some backdrop. I generally try to help when I can, even if it doesn't make a huge difference. I don't cling to every dollar
whispering my precioussss
I am not unsympathetic to the plight of homeless people, and I understand that various conditions of life put them there. I have been close to such a
fate on multiple occasions.
So back to this familiar homeless guy. I've given him money: small amounts, larger amounts. Bought him sandwiches, or sometimes hot coffees on cold
I see him a handful of times per week. Then it hit me...
I grew up with this person. This was my best childhood friend !!!
Once we got to high school age we saw each other infrequently because I moved. We ran into each other again a few years after graduation. Our
rekindled friendship didn't last long because I was not in league with his behaviors and attitudes. He was getting into drugs, and had anger issues;
he threw tantrums. He couldn't hold a job because of his short temper. He'd constantly tell his bosses to 'f**k off.'
He was ultimately childish and irresponsible.
Honestly, I am not surprised his actions and choices caught up with him. He was my friend and I loved him. But I will not feel sorry for him.
I don't know if he recognizes me or not. I barely recognized him since it's been almost 10 years since we actually hung out as friends. He's aged a
bit, and of course has a scraggly beard and hair now.
I know 100% in my heart it is him. I should want to do something to help. I don't know what to do, or if I should, or if I want to. I am just
ambivalent about it. I don't want to confront him, and I'd be creeped out if he tried to approach me, knowing where I live and all.
There was a time in the past where he "ran away from home." He stayed with me for about a week but I got tired of babysitting him. I would not invite
this person into my home again. He is a lazy mooch, plain and simple...also ungrateful and unproductive.
I should feel bad seeing him dirty on the street with rags for clothes, but I don't. I bust my buttocks working nearly 70 hours a week doing a very
stressful job. I do this to pay my rent, and my bills, and to afford the lifestyle I want to. It's hard to feel bad for someone I know who expected
everyone to give to him his daily bread instead of working for it.
Anyway, I gave him a couple of bucks today while I was filling up my tires. I am blessed to be where I am, and to have some resources to spare.
edit on 5-7-2016 by NarcolepticBuddha because: (no reason given)