I kind of feel like there is a choice to make about your baseline, or set point, in emotional state?
I think I was depressed for a very long time early in life, and I always had a very deep and dark point which I would always return to eventually- and
it was pretty bad. When I was there, I could be suicidal. But no matter how happy I got at any time, that hole was always there to pull me back.
I think things got better in a concrete way, I found security in life, then it took me a while to get used to that and really embrace it, and then I
decided I was going to do whatever I could to be happy- or at least fill in that damned ditch.
Little bit by bit I think I did....My moods go up and down with events, but not that drastically, and I don't find myself down that far anymore. It
feels like when you have finally, after many years, changed the set point of your weight?
But it was an active struggle.
I have these periods of time when my mind spends all moments trying to find things to get down about. It rehashes every mistake I have ever made, ever
faux pas, every failure, every time I was irresponsible, inconsiderate, unaware of others....I have to make a choice each minute, not to stay focused
on that. To let it go, and look forward.
It is rather like quitting smoking, where you just have to repeatedly make a choice in each moment not to give in to the desire to smoke.
It actually felt like quitting an addiction in fact- an addiction to being self destructive.
edit on 5-7-2016 by Bluesma because: (no reason