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I will never grow a thicker skin, so just stop telling me to.

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posted on Jun, 30 2016 @ 09:20 AM
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a reply to: ketsuko




so her personal interpretations of what she thinks we may mean by what we say may be colored more by her floundering than what the reality is.


An interesting point to be made here - along the lines of us not being able to read each other

You want to say she's floundering - and you do say it

Funny

She is not floundering - this was a very direct OP. In your face even

:-)

People are funny
edit on 6/30/2016 by Spiramirabilis because: (no reason given)




posted on Jun, 30 2016 @ 09:51 AM
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My Dr. put me on prozac.



posted on Jun, 30 2016 @ 10:23 AM
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The weak die and the strong survive. There's more to having a thick skin then your permanent mindset of being the victim. you will just keep experiencing it until you complain or quite and not fight back. Having a thick skin is realizing people are talking with you, not one sided demoralization. You have the freedom to not be a victim and say what you want back, its not ok to want an excuse to be a victim and make it ok to run away and cry foul. Take away our gender identifier organs and were all just people. Say what you want you have control over yourself in any situation, don't be a victim.



posted on Jun, 30 2016 @ 11:16 AM
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originally posted by: geezlouise
This is just one trendy expression among many others that have an evil and unhealthy underlying psychology to it.



Strange, in my mind the failure/unwillingness to develop tougher skin has an unhealthy underlying psychology to it.

Tougher skin is the practice of mindfulness. I think mindfulness and the development of healthy coping mechanisms, is much healthier than obsessively trying to correct everyone around you. You'll get a much bigger return from time spent improving yourself, than you will ever get from "improving" other people. You honestly have no business trying to fix other people on such an emotional level, and most people aren't receptive to it, very few will actually change.

There are philosophical debates to be won, but complaining and philosophizing are two entirely different approaches. The philosopher makes his ideas known, the complainer nags you until everyone is worn out. I'd avoid identifying myself as a complainer, complaining is not a virtue, it's a form of entitlement.

It is entirely possible that you do in fact over react to certain situations. All emotions are not equally valid. I think society would collapse if everyone adopted your approach to emotions. Humans with unchecked emotions are destructive. I'm no stoic, certain things still bother me, but I won't burden myself with fixing the world.



posted on Jun, 30 2016 @ 11:47 AM
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I think context is what matters here, if someone were to say "grow a thicker skin" for the purpose of shutting down a person's attempt to defend themselves against abusive behavior, that's not cool. However if someone is chronically offended or upset by the actions of others, they really might need to "grow thicker skin" for their own mental well-being...there's a difference.

"Pick your Battles" ......there's a lot of Wisdom in that saying..

edit on 30-6-2016 by MountainLaurel because: (no reason given)



posted on Jun, 30 2016 @ 11:50 AM
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I think I share the view of Mahatche, above.

I gotta say, I think "Go f*ck yourself* counts as a " trendy expression among many others that have an evil and unhealthy underlying psychology to it."

But hell, we all use those types of expressions sometimes- I am no one to throw stones.

I think the expression about growing a thicker skin can be said ( or written) with different intents and sentiments behind it.
It can be used as a way of telling you "I am not going to let you dictate how I act right now, I am refusing to change".

Or it could be a very well meaning type of constructive advice, based on the idea that it is easier to detach yourself from the opinion of others, than it is to change all the others you will come into contact with in life.

People can use emotions to dominate and covertly manipulate others. It is passive aggressively taking power without having to accept the responsibility that goes with it.

I think that sometimes people can be quick to assume that is what someone is doing when they are being over emotional (in their judgement). ESPECIALLY in this medium, where we are really challenged in reading each others intents and sincerity.

I am very sensitive too, and I wish to god I could be thicker skinned in the sense of just feeling everything less intensely.
But somewhere along the line I realized my emotions (no matter how intense) are not others business.



posted on Jun, 30 2016 @ 02:07 PM
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originally posted by: geezlouise
This is just one trendy expression among many others that have an evil and unhealthy underlying psychology to it.

It is encouraging people to literally bend over and "take it" without complaint because the abuse is just going to continue and no one wants to hear about how much it can hurt. Cause yeah, it hurts. But everybody hates complainers... right? So everybody learns to suffer in silence and this is what "growing a thicker skin" is really about.

But some of us will never, ever grow a thicker skin. Not me, at least. I was born with a fine sensitivity, thank you very much, and I would rather just choose not to subject myself to further abuse. So how about, "go f-ck yourself," to everyone who's ever said... "grow a thicker skin," to anybody. Because I would rather just eliminate the poison from my environment so that I don't become poisoned, which is an option for all of us- mostly.

Also please reconsider the nature of a complaint:

If you go into a restaurant and order a burger with no mayo, extra well done, but receive a burger that's rare with tons of mayo on it, you have some options about the way you want to respond to this dilemma.

1. You can keep your trap shut because you have learned to suffer in silence, in which case the restaurant workers will never learn their own mistakes in order to work towards becoming a better establishment as a whole in the future. Because if you don't know there's a problem to begin with, you won't have any motivation to work towards a solution- this ignorance is a negative for everyone.

or 2. ...you can complain and change the future. Because what people have by and large apparently forgotten... is that there is a positive aspect to complaining (as long as you're not being an overboard d-ck about it) because when you let others know what they have done wrong... it can then change everyone, and thus change the future, so that the mistake doesn't happen again. Then we can all move towards manifesting a better, safer, and healthier environment for ourselves where we never have to grow thick skins.

It's about eliminating error and fine tuning our realities so we feel less pain and less stress.

It's not about growing a thicker skin just so that we can endure more pain and more stress, like really?

Cause at the end of the day? I'll never grow a thicker skin. I feel everything and furthermore... I won't be quiet about it. I will not suffer in silence any longer! But I understand your shock and I understand that you will want to silence me right away because these trendy psychological meme's have washed your brains over time and again and have become a stronghold there in your minds. But I hope that I have made you question your own reality a little more at least, regarding these trendy annoying sayings that everyone seems to blurt out without understanding what they're really saying.

Thank you.

With love,
Lou.



So, I'll just chip in my 0.02 here.

I think a big reason people say thicker skin isn't so that everyone in the world is callous and unforgiving, but actually for your own benefit. You, and other sensitive people will NEVER change the world to the effect where you are never hurt or offended, there are to many people, people will always have bad days, will say things that you consider inappropriate (but that most other people will just roll off), etc. And there will always just be assholes. Getting a thicker skin simply means when you hear a crude sexual joke that 8/10 people laugh at, but you and maybe one other person find offensive, that you don't let it affect your day. Being insulted is a different story. If someone makes an unsanctioned joke against you, that is different, and I, what you might call a "thick skinned" individual, am fully on your side. We would likely go about handling it in a different way, but in that case you are right. I dislike being insulted probably as much as you.

I think thinner skinned individuals have a role in society - to balance out the thicker skinned individuals. I believe there to be a societal equilibrium when it comes to this. Having a society full of thin skinned individuals can be just as damaging as a society full of thick skinned people. As I have said, you will NEVER change society to the point of never being offended - and even if you did, it would present it's own problems on an international scale. How do you think ISIS would react if we never responded to terrorist attacks on our country, because our leadership was to thin skinned to risk collateral damage? Do you honestly think that if we never responded to ISIS terror attacks with military force in kind that the attacks would stop? They would increase exponentially! This would be a potential problem with a society full of passive people walking on egg shells.
edit on 30-6-2016 by chuck258 because: (no reason given)



posted on Jun, 30 2016 @ 04:10 PM
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originally posted by: Metallicus
a reply to: geezlouise

Well, you can go through life a victim and get upset and weepy every time something doesn't you your way or you can 'grow a thicker skin'. Frankly, it is easier to toughen up and not let stuff get to you that doesn't matter.


And who decides what does and doesn't matter? Let me guess - is it you?

Way to follow the same stupid trends that the OP talked about though. You didn't prove her point or anything, like, at all.



posted on Jun, 30 2016 @ 04:46 PM
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Well, we come into life with an empty plate and a resturant called home cooking... menu choice as children arent ours. So we get fed a lot of BS and otherwise on that menu. Then we hop into the adult world fed all sorts of various BS as just some other little sh-t trying to find their own way, voice and identity in the world. So hey plate is already over full, and parents still try to control what ones fed as thats just how parents are especially controlling ones.

So what are all the labels your parents have fed you and are you still loving that home cooking? Hey if youre grown up and they are still feeding you as you keep eating those labels then you are them... you know that moment someone stops and goes OMG im my mother or father? Theyve not cleaned their plate from their parents expectations and courses theyve fed them and might as well still be a child...

Of course society feeds you a bunch of sh-t too, so the plate becomes very overloaded with labels and cultural menus, stereotypes and memes... so we empty that plate and say IM this! IM that! but thats not cleaning the plate thats walking around the lunch room trying to swap courses... hey who wants egg salad? never mind its been in my locker since kindergarden... well, cleaning the plate is the same as the buddhist empty your cup.

Remove every single label self and other given, wash the damned thing and leave it for others to use... and freedom becomes yours... moment to moment to moment. Of course many have not learned this and like to try and leave you burdened with their left overs and dirty dishes... so you clean up after them, and with any luck someone that loves you and does the same sort of clean up, comes and holds the towel to dry or says hey... how about you wash and I dry... and bounce back and forth as a team in a balance of care love and concern for the other.

Of course some prefer certain roles when theyve not cleaned their plate and then just have a seat waiting on a dishwasher, a laundry person, and a cook etc. of course some are happy to fill those roles and yet some are not.

Of course this is why many women get extremely pissed off at men that do not communicate or listen so they can have solid ground knowing what the hell someone expects out of them in the mental or imaginary role someone is not sharing as the script for life to be a part of it.

When theres no script or expection there is freedom to do or not to do as one sees fit in how they want to live... as an adult male with way too much to do, business of personal and a private nature it kinda just stalls and well personal and private business balances into an eh f-ck it... in such a state one comes into a being no body going no where state of wu wei, if one were to take a look at me with judgment then it will of course be by exterior judments and evaluations... oh he's this that or the other... when this that or the other isnt true, so ones label hanging out on a plate and asking them if you want them to wash your plate theyve dirtied... like their making a mess or trying to in your life is your responsibility since it was their choice to place a label onto it.

Being a go with the flow sort? I dont really care how the day is filled... it could be anything as the mood strikes. Of course to do or not to do is the label when to be or not to be isnt even a question as that is always simply being... and no longer a question or label to be filled, as all the dishes and glasses have been greeked in appreciation for all that have filled ones belly of experience and then no sugar bowl exists, no special spoons etc... if the fit the need then they work for soup, mixing, etc.

But this of course arises from myself not having any particular label attached to any person, place or thing... it just is. That doesn't mean I do not have preferences for such things as experience has said hey this sort makes my life a pain in the ass, this sort makes things easier, and well I dont believe in the golden rule and will make a butter knife into a screw driver if required... as if it works it gets the job done quicker than screwing around wasting time looking for some specific tool when both will do the job.

That doesnt mean my tool box consists of only duct tape and butter knives but if thats the only thing availble? I will Macgyver some sh-t without a second thought.

So its those labels and many times those labels are a judgment self and other given... that make people sing and dance in appreciation and pull peoples strings emotionally... society and public and nearly everyone loves slapping labels on people and accepting them or not is the key... keeping them or not is a choice, so be personally responsible for the labels for the ones one has chosen and gives is my personal advice, one can know theyve gone a bit far when just making assumptions as a reality for the labels we think another as spoken or not.

I'm the same person I've always been from child in likes to adult in choices, so there's play and work and being semi retired play and work happen on my time when I choose, but thats simply under that umbrella called being single... although someone is in may heart and has been for quite some time, but being a responsible son it's been being handed those same old plates going thanks but no thanks and scraping that # off whether they like it or not... and doing so is saying same old me you can keep yourself thanks for playing.



posted on Jun, 30 2016 @ 05:25 PM
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I couldn't be like that worrying about stuff all the time, it would stress me out and stress is not good for you.



posted on Jun, 30 2016 @ 05:40 PM
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originally posted by: Spiramirabilis
a reply to: ketsuko




so her personal interpretations of what she thinks we may mean by what we say may be colored more by her floundering than what the reality is.


An interesting point to be made here - along the lines of us not being able to read each other

You want to say she's floundering - and you do say it

Funny

She is not floundering - this was a very direct OP. In your face even

:-)

People are funny


Well, as I stated a few pages back, I sent her encouragement and support after her first post on ATS -- before and after it was deleted by mods. And I think I only responded to her one other time since then and I was, again, supportive...certainly not hostile.

But when she read my first comment in this thread, she said it was the first time she had not sensed hostility from me. When I expressed my absolute confusion at that, she blamed it on how hard it is to read words.

If the OP thought anything I've ever said was "hostile" then I am absolutely certain she needs to grow a thicker skin.



posted on Jun, 30 2016 @ 06:05 PM
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a reply to: MotherMayEye

You know I gotta say, since the OP did state that pointing out "wrongs" should and can be a learning experience, that she did "indirectly" call me and others in another thread "haters". I was surprised she said that actually, because I felt like as the Mother of a young woman about her age, my intentions and opinion were very much based on the well being of young women and young people in general.



posted on Jun, 30 2016 @ 06:29 PM
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a reply to: MountainLaurel

I think its natural being a caring parent in wanting to parent the world along with ones own child in hopes the world wont constantly sh-t on them as they came out spotless and perfect into the world.

I had that concern when my son was born he's about to become an adult... but I kinda got over that fear and controlling nature that wants to have a heart attack over him getting dirty from the world as that's an impossibility, and besides that sh-t out there we want to have a heart attack over is the very thing that gives them wisdom to become an adult... and well all baby birds have to leave the nest sometimes even if it's ones that left one and simply flew right into another without experiencing more flights of freedom...

I'm not sitting in some nest squaking at the world, I fly to a branch and sing this is a pretty cool tree... of course that can cause a flocking so I've learned to just nest in without any squawking making the place suck or over crowded like some powerlines zap when not properly grounded making someone a roast duck... cause thats a pretty daffy way to live. Adults trying to adult on other adults requires those special helmets to cross borders and fight to guard ones hen house.

It's comical and yet not but hey make some scratch keep ones head down and as long as we look up we can recall that sky hasnt fallen yet in billions of years and just keep breathing.



posted on Jun, 30 2016 @ 06:57 PM
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a reply to: ketsuko
This post was directed to Geezlouise; and her histrionics: overall general content or jist of her threads is/are: "Whoa is me; and why will no one pay any attention to my bleats". This post was not describing you at all my friend.
edit on 30-6-2016 by vethumanbeing because: (no reason given)



posted on Jun, 30 2016 @ 07:17 PM
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a reply to: MountainLaurel

I want to give the OP extra benefit because the worst negativity she's known is greater than most, according to her introduction on ATS. I can relate, to be honest.

She has a longer road to emotional healing and confidence than most people at her age.

But It is up to her to tackle that difficult road to healing. Others won't and cannot do it for her. I think she is smart and strong enough to do it.

If I didn't know the story the OP shared with ATS, I might not give her that same consideration. So good on her for sharing why she became *probably* a cynical, skeptical, overly-sensitive judge of possible hostility aimed at her.

I am still very much supportive of her success though. I think the OP is smart and capable of beating the trauma haunting her...if she grows at least a bit of a thicker skin.


edit on 30-6-2016 by MotherMayEye because: (no reason given)



posted on Jun, 30 2016 @ 07:28 PM
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a reply to: BigBrotherDarkness

Yeah, I hear ya, and I really do try and stay as neutral and open minded as possible and listen to the "kids"...under 25 would be a "kid" to me. Having said that, I can't help but feel a "motherly" duty to protect the "kids" from forces that have taken me 52 years to understand...but I know at the end of the day it's up to them to create the World they want. I just want them to have all the facts and my age group ( generation X ) will be the last generation that grew up without being totally submerged in technology, for better or worse.

Make no mistake, I / we willingly embraced technology, computers opened up the World to us as adults. We willingly handed our kids over, TV's in every room, personal phones and computers became their reality, we didn't let them just go out and play anymore until the streetlights came on, in fact that would probably be child abuse these days and God forbid we let them out on bikes without helmets.....suddenly every thing our parents did was Wrong and we were just too damm tired from working long hours and trying to micro-manage our kids to see what the hell was going on !



posted on Jun, 30 2016 @ 07:41 PM
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a reply to: MotherMayEye

Yes, I agree the OP is a bright young lady and I am more sympathetic to what happened to her then I care to discuss in this thread. Getting Mad is part of the healing process and she has every right to be pissed off and I hope she works through it and enjoys the rest of her life.



posted on Jun, 30 2016 @ 09:56 PM
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a reply to: MountainLaurel

I just hope you're not Hilliterate when it comes to technology... all the internet is to my "dad" (two birth certs so who knows or cares) is a terminator rise of the machines paranoid evangelical sh-thead f-ck family except church family sort... and my mom is ranaway from oppressive home in 7th grade Special ED pessimist sort that thinks the internet entirely consists of FB and yahoo for gossip and games that thinks clearing history will erase the entire hard drive instead of wait 5 minutes per word per email.

That tech cut off came with the VCR and wanting to program it hell just setting the clock to stop blinking 12:00 noon was my weekly task from a black out even though they never programmed it and had a clock on the wall... flashing light woo too districting from Barney Miller or some dumb sh-t I didnt want to watch, so it was hearing my name yelled across the entire house as that robotic butler one constantly feared for whatever menial task...

The oddity is that generation thinks they are smarter... when basic algebra and trig was the highest math in school and freaking 5th graders are doing that these days.

I have to admit my tech cut off is likely newer style coding like python and perl, although that type with the drop the module in is pretty sweet and something Ive been playing with lately... being an "art fag" no cigarette currently in my mouth so that's a half truth for those vying to rub two sticks together for a burn trying to replace the two SS's with two DD's... I've no issue in cup size unless the on tap special is a 8oz cup instead of a 12oz of course Freddy Mercury was right in what made the world go round in my world... that doesn't mean I'm biased if I had a GF would likely slap me for having two asses.

If this makes no sense as a reply? That Gen X label might need some re-evaluation the cut off when we got branded was 1970 to 1985 I think and people have been trying to stretch out our awesome as backwards ever since someone gets it... lets just say if smoking in the boys room was going on and that thing under the football bleachers was refered to as "toking" sorry ya'll can't ball...


edit on 30-6-2016 by BigBrotherDarkness because: I kant see and wont kant



posted on Jun, 30 2016 @ 11:25 PM
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a reply to: geezlouise

Clearly, life has been easy on you. I don't care how thick or thin your skin is. If you want to walk around butt-hurt all the time, then by all means, wear your feelings on your sleeves. It reveals your character or lack thereof.

By the way, I definitely would expect a re-make on the burger because I paid for it, but I wouldn't complain. Accidents happen. Just give me the correct order, I don't mind the wait, and better luck next time. Then again, if the cook and/or server is slammed and looks frantic I may just quietly accept the food I received. That's out of consideration for people.

It's all relative to the situation.



posted on Jul, 1 2016 @ 06:24 AM
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a reply to: geezlouise

I think alot of people in fact the whole species could learn alot by being able to deal with their emotions and subsequent feelings there after .

if we learn to deal with our emotional selfs at the point of trigger then we can step back from our emotions and think clearly about a solution . Our human brains cant think reasonably when its clouded by emotion.

it also has alot to do with self image and ego.

When I was told to grow a thicker skin I asked my father what he meant by that and he told me well you have to deal with your emotional responses to situations, its fine to be emotional he said but emotions cloud your judgement and can make you act without reason.

So I grew a thicker skin, I learned how to deal with my emotions when people were rude , ignorant , offensive etc
it takes alot to piss me off and I rarely let my emotions get the better of me. However I am not one to shy away when an injustice has befallen someone i will defend anyone who I feel is being abused.



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