I will never grow a thicker skin, so just stop telling me to.

Dear Dark Ghost & Hecate666,

What I am about to say is amazingly important and it's all because of you two.

SO LISTEN UP PEOPLES OF ATS.

When you see someone drowning in a pool of water... you can offer them a trendy annoying expression which would be like throwing them deflating balloons.

OR, you can actually take the time and make the effort (wow what a notion!) to throw them something real, a tale of personal life experience for example, showing them some kindness, which would be more like throwing them a life vest and a donut floaty thing. Something that can hold that persons weight, something real. Something that could actually help others and give them direction.

So if someone really means well when they say "grow a thicker skin," and they're saying it out of personal life experience, then where is the personal life experience? Why not just give me a story that I can actually take something away from, instead of throwing out annoying trendy expressions that don't give anyone any direction except to make people feel inferior.

So yeah, it's all about the delivery, folk. It's always about the delivery.

And I think in this thread alone... you have people actually pulling their weight in their own thoughts, offering life experience, taking the time to lay things out for the rest of us. Then, you have the lazier folk... I guess if I'm allowed to call some lazier. But it's clear that some people put more effort into things than others, because you got it! We are all different.

Well anyway, thank you guys so much for these two posts because it inspired this one and I never considered this aspect of communication prior.

It's important. Remember, deflating balloons.

So at the end of the day? I still adhere to my initial feelings even though I know my feelings get people's panties all in a bunch. The expression is trendy, annoying, and generally overall UNHELPFUL. That's how I FEEL about it, and I'm sticking to it.

a reply to: Spiramirabilis

I love you.

originally posted by: WhateverYouSay
You just reversed thick and thin skinned. Your character A has a thin skin because the scolding got to him and he seeks to take it out on others. That is weak.

It's difficult to tell whether your B was thick or thin skinned depending on whether they approached the situation with an objective eye or from subjective feelings, which can inform but should not govern.

Being overly sensitive can end up producing someone that's incredibly selfish. Your character B goes to make the case to their workmates after the fact. Do they only represent their side even if a valid point was made by the boss? If so, that is a problem with overly sensitive thin skinned people. They see themselves as the center of the universe and only their feelings matter. Yes their feelings matter and if the boss was wrong or overly harsh an attempt should be made to address that, but there is a creeping insidiousness if we want everyone to indulge their whims with no attempt at objective analysis.

I understand you and I agree. Like I said elsewhere... the people who cry out "grow a thicker skin!" seem to be the ones who can't handle my observations or people's feelings.

While I admit I'm extremely sensitive and emotional, probably more than most... I somehow tend to be able to handle them. Like a vulcan. lawl. But I also sense that I'm probably a snapper... if the world gets too heavy, I will break. I'm not really that stupid. I know I'm not stronger than the mob.

More later.

a reply to: jimmyx

In real life people are never willing to discuss conspiracy theories. Their minds shut down and they get caught in some kind of loop of denial. If you press on they'll get flustered and tell you they're not willing to discuss it.

Others will say; "but that's a conspiracy theory isn't it?" The underlying implication being that on account of this it could never be true. Circular reasoning. If generally this is enough to silence inquiring minds I fear for the intellectual fitness of humanity.

Sure you can discuss politics but you can never discuss the larger framework, so what's the use?

You know you're right redhorse.. I am hateful, I am an asshole. But it's only because I have to live among the type of conformist sheep that would time and time again force people like myself into tyranny because of their own ignorance. Not nescience but ignorance. Pure willful and even militant ignorance.. the root of every problem in the World. The story is always the same no matter which century. The masses will fight for their ignorance with tooth and nail.. I would have to be a saint not to be maddened by this. They have always been wrong but they always think they're right.

Without hope and with me not being particularly compassionate misanthropy came naturally. The things a would be initiate goes through, the trials and terrors. Having real demons chained to one's soul. Of course to most that would be another fantasy, those people that are perpetually right but always wrong.. If things don't change soon I'm done with the World, I'll become a monk and turn all those negative feelings into something else. Let the World burn..

a reply to: geezlouise

If I actually see someone literally drowning in a pool of water, I do what I can to save them.

If I see someone figuratively drowning in a pool of water (aka emotional turmoil) because someone suggested that some Halloween costumed might be deemed cultural appropriation and might hurt feelings and someone else suggested that Halloween is a time of fun, not wearing outfits to mock others and they might need to lighten up, and they are behaving like this:



Then I will tell them to grow a thicker skin.

a reply to: TheLaughingGod

It's clear that you're triggered by all of the people who aren't "fit to handle this world," and I'm not convinced that you're fit to handle them not being fit to handle this world. And they seem to be growing in number which means they are becoming a large portion of the definition of the world, so I understand how triggered and anxious you are becoming... lol.

I just want you to know what I have observed of you. You're triggered because they're triggered, and there's a circular like hypocrisy about this whole thing that I think... if we can break that cycle, things just might be different.

But different is scary so I get it. I get the initial opposition to change.

I also want to make a confession to all of ATS.

Because of my massive sensitivity and being burdened with heavy emotion and bad luck experiences, I admit that the complaints of others often look like spilt, dribbled milk to me. "First world problems." And I can be very cold. So I can relate to the whole "oh there's another snowflake" thing. But I also realize I'm a GD snowflake sometimes too. We all are. And I see now that it's just a bunch of snowflakes who are are calling out other snowflakes and it's getting pretty ridiculous because everyone's getting triggered. And moreover, I think "snowflakes" is just another annoying trendy expression that isn't actually helping anything. It's just some more deflated balloons.

Deflated balloons, folk. They're not helping anything...

But I guess some people don't care about helping which is fine. Because cause and effect. They'll reap what they sow. We'll all have to lay in the bed that we've made. And we'll either make effort to change our ways or, we'll just accept our crappy conditions. Or we'll do a compromise of both somehow, which is kind of what I personally do in my own life. Because some things we can't change. Like other people. So I accept the crappy conditions that other people are in my life, lol. But I will do everything I can to gather around me less crappy people.

K. More later.

a reply to: geezlouise

I personally dislike the phrases "grow a thicker skin", "man up" and "suck it up". When used in real life person-to-person interactions, they are usually done so out of coldness and a willingness to shut the other person up and stop their venting. (As you correctly described earlier).

However, when used on the internet, I believe it is done so more out of a willingness to offer some important advice: you can waste a tonne of energy allowing words from others on the internet to harm or offend you, or you can take the route of developing a barrier that aids you in not taking things personally when discussed.

Your drowning analogy is an interesting one. Just remember that unlike real life interactions, on the internet people cannot see your body language, judge your demeanour or sense your emotions. This makes it very difficult to realise when you might be drowning or are in need of help and support.

a reply to: Dark Ghost

Conversely speaking, unlike in real life, you have no way to judge how the other person is intending their words. You may think they are being mean, spiteful, and nasty, but they may be the exact opposite or completely dispassionate.

In other words, you may be your own worst enemy on the internet. All you have to go on is words and your own emotional response to them.

Is someone actually being hateful, or is it that you just personally hate reading that opinion because it disagrees with your own?

originally posted by: Spiramirabilis
a reply to: Metallicus

Well, you can go through life a victim and get upset and weepy every time something doesn't you your way or you can 'grow a thicker skin'.

Seriously? Maybe you should grow a thicker skin

She's exactly right - and you deserve to be called on your fake non-victim horsecrap

What you prefer are silent compliant victims - people that won't interfere with your wants and needs

you're not the least bit concerned about anything else

I have hardly ever heard anyone whine as much as this quit yer bitchin' crowd

Obvious hot house flower is obvious - you ain't fooling anybody

There's a difference between whiny victims and people who take action to remedy their circumstances.

There are two types of people, those who complain about people/things/situations they don't like, and those who confront the people/things/situations they don't like.

Literally no one likes the former kind of person, unless they're that kind of person themselves. Sometimes people really do need to quit bitching.

a reply to: ketsuko

Maybe I am misreading what you wrote (it's early and I'm not a morning person), but doesn't your reply mirror my one? And when did I say anybody was being hateful, and what opinion are you suggesting I disagree with?

originally posted by: geezlouise
a reply to: johnnyjoe1979

So yeah and it's not that I want to change the world. It's that everybody wants to change me because apparently I'm some kind of unf-ckingbelievable.

Nah, the world isn't out to change you or screw you over. That's a superstitious trap everyone falls into, believing that there's some malignant force determined to cause us misery. It's a natural human reaction to distress, and it's where we get concepts like the devil or just a more generalized evil.

For instance, some fellow's girlfriend breaks up with him, he wreaks his car, he gets locked out of his house, all in the same day. For 99% of people the reaction is "why me, why is the world out to get me, what did I do to deserve such terrible luck?" So in the end, he wonders what he's done to "deserve" this, or he somehow connects these events in his mind to prove some superstitious relation between random occurrences, where really there's no connection. Or another reaction is that he mistakenly believes he had full control over those events and the subsequent outcomes, and blames himself excessively. This mindset is the root of a lot of needless distress.

We have no control over externals. The only things we control are judgements, choices, and impressions. Few things in this world are inherently bad, it's all in how we manage our impressions and judgements.

Read my thread on what some Stoics have to say. There are some good bits in there. The Stoics set an example that's almost impossible to live up to, especially in this day and age, but it's worth considering and meditating on some of their insights.

www.abovetopsecret.com...

a reply to: Dark Ghost

It was intended to.

You said we can't read her to know when she's floundering and how emotional she is, and I pointed out that she should also remember that she can't read us too, so her personal interpretations of what she thinks we may mean by what we say may be colored more by her floundering than what the reality is.

originally posted by: ketsuko
a reply to: Dark Ghost

It was intended to.

You said we can't read her to know when she's floundering and how emotional she is, and I pointed out that she should also remember that she can't read us too, so her personal interpretations of what she thinks we may mean by what we say may be colored more by her floundering than what the reality is.

This personality seems to be a fisher; (not sincere or trustworthy as baits those innocent for any response). Tries too hard to appear/seem relevant. Match.com; Eharmony perhaps a better fit.

a reply to: geezlouise

Yes, people often confuse being cruel with being thick skinned. Whether it's from the victim or the perpetrators standpoint, but both are wrong.

I agree and think TRUE thick skin can come across as aloof or Spock like, but never cruel or sadistic.

a reply to: vethumanbeing

No, it's colored by my own reality.

I've been stuck in part-time work hell for the past 8 years now. As such, I am in the least secure job position at work. When things are bad, the part-timers are usually the first ones to get cut back. I've been lucky enough to survive one round of restructuring by being moved into a different department with more responsibility, but I'm still only part-time which means my neck is still on that block.

So, I am extremely job insecure, not where my abilities do my job and do it well are concerned. I've been promoted, sort of, once, but where my ability to hang on and survive financial upheavals go.

Because of this, I am acutely aware of any conversations I hear about hiring, firing, etc., and it always makes me very nervous whether it should or not. Why are they hiring? Are they replacing me? Why are they firing? Am I going to get cut? And I know this reaction stems solely from my own emotional state more than anything anyone else is really doing or saying.

That's what I means. It's my internal state that is coloring this and not anything else.

Talorc,

Everything you just said makes tons of sense and because of that I will read your thread and I appreciate it. Thank you.

Dark Ghost,

When I see that it is used on the internet, there's often never anything more than the expression offered... so I think it's the same deal. I appreciate your partial understanding on the matter.

I would also like to add that I believe in the freedom of speech. So people are allowed to say whatever they want to say and use whatever expressions they want to use... and I would prefer people be straight forward and honest so that I know who I should remove from my immediate environment. Also, I'm allowed to say things, too. I'm allowed to say, "hey this expression sucks and this is why, but yeah you can keep using it if you want to, and if you do then I wish you well in life and goodbye." And I just won't talk to you anymore. I'm allowed that freedom, just like any of you.

vethumanbeing,

I don't know what I did to make a hater out of you, but I do apologize. And I apologize in advance if it hurts your feelings that I continue to utterly ignore you in the future. I wish you well in life, goodbye.

a reply to: geezlouise

I'm "triggered" because progressives have long since abandoned reason and logic. I'm triggered because they are acting out the role of useful idiots for the globalist elite. I'm triggered because the cognitive dissonance and newspeak of liberals is so noxious I can barely breathe.. I'm triggered because their support of idiotic policies might actually see Western civilisation go down in flames.

They on the other hand are triggered by clapping and made up microaggressions.

Yes, cause and effect.. and I'll have to live with the cause and effect of myopic lemmings, I'll have to live with the consequences of Western societies warring with Islam for survival. These consequences weren't hard to see.. anyone could have seen them coming miles away. Yes, we'll have to live with the consequences but the blame is largely on their hands. They'll live to regret their idiocy, of that I am sure.. even if they have to have their daughters raped and killed. They will deserve the misery that will descend on them.

Count yourself lucky if we don't see a bloody clash of civilisations and even limited or full societal collapse. Talk about microaggressions then please.

a reply to: TheLaughingGod

Yeah, I know what you are saying is true.

They will deserve what they get, all their failings and misfortune. I have said the same things before. I really like you.

a reply to: ketsuko

Thank you for clarifying your earlier reply.

There is never anything wrong with speaking up for oneself. Remaining quiet during abuse only enables the abuser, and perhaps others to be abused. Like the OP said, speaking up, complaining about what is happening, can cause change.

Do not be afraid to confront the bully. Tell them, with respect what they are doing. Confront it. Expose them for who they are. Perhaps they will listen and change. And even if not, at least the light has been shone on who they really are.

It takes courage and maturity to stand up and act like an adult in these instances. To say: "Grow a thicker skin" is a cop out. It is immaturish, and comes from people who have never matured, and who are probably bullies themselves, of their friends, of which they probably have few, or none, and their family, which probably all know who they are already.

a reply to: Talorc

There are two types of people, those who complain about people/things/situations they don't like, and those who confront the people/things/situations they don't like.

Literally no one likes the former kind of person, unless they're that kind of person themselves. Sometimes people really do need to quit bitching.

LOL Talorc

Seriously - big fat ole LOL

The OP pretty much covers all that

All the whiners that showed up to complain about whiners? Which category do they fall in?

:-)

I agree with the OP to a large degree, mostly cause of the state of the world. We live in a world where a minority of people take advantage of and abuse the rest of us. It gets worse everyday, and the noose grows tighter. Everyday we're told we can do nothing about it. We're told to accept it, grow a thicker skin, stop being lazy, stop being so negative, take responsibility for ourselves and stop blaming others.

We're told to do everything but call attention to those who cause untold suffering the world over, to ignore the injustices, to let things follow the current course. The world could be better than it is, and we can make it so if we stop just accepting everything.