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Just 2 things I wrote to get some anger off my chest.

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posted on Jun, 28 2016 @ 01:39 PM
So....i found out my sons father who is 28 (I am 25) Hooked up with a 16 year old....... 16 is the age of consent in Ohio, so..... idk.

I feel empty. I feel worthless. I feel like trash. I feel disgusting. I feel sad. I feel used. I feel mistreated. I feel angry. I feel not good enough. I feel unwanted. I feel last rate. I feel like a goodwill store item. Part of me knows we'll stay together anyways, and he'll never change. I'm mentally sick, and I'm scared of leaving what I know, plus I idiotically allowed reproduction to occur with him. We've been together since I was 16, and when we did split up last year, my new relationship basically ended in tragedy also. I'm a magnet for liars, and donothings, and gonowheres. I haven't figured out why yet. Maybe because I'm stupid and I let everyone use me as long as they hint at the fact that they might genuinely love me.

So here's two things I wrote to try to cope with the tension that is building up inside my chest. Though perhaps my next thing will be called "a metal bat and a teeth necklace"

"The Real Langolier" Aleezium

I'm just sitting here, waiting for my heart to stop, waiting for 3 o clock, whichever comes first.
I'm just sitting here, drowning in my sorrow, dreaming of tomorrow,
this pain is the worst!

But to all who walk these halls, you are not alone my friends!
But to all who crawl these walls, you need only to transcend, this ain't the end! I swear!

Even though I'm sitting here, waiting for my heart to stop, waiting for 3 o clock, whichever comes first,
I know that sitting here, drowning in my sorrow, dreaming of tomorrow, can only be the worst!

So I change the tune a bit, and yes I will slowly admit,
That my days have gotta turn around somehow! They just need a kick!

So identify the garbage, and I'll take out your trash if you take mine!
It's comforting to find, that I am not alone or helpless inside my #ed up mind.......It's time........

As I'm sitting here, I think I feel a tear, and I begin my breathing exercise
As I'm sitting here, breathing slowly, a grin appears, and I realize my heart's a Langolier.

"The Decay" Aleezium

My whole being says leave before we get there again, it's not like you'd care anyway,
# all the worthless empty words you'd say, its all so familiar whichever way
I can't believe things have gone this way, I never thought I'd see the day, that I stopped running back to this sick display...

We came together to make things straight, but the new foundation was truths that were betrayed,
Oh you'll never know how hard it is to convey, its like a swelling takes over my airways, though you've never understood so why would you today?
When I think how you've trashed this second chance for child's play.....

Because honestly, after all I've sacrificed and gone through for you to have your say, bending over backwards for you in elaborate ways,
The anger dances through my head like a ballet, the thoughts in my mind explode like its doomsday,
At first I thought it was just hearsay, but then I saw the messages in the driveway,
And hell no I won't downplay my dismay, I'm crying foul-play, so now I flyaway...

One day your selfishness will be outweighed, to another my heart will finally give-way, and i'll finally know what it is to have a good day.
Until then your transgressions are stuck in my brain on replay,
but for now I'll just pack my things and getaway, and listen to the sounds of my heart and soul decay.



posted on Jun, 28 2016 @ 01:46 PM
First, you must feel like #, so there are no words I can shaire that would make you feel better. Some men just cant handle having kids and want to be "16" again. Whats best to do, thats something you have to sort out, but I would advice a very large cup of very hot coffie take time and drink it slow. What in saying is dont have a knee jerk reaction, you have to clear your head and think what is best for you and the kids. One other thing dont carry blame that is not yours. Take care.

posted on Jun, 28 2016 @ 01:47 PM
a reply to: NerdGoddess

emo for life!!

but seriously

people r d holes

except when they r not

posted on Jun, 28 2016 @ 01:57 PM
a reply to: imod02

Thank you. This is the most sound and mature thing anyone's said to me about it. A lot of my friends and family know I'm jumbled up in the brain, and they like drama, so I got a lot of encouragement to fight both of them.

I'm too old for a domestic violence charge, and I'm too old to be swinging on a 16 year old. And its not worth it anyways. I'm the only one who would end up screwed from that.

I'll just relax.... the best I can..... and keep swimming.


posted on Jun, 28 2016 @ 01:59 PM
Uh that is quite mad, not only the guy that believes such a thing is alright but a place in so called modern part of the world think such thing is alright, sounds very mad indeed.

It is not ur fault tho, we cannot see what is in others heart if they hide it, some ppl just are masters to paint em selfs in good light while they still in very dark place.

posted on Jun, 28 2016 @ 02:11 PM
a reply to: NerdGoddess

Hooked up with a 16 year old? The dude is almost 30?!

Good gracious ... how desperate can you be to seduce a kid like that. Sounds like a stand up guy!

I can't really understand what you must have felt when hearing that, must have been awful.
But my only advice is to learn from what you know you don't want and focus on yourself. Don't get involved with people anymore, love isn't real anyways. It sounds like you are searching for something that cannot realistically be found.

Focus on yourself and your son, be civil with this creep, but be extremely distant at the same time, keep contact to BARE minimum. You need to learn to love yourself before you can let anyone else in. It won't happen over night, but take it day by day, plan week by week to focus on yourself, it's time you put what matters to YOU first, not what some liar WANTS out of you.

(post by watchitburn removed for a serious terms and conditions violation)

posted on Jun, 28 2016 @ 02:15 PM
Sorry to hear about your situation. Just a few things to keep in mind! You could consider yourself fortunate this happened while you are young. At 25 you have a lifetime ahead of you and as mentioned above some people just can't handle relationships. No matter how much you give to some people it will never be enough and they will always hurt you but that is on them NOT YOU!

It sucks to be betrayed but from experience and looking back consider yourself lucky because you have most of your life to get past it and someone out there will love you for you, respect you, and honor you.

You may not realize it yet but events like this can help to change your path for the better! It worked like that for me and it was hard to deal with the betrayal but in the long run Im glad it did!

Wishing you well.

posted on Jun, 28 2016 @ 02:16 PM
a reply to: NerdGoddess

You're 25, it'll work out fine,
Go outside and admire the vine,
Don't go back to low-hanging fruit,
Aim a little higher; be more astute.

A Nerd Goddess should act like one,
Slather on sun block, go out in the sun,
Hold your son, take his hand,
Call a friend, watch a band.

Whatever else, just don't go back,
To a man who's a dick
With a liking for young *****.

^^^ The title of that is "Why beat yourself up over the doings of someone who doesn't care enough?"

posted on Jun, 28 2016 @ 02:23 PM
I'm with Kand.

Not your circus, not your monkey. But you don't have to buy a ticket to the show either.

posted on Jun, 28 2016 @ 02:25 PM
a reply to: NerdGoddess

Join the club, I just got back from driving my mother to her doctors appointment, and the one before that, and that, and church and shopping and...

...she sits in the back seat being generally abusive, full of avarice and spite, muttering insults under her breath the whole time. Theres this thin veneer of niceness painted on her, completely embittered by life's experience, now just a curmudgeon.

By the time I get her back home after hours of waiting for her (again), shes in a foul mood, yelling, accusing me of not helping her (good enough).

Believe me, I know how it feels to bend over backwards for someone and they just s*** all over you.

So I come here, and I read someone elses plight and I feel just a little bit better for it. I realize theres others going through the same sorts of things.

This gives me hope. Thank you...

posted on Jun, 28 2016 @ 02:31 PM
a reply to: NerdGoddess

"I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they've always worked for me." -


25....You'll be ok!!

posted on Jun, 28 2016 @ 02:57 PM
a reply to: NerdGoddess

My opinion is that you should get out of that relationship. He is the defective one, not you. You're scared of leaving because of your son... you should be scared of staying because of your son. This man could be a good father (I don't know you didn't say) though he may be a bad example of how to treat women, you could be a good example of a woman that refuses to be treated like dirt. If your man truly is scum toward you and you stay... you're telling your son that women should accept this and that may deny him of an example of what real love between two adults should look like.

Good luck to you and your family, I wish a good outcome.

posted on Jun, 28 2016 @ 03:40 PM
a reply to: NerdGoddess

Go tell the 16 yr old girls father or brothers/relative.

He may take care of the situation FOR you.

Sounds like you need to learn to love yourself before you can have a healthy relationship.

The baby daddy will NOT change. Either accept the way it is or leave and learn from this.

Do what is best for your son, sounds like you are all he has.

posted on Jun, 28 2016 @ 03:43 PM
Im about 99% sure this guy will get the 16 year old pregant, men like this almost always make the mess bigger.
edit on 28-6-2016 by imod02 because: (no reason given)

posted on Jun, 28 2016 @ 03:50 PM
First of all very good poetry.

Im a sucker for girls who can express themselves in such a way.

On the bright side you're 26. Life will move on. Youll find a guy whos simply happy to come home to your love after a hard days work.

When I was 26 my then fiance dumped me to persue her walmart career, and a 1 dollar raise.

That hurt
edit on 28-6-2016 by BASSPLYR because: (no reason given)

posted on Jun, 28 2016 @ 04:13 PM
a reply to: NerdGoddess

Oh gosh! That's terrible and you are so young. When trust is violated such as yours was I am not sure that it can be regained very often when someone is hurt as deeply as you by the transgression, IMO. I would like to think that it could but I believe unless some serious committed work is done it will likely hang over you both like a cloud. People can too often I think be dishonest with themselves and others about who they are and what they want in life. I believe this is why so many relationships/marriages fail today. Dishonesty straight out of the gate.

Of course, you know that violence isn't the answer and it would likely leave you feeling worse in the long run not to mention putting your son’s future, potentially, in jeopardy. Venting is a good release be it through writing, music, exercise or just getting out of the house and you and your son being together. Our children can certainly have a way of keeping us grounded/focused, can't they?

Are you legally married? That may seem like an off the wall question but it may make a difference to him if he feels there are no vows to be kept. Not at all justifying his dishonesty and infidelity just wondering what his reasons would be other than hormones and an inability to control/resist his lust. With some folks, they can be given all of the freedom in the world to do basically whatever they desire with no restrictions or questions asked and they still manage to lie/cheat/violate trust.

Perhaps there's something engrained within those type of people's DNA that prohibits them from being honest even when there are no negative consequences in sight for their behavior. I have come to believe it can be about punishment or resentment toward their partner or else why would one want to violate the most sacred thing between two people who share intimacy in and out of a bedroom not to mention children? Could he, some day, decide that he’s ready to settle down and has finally decided that you are the one? Sure. Are you willing to spend years of unhappiness if that’s what it takes to get there? If this is not the type of life you want then you have to put your foot down. People treat us the way we allow them to, don’t they? If being with you faithfully isn’t something he can do or desires then he needs to realize his unhappiness and leave as well, IMO.

I would like to give you some unsolicited advice if I may though. I agree with the poster above who said don't do anything in a knee jerk reactionary type of way. If you were to decide that you are tired of living this way that you describe let me make a few suggestions. I’m not in any way advocating that you leave the Father of your child but if you decide to please be smart.

Depending on where you are in life financially/professionally and if you have any family/friends who could/would support you it may be best, if you can stomach it, to make a plan. It may be best for you and your son in the long run.
Start saving money in an account. Find where you would like to relocate to even in the same town. Put money aside for the attorney. Only share your plan with those who either needs to know or you absolutely trust completely (time tested). Don't lose focus and keep your eye on the prize which in this case would be happiness for you and learning to be treated as the valuable human that you are, not someone's doormat. Finding that person who understands and accepts you and is as committed to the type of relationship that you desire in the future after you've gotten you and your son's lives together.

I’ve known some women and men who have just fled when something absolutely painful and intolerable has happened and all too often they return in my opinion due to not having a plan. Things are tough on your own especially if you’ve not been on your own since you’ve been 16? And, the time that you tried to leave you went immediately into a new relationship. When have you developed yourself as an individual? I don’t think you are stupid but I do get the impression that you are likely ruled more by emotions/passion than logic/calmness. Perhaps I am wrong; it is just an impression from one post of yours.

Having a plan may be enough to keep you going day to day, put a smile on your face occasionally and hope for the future so that you can concentrate on being the best Mom for your child while you are still there in the situation.

Truly, if you decide to leave please have a plan in place first unless you absolutely have some place safe and free from a romantic connection to go. Be it to leave in one month, 6 months, or 3 years. Whatever it takes and do not let anything deter you off the path. Once you’ve made up your mind stick to it. No other romantic relationships, no feeling sorry and sharing the account with anyone and never tell a soul that could potentially throw a wrench in the plan. You have to think of you and your son first and what is the best outcome here for everyone involved.

I really do wish you the best! Life is much too short to spend one day of it unhappier than is necessary.

posted on Jun, 29 2016 @ 05:43 AM
a reply to: NerdGoddess

Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhh . . .

PLEASE . . .

run, do not walk . . . to a quality counselor . . . Am torn about whether to suggest a man or a woman counselor. I could argue both ways.

You have tooooo much RAD (Attachment Disorder) baggage to mess with on your own. You will compulsively continue to choose jerks that treat you as poorly or worse than whatever father figure likely treated you the first 8 years of your life.


You are worth more than that.

This is the best book on the topic that I know of. It has 10 steps to take in the back toward working to overcome the horrendous baggage from such a past.


The evidence would suggest that you'll not leave him nor kick him out. That likely you will continue to engage in the sick dance, feeling more and more worthless with every kick in the gut he delivers to you in whatever ways.

He is just as full of RAD or he'd not behave like a jerk.

There must be a group of women that could help lead you away from such self defeating crap. Search and ask around to find such a group. Talk to classmates.


My heart goes out to you.

I just know that the odds are, you will continue going around the same mountain with added layers of hurt, pain, resentment, bewilderment, etc. for years and years and years. I hate seeing that.

posted on Jun, 29 2016 @ 05:44 AM
a reply to: TNMockingbird


TNMockingbird gave you a ton of great input here. I hope you consider it very earnestly and open-mindedly.

posted on Jun, 29 2016 @ 05:59 AM
a reply to: intrptr

Maybe it's overtime for you to give mom some limits.

Determine what 3-5 things you have/do for her that she most wants.

Begin to use those to shape her behavior. . . . particularly to limit her abuse to you. I had to do it with my mother. Even in her later years, it worked.

It does her no good to allow her to spew her vile stuff. It only increases her vileness.

You might also look at the Marisa Peer youtube ted talk video:

Her 5 incremental things to say to a verbally abusive person are:

1. "THANK YOU FOR SHARING THAT." End of discussion. No follow-up. Period. Full stop.
2. "WOULD YOU REPEAT THAT, SLOWLY?" They will sometimes resist, realizing they've been terrible but insist that they repeat it slowly. Then you can say thanks again.



= = = = =

If I'd taken my mother shopping and she'd let loose with her spiteful assaultiveness, I'd have likely said something like:

"Mother, you can choose. If you say one more nasty thing to me, I'm leaving immediately. If you leave quietly with me, I'll take you home. If you say another nasty thing, you'll have to find your own ride home."

You likely have to get that tough.

Again, her verbal meanness does her no good and it certainly doesn't brighten your day. IF you are going to continue to care for her, for your sake and her sake, you MUST begin to set firm limits on her abusiveness.

And, you CAN teach an old dog new tricks but it takes firmness. And when she's being nice--affirm that up one side and down the other. Behavior Mod can work even with bitter old bitties.

But you have to be tough. Decide what your boundary lines need to be--and cut it off at the roots--i.e. don't waffle and nip it in the bud. No excuses. No more grace. Full stop. Enough already yet.

I'm assuming that she's not suicidal etc. or otherwise a danger to herself. If she is any of that, it's more complicated but you still need to establish healthier boundaries though likely with the help of a therapist.

FWIW, imho.

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