posted on Jun, 23 2016 @ 05:40 PM
Here is the scenario, based on a true story, names will be changed and identities protected, locations and dates not included. There will be no offer
of proof and what is being reported here is of my own volition and based on witness accounts. Suffice to say and the only reference to time will be
it happened in my past and has been much distance traversed since then. However, sometimes, two things get in the way when dealing with whether to
disclose history, guilt and fear.
Guilt over having not faced the consequences when they occurred and fear over the consequences themselves.
Keeping something inside for so long requires a tremendous amount of energy, usually that manifest in a negative way, festering and simmering until
they just explode in a self destructive fit of rage and anger. The slightest hint of betrayal can set it off.
Now, the day was somewhat cloudy and warm, about 75 degrees with a substantial breeze whispering throughout the mid day sun, even a small sprinkle,
off and on, caused some steam to rise. As an observer of the surroundings, much was going on, chaotic of sorts, but in a controlled sort of way.
Customers waiting to be taken care of in a very busy auto shop, right off one of the main highways in town, lots of traffic going by, on the access
road and the upper road.
Although, I was a customer, I was also, a vendor for the owner and helped around the shop when I had time, mainly because I enjoyed the mingling and
being involved aspect, customer service and learning more about mechanics and car troubles. My van kept giving trouble with this fuel pump relay
switch and I was constantly needing to deal with it, seems there was short in my wire harness and it needed to be found and repaired, so this
particular day my van was on the rack being worked on.
I did my part by keeping the other customer's happy and solving minor issues so the owner and his crew could tackle my wire issue. I often brought
my son with me because I was a stay at home dad. During the week we just did errands and go do fun things, but every once in a while, the dang van
needed work. My distrust of most mechanics would not let me just leave it sight unseen for days, so I made it a point to always need to do business
in a certain part of town while the van was out of commission. This allowed me to be able to pop in and say hi, if you get the gist.
This day was like any other visit to the shop, but they were short help everywhere and this created this vacuum where I got sucked in and I lost track
of time. I always left my son in the car with the A/C on and the radio playing a tape. Most of the times, I would only be a few minutes maybe 15,
but always with my car in view and locked behind the shop. The employees all knew me and would make sure to not let anyone or thing mess with my kid,
he was protected at all times.
When I went to look in on him every few minutes, he was fine singing and laughing, eating his cereal and drinking his milk. Then all hell broke loose
at the garage and I was distracted for more than 15 minutes trying to put fires out. When I went back to the car the engine had stopped, it stalled
and shut off I don't know for how long, but I was terrified to see my child passed out and drenched in sweat, horrified I had just killed my kid. I
broke into hysterics and everyone came running, I got him out of the car and brought into to bathroom to splash cool water on him, he was breathing
but it was labored and the ambulance was on the way.
Thankfully, I caught him in time, because he came back to me and gave me a huge hug of relief. I could see it in his eyes how scared he was and he
could see the hurt on my face at what had just happened. He was only 2 so he never really understood how close he was to dying in my arms that day.
Lately, I have been seeing so many stories about this very situation and other people not being as fortunate as I was that day.
Really, I was Not negligent in any way, but I was, because it happened. I never said anything to my Ex-Wife about it and I never told my son what
happened, but I have lived with a tremendous amount of shame and guilt over that day. It just feels good to get it out. Do any of you think it would
serve some purpose for me to divulge this information and unburden my soul? Would it be fair to him? Am I right to just confess my sin anonymously
to strangers in an on-line community?
Although, my son survived without any major complications, he did have asthma growing up, not sure if this happening was why, but it was never really
serious and he doesn't have it anymore, I can't help wonder if I somehow scarred him emotionally? It has really bothered me.
I think I know what most of you will say, but I would be grateful for insight just the same, I have already come to my own conclusion on the matter
and I will share it with you all after some dialogue has occurred. Why should I or why shouldn't I?