Trying to Quit Smoking Is Not Going Well At All

I recently tried to quit smoking, after 28 years of imagining I enjoy it.
I went to **** Institute (not sure if I'm allowed to say the name here) together with my life partner a month ago. They have an 80% success rate and I personally know people who quit with them.
My partner quit on the spot, if I wouldn't know him I would never guessed he ever smoked. I relapsed after a day. Of course I am jealous of him, but I'm also happy for him. Not to mention I get to smoke outside now, a first in my life, so he won't be tempted to relapse.
Few days ago I went for a second treatment ( they give you one year to come back as much as need it until you quit). This time I lasted 8 hours.
I decided I'll stop wasting their time for now; I might belong among the unlucky 20%.

But to my surprise trying to quit I discovered a lot of things hidden behind this habit, and this seems to be the big failure for me.
First of all I realized I use smoking to avoid things I don't really want to do or to procrastinate. The time spent smoking "just another one" is the time when I unconsciously brace myself to do things I don't feel like doing. And also, without the shield that smoking offers I discovered that I don't like doing most of the things I currently do; I don't really like my life as it is now, and that was a big surprise.

Secondly, and the hardest part in quitting is the anger that comes with it. I mean, is like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, I became this angry creature who just hates everybody and everything, is so strong that is scary. A few times I had to close myself in the bedroom for a few minutes and calm down a bit because I couldn't stand my family members talking among them, I felt like I want to throw everybody out and never hear them again.
I have no idea where this powerful anger comes from and how to deal with it, and it really makes me wonder what a horrible person I must be and I never knew it. I literally feel like I'm going mad. My partner didn't get angry not once.
Someone told me that nicotine is calming you down, so I should understand that this angry person is the real me? I'm not sure right now I want to find out.

And by the way I was on the verge of tears few times there is also the suspicion that somewhere deep down the smoking habit is hiding a strong depression too, but I guess I didn't quit long enough to see it clearly.

So WTH is going on? I feel like I lifted a veil and saw a lot of ugly things behind it, and I have no idea smoking can mask all that. I almost can't believe that this is me I'm talking about.

I am not addicted to anything else, and never was. Don't do drugs, don't drink alcohol or other things like that. And about smoking I never really wanted to quit until now, because somehow I liked it; honestly my morning coffee with a cigarette is the best moment of my day. So I'm not an addictive personality, or so I thought.
But I start to wonder if maybe is just better to try to deal with the underlying issues before trying to quit again, because this anger I saw in me hit me really hard, and don't want to say or do something I'll regret afterwards.
Or maybe is better try to quit gradually, reducing the amount of cigarettes all the time.I'm not sure I can control the monster very well to quit cold turkey.
I don't really know how to deal with this, and even if is tempting to forget about quitting all together and save myself all this trouble, I cannot ignore the fact that maybe I have problems I never knew about and should take care of them.

Damnit, Don't you give up!

If I was able to quit after 29 years, you can quit after 28. Don't give up. I believe in you.

Have you tried vaping?

Not the stuff you can get at gas stations (though they work for some, I assume). If you look at spending $30-$50 on a setup, you can get what you need. For cost reasons, I'd suggest one that you can build your own coils, but if money isn't a concern that changes a bit.

I spent a lot on the cheap setups, but they made me miss smoking. Once I got a better rig, I'm enjoying it more than I ever enjoyed smoking.

For me, and some others, the addiction aspect isn't the tough part. Its the downright enjoyment of the experience. I find I get that experience, and much more, from vaping.

I can give more specific info, if you are interested. Its certainly something to try, and a $50 setup is about comparable to a single carton of cigs.

a reply to: ReprobateRaccoon

lol you didn't see me in my worst moments...
When you quit wasn't there a mister Hyde to show his ugly face? how you dealt with it?

I'm a 30 yr. smoker and I'm fine with it for now. My best successes for when I wanted to take breaks have been cold turkey only. You have to power through those first 3-4 days and it does get better but any, ANY little slips and it's over.

Get lots of sleep. Take stuff if you need to sleep better. Exercise helps, but the cravings are strong afterwards.
Could try vaping for a while to temper off. You still get the nicotine, but the association is different and healthier.

One thing that can help is remembering that you did NOT ALWAYS need tobacco in your lifetime. You went probably 15 years or more without it before you started associating it with stress relief and it worked it's way into your daily lifestyle. You lived just fine before without it, and so you should be able to live just fine without it again.

a reply to: Serdgiam
I'm not sure we have something like that in my country.
Maybe I can buy it online, so if you have a link I'll be glad to look it up.

I quit after 12 years at a pack a day. I started having palpitations randomly. Started to freak me out. I used a nicotine inhaler substitute for a week or so. Worked wonders. It actually made me sick though so i just quit using it. The first couple months were the hardest. I never really got angry but when id have a few drinks with the buddies it made it really hard. Smoke and a beer go hand in hand.

Its been 8 years since ive smoked cigarettes and i feel sooooo much better. In fact, i cant even be around cigarettes anymore. They actually make me super nauseous.

Dont give up. Keep telling yourself its not that hard. Eventually your body will believe you.

Have you tried the chart and timer method?

Go as long as you can, then write down your time.
Each new smoke requires 1 additional hour of wait time, until you space it out to none per day?

a reply to: WhiteHat
wish you the best of luck! hang in there, it'll work out for ya!

a reply to: Mandroid7

Right now I try counting them and the next day reducing one. But the time chart sounds good also.
I'm at 12-13 a day and is really hard. I cheat by smoking halves so they last longer.
I'm pathetic

a reply to: ware2010

Thank you a lot.

Well, I hope you didn't kick your pussy over the fence, that's not very nice.
Anyway, as a smoker I find it interesting that they conclude that you smoke because you want/prefer to dodge something, I am thinking that conclusion is about you personally, I know I smoke mostly when I am thinking about something, a solution, or best way to resolve a problem, not avoiding it. But you should ask them about that, I'm sure they have different approaches to individuals...that's going on my assumption that we are all individuals of course... that's tricky.
I do hope though you will get over the habit for your health's sake.Try thinking about the money saved on just buying faaags, and what you could buy with it.

Go to a local Vape shop. I tried to quit for years and tried electronic cigarettes. I haven't had a real cigarette in 4 years and never will again. The beauty of them is if you can stick them for three months you can smoke anyway it makes you sick and you won't have cravings. Take it from me I was on 40 Malborough a day

You could try fungi, if you might happen to have the right therapists in your area:

A new study shows smokers may be able to kick the habit with a little help from psilocybin and three controlled trips

Earlier this month, Johns Hopkins researchers published in the Journal of Psychopharmacology a stunning success rate in a pilot study using psilocybin, the psychedelic compound in magic mushrooms, to help heavy smokers quit. The 12 of 15 recidivist smokers who managed to stop smoking for six months after three psychedelic sessions represented an 80% success rate—unheard of in the notoriously difficult treatment of tobacco addiction. The most successful current treatment—the drug varenicline, which reduces nicotine cravings—only has a 35% success rate.
time.com...

Or try a combination of Wellbutrin, tappered nicotine patches, and/or those ecig things. I found myself sort of 'naturally' quitting when I tried one of those. It helps break the habit of it being so EASY to hold the cigarette all the time. It's kind of a burden, while you also break the part where once you light up you're committing to finishing the entire cigarette.

a reply to: WhiteHat

I'd suggest buying online anyway!

A site like vapordna is pretty good, along with eciggity.. fasttech has great prices, but long wait times (make sure to select e-packet shipping). There are quite a few decent sites. I'm not sure of your country, but there might be a site that's better for your location too. Might not be a bad idea to try Googling for local vape shops either. Ya never know!

Here is a great starter kit, though it requires building your own coils/wicks. There is a lot of info on that though, and its easier than you'd think.

I'd suggest Verde Valley Vapes and Mech Sauce for good budget juice.

There are some great forums too, I'm partial to vaping underground. I'm not sure about the TnCs on linking stuff like this, but I think the one I provided is ok and the rest can be found through the Almighty Google.

a reply to: WhiteHat

Ok I wanted to quit my nicotine addiction. Nicotine is a drug. Everyone is different. This worked for me. I threw out all my cigarettes. Put a rubber band on my wrist. Everytime I had a urge to smoke I snapped my wrist hard. Bought veggies and drank lots of water. Sure I had over 10 days of withdrawal.

Now I look back and it was worth the pain of going through withdrawal.

You can do it!

a reply to: smurfy

Is not what they told me, is what I personally noticed about myself.
They don't explain much about smoking, they just do some energy stuff above your head, with crystals in your hands and that's it. I understand that they put some sensors in your brain to sleep, the ones responding to nicotine, so you don't feel the need to smoke anymore.
Maybe it didn't work for me because I find it hard to believe in stuff like this, this why i decided to try by myself.

a reply to: Serdgiam
Thank you, I'll see what I can find.

For 10 years or so I've had this theory about some sort of nootropic protocol as being part of the grand solution.
en.wikipedia.org...:Nootropics

I know for me the brain booster effects of nicotine, well to take away that would be a loss. Likewise, its all in the brain anyways, so 'stoking' it seems like a proper pathway in all of this.

Never have gotten around to trying to figure it out. An herbal approach could also suffice:
CRAP. I cant find the old wikipedia page that had brain boosters / nootropics all listed out, huge list (had natural and synthetic types all together), based on the specific categories nootropics are classified by (the list inside the current Nootropics page isn't the same).

never tried an institute. didn't even really want to quit smoking, but decided that vaping might be a better alternative. first tried vaping in august last year, and did well with it until mid december when my life went to total hell and i needed the "fully leaded" feel of a real cigarette.

I put them away at the end of january and picked up my vape gear again. haven't smoked since, don't really care to smoke again. my wife smokes around me, and i have no desire to grab one. the smell is beginning to make me nauseated, actually. i started last august on 24mg nic, by the time I restarted vaping in january I was down to 12. Im currently vaping 6mg, and expect to move down to 3mg by the end of summer. im feeling the desire to not have to carry the gear around, so may step down to quitting vaping, too. We'll see.

if you are interested, there are some good vape threads on ATS. you can also PM me and ill give you the best advice I can. Although there are other ATSers that might have better info.