Lost my dog Sunday night and now near breaking point, please help.

We had a rescue German Shepherd about 5 years ago, had her for probably 7 years. About the 2nd into it, she started dragging a rear paw. We dumped about 9k into back surgery for her....it continued to get worse. She finally went down in the rear. About 2 months later we got her a wheel chair and she was in heaven. That heaven lasted for about 3 years, come to find out she had D.M. Essentially M.S. For dogs. She slowly went down in the front as well. We made changes and kept her pretty happy and satisfied. We drove her around tons, to keep her brain entertained, she didn't like being pulled around in a wagon, too independent for that. The D.M. Just kept expanding. My wife would flip her every 4 hours through the night, manipulate her to make her pee/poop (she's a vet tech) I know it sounds impossible, but she was happy and comfortable all things considered. Once it got to her brain stem and she started having seizures....we knew immediately it was time.
The vet came to our house and gave her a shot, she died at home in the room we spent most of our family time together as a pack. She passed peacefully in my arms. That "dog" took a large part of my heart with her when she passed. I stopped eating mammals from just understanding the bonds that can exist. I could cry at the drop of a hat for a couple years if she passed through my thoughts. We now have 2 more shepherds, one that was on death row, he is missing one rear foot and the other is deformed. He is very dog aggressive and the pound he was at was going to put him down at 4 months old as they saw him non adoptable.
I know I will have to deal with the passing of him and our other shepherd. I hate that, but I couldn't live without their companionship. We know our calling is to take care of the Shepherds others kick to the curb. Just reading your story took me back to that day Sophie passed, hurts, and it always will. You just have to take that unconditional love, something many others do not have for animals, and put it to use. Adopt another when it's time and share that love. It's a quality that can change a living beings life.
Sorry for your loss.

a reply to: Dwoodward85

You have to puzzle your way through it. It's so hard. You have to take it day by day.

As you do know this.

I laid down with him on Sunday night and rubbed him, stroked him, told him he was the best boy in the world and he was always a good dog and that I loved him, the family loved him and I'll never ever stop thinking about him. I spent about twenty minutes with him on the floor until I noticed that he was starting to fall asleep...at least that's what I thought. I kissed him and told him that I'd speak to him in the morning but when the morning came round I couldn't speak to him.

That was such a beautiful passing for your beloved friend.

You have done everything right.

Before long you will be in a position once again to do everything right for another blessed friend in need of your expertise.

Have a peaceful evening.

originally posted by: Dwoodward85
I just pray that where ever he is he's as happy as he could possibly be and knows or knew how much he was loved.

He is...I am sure he is in a place playing with other dogs....running again.
In no pain.
And waiting for you to join him some day.

In fact, my vet said much the same things to us when we lost Emily.
That we would be together with her again.

So sorry to hear. What a beautiful dog. Remember they are always with you. Give yourself lots of time to grieve.

a reply to: DontTreadOnMe

I believe that, too. They have souls just like us, and are waiting…


(thanks for the U2U)

a reply to: whyamIhere

Thanks I've put this on my facebook and it helps.

a reply to: Hr2burn

I'd spend every penny I have if the needed anything as well but sadly it would come no where near 9k. But I think no amount of medicine could've helped which is horrible to think about I just think his body couldn't go on and as hard as it is to say I think he knew and decided it was better to go and be free of pain which should've help me but I geuss it hasn't but I'm sure he's happy and pain free now.

a reply to: Bybyots

Yep and that's just more of a fear than anything else. As I've already posted I have one dog left, Midnight, his sister and she's as old as he was and has the beginnings of the hip issues, she has vets in a week or two (yep nearest appointment) and I've told them that I wanna know if there's anything I can do to help with the pain and they've told me there is a lot of medicine that can help with hip issues for dogs and I told them that I'd just lost one dog and would fight them if they tried it on her and was told that it's unlikely that she'd be put down this soon into having hip issues and that usually they can be helped years into the problem so there's that.

But that is something I'm not fearful of that she will go sooner rather than later I'm just super glad that they weren't taken at the same time because I don't know what I'd have done. I'm not sure if I've already said this I'm not the kind of guy who goes out much I have issues of my own and that's the reason we got the dogs, anxiety stops me going out on my own and they would go with me so it got me out because I wasn't as worried because I had two large dogs so yh I don't know what've happened if both were gone but I thank god that I've got one of them. I know it's years away before she goes and hopefully I'll be able to handle it better after this experience and be more prepared.

a reply to: DontTreadOnMe

A lot of people have sent me messages, family and people I work with and they've said the same thing to me. I believe that he is somewhere happy I honestly just wish he was still here. Might be a bit selfish because he's free of pain but you know how it is.

a reply to: intrptr

God I hope so. I hope the day I go up there all the dogs I've had and the family I've lost are waiting for me at the gates or whatever we face when we get up there otherwise I'll be storming my way through the afterlife searching for them until I get them back. I will admit that getting some sort of sign would be nice, you know like a strangely shaped cloud or a visit in my sleep would be nice to say 'Hey look I'm fine. I'm happy' but I know that isn't going to happen, so I just have to pray and trust that he is.

a reply to: dreamingawake

Cheers for that. I plan to just let myself grieve as much as possible. The hard part is being a career for someone so I don't really get to spend more than an hour or two on my own before I'm called to do something so I have to hold it in a fair bit but I do get time to mourn and grieve. I will say, if my grandfather was alive still, he'd work out how to stop me feeling like this, he did it last time with one of the puppies so maybe he's up there looking after him until I reach him.

a reply to: Dwoodward85

I wanna say again thanks to all you guys. You've helped me big time to get through this. I've already had one or two people asking me "It's been days since he went why are you still upset" and while I held back from slamming their faces into the wall or table top I knew that there were people who understood and having people on here talk to me and say all the nice and kind things that you have is pushing me through what I'm gonna say is this horrible period of my life. I've spoken to a doctor about not being able to sleep properly and they've told me that there isn't really anything they can do that taking a pill will not help because it is an emotional thing that's stopping me and eventually my body will get the sleep it needs by me just dropping off to sleep and it's how I've been sleeping the last two days.

I miss him dearly and I know that time will pass and the pain will ease, it'll never go but it'll ease. If I could afford it I'd actually consider moving out because of the memories and where I found him but I can't and probably wouldn't anyway. I have spoken to a friend who went through the same thing very recently when their dog passed in the night for no reason at all, which is worse as I knew my dog was old (he was 14 not thirteen I checked his birth certificate and it says he was 14 so whoops) and for a German Sheppard I know that's old. I'm not crying as much as I was yesterday, though I do every so often and looking at his bed still hits me and the floor where he died still hits me and going for a walk still hurts with him not being there but I think that has to be there so I remember him, like I said the pain will never go fully but it'll ease and when I see a similar dog it'll get me but it'll get easier.

So I wanna thank all you guys and say that you've been a big help. I've been a member of ats for a long while now and never had a threat. I didn't think for the life of me that this would be the reason but I'm glad I did because without being able to rant about the pain and the loss and instead bottling it up would've made all this ten times harder. So thank you and if I could reach through the screen and shake all your hands I would in a heart beat. I owe you all so much.

a reply to: Dwoodward85

I'm glad you found an outlet for all these sad feelings...which are pretty normal IMHO.

I cried easily over Emily for months.
I "saw" her once or twice...and "heard" her walking in the house at night many times.

It will get better.
And how soon varies from person to person.

a reply to: DontTreadOnMe

Yh it's hearing the whimpering that's killing me the most. I know it's more than likely in my head and just a way I'm coping with it but it just feels like it's him here trying to be near me but not being able to. I spoken to him just in case he is and told him that I love him and that if he's here he needs to go to wherever he has to to be happy and not stuck here without me rubbing him, just in case it is him but every time I hear it I break down again. It's honestly killing me. I trying to hold it all together in the sense that I'm letting myself cry and grieve for him but I just...I don't know I wish he was here is all. I just want him to be here alive not dead. I get that he was old apparently older than I thought (october he'd have been 15) and that even the vet said it was a good age and longer than most of his breed get to live and I've been told a dozen times I should be glad that I had a chance the night before to tell him how much he was loved that some people only wish they could've but that really doesn't help.

I'm scared truthfully that this is gonna take a long time to get through. I'm not great with things like this I tend to stay away from it in life but the image of him lying there, the glazed look in his eye, the swollen tongue the little bit of blood by his mouth and oh god the feeling of his body was like a bag of wet sand and I can't shake that. Having to walk around the house with other people and pretend to be okay, to say 'I'm doing better' when I'm not is making this hard. If I had my own place I'd let myself break down I'd scream and cry louder I wouldn't hold anything in but here...I have to put up a front. Like I said if it wasn't for this site I think I'd have broken. I already have issues OCD, Anxiety and all that and I tend to over think things I mean I partly wonder whether there was anything I could do building up to it. Maybe if I'd have phoned another vets to try for an appointment or if I'd have had him checked out earlier we might've been able to help him. The vet said that it was just his time that he had a nice life and was a happy dog when they met him and it was just his time but I think maybe they're saying that because it's what they're trained to do. Seeing him taken into the vets wrapped in his duvet that he slept on just not moving and having him in the back of the car silent and covered are images that are sticking to me like glue.

I'm actually scared to leave his sister alone. It's part of the reason I've taken time off work to deal with it. She doesn't like to be alone upstairs where they spent most of their time and when we walk through the back door and close it last night, she turned back and it felt like she was saying 'Where is he?' and that broke my heart. She doesn't seem to notice it all the time but just some of the time, every now and then there's a moment she'll do something that seems like she is looking for him. The first night (Monday night) she darted into the garden and started running around and she was probably playing but to me it looked like she was excitedly looking for him and again I broke down.

Now I know it's all normal and I just have to let it happen but god it's driving me crazy and ranting here just makes it all seem easier. I actually don't expect replies, I didn't expect one and having them helped but it's more the chance to rant that helps.

a reply to: Dwoodward85

It just happened, be patient. From experience, you will dream of them from time to time.

About going "up there" when we pass, really the spirit world is all around us all the time. Put on your tin foil hat for this one…

Now they say (the they sayers) that the spirits of our pets hang around with us after death, attached in some way to our still living lives, for whatever reason. Call it the same love and loyalty they exhibit during life, if you will

Its okay to say hi to your pet, they love it. So will you. Talking to them helps as much as talking to the living. Say I miss you, whistle the whistle you use to call them or the favorite sing song jingles you used when they were at your side.

I've dreamed of my dogs occasionally. One time I was sadly wandering in a dream looking for our dachshund In the park we used to go for walks in. I became cold and picked up a blanket I found on the grass. It had the same color fur as she did. As i wrapped myself in it I saw her paws on the edges and then her head and I realized I was wrapped up in my dog "blanket". The though that came to me from her was, I'll always be with you.

Another time, I was standing with some other people in a hallway and I saw a white dog bouncing down the hall greeting people as it did. When it got to me it was greeting me profusely, dancing around and wagging its tail, I slowly became aware it was my beagle Sport, only he was pure white, not beagle colored. Thats why I didn't recognize him.

He'd been gone for some years, his white fur appearance was a curious aspect.