Farts.

Farts can be very funny ... until you sleep nightly with someone who takes great joy in unleashing the flatulent equivalent of a chemical weapon underneath the covers after he's put on his apnea mask so that it lingers like a SBD bomb waiting for you to climb in where he promtly snuggles up against you unleashing it in all its glory. The only bright side to that is that you pass out fast!

(Yes, toilet humour is low, but right now I need some fun).

As a plumber, toilet humor is never too low; and a fart can be the wind beneath your wings.

a reply to: and14263

"The fart trumpets the arrival of the morning turd!"

The Tormented Tweets of a Trapped Turd.
First Floundering of a Futile Fight Forewarning a Fart.
Grumbling growls of generic gastric gasses.
Stomach's sour speech from slippery Sphincter.
The Primal Painful Powerful Pungent Poot.

Yeah, the only thing better is a crowded Elevator.

a reply to: bigfatfurrytexan

Why isnt this thread in skunk works?

See what I did there?

I was walking through this plant I work at, and see an employee beconing to me from inside his small office. I stepped in his office and was immediatly overcome by the stench from Hell. I said " What the hell? What did you do, fart in here? That smells terrible". He looks at me with a big grin, and says " I just wanted a second opinion"!

a reply to: and14263
1. It's from food that isn't properly digested, I guess.
2. He/ she who smelt it dealt it.
3. It's better than a shart.
4. It's either laugh or cry. Some of the ones I smelled made me want to cry.


Toilet humor may be low but it's funny.

ETA: If you have unwanted gas, Beano is the way to go.


Originally designed to combat canine flatulence, it was discovered to be helpful to humans, too.

I just love fart humor. In 20+ years of marriage we never farted when together-no wonder we're divorced. We never knew true love.

Here's a little Diddy my dad taught me.

Baked beans make you fart.
Baked beans so good for the heart.
The more you fart,
The better ya feel,
So eat baked beans for every meal.

And another. ....

Whereever you maybe
let the wind blow free,
It's better to feel the shame
Tham to feel the pain.

a reply to: Cloudbuster
I heard something like that. The one I heard went like this:
Beans beans the musical fruit
The more you eat the more you toot
The more you toot the better you feel
Let's have beans for every meal.

It's a good song to teach kids. They learn at an early age to honor the butt trumpet lol.

I learned the danger of lighting farts on fire the hard way.
I had prickly stubble in my ass crack for a while.
Be careful kids.

Nothing like unleashing small pooh particles into the air for all to breathe

www.google.com.au...://m.youtube.com/watch%3Fv%3DVPIP9KXdmO0&ved=0ahUKEwirxrDw5rjNAhVBpZQKHdkOAdMQuAIIGzAA&usg =AFQjCNHtAupnwYXkBT4QFeJ5HKi21RPDPA

Here I sit broken hearted
Came to crap
But only farted.

I do not enjoy my own farts at all, I have heard people say that before, but it perplexes me.
Sometimes I can't stand myself and find it extremely vexing that I cannot go into a different room from my rear end.

Perhaps mine are of a special kind of stink, stronger than the norm...

originally posted by: Timely
www.google.com.au...://m.youtube.com/watch%3Fv%3DVPIP9KXdmO0&ved=0ahUKEwirxrDw5rjNAhVBpZQKHdkOAdMQuAIIGzAA&usg =AFQjCNHtAupnwYXkBT4QFeJ5HKi21RPDPA

Here I sit broken hearted
Came to crap
But only farted.

Sorry struggling with a phone ...