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The beginning of my story.

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posted on Jan, 17 2005 @ 02:22 AM
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Hey, I started writing this the other night. I don't have too much done yet, it just popped into my head. I might change the wording a little bit. Oh well, enjoy and offer suggestions!

The names will probably be changed.

The Spattering of rain could be heard on Trevor's window from his bed. It had all happened so fast; the light, that sound, the sudden feeling of being lifted from his bed. As quickly as it had come, it was gone...

Trevor awoke early that cold, misty Sunday morning - really early. It was 4 o'clock A.M. His alarm was set for 6:30, but he always hit the snooze. This time it was different. He couldn't sleep, nor was he even the least bit tired. Inside of his head, it felt like the after-effect of a pounding headache. A blank nothingness filled his memory. What had happened just minutes before? A slight buzzing sound rang in his ears. It was dark, and he was beginning to get an uneasy feeling - uneasy, yet strangely familiar. He heard a scuffle from the other side of his room. It sounded as if something was leaving his room. "Nothing", he thought as he stared at his ceiling. He let his thoughts wander askew...




posted on Jan, 17 2005 @ 09:11 AM
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It's very cool.

I like it.

Good luck changes the names as the edit button removes itself after a couple of hours.




posted on Jan, 17 2005 @ 11:29 AM
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Originally posted by shorty
It's very cool.

I like it.

Good luck changes the names as the edit button removes itself after a couple of hours.





DAMN IT! But thanks
.



posted on Jan, 17 2005 @ 01:03 PM
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It's a real good start bud!

Keep it comming!



posted on Jan, 17 2005 @ 02:25 PM
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Originally posted by MacKiller
It's a real good start bud!

Keep it comming!


Thanks, I'm thinking of the rest right now
. That's kinda the way I do it. I think of it first, write it down briefly, and then change the wording to my liking.



posted on Jan, 17 2005 @ 11:17 PM
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I noticed something wrong in my first part of the story. The edit button is gone, so I can't fix it. I'll just que you guys in. Instead of "Early Sunday morning", pretend I said "Early Monday morning". It will make sense this way
.

I'm thinking of putting --'s around parts that I don't know if I'm really going to include in the story or not, or maybe just change the wording. Maybe you guys could tell me if I should keep it or not.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Exactly at 6:30 AM, right on que as usual, Trevor's alarm rang, mimmicking the tune of Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata. The tune had grown tiresome. No longer the beautiful song it had once seemed, it was now just plain annoying. He realized he must have gone to sleep. How long had he been lying awake? He walked to his bathroom, half-asleep, half awake and looked into the mirror. His light brown, usually spikey hair was matted down. His blue-green eyes looked bloodshot, like the eyes of someone who hadn't slept in ages. It didn't make sense. He had gone to bed at precisely 10 o'clock as usual. "9 hours is all I need", he had always joked, realizing this was a pretty lengthy amount of time to sleep for someone his age. (I haven't decided his exact age yet, maybe someone could help me with this
). He wasn't overly attractive, nor was he ugly. He had always decided he was about average looking. Not someone who turned heads, but he could get a decent girl if need be.

That day at school was strange as well. It was cold, so he wore his usual redish-brown leather jacket. He seemed to just drift through his classes, not exactly paying attention to what was going on around him. Usually he was a decent student, but today just feld like a day dream. --Even the girl he secretly had a crush on didn't seem as much of an attention grabber today. Usually he thought about her everytime he saw her. She had brown, perfect (in his eyes) hair, that went just down to her shoulder blades. Her eyes were green, and she had exceptionally long eyelashes. They had been to a few movies together, but Trevor never had the courage to ask her out on a real date.-- He had dozed through so much of the day that he didn't even realize his best friend, Tom, was absent from class. It was unusual, he always had perfect attendance. Every since the first day they met, Tom had never missed a day of school. Trevor kept having flashes of things he couldn't identify. A bright light shining through his window, some strange sound that sounded like a muffled vacuum cleaner.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

That's all I can think of for now
. There's too many things I can't decide on. I still haven't decided how old I want to make Trevor. The story (as you probably know by now) is going to include aliens. I'm not sure whether to make them good, bad, or somewhere in between. It's harder than it looks heh heh.



posted on Jan, 18 2005 @ 07:02 AM
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Very cool story bud, keep them comming



posted on Jan, 18 2005 @ 02:54 PM
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Here's the third part.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Before he knew it, Trevor had gotten out of school, and was back in his room watching T.V. Back where it happened. It...but what? What had happened that night? He kept trying to shake it off. "Nothing happened!", he tried to tell himself. �You just lost track of time!�. It wouldn't work. Something had happened, and he wanted desperately to find out what. He closed his eyes and thought hard. His day had gone just like always. He had returned home from grocery story where he went to buy milk for his family.. He had sat down at his computer chair, and was watching T.V. --Something about alien abductions was on--. He had done his homework, and gone to sleep. What was it? The thought popped into his mind; an alien abduction. Considering this possibility had made him feel slightly better, only because he found it so rediculous and was able to laugh it off. He was never a big believer in the paranormal, even less of a believer in matters involving life forms from other planets! He was feeling much better now, and he decided to call Tom. Tom was a smart guy, really involved in after-school activities, athletics included. "He should be home from Soccer practice by now," Trevor thought. Even though Tom was more athletic than Trevor, and could probably date any girl he wanted, Trevor was never jealous. Tom was a great person. He wasn't stuck up. -- Even though he could have easily made friends with the popular group, he never did.-- Tom never had any desires to pick on people considered under him, nor did he ever look down on anyone. He made friends with people liked; people he got along with. He didn't care a lot about superficial reputations. That's one of the things that made him such a great guy. Five rings, and no answer. Tom wasn't home, this was odd. The rest of the day flew by fast. Before Trevor knew it, he was finishing up his math homework, and ready to go to bed.

Tom awoke the next morning at 6:30 as usual, and hit his snooze button. When he woke up again at 6:40, he was relieved to find that nothing had happened to him that night. He feld good, almost back to normal. He looked into the mirror, his eyes looked normal again. At school, everything seemed back to it's regular. He went to his first hour, Government class, and finished his work early as usual. At lunch, he saw vanessa again. He waved to her, and she started to make her way to his table. Their conversation was going great, that is, until it happened. Suddenly, he was unable to pay attention to what she was saying. Inside his head, a splitting pain began to spread. Attempting to look as if he was still paying attention to Vanessa, he closed his eyes and started rubbing his temples, begging for this pain to go away. Then it happened; the vision. His mind was engulfed by it. In fraction of a second spurts, the gruesome images began relaying to his mind. Something...Something that looked like a person...on an operating table, a sheet covering their body. Then he saw it, something that looked like an arm...laying next to the bed. He gasped in horror. "What's wrong?" Vanessa said. Trevor could barely hear her. There was something standing over the body. Who was it? He tried to concentrate, but just as they had come, the images went quickly in reverse and left his mind. He regained complete consciousness to find that he had made more of a scene than he had realized. People were staring at him from as far as two tables over. "I think you should go to the nurse," vanessa said looking concerned. "You might be getting a migrane."

EDIT: Oops, meant third not second!


[edit on 18-1-2005 by Herman]

*edit only to correct ?'s into quotation marks*

[edit on 19-1-2005 by Banshee]



posted on Jan, 18 2005 @ 03:01 PM
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Part too looks good bud




posted on Jan, 18 2005 @ 03:34 PM
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Originally posted by MacKiller
Part too looks good bud



Thanks a lot
. You guys can offer suggestions and criticism too if you want.



posted on Jan, 19 2005 @ 02:35 PM
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Can someone explain to me why my quotation marks turned into question marks in my story!? It makes it look very bad
.



posted on Jan, 19 2005 @ 02:42 PM
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Did you write that part of the story in MSWord, or edited it there?



posted on Jan, 19 2005 @ 08:59 PM
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Originally posted by MacKiller
Did you write that part of the story in MSWord, or edited it there?


Open-office, which is an MS word simulator
. Banshee fixed it though, thankfully! Yay Banshee!.



posted on Jan, 23 2005 @ 01:17 AM
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Part 4:

"Are you on any medications?" the nurse asked Trevor.
"No", trevor replied.
"Any recent head trauma?" The nursed asked.
"No!" Trevor said, getting irritated, as they had already been over this numerous times. "I told you, I haven't changed anything in my riutine, no medication, no headaches or head trauma. Everythings been pretty normal"
"Well," The nurse said, "I don't know what to tell you. Go home, get some rest, maybe take an aspirine. If this happens again, go see a doctor".
"Thanks" Trevor said realizing he still had 2 and a half more classes to sit through. He left the nurses office, and headed towards his history class. He gave the teacher his pass, and sat down. They were reading something about UFO's in ancient cave paintings. Then he noticed it, Tom was gone...again. He decided there must have been some kind of family tragedy, and Tom had to leave on short notice. This had happened before when Tom's grandma died, but it wasn't during school. Hey, at least he didn't have the weird feeling in his head like he had had the day before!

After he got home, he decided he was going to ride his bike over to Tom's house. Tom lived only about 10 minutes away on a bicycle, so it was a pretty short ride. Trevor packed up his water bottle, and left the house. When he arived at Tom's house, everything seemed normal. It seemed normal, until he noticed that the families Cars were still there. He knocked on the door; no response. He knocked again; still no response. He decided to go around the back yard, and knock on Tom's door. It was then that he noticed them. It was then that he noticed the tracks. Burned into the long grass that surrounded toms house, were a series of tracks. They were each about 3 feet across, and extended all the way behind Tom's house. Trevor also noticed something much more shocking. Tom's gate seemed to be smashed in! The strangest thing was that it didn't look like someone just drove a car through. It was very methodical. Starting at the top of the wooded gate, and extending down in an upside-down horseshoe, a space was taken out. The edges of the parts taken out of the gate were singed. Trevor hurried into Toms back yard. His swimming pool was full of leaves and sticks, the bottom caked with dirt. The tracks extended all the way to Tom's window, which to trevors horror, was also broken in the same way as the gate. Nothing could have prepared Trevor for what he was about to see next...

Sorry it took me so long to think of this last part. I've been getting a "Writers Block" I guess
. I still haven't decided how old to make Trevor! Any suggestions?



posted on Jan, 25 2005 @ 09:20 PM
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You won't meet them until it's closet to Valentine's day, then I'll post Part 1 of my little Saga.

[edit on 1/25/05 by BSB2005]



posted on Feb, 4 2005 @ 08:15 PM
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Originally posted by Herman

Thanks a lot
. You guys can offer suggestions and criticism too if you want.



Well, I don't have any criticism, I know the feelings well that one goes thru while trying to hash out a story.

Your doing a good job here. Keep it up and it will eventually lead you where it needs to go.

As for suggestions, every writer has their own style and level of madness so I doubt anything I say would matter, you'd just ignore it and keep on doing what works for you. Thats as it should be.

What works for me is before I write the very first sentence of any story, I already know what the last sentence is going to be. Not only does it make things easier but I can spend more time on what I know will be the important parts.

Then I rewrite, rewrite, rewrite. There is no good writing, there is only good rewriting. Hemmingway himself said his words didn't even begin to sing until his 11th revision.

Keep up the good work my friend and your piece will come together and you'll have a really nice story. You have the talent.

Love and light,

Wupy



posted on Mar, 17 2005 @ 02:37 PM
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great work i hope there is more





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