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For fathers dealing with poisonous mothers on Father's Day

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posted on Jun, 19 2016 @ 06:28 PM
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I'm sorry, and I'm sorry right now that your relationship with your children is strained because of a poisonous woman, I'm sorry that soon you'll have to walk into a court and battle a battle that no matter how much of a saint you are the court will almost certainly rule in her favor regarding custody. I will say this, we are men and we are tenacious, and we will prevail. I will also say, do not allow this failed relationship which will effect the rest of your life turn into misogyny, also steer clear of depression and nihilistic thinking, now is not the time to wallow but to put it in gear, with all that said, for the fathers who are temporarily unable to see their kids because of being stone walled, or other circumstances, I am sorry and I just wanted to say happy Father's Day, and I'll be writing my children a letter.
edit on 19-6-2016 by TechniXcality because: (no reason given)




posted on Jun, 19 2016 @ 06:47 PM
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a reply to: TechniXcality

INDEED.

And, I would encourage this:

FATHERS--make a photocopy of the letter you write to your kids. Some bw*tchy mothers throw them away without ever allowing the children to see them or know they were sent.

At least, with a photocopy--you can--eventually--hand the pile to your kids and show them that you did care all those many weeks for years and years. You might make a copy for you to keep after giving the pile of other copies to your kids when they are old enough to not have to bother with the mom's control freak exclusion crap.


And, if there were no court orders against being that near, I'd be very tempted to write the kids names on the sidewalk in front of where they lived, in chalk with a note of love to them occasionally, signed, Dad.

edit on 19/6/2016 by BO XIAN because: added



posted on Jun, 19 2016 @ 06:51 PM
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a reply to: TechniXcality


Wonderful and inspiring thread!


Bo, great idea about copying the letters!



posted on Jun, 19 2016 @ 06:57 PM
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a reply to: Night Star

Last time I saw them was end of may but every time it feels like its not enough, im just ready for this time in my life to be over, and a court to have a ruling so that she can't just decide to blow me off or not answer the phone Ect, anyway I thought it would be good to say for other dad's going through a similar situation, and I know we all need encouragement from time to time, the important thing is that the kids know you love them regardless of the problems with their mother. So I will get to letter writing and looking forward to less rocky and stable days with my kids again. thanks for commenting.

here's a picture of me and my youngest in may she makes me smile all the time.




posted on Jun, 19 2016 @ 07:05 PM
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a reply to: BO XIAN

Yes very good advice thanks for contributing.



posted on Jun, 19 2016 @ 07:37 PM
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I think this is heartbreaking. And while I know some mothers stone wall because of poisonous fathers.... I know a lot who do it just to cause pain. I wouldn't dream of doing that, it only hurts the kids, even if you hate the other parents' guts. The children shouldn't be used a tools to hurt each other.



posted on Jun, 19 2016 @ 08:07 PM
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a reply to: chelsdh

yes i agree, unless the children are in some kind of danger this kind of behavior is gross, disgusting ,and often times supported by the courts when it comes from a poisonous female, this is why it will be hard for me not to be misogynistic or vocally so, I want to tell my son that marriage is a bad deal, and that you are better off aspiring to solely selfish things in this social climate for men, but some part of me thinks that isn't entirely true and that you can still meet a good woman who won't take advantage of a system that discriminates against men.



posted on Jun, 19 2016 @ 08:07 PM
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a reply to: TechniXcality


You are quite welcome.

You are also welcome to PM me with specific questions.

Let me ponder what other suggestions I might offer . . . knowing next to nothing about your situation. LOL.

Since I tend to rush in where angels fear to tread. LOL.

. . . .

1. A father's affirmation is a highly valued thing--HIGHLY valued. However, it must still be with integrity. Avoid cheapening it by celebrating breathing or walking and chewing come competently. LOL. Give it in focused ways for quality stuff.

2. There is a teaching to avoid praising and affirming behaviors. I guess I'm not that into such a mentality. I sort of understand where such a movement is ostensibly coming from . . . I think I just mostly disagree. I think that kids have a very rough time in our culture--particularly in split homes--and that they can use all the solid and reasonable affirmation they can get--particularly from DAD.

3. I think I'd spend some significant time gently but firmly affirming each child's strengths. And help them learn to capitalize on their unique strengths.

4. I'd also read Chapman's THE FIVE LOVE LANGUAGES and become an expert at loving each child in their top 2 preferred love languages.

5. I'd certainly be lavish with healthy affection--even if I had to do it with a video monitor running all the time.

6. I think I'd show disappointment at errors and certainly at rebellion and defiance--wouldn't tolerate those but would have to try and come up with some tailor made strategies to disaffirm and extinguish those behaviors.

6.1 There's a book about HOW TO RAISE THINKING KIDS . . . TEENS etc. Those books have some great ideas for getting kids to think through the consequences of their choices and actions in a way that puts the kid in charge of their life and teaches them to anticipate the reactions of others and of life in general to how they act and speak. Great stuff. Kids with that training do best in school and later in life.

7. I'd work very hard to minimize the negative when I was with the kids. But I'd resist selfish, self-centered manipulations to turn me into strictly a wimp of a sugar daddy. Kids are smart enough not to respect that even though they will do every manipulative thing they can to create it and play it for all it's worth.

8. I'd have some strict foundational boundaries about what was right and wrong--very core crucial stuff. And I'd soft peddle the rest of the lesser important issues. And, again, defiance and rebellion would be biggies, with me.

9. I"d become an expert at REFLEXIVE LISTENING--feeding back to the kids in my own words what heard them saying--particularly about their feelings underlying the words they used.

9.1 e.g.

--It sound to me like you may be feeling ______________ about _______________
--I think I'm hearing you say that you felt _________________ when _______________

--Maybe you are feeling torn between ________________ and __________________
--You sure sounded excited about getting the new puppy. Your eyes really lit up and your smile was huge!

--You sounded really hurt about that situation; what ___________ said to you/did to you.
. . .
. . .

10. I'd make very certain that they heard frequent assertions about how wonderful I felt when I spent time with them--just for them being them and being in my life. No performance expectations--just them being them thrilled me. I'd make that repeatedly and abundantly clear in a variety of changing statements, comments etc.

11. I'd be REAL with them. I think that's one of the priceless things that Dads can give well--taking life on real terms; talking about the real nitty gritties of life; and talking about overcoming in the nitty gritty of life--and about how things don't always go as we'd like--and how we have to pick up and go on--overcoming even then.

11.1 There's an old movie about the Krakatoa eruption . . . and the hardships of the Dutch and natives at that time. It would be hard for those too young but might be good for older ones to watch and discuss with Dad.

12. I'd minimize gifts of THINGS to them vs QUALITY AND QUANTITY EMOTIONALLY CONNECTED TIME with them. And, I might implement a saving program . . . and update them on the status every time or month or some such. Maybe letting them spend XYZ amount on their birthday and Christmas.

13. I'd get a few packs of 4 X 6" cards and write surprises on them . . . love notes; jokes; puzzles; strange factoids etc. and put them in their shoes after they fell asleep; on top of their cereal; in their clean laundry; lunch boxes etc.

14. I'd tell them true stories from my own childhood and struggles and hard lessons learned.

15. I'd tell them true stories about my dad and granddad.

16. I might start a fiction story with them about us being marooned on a tropical island for 20 years. I'd invite them to tell or write the next section trading off and on with them about creating the story. I'd record it if it wasn't written.

17. When they really liked something--whether clothes, sports, movies, games or whatever, I'd help them learn to express WHAT they most liked about it. Ditto when they hated something. Draw them out--teach them skilled constructive analysis and expressiveness.

18. I might ask them very occasionally what they most missed about me when they weren't with me. And I'd tell them what I most missed about them.

19. I'd ask them what they'd do with unlimited money. Then I'd ask them what a no-cost substitute might be fore the 3 top things.

20. I might learn a craft or art with them that they were truly interested in. I'd insist some persistence in it to at least a point of truly learning the basics. No bailing out from disinterest, being bored or feeling stupid or incompetent. Persistence is a priceless skill to learn in life. And the capacity to avoid being bored is also valuable.

I'll stop there.



posted on Jun, 19 2016 @ 08:12 PM
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originally posted by: TechniXcality
a reply to: chelsdh

yes i agree, unless the children are in some kind of danger this kind of behavior is gross, disgusting ,and often times supported by the courts when it comes from a poisonous female, this is why it will be hard for me not to be misogynistic or vocally so, I want to tell my son that marriage is a bad deal, and that you are better off aspiring to solely selfish things in this social climate for men, but some part of me thinks that isn't entirely true and that you can still meet a good woman who won't take advantage of a system that discriminates against men.


Most kids, that are not totally brainwashed--really do know the score and greatly discount to wholesale trash the perspective of a truly emotionally, bitter, vengeful bw*tch of a mother. She, at some level, can't likely treat them much better. She is likely Narcissistic to bi-polar . . . and the kids know that whether they consciously think about it, or not.

It may take them years to put it in perspective, however.



posted on Jun, 19 2016 @ 08:13 PM
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a reply to: TechniXcality
I'm not divorced, but my husband and I have been separated twice- both times for months, and had kids. I hated him at times, and I would hurt him with my words (as he did me- it's par for the course), but at no time did I keep him from our kids. I actually went out of the way to see he had time with them. My biggest fear was him dropping out of the picture and not having regular contact with them.

My biggest heart felt sympathy to you and all parents who are unjustly kept from their babies



posted on Jun, 19 2016 @ 08:23 PM
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a reply to: BO XIAN

thank you for your well written post i will take those things into consideration as they should be, i wish we werent under a DDOS attack it would be easier to have a conversation.



posted on Jun, 19 2016 @ 08:33 PM
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originally posted by: TechniXcality
a reply to: BO XIAN

thank you for your well written post i will take those things into consideration as they should be, i wish we werent under a DDOS attack it would be easier to have a conversation.


INDEED.

I'm just . . . uhhhh . . . stub . . . uhhhh . . . steadfast enough . . . to think that you and your kids and your relationship with them is worth giving the fickle finger of fate award to the DDOS attack and persevering. LOL.

Thanks for your kind words.



posted on Jun, 19 2016 @ 10:25 PM
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originally posted by: TechniXcality
I'm sorry, and I'm sorry right now that your relationship with your children is strained because of a poisonous woman, I'm sorry that soon you'll have to walk into a court and battle a battle that no matter how much of a saint you are the court will almost certainly rule in her favor regarding custody. I will say this, we are men and we are tenacious, and we will prevail. I will also say, do not allow this failed relationship which will effect the rest of your life turn into misogyny, also steer clear of depression and nihilistic thinking, now is not the time to wallow but to put it in gear, with all that said, for the fathers who are temporarily unable to see their kids because of being stone walled, or other circumstances, I am sorry and I just wanted to say happy Father's Day, and I'll be writing my children a letter.

Awesome!

Bravo!
Bravo!
Bravo!



posted on Jun, 20 2016 @ 02:13 AM
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a reply to: TechniXcality

OMG, that pic of you and your daughter is priceless! She is just beautiful!


I think things will work out in time and I truly wish you all the best. You sound like you are a great Dad, one they can be proud of.



posted on Jun, 20 2016 @ 02:14 AM
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a reply to: BO XIAN

You put a lot of thought and wisdom into that reply. Bravo!



posted on Jun, 20 2016 @ 02:41 AM
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a reply to: Night Star

Thank you and you are always the sweetest which is why I am so very glad to have the pleasure to know you and talk to.



posted on Jun, 20 2016 @ 03:36 AM
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a reply to: TechniXcality

Stay strong there fellah, i have not seen my daughter for over 3 years now and i am gutted, we had a court ordered visit 2 weeks ago... and she just didnt show up, i dragged my 6 year old out of school for 3 days to drive 14 hours to see her and mum gave me the finger....the worst part is there is no punishment for women who do not follow court orders, the male of the species on the other hand gets hammered....its a crap system...For 11 years i have taken her to court 3 times and yet i still have no results
edit on 20-6-2016 by hopenotfeariswhatweneed because: (no reason given)



posted on Jun, 20 2016 @ 05:39 AM
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Your post prompted me to stop lurking and register an account here as it struck a chord .

As to why let what follows be a warning to others DO NOT Marry a malaysian chinese woman they will clean out your bank account , take your children and run off with their boyfriend .

I made that mistake 11 years ago found out 5 years ago the woman was cheating on me then 3 years ago she took my daughter and ran off with her boyfroend . Have not got to see or speak to my daughter since as the woman refuses to communicate , wont answer calls , wont reply to sms etc . Nor will any of the former inlaws speak to me .

Under malaysian law her boyfriend can be charged with seducing a married woman penalty : caning and 5 years in prison . However everytime that have gone to the malaysian police theyve failed to even take the report much less arrest and charge the guy . Though they did tell me the woman pulled the same stunt on her first husband and gave me copies of the police reports on her from that .
Contacted the embassy only to be told theres nothing they can do as they have no agreements with malaysia in regard to such matters . As to hiring a lawyer fat chance the thieving bastards want the equivalent to a years worth of my pension from the army in cash up front .

I was the one that took care of my daughter , took her to school , picked her up from school helped her with her homework , encouraged her on her art as she loved to draw and colour , had even started teach her martial arts , how to cook , how to bake . As her mother couldnt be bothered was always too busy off with her gangster friends and boyfriends and rarely home on the times she was home she would lock herself up in her room and talk to her boyfriends on the phone .

Its hit me hard as my daughter is the only family I have not to mention Ive outlived everyone Ive ever known . My curse to survive . And now things will go from bad to worse as in dec my visa will expire and even though the customs people told me I can renew it I have my doubts as thus far people have shown themselves to be less than reliable . Most likely lost my daughter for good which leaves me two choices
1. Say to hell with the world and disappear into the jungle as far away from people as I can get .
Or
2. Say the hell with it all and end my life rather than wind up on the streets back in the states if cant renew my visa . Far better death than homeless in the states . Will curse that damn woman and her boyfriend with my dying breath then come back and haunt them .

Even more funny they claim to be christian guess they didnt read the part about thou shall not commit adultery in the bible .

Currently I keep occupied tending my garden ( roses , jasmine trees , orchids ) lurking here reading threads along with fixing up the house and my daughters room for her even though most likely will never see my daughter again .
And marking off days on the calandar waiting to die .

Will admit that was the perfect person to fall for it having no family along with having outlived everyone Ive known was stupid enough to think Id found someone that could share life with who cared . Instead wound up with a sociopathic racist that was citizenship hunting . Far better to remain alone than get used again it infuriates me that my daughters childhood and life are being destroyed by her useless mother while I can do nothing thanks to a corrupt incompetent uncaring system thats rigged against fathers .

And now am finished wasting everyones time with my insignificant troubles . Maybe others will learn and not wind up decieved .
edit on 20616 by VengefulGhost because: (no reason given)

edit on 20616 by VengefulGhost because: (no reason given)



posted on Jun, 20 2016 @ 06:56 AM
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a reply to: TechniXcality
Thanks TechniXcality stares off

From experiences that 1 has had it can seem like a up hill battle just to get quality time with them... But I understand the spoiled mind that generates the poison is greed based. And so recognizing that found that it's important to be prepared, by keeping a vaccine for such instances.
It's just the vaccinations are costly
but usually clear the mental poisoning Temporary, still though potentially leaving a child under the mental abuse... If said child wasn't already briefed and forewarned (which they probably have been-depending on the attacked parents intelligence and awareness of genetic codes) of the potentials of a poisonous upset emotional unbalanced mind. Further securing genetic development immune to poison ignorances indefinitely...
As a Dad I chose not to give up knowing the courts seem negligent to understand a poisonous mind and how it can effect a child and basically seek vaccinations though expensive to remedy the greedy influences
upon a poisoned mind.
STAY STRONG DADS its not easy, but we are designed to preserver and assist in our children's growth no matter what, it's what makes some of you what you are...



posted on Jun, 20 2016 @ 07:38 AM
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a reply to: TechniXcality

Hey there

Im going through what you have described and just want to say thank you
It has been a rough year as well as costly to the point i was ready to give up but your post has given some what inspiration and a new outlook to get through the next year before it is finished so THANKYOU!!!!! Your post means more than you think

Cheers

Steve

edit on 20-6-2016 by Ultimategamer82 because: (no reason given)



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