For Those Without A Father On Father's Day

a reply to: Night Star

Thanks for that Night Star and others. We put our Dad to rest Yesterday.

Hard.

Really hard.

But I was somewhat amazed at the number of people at the memorial. I had no idea how many peoples lives he touched in his 74 years.

We weren't that close. Never any bad feelings between us mind you, but not the "Father-Son" relationship that everyone wants.
But we grew closer these last few years and for that I am truly grateful.

I wish I had a few more.

We are still going to celebrate Father's Day.

I love you dad.

a reply to: WeRpeons

I remember when he first told me I thought it was so heart wrenching. To this day, I remember it clearly as it made such an impact on me.

a reply to: Spader

Oh Honey, I am so sorry for your loss. I believe that we are spirits in a physical form and when we pass, we go on to something different, something better. He is at peace now.

I think most people touch other's lives without even realizing how much. I would like to leave this here for you. I think it's beautiful and touching.

My granddad brought me up as my dad was not around so to speak,but I wouldn't change it for the world happy Father's Day bamp 😃😃 he was a cracker fair dues

a reply to: Night Star

Night, you and I have shared so much but I'm not sure I've ever told you about my Dad and how we met.

My birth Mother had sent word out in our small town that she wanted a family to adopt her sickly child. My parents had wanted to adopt as my Father was unable to have children of his own and Mother could not conceive again after giving birth to my sister when she was just 13.

So the story goes, embellished over the years I am sure, my parents went to the apartment to meet me and when my Dad looked over the crib, I looked up and smiled at him. Mother said he fell instantly in love and would have stopped at nothing to bring me home. Several months later the adoption was final and I, finally, had a Dad.

He taught me things that were important to him, that he felt should be important to me. The Bible, reading and studying, canning vegetables from the garden (I despise canning today! LOL), working on vehicles (He once had me read an entire book before tearing down a motor to replace a timing belt on a Dodge Dart when I was 13!), harvesting animals for food, being able to use a tape measure and hammer, chopping wood, fishing, honesty, integrity, hard work and countless phrases and pearls of wisdom. We would walk in the woods for hours with no destination. Him pointing out trees and wildflowers and birds. He loved his birds. Pigeons, especially. He raised homing pigeons for years and would race them on the weekends. Like a lot of little girls, I believed my Dad was magical.

He stood by my side even when I left home at a very early age (15). He showed no anger and never resented me and sometimes I think he envied me. He gave me the gypsy spirit. He never judged my choices in life be it work or relationships or whatever and only ever offered advice.

In 2007 we shared some harsh words (first time). We didn't speak and the next day he and Mother went back to Florida and in January of 2008 I got the call that he had a heart attack and passed away. So much left unsaid. So many regrets.

So, if there was a point to this long winded post (apologies!) I suppose it's that not all sperm donors are Fathers, family is more than blood ties and tell the ones you love just how much they mean to you today. Tomorrow is not promised to us.

Love ya friend! Thanks for the thread! You're a wonderful human!

a reply to: Night Star
I understand, but you have to know that they still love you and always will. Our existences have no meaning, except for others.

a reply to: darknewt


It sounds like you loved him very much. That's what counts!

a reply to: TNMockingbird

Bird, what a lovely heart warming story about your Dad. Thank you so much for sharing that! He sounds like a truly wonderful man and Father!


In our family, the step-Daughters of one of my Brother's and one of my Nephew's Daughters are all treated as one of our own. There is no difference whatsoever in our love and attention to these kids, most are adults now. I understand completely about family being more than blood ties. Thank you again for sharing such a wonderful story of your Father!

a reply to: ksiezyc

I do understand that they still love me and always will. No question there.

a reply to: Quantum12

Oh Q. that is so resent. I am sorry, you must be raw, and hurting in a male kind of way.
How dear, could you keep this to your self? I wish you had shared. But thank you for sharing now.
He looks like a kind gentle person.
Big giant Maternal Hug.

It seems that most here are talking about fathers who passed. And I'm sorry to hear of that. Peoples remembrances seem to be of good people too. I and mine have not such "fathers".

I saw "For those without a father" and thought it might mean those of us who were abandoned by our fathers. Or, this too.

If it's OK for us to chime in too, I would like to do so. Me and my friend are bending our elbows for this actually, we don't have fathers, our fathers left us.

And we came from "Typical Suburban Families". From people who wanted this and worked for this life. And then "dad" left.

And an intriguing thing, for someone else to research, my friend said that AFDC started in the 1950s or 60s because of so many men who abandoned their "first families".

I try to read about history too and yeah, I believe it. You can see it. Everyone I know comes from divorced parents. Later on, we're younger, which is another baffling aspect to it all because "the sexual (or cultural) "revolution" had already happened. So then you could choose to be Hugh Hefner or a Biker or what not. But they chose the "traditional family life", and got the education and work for it.

And then they left.

The kids pay the price, believe it. People like us - we were left, we never heard from them again, they never paid child support, they never called, not even on birth days or holidays, they never bothered with us at all.

They may have created new families that they liked better. They may have left them too.

Among me and my friends, the parental landscape is littered with drunks, junkies, jail birds, and various losers. Keep in mind: We all grew up in "Middle Class" to "Upscale" suburban areas. NOT "skid row".

"Dad" often went to "skid row", my friend right here says: Yeah that asshole became a junkie. And a drunk. My "father" is a drunk.

And many of these deliberately turned themselves into dead beats too, so they wouldn't have to pay the child support. Which in most cases was not even that much. Talk about a slap in the face.

Well and also that they didn't want anything to do with you at all.

We have no "Dad". We have no "Father". And it is clear that the man actively chose to ignore his children completely.

And these were NOT "bad boys". And THEY wanted the Family Life.

Until they didn't. And just left and left a mess in their wake.

I'm basically over this myself, somewhat over maybe, I'm approaching middle age. I do not trust men though. I would never trust a man completely. I'll go out with them, live with them, I even married a couple of them. But the line was drawn at kids. I will not have kids.

Same for most friends. Male and female. We will not 'do this'. My friend right here drinking with me, she's a lot more volatile on this than I am. I think she might strangle the guy. Hates his guts. Trusts no man. She's quite attractive too and gets male attention which translates to "they can't be trusted" and "they're all pigs." I agree in some ways, enough of married men have hit on me too. It's quite disturbing.

And this, she wants me to put this, women too. She found "the whore" who "took her father away". Plenty of women just don't want to work and they'll go after another woman's husband. Kids involved too. So she found this woman on FB, I said - let it go. This is going to help you, how?

You do want to rage at these people though. And I can see it too, from the timeframes, not sure how to say. Her father split at around the age of 35 and took up with a 17 year old single mother that he picked up in a dive bar. Not even old enough to drink. And she had kids too. Like the wife he had at home.

WTF?
My "father" and so many other "fathers", Suburban Biz Dads, followed the same path. Some just got remarried, created a new family and the F with you, enough of others really hit the skids on booze and hard drugs.

We don't have "fathers" from being abandoned by them.

And most of us, it's not that we "hate men" - but we do not trust you at all. We'll mingle with you, be friends with you, date you, but we will not marry you and we sure as # will never have kids with you. We will not go that far. We have opted out of "that lifestyle" completely. Men cannot be trusted. And we saw what our moms went through as single moms with no child support, no help, and people wonder why we won't gamble on this?

Call us Feminazis all you want, another slap in the face when we're just trying to survive. Most of us from a young age.

Nice.

My friend wants to say to her "father" that she hopes he burns in hell and or overdoses on something, she said she hopes he's in some # hole dying with a needle hanging out of his arm, barfing his guts out and then collapsing. And "Maybe he'll hit his head on the toilet or something, do the world a favor, good riddance."

This is "Fathers Day" for people like us.

a reply to: Night Star

I understand.

Bless your heart. 😇

a reply to: FalseMove

I can relate to this mostly except that I am younger. My father abandoned my mother and I. When I was young I wanted him back and he didnt bother. Now he sends texts on holidays. Ran away multiple states to avoid paying child support. Not that he did when he lived within the same city. Im a male so clearly it does not affect me as it does you. But it is my theory that it is because of that, that I have volatile emotions and many mood swings often every few hours and happening within moments and often for no reason. It is better now and I have better control over these emotions, but I have gotten into conflicts with people due to this, lost the girl I loved because of it and for whatever reason today could be better.

a reply to: FalseMove


This thread is just as much for you as anyone else. I thank you for sharing your heart breaking story and that of your friend's. It is sad though that these missing Father's have impacted such beautiful lives to a point where you can never trust again. I have a couple of friend whose Fathers were alcoholics and left their families. It impacted their lives deeply and they had a difficult time trusting for many years. Luckily for them, they were able to move beyond it and find partners later in life.


My heart goes out to you and anyone in your position. Yes, you too are without a Father. HUGS!

a reply to: ksiezyc


This happens to so many people and it is so unfair. Keep pushing forward and do the best you can. It isn't easy, but you have people by your side. Hugs!

a reply to: Night Star
I agree it seems rather common. What has happened to the family values that were so vital several generations back? Nowadays divorces are so simple, so common. I agree. Just have to keep pushing forward! Life after all is usually fine and most folk have at least one body that is there for them. And I know I have family, through blood and through friendship. And certainly you are of the kindest souls! Hugs!

Yea just saw this it sucks being without a father, i lost mine in 1982, he was a factory worker, i miss him so much, as do all of my family, god bless everyone who is without there's.

Thanks Ksiezyc, thank you for the kind words. I'm glad you have people in your life to make things easier for you.

King Seesar, sorry you didn't get to see this earlier. Yes, it's hard being without the ones we love. Blessings to you as well.