Giving money to the homeless. Don't do it!

a reply to: AccessDenied

No actually I can't say I've taken advantage of someone. Is that the way you live your life? My conscience is very clear. I earned my way. Sounds like more people around here need to look into that.

originally posted by: BrokedownChevy
a reply to: AccessDenied

No actually I can't say I've taken advantage of someone. Is that the way you live your life? My conscience is very clear. I earned my way. Sounds like more people around here need to look into that.

Never lied, cheated, or stole anything in your entire life?

Back to the bridge with you...

a reply to: BrokedownChevy

Here's my story, tell it to someone else. A homeless man saved my life when I was homeless, some of the most altruistic actions I have seen were by the homeless, you're bigoted wake up that's all i can say.

www.abovetopsecret.com...

"If I have learned anything throughout my time, homelessness can be just as much a state of mind as it is a descriptor of life circumstances .

I put this in the general because its an anecdotal experience and by no means speaks to all situations or experiences, but this is mine; and with that opened my eyes to a certain reality previously I condemned and even looked down upon.

A year and a half ago I found myself separated from my wife, her with another man and me working on the road (across country, I came home every couple months for a weekend I can conclude - distance does things to people & relationships) I was installing integrated network systems - fire alarm, access control, security,and voice/data. When the news came my cell phone had died so I pulled over and began the saddest and longest call of my life, one that im sure ill never forget. I begged her back in the middle of nowhere Kansas, cold and crying below a street light, knowing there was someone else,me being the kind of man who stands on his own feet and does not beg I was acting completely out of character, I was in pain, her consolation her parting gift was a short and to the point sentence, " I don't like it when you beg" and that was it.

I found myself coming home to nothing, and I lost that Job, i took a much lower paying job to stay in the metro area closer to home, I was still paying for my wife's car, and house, hoping and praying she would change her mind, i missed my kids i missed my family and i was content to support them and live any kind of way in the hopes that I could salvage a doomed marriage, boy was I in for a rude awakening.

I stayed in a homeless shelter for a while the whole time working, it was very cold and i walked a lot, but the rules were intense, they also preached at me and told me how wrong I am, i was too ashamed to tell my mother and father how bad it really was, I ended up leaving the shelter to be closer to work, so at that point i was living in hotels but mostly on the streets. The thing is, hotel life isn't cheap and when you are a fool like me still supporting a woman who has in all ways disowned you,money is scarce. The cheapest hotel i could find was 40 dollars a night so many days I would go without eating and stay in a hotel to maintain a professional appearance, then I would break down and finally have to eat and I would stay outside and drink as a means to cope with my situation.

It came to pass that I was ready to kill myself, I was broke, unhappy, lonely, and living on the dream that things could go back to the way they were. After work one day I was wondering around town I had bought a bottle a vodka i was intent to complete the deed, right then! first, I thought I would jump out in front of a vehicle but I quickly chose against this as I didn't wish to harm anyone else.Then, I thought about jumping from a tall height and this too disturbed me because the clean up and traumatizing mess that would be left, so I settled that I would find a wooded area and I would hang myself.

I was stumbling around town on my way to the train station and all of a sudden a black man who is homeless calls me over, he asked me about my woes and he said i looked pale, I told him I didn't have any story worthwhile that I was about to end my own, he laughed, and said he had time, I passed him my vodka flask and we both drank and I broke down and I told him the whole story.There I was crying to a man I had just met, He said to me," you're gonna kill yourself over a woman?" and he laugh (not meanly) and said," I am not gay, but I am going to tell you that you could have any woman you want, you are smart,good looking, kind , and you have a JOB!!" he asked me if i was hungry,( he didn't know I had just enough money to eat or buy a hotel that night), and with his last five dollars he bought me dinner and I bought us a hotel; and so began a friendship that i have to this day.

There is no doubt that a homeless man named Garvin saved my life that day, and also gave me hope at a time that I had none. It makes me tear up a little to think about it considering how very little he had, but he didn't see his life as not worth living,and this man was charitable in the face of insurmountable struggle. Garvin and I became best friends and many nights after work,we spent together laughing and cutting it up, both him and I have a huge sense of humor and I still see him to this day. Later my mother found out how hard my life had become and I told her and my family helped me and I turned it around, I just wanted to tell this story that means a lot to me to show that these homeless people in experience have been some of the most altruistic, and that while others treat them as ghosts or pests, they are human just like you and me and I will never see them as less than again. That's my story and while there is more that is the point I wanted to bring home. "

a reply to: TechniXcality

I just wanted to tell this story that means a lot to me to show that these homeless people in experience have been some of the most altruistic, and that while others treat them as ghosts or pests, they are human just like you and me and I will never see them as less than again. That's my story and while there is more that is the point I wanted to bring home. "

Thank you Tech!
Your story is very important and I am glad that you are open and comfortable enough to share it.

Hopefully, it does some good. I know that it warms my heart everytime I read it.

a reply to: TechniXcality

thank you for sharing, i appreciate it deeply..

a reply to: tikbalang

Yea absolutely, i think some people need to hear the other side, homelessness is a complex problem but these people are human and often very understanding of the human plight where as upper echelons can completely miss that element.

a reply to: BrokedownChevy

So you are using your made up statistic as a fact. Well let me work an actual statistic for you since you seem incapable of hearing anything other than your own words.

First off...don't tell me what to do with my money. Go piss off and buy your Xbox if it makes you happy. I also have an Xbox...because I enjoy it. Then I take MY money and drop a 5 to a homeless person. Deal with it

If you believe that life is hard and not everyone makes it, then believe it or not, I actually agree with you. No...not everyne will survive this cruel and nasty world.

But guess what? I don't have to take your stance and try to make it even more cruel.

But let's discuss this from my view and from yours.

From my view, I have a homeless shelter that was under my care. 100 beds. 80 at Level I and 20 and Level II. In order to be at level two, clients had to be working at least part time and give 15% of their paycheck to the shelter. These men had one year maximum at Level II and in my time there I haven't seen but two people come back. One admittedly messed up, the other ended up with an exacerbation of schizoaffective disorder. Yeah, I have this weird tendency to think about, recognize, and acknowledge mental health problems...it's that whole graduate degree and license thing...weird I know. The problem with you sad theory that "these people are not mentally ill" is that you don't see the majority of homeless people 100% of the time. I on the other hand see these people day in and day out and see rampant signs of moderate to extreme mental illness.

Based on my lunch and dinner averages at the center (we keep numbers with an ID system) we have approximately 280 men and women who use lunch and dinner services. 100 of those 280 (just in this one city) are center residents. So now, out of 280 people who choose to eat a healthy lunch, 100 of them are SEEKING help and care. Not your made up 5%. The other 180 are not allowed to stay or use services because my POS state won't pass a budget. We will get to that in a moment

But let's use your view now. Let's say only 5% of veterans are truly mentally ill, homeless due to things other than cause or design, and seeking help. So you are telling me that you somehow KNOW for a fact that 5% of these people aren't fakers. Ok well you're wrong...but let's pretend you are right. I would MUCH rather have a 5% chance of helping someone who truly needed it and risk the 95% chance I was wrong when it costs me a measly 1-5 dollars.

Look. If you don't want to give. Please don't. I mean this with actual respect. Don't. I personally believe society comes with unwritten rules BUT I am not the person who will slam you and say "I help, you don't, you're a bad person and I am better than you."

But to sit and ask everyone else to conform to your narrow minded, exceptionally biased and made stats and rules is pathetic. What do you care if I hand my 5 dollars away?

And one other thing. This whole BS about "they are going to use it for booze." First off, that isn't 100% true...

but even if it is....as poor a decision as drinking versus eating may be, if I were homeless in 100 degree heat or -10 with biting cold...I'd be pretty f'in miserable and may damn well turn to a bottle due to the pain I am suffering that many of us in our apartments, homes, jobs and AC/heat can't fathom. Why? Because when I ask for someone to spare a dollar, and they look back at me like I am the scum of the Earth despite their Beats headphones, awesome kicks, and banging girlfriend...all the while complaining about me "making the neighborhood look bad" while that person is busy drinking in their warm home...well they ARE the problem.

Why don't you forget the words of your clearly biased friend and take a look with no glasses on...

For the rest of you who have compassionate chambers of you heart...do you want to know the secret? I'll tell you the secret.

Next time you see a homeless man or woman, ask yourself three questions.

1. Is this person a human being like I am?
2. How would I feel on this street if he were passing me?
3. What actually happened in this person's life that I should not be judging?

If you have the compassion, you'l suddenly feel your face and eyes soften and next thing you know...you look at that face as one who deserves to at the very least, be treated with dignity

that's the start right there. It's the secret. I am no Sage and I am no Monk with universal wisdom.

I am just a guy who decided to cry instead of yell when I see pain

Step two...wipe your eyes and do something about it

Problem solved

Just to point out... there are pre-existing mental health disorders, which may or not be relevant to one’s homeless situation, and then there is becoming mentally unwell due to being homeless. The two together certainly make for a case of permanent psychological disorder.

If you haven’t associated with personally or dealt with homeless people professionally, then any judgement on mental health could very well be subjective. Even those in the mental health professions may not be best placed to understand why and how somebody becomes homeless in the first place or continues to be, unless they regularly see clients in such positions.

Quite frankly, I would normally expect somebody to say that “all homeless people are mentally disabled” but this is the other way around. It’s as if to say that “all homeless people are tactfully cheating the system”. Both are untrue.

a reply to: BrokedownChevy



Maybe they lie about mental illness, being a vet because they know that most people will not give a damn about them otherwise. Maybe they spend money on drugs and alcohol because it sucks being homeless, and it makes their miserable existence a little more bearable.

a reply to: BrokedownChevy

Well all I can say is that I see and understand where you are coming from. However, you've got to do what you feel comfortable with, and so do I.

I contribute to a few charities that I really believe in. However, recently while traveling and stopping in St. Louis and visiting the Gateway Arch, I was walking back to my car and came across what I would say was a homeless individual, apparently very hungry. My first was action was to try and look the other way, and walk around this person, but as I came closer I had my hand in my pocket, It was full of loose change, so I looked at the person, reached deep and handed him a bunch of change and said 'good luck and God Bless'. He smiled said thank you and God Bless you. Not looking for any accolades, but, I look back and still feel it was a decent, compassionate thing that "I" wanted to do. I realize not everyone can do this. Peace

Maybe they asked a passerby for a cigarette. I once asked a guy for a smoke, and i dont look homeless or anything, and the guy took 2 cigs out for himself and gave me the rest of the pack, with about 8 left in it. Now, if I was a homeless guy and you saw me pull that pack out of my pocket, youd be thinking I spent money on it... so if I was begging for money you wouldnt help me because of that...

originally posted by: BrokedownChevy
a reply to: AccessDenied

No actually I can't say I've taken advantage of someone. Is that the way you live your life? My conscience is very clear. I earned my way. Sounds like more people around here need to look into that.

Wait a minute... didnt that genius scientist say Everyone uses everyone? Didnt your mom say nobody is to be trusted?

Well, then either you are using everyone and cant be trusted, or your mother and the genius scientist are fools at best, or filthy liars at worst. Or you live in some fantasy dillusion where You are not included in "Everyone".

a reply to: 3n19m470

Not to mention that OP, in this very thread, proved himself wrong

OP's claim - I do NOT ever use or take advantage of anyone
OP's statistic - I believe at best, 5% of the homeless, are looking for help
OP's momentary lack of awareness - He is taking advantage of homeless people who actually are trying to make his personal and biased attempt to get us all to stop giving

OP has taken advantage of people

Not 100% true.

I used to be homeless for about 2 months back almost two years ago.

I can categorize a lot of them because i have actually did some moronic thing called talking to them.

One of them did abuse drugs, but used to be a united airlines flight attendant. He was first discovered to be homeless in a hotel near Chicago's airport. He went with his brother for a few months but his drug addiction started while ue had lots of money. But it was too big for him to quit. He now cant get a job because of his physical state. Overweight, and too used to pushing a cart around an airplane. Would you hire a fkight attendant, who was constantly shipped around the planet every day, who never had a family? The same type of person who cant even remember what you ordered on the damn plane anyway?

Another one who looked like a god damn thug, skinny as #. Addicted to weed, and thinking the government screwed him over gave me some papers. These papers outlined improper tax filings. The federal government siezed his property. For 3 years i saw records of a few hundred dollars one month, 75 in another month being underpaid to the government. He swore they were doing illegal # to him but i went to the library, looked up the citations outlined in this cities statutes and what they did was in fact 100% legal.

Another person i met was a war vet. Hell bent on thinking everyone around him owed money to him. Because he risked his life, fighting for our country. So i asked him what he did with all the money he was given.... i had to hear it from other people what he did with his money he received for fighting for this country.... he pretty much spent it all within 1 month on a bunch of blow and pussy. Yup.... he thought he had enough money to keep things going but.... he, just like every other homeless vet i personally have come across have very similar stories. I know plenty of veterans who are successful. One of them owns half the shares for yum corp. (Taco bell, kfc, pizza hut.) But every homeless veteran i have ever come into contact with has the same old story of how horrifying war is.... but can't tell me what they did with their money. Intead they try to make you feel like you owe them every thing.

But.... not all homeless people were hopeless. One kid didn't talk to anyone. He was in the bed right next to me. One night his mother called at 3 am. Only because she couldn't call before. The conversation bits i picked up were her appologizing a lot. And that she wishes she could help him after he ran away but she has no money to send him back on a bus. But whag i could sense from the kid was... well.... resentment. He didn't like talking to her.

Another kid who had a cave made out of clothes was talking about how he got hired onto wolf camera. He passed a certain test for him to join their call center. He was hired the next day. He left the homeless shelter. He was busy working construction as well.

Then the other homeless people i ran into did some odd jobs. Picking up weeds. Washing cars at coin ops. And a few of them worked at casinos. They like being homeless because they can spend their money on more #, and not have to worry about rent at all. They know several safe houses all about this town where they can go to sleep. They don't stick around the homeless shelters. But this is by strict invitation only. I got invited simply because i wasn't a "bad one."

The house i slept in the guy was still pretty paranoid about me... i guess i have that look. But after the first two nights i got used to how he was. He couldn't get mad at me because of how little i walked around with. I kept everything valuable in storage. I had just enough to pay for 3 months of storage fees. Everything i needed sat near my longly awaited job.

After some help from my mom i got out of homelessness. But i still run into a few of them occasionally.

If you want to give money to the homeless, judge their appearance. If they look like someone you could hire for a job give them money. If they have a bad attitude, they smell, or they are carrying everything with them i say give them food. Not money. Buy them a cheap sandwhich, or a quick burrito from the gas station. If they don't eat the food and get mad at you... never acknowledge them again.

I know several homeless people, and have been around enough of them here to know what to look for before i give them anything.

And the ones who have more than one backpack? Those are thieves. At least petty thieves.

I only give money to any homeless person who is keeping up their appearance.

You can lash out at me for saying this all at once. I don't care. I became homeless for 2 months. I hung around enough of them to know what to expect from each and every one of them.

The ones who look like # let themselves stay that way. They have access to showers. They have access to laundromats. Free laundromats as well. Homeless shelters have computer rooms. They have storage rooms in my state. They keep things secure. So the next time you see a homeless person with a sign... look for a bag. That immediately tells me they like having no house to sleep in. And what they are doing with their money is spending it on their own entertainment.

Backlash at me all you want, but a backpack means they really don't care about a place to sleep. They will continue to look trashy, and get free money.

Two months before i became homeless i saved up 400 dollars. My sign read this:

"I don't want your money, i need a job. While food is greatly accepted, i'd rather be working."

On the back side i wrote in big bold letters:
"Will you hire me?"

People kept trying to give me money every so often. I would shake my head and point on my sign what it said. Outlining with my fingers the very first #ing sentence. I don't want your money. I need a job.

I received several business cards for maintenance work. I called them up but.... none of them answered, or returned my calls. I tried each card three times in a row, three days in a row... no answer. One of the cards was for a pyramid scheme. I laughed as i threw that one into the wind.

But as soon as i got some food, i would switch to the back side of the sign and i held it up for every car passing by. I got a few looks, but i didn't get on tv. But i do believe that two years later my town finally grew some balls and started picking up some homeless people to pay them for odd jobs around the city.

I almost forgot to mention that i did end up getting an 80 dollar odd job. I cleaned out somesones back yard filled with weeds, a torn up couch, and dog #. 80 dollars.

I didn't encourage anyone to go and do this themselves because it took me two days to clean that yard, hut i wanted to keep it a secret.

But now that i have regular work at a sandwhich shop... i might as well share this with you.

Hire a homeless person to clean your yard. But... keep your house locked. Or... at least keep an eye on them. Most of the drug, and alcohol addicted homeless people will not want to do any real work. They just want free money. It is the ones willing to work that you should give money to.

Not ALL homeless people are drug addicts and alcoholics, and not ALL steal and scam their way in life. Ive been homeless myself and have met people that didnt even smoke, never mind take drugs.

On the other hand i did meet those that drank and take drugs, hell i was one of them. When down on your luck, homeless and you feel you've lost everything you'll be surprised what drugs and alcohol a person will deal with to not feel the cold at night, to not feel the loneliness through the day.

Dont judge other people and how they live when you haven't even walked a single yard in their shoes!! I was an alcoholic and addicted to heroin. I gave up the drink over a year ago and the worse of the 2 (heroin) i got off 6 months ago. The biggest thing i learned while i was homeless was humility and that beleive it or not that their is nice people out their willing to help me even when i didn't want to help myself.

Since i got my own place ive helped 3 people get off the street, get them homed and back to work while dealing with a drug addiction. The homeless take drink and drugs to dull out the cold at night, i know i did anyway and it dulls out the loneliness. All i have to say on the matter is dont spread pig ignorant # on here about the homeless, so what if the money you give them goes on alcohol or drugs, its a little comfort for them in a sad world with selfish people like the OP that has no comprehension beyond your own ignorant "experiences"!!!

My daughter lives in a big city that has a problem with panhandlers. They sit at the corner by the hwy exit ramp and beg for cash. She has always been the one to volunteer to help out the needy, or arrange benefits for those in need during the holidays, but she insists that the panhandlers are scammers. She has witnessed the shift change more than once. Guy #1 in a wheelchair, begging on the corner. Then someone drives up and gets out. Guy #1 gets out of his wheelchair gives #2 the sign and drives away. Guy #2 takes over in the wheelchair. I'm not saying they are all scammers, but some sure seem to be.

On the other hand, she also spent some time volunteering at a local place that takes in donations for the needy, sorting through clothing, shoes, handbags, etc. She was in high school at the time, and worked alongside a few older ladies who had been working there a while. These women would keep the items they liked and felt were too nice for poor or homeless people. I found that very sad, that someone donated a designer purse, that could have made someone look extra nice when applying for a job, or just made their day. But some other old bag deemed them unworthy. Not very charitable at all.

Last winter, she collected unwanted coats from friends and family, put them in her trunk and handed them out to homeless people herself.
She once caught a guy who just broke into her car. She bawled him out, told him what a worthless scumbag he was, demanded her cell phone back, (and got it!) then told him he needed to get his s#!t together. He stood there and listened, amazingly. She told him he needed to quit stealing from others and get a job, turn his life around. Then she gave him a job as a dishwasher at her restaurant.

Incidentally, she also has a bada$$ taser, just in case anyone tries to mess with her when she is trying to help them.

a reply to: 321equinox

Exactly. Anyone who spends time working on the street with these people knows the deal. I'm not talking about being a social worker who sits in their office and pretends like they're apart of the solution. As adamant as I was about all this the other day, it's 10x stronger after what I've seen just in the short time between then and now. They don't believe in the same ways as people in civilized society. They have chosen to reject society and the people in it which, in their minds, gives them permission to take from people who work by whatever means they feel necessary. Like gypsies. It's their way of life. People don't understand that. So many believe that a majority of people on the street are out there because they have no choice. No. They've chosen that life and make other people pay for it.