'Online friendships' with the opposite sex, are they feasible?

-shrugs-. Is it even possible to develop a regular friendship with someone in your strike zone without unwelcome thoughts intruding? Who knows. I don't think I've ever really managed it, but if I don't let them affect my actions then I fail to see a real problem.

a reply to: Profusion

I do not agree. I have plenty of male friends online because honestly they're nicer than girls and they say more interesting things on average. Not that I don't like my female friends, because I love them, but I see no difficulty in being friends with males. I'm happily engaged. My fiance is the only man who I see in a sexual way. Other men and women are just people in my eyes. If they get interested in me, I just tell them the truth and hope they can get over it. They usually do. Many come to me for advice in their own relationships. Or just to talk because they don't feel like they can talk freely elsewhere. I like to be there for people who need it. Because that's what I'd like if I was them. I know my motives, and I don't care about theirs. I'd only care if it compromised my health or safety or free will.

I reach out to plenty of people who look like they need a friend. Because I know how being lonely feels. It doesn't matter if I'm a woman or a man. It's universal. I do what I do out of love. I don't get uber close to people who I meet online if I don't know them IRL, but I am real with them. If God brings someone into my life, I know it's for a reason. So I just try to do the right thing by them. I don't expect anything from them.

Friendship--true friendship--means that neither party expects anything of the other party but simply loves them and wants the best for them. Largely, friendship doesn't exist, because people are always out for themselves. I, on the other hand, am a great friend. I have never betrayed a friend--but I have been betrayed countless times. It hurts, so that's why I have come to the realization that I shouldn't expect anything from others. I can only be responsible for me. And I like being a good friend to others in the hopes that it teaches them to be a good friend, too.

a reply to: Eilasvaleleyn

Mhm. If it's only natural, then there's nothing to be ashamed of. You just have to control yourself and take responsibility for your own actions. You are absolutely right.

a reply to: rukia

Friendship--true friendship--means that neither party expects anything of the other party but simply loves them and wants the best for them. Largely, friendship doesn't exist, because people are always out for themselves. I, on the other hand, am a great friend. I have never betrayed a friend--but I have been betrayed countless times. It hurts, so that's why I have come to the realization that I shouldn't expect anything from others. I can only be responsible for me. And I like being a good friend to others in the hopes that it teaches them to be a good friend, too.

I loved that and just wanted to let you know.

a reply to: rukia

I tend to have an extremely sharp divide between my logical self and my emotional self, which makes it fairly easy to deal with. That, and I'm generally aware of what sort of reaction my words will evoke in others, and my reasons for saying them.

For instance, one of the people I have befriended I met after a breakup with her boyfriend. While I treated her with as much kindness and fairness as I could muster and helped her work through it, I was also perfectly aware that it would result in her forming a crush on me (though to what extent, I wasn't sure) and I was likely to return the feelings in some form or another, being the love-starved individual that I am. I knew everything that was going to happen, so I could handle everything appropriately. I said as much after we had been talking for a while, something along the lines "You're probably going to end up developing feelings for me at some point. Given the circumstances we met under I'd be shocked if you didn't, and such things are generally common on the internet as we tend to present our "perfect selves" to others. The me you imagine will probably be a perfect prince on a white unicorn, when in truth I am anything but."

It's very rare for me to be interested enough in someone to go out of my way to talk to them without a clear purpose. Exceedingly, exceedingly rare, come to think of it. I don't think I've done it more than five times. In the case of this girl, it was "help her deal with her break-up", and while she's a very sweet person (and even quite physically attractive), now that objective has (for the most part) been fulfilled I no longer really feel the need to initiate communication with her, outside of occasionally to check how she's doing. I wonder if that makes me an awful person.

Still, I can't stand seeing people sad or hurt or betrayed. As a generally calm and collected person, it makes my blood boil like lava. I just get so, so angry. One of my dearest friends has been hurt so repeatedly she finds it almost impossible to trust, and it makes me want to tear the people who did it to shreds.

a reply to: Profusion

One of my most trusted "real-life" friends came from an online site, very much like this one. Yes, we've met...I spent 10 days enjoying this person's home town, even meeting and dining with their spouse. Now we chat at least once every couple of weeks, hours at a time, on the phone.

Maybe mine is a unique situation, but I would have missed out on much had I not taken that leap.

a reply to: TNMockingbird

If it wasn't for online relationships my pantry would be empty.

Say, when are you coming to NJ?

a reply to: AugustusMasonicus

Say, when are you coming to NJ?

You don't remember?

You booked the flight!

Just tying up some loose ends, writing a few papers. (A will and such)

originally posted by: TNMockingbird
You don't remember?

You booked the flight!

I did. First class.

One way.

I refuse to have female "friends" since if we are not banging I want nothing to do with the whimsical inanities of the opposite sex. Were I to attempt a friendship I am confident my migraines would over take me in the first minute of "conversation" with that person.

Love the way women are beautiful and all that but being in the friend-zone on purpose would be absolute mangina behavior or the realm of white knights and homos.

In my 34 years here on earth here in the USA I have never once met a female I could call a real friend or wife material and If I can't find that in real life a distance relation# is off the table.

A superficial "friendship" only. Someone ALWAYS wants more.

a reply to: Profusion

My experience has been the opposite, especially for romantic interests. When getting to know somebody first online, each person gets to present their own words in the exact way they wish to express them but, as most of us know, tongues can be twisted on first dates. This means by the time I meet person, I already know a lot about him and his passions (sometimes her) which is, to me, the first set of deal breakers.

So I would say that you can get to know a person more authentically online than in person. This is most true when you both know you will soon meet one another because only honesty will hold out for the long-term.

But I get what you are saying with friendships that have no hope of ever going beyond digital. I imagine some people embellish a bit or misrepresent themselves because it's one of the few scenarios in which they can get away with it.

Nah, it's possible to have opposite gendered friends, and meaningful ones at that. BTDT, it's not really difficult to accomplish. In all my years thus far, not one inkling of a guy friend thinking with his alternate brain as opposed to the one on his shoulders. To their credit, if anyone did, they were courteous & smart enough to not let on, let alone act on it.

originally posted by: stabstab
I refuse to have female "friends" since if we are not banging I want nothing to do with the whimsical inanities of the opposite sex. Were I to attempt a friendship I am confident my migraines would over take me in the first minute of "conversation" with that person.

Love the way women are beautiful and all that but being in the friend-zone on purpose would be absolute mangina behavior or the realm of white knights and homos.

Yeah, you're going nowhere fast in life. If the entire point of like-minded company is to bang away, then your existence is pointless. All you are is a walking orgasm at that point. Nothing more. JMO.

a reply to: Profusion

It depends on how you see these people: For example, I have several friends that are girls that there is no chance in hell I would ever ask out for a romantic date, but would gladly invite them to do something like Cedar Point as a coaster buddy. For me, girls usually fall into two official camps: Friends (aka "No Touch!") or potential interests (the other category is simply called "Run, run far away" which is everyone that is too crazy for one of the camps).

A good example is one of my closer friends - I've known her for a long time now, and I'd willingly throw myself in front of a bus to keep her safe. No interest in dating her, but she's the first person I'd ask to go on a hiking trip with me, because I trust her.

On the side - it's a little more difficult to have opposite-gender friends when in a relationship with the wrong person: IE: My now ex-gf did not trust anyone I hung out with (seems she was worried I'd run off with a friend; if you're a friend, I don't run off with you ).

If it helps, picture the other person as already being in a relationship - it makes friend-zoning the person easier.
-fossilera

originally posted by: stabstab
I refuse to have female "friends" since if we are not banging I want nothing to do with the whimsical inanities of the opposite sex. Were I to attempt a friendship I am confident my migraines would over take me in the first minute of "conversation" with that person.

Love the way women are beautiful and all that but being in the friend-zone on purpose would be absolute mangina behavior or the realm of white knights and homos.

In my 34 years here on earth here in the USA I have never once met a female I could call a real friend or wife material and If I can't find that in real life a distance relation# is off the table.

Just curious.. what do you consider "good wife material"?

originally posted by: riley
Just curious.. what do you consider "good wife material"?

The ability to multi-task.

Sandwich making while vacuuming is a good example.

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originally posted by: AugustusMasonicus

originally posted by: riley
Just curious.. what do you consider "good wife material"?

The ability to multi-task.

Sandwich making while vacuuming is a good example.

I hear they are already designing one of them.

a reply to: riley

Once mine gets in from ploughing I will let her know.

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