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How do you handle rejection in relationships?

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posted on Jun, 7 2016 @ 04:03 PM
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It used to depress me because I thought if I was rejected it meant there was something inherently wrong with me. I didn't have enough life experience back then to realize that there are an infinite number of reasons one human can reject another in a relationship. I suppose I had to experience rejecting others and seeing all of the reasons why I did it to realize that I shouldn't take rejection personally.

Now, I look at rejection in relationships as an extremely positive thing (it doesn't take the sting away when you like someone). When you realize that most people in the world only get married once, that means they rejected everyone else in a relationship except that one person. When you look at it like that, how can rejection in a relationship be seen as a negative thing? Rejection is normal and healthy.

If you love someone, set them free so they can find the one person they won't reject.
edit on 7-6-2016 by Profusion because: (no reason given)




posted on Jun, 7 2016 @ 04:17 PM
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a reply to: Profusion
Preach it!.. haha I agree friend.





posted on Jun, 7 2016 @ 04:26 PM
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Drink and walking. That is, walking to the pub.



posted on Jun, 7 2016 @ 04:34 PM
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a reply to: Profusion

Walk away from it It's hardly an easy thing to do, but for your own sake, it's the best. It's also a situation you won't appreciate until you're ALOT older and see the sense in it.

Old age has advantages to it, but making younger people understand life isn't one of them. I guess that's why kids are given to younger people who have the energy to deal, but not experience to deal with all the why's and wherefores of raising new people. It would be perfect to have all life's experiences rolled into one to pass on to up-n-comers rather than the few bits and pieces that are actually passed on. "Imprinting" is such a major part of humanity , and in so many cases a sad, dangerous thing. What can you do though?



posted on Jun, 7 2016 @ 06:22 PM
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a reply to: Profusion

I was with someone for ten years, lots of rejection. It hurt. I set my love free and now my X found a new love and it was not me!



posted on Jun, 7 2016 @ 06:37 PM
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a reply to: Profusion

Generally speaking, I believe it is best not to be in a position where a romantic relationship has begun, unless both parties are already pretty damned sure that there will be no rejection on anyone's part.

Mind you, the way dating works in this day and age is a bloody awful, shoddy, backwards way of approaching things. The fact that speed dating, Internet dating services and the like are real things, proves beyond all doubt that the way we think about human relationships and how to begin them has become utterly and completely flawed.

Here's how I see things. People should not be dating unless they know each other really well, for quite a while before hand, and are taking one another on with the full knowledge of one another's traits, failures, and weaknesses. These are much more important to establishing good relationship parameters than an examination of a persons strong points. But people do not do that these days all that much.

Impatience, a lack of willingness to delay their gratification, allows many people to experience relationships which are founded on no stable basis what so ever, based purely on irrelevant things like how a person moves on a dance floor, rather than important things like how a person deals with a crisis, what kind of support a person can expect to receive from an individual in times of need.

If more people were to spend time getting to know the people they intend to start relationships with, rather than sticking their noses in their phones all day and living life in cyberspace, perhaps this sort of rejection issue would be less of a problem?



posted on Jun, 7 2016 @ 06:45 PM
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a reply to: TrueBrit

YEA!!!!

What TRUE said...


Good grief. Why do you live so far away.

I think you and I could be real friends.
edit on 7-6-2016 by crappiekat because: to add



posted on Jun, 7 2016 @ 08:48 PM
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originally posted by: Rubicon3
a reply to: Profusion
"Imprinting" is such a major part of humanity , and in so many cases a sad, dangerous thing. What can you do though?


I have an idea, rather than calling human pair bonding "the mating game" or "the dating game", let's refer to it as the "the rejection game." It's accurate but it's "negative." And, humans don't like to be negative so they'll waste a big chunk of their lives on a dream that never had any grounding in realty.

Human fantasy: "It's the dating game."

Reality: "It's the rejection game."

No one wants to hear the latter so they'll keep their head in the clouds and keep getting wrecked spiritually, physically, and emotionally just to stay 'positive.'


originally posted by: Quantum12
a reply to: Profusion

I was with someone for ten years, lots of rejection. It hurt. I set my love free and now my X found a new love and it was not me!


Look at it realistically. Quoting from the original post:

"When you realize that most people in the world only get married once, that means they rejected everyone else in a relationship except that one person."

The probability that you'll be the one person for the one person you like is abysmally small. It worked out for me once and I had a happy marriage for many years (it ended because of irreconcilable differences). It's literally a one in a million shot that it will work out with any particular person that you like.

If someone would have just told me the facts of life, flat out, I would have a very different life now. I think it would be better but I don't know.
edit on 7-6-2016 by Profusion because: (no reason given)



posted on Jun, 7 2016 @ 09:13 PM
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a reply to: Profusion

For a couple of decades, I handled it by walking away, often wallowing in self-recrimination and more than a dollop of substances that eased the pain.

I learned to be autonomous, and enjoy my own company and get revived by what I was interested it. I walked a lot. I didn't frequent bars because that was a quantity that was known to me, and one that didn't seem to benefit my goals.

I courted fate somehow and found my Darlin'. I have to believe that can happen for everyone if they have the patience to stay the course. We've been truly happily married for 26 years. Prior to our meeting, I didn't think it would be possible. You have to belive in your worth, and reinforce your own autonomy -- making yourself a self-sufficient creature. Have faith in your own worth. I have to believe there is somebody out there for all of us that deserve it.



posted on Jun, 7 2016 @ 09:20 PM
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a reply to: TrueBrit

I read somewhere that, after 18 months, those chemicals (pheromones) that draws 2 people together stop . Then it's up to the 2 people to continue on without that little boost from nature.



posted on Jun, 7 2016 @ 09:31 PM
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Surefire rejection cure is obsessive pining and furtive stalking... for years, if need be, until they finally realize they were made for you and you OWN them, dammit... and... and ...

he-ehm ... medication time, but Sally-Mae, I's waiting, sweetie, if you read this... I got a new tatoo...



posted on Jun, 7 2016 @ 09:37 PM
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a reply to: NewzNose

You know that makes 101% sense, after 18 months your right it ends.



posted on Jun, 7 2016 @ 09:48 PM
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a reply to: Quantum12

Well, I must have weird, accelerated chemistry... it usually ends about 18 minutes later, for me...



posted on Jun, 7 2016 @ 10:28 PM
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a reply to: Profusion

Briefly . . . before I head off to bed . . .

1. Folks with significant RAD (Attachment Disorder) handle rejection poorly because of their inherent, brain damage associated insecurities and low self worth. This tends to trigger an almost endless cycle of repeated rejections by similar types of people such folks are endlessly attracted to (until the pathologies are seriously worked through).
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1.1 It's been accurately stated that we tend to try and work through with our spouses and bosses those things we failed to work through with our parents--even if it were the parents 99% 'fault.'
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2. Going out and finding the same sort of spouse/significant other to begin the same dance again that recently ended in failure is an example of the above. This can go on and on and on through 4-16 or more failed significant other relationships. Though many men tire after 3 divorces and forget marrying to continue the dance. It's at least a little financially cheaper that way.
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3. REJECTION sometimes IS mostly the rejected party's resonsibility, fault, triggered event. NOT ALWAYS. Sanity is getting some professional help to learn what one can about one's own part in it and to grow out of such tendencies, habits and dynamics.
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4. Worrying about being rejected; clinging; obsessing; etc. are common ways some TRY to prevent rejection but which actually INCREASE THE LIKELIHOOD AND SPEED of REJECTION.
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5. 2 people desperately needing each other as in an "A" frame leaning relationship are in trouble to start with. If one leaves, the other falls flat. Two people who are mostly mature and can handle being comfortable in their own skin; be happy being alone . . . etc. etc. can then successfully share a common outlook on the world from a shared experience of the world that is open-handed--giving fitting space while being deeply and enduringly committed to one another.
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6. REJECTION can be one of the most horrible experiences for the terminally insecure and immature. It can feel like being 2 years old in the middle of a major train station when a parent suddenly disappears. However, it's usually not quite that bad and can be overcome with time . . . and better choices of friends . . . and maybe professional help.
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7. Some of us find a solid, emotional, dialogue enhanced relationship with God helps make human rejection much more tolerable and easier to learn from.
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Good topic.



posted on Jun, 7 2016 @ 10:31 PM
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a reply to: Baddogma

LOL, for some it's 1 minute and it's over. 18 min is a good thing



posted on Jun, 7 2016 @ 10:34 PM
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a reply to: Baddogma

You're confusing "pheromones" with "moans"... 😊



posted on Jun, 7 2016 @ 10:38 PM
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a reply to: BO XIAN

Thank you for this post. I have had a really hard time for a year after my lover met another man on the internet of all places. What you wrote makes sense to me, I get it. Thanks Bo! You made me feel better about life.
edit on 6 7 2016 by Quantum12 because: (no reason given)



posted on Jun, 7 2016 @ 10:42 PM
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Strangely I read this post as I came across an old breakup conversation on my old hard drive whilst looking for an old document.... it was brutal, embarrassing and I was kinda pathetic! lol very cathartic to realize no matter how devastating it was back then, it all worked out for the best.



posted on Jun, 7 2016 @ 10:44 PM
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a reply to: Quantum12

I used to live in such states the first 30 years of my life.

It's a very dysfunctional way to live.

I tried to "make" many co-dependent relationships endure. IT USUALLY WILL NOT WORK.

And even when it appears to work--it's usually because the destructive dysfunctions are such a solid match (particularly unconsciously) that neither party is willing to give up on the relationship they compulsively, desperately 'enjoy' beating themselves up with.

And, it's better to let them go regardless of the pain.

It's no fun being chained to an emotional cripple regardless of how emotionally crippled one is themselves.

Better to spend the time and energy working the crap through and THEN see what mature relationship opportunities happen along.

UNTIL THEN, one is in serious danger of merely attracting all the wrong types who are looking (mostly unconsciously) for the 'perfect destructive fit and match' to continue THE DYSFUNCTIONAL DANCE with for the 15 to 75th time.

CONGRATS ON YOUR GROWTH. Avoid giving up. Learn from every bit of suffering. It's far better to learn than to endlessly go around the same mountain.

Cheers, Blessings,

Thanks for your kind words.

edit on 7/6/2016 by BO XIAN because: added & spelling



posted on Jun, 7 2016 @ 10:50 PM
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a reply to: BO XIAN

I let her go and your right the pain hurt but I am better off. I still hurt. Moving on with life. Your a very intelligent person. I mean it. Thank you.




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