How do you introduce yourself without giving personal information?

The times I've tried to make friends online with someone of the opposite sex in recent years I've done a terrible job of introducing myself. I don't want to give any personal information in such a situation, so I don't know how to do it.

How do you introduce yourself without giving personal information? I have no idea, so I don't even try to do it. That's no way to establish a friendship, perhaps I shouldn't try to do it online again.

In case anyone wants to try to convince me that giving personal information in such a situation is fine, let me tell you a story. I met a woman online on another forum who seemed to like me, possibly too much. I wasn't satisfied with the friendship, so I cut it off. She wasn't happy about that. She proceeded to post almost everything I had told her about myself on the forum where I met her. She was persistent; she stalked me on the forum off and on for months. That's a forum where stalking is allowed (believe it or not). Doxxing was even allowed on that forum back then. She tried doxxing me but thank goodness she knew almost nothing about me. After that experience, I wouldn't consider giving personal information to someone I met online in a social situation ever again.

a reply to: Profusion

I'm not sure how you would establish someone's character by online communication only.
It sounds, to me, as if this woman had issues before you came along.

I've met friends online (both male and female) and we've been dear friends for years. We know each other's lives and are involved. I suppose I've been lucky, so far. (knock on wood)

I think trust has to be established and if someone is wanting to 'move' faster than you are personally comfortable with that should be a red flag.

Be grateful you didn't meet that type of person in real life!

a reply to: Profusion

Could you outline your criteria for 'personal information' because it's well past introductions (online or RL) before I give what I consider to be personal information to anyone?

-Phone # / email
-Residential address
-Employer details
-Family details.

I find nothing wrong with talking about what employment industry they're in which may lead to having friends in common as well as chatting about the usual current events etc, what they like to eat etc etc - topics of little or no relevance to someone being able to infiltrate into your private life.

In the instance of you attempting to find a partner, it should be a naturally occurring thing that you both feel....that it is right to part with personal information. That will only come with time and familiarity and feeling comfortable with each other.

a reply to: Profusion

How do you introduce yourself without giving personal information?

I don't think you can. How do you establish a friendship/relationship without telling the other person "who you are", what you do, and what you expect from the other person?

Isn't an on line "courtship" about getting to know the other person to see if you are compatible.

Why not just go out in public and pick up women until you find one that "clicks"?

originally posted by: TNMockingbird
a reply to: Profusion

I'm not sure how you would establish someone's character by online communication only.
It sounds, to me, as if this woman had issues before you came along.

I think it's impossible to establish someone's character by online communication only. That's why I'll almost certainly never go down that road again.

I am usually only attracted to women with issues. I suppose I'm cursed like that. I just realized that since that's the case, I shouldn't try finding people online again (possibly even friends of the opposite sex). I need to know my limitations.

originally posted by: Sublimecraft
a reply to: Profusion

Could you outline your criteria for 'personal information' because it's well past introductions (online or RL) before I give what I consider to be personal information to anyone?

...

In the instance of you attempting to find a partner, it should be a naturally occurring thing that you both feel....that it is right to part with personal information. That will only come with time and familiarity and feeling comfortable with each other.

I think personal information has a fixed definition, more or less.

Recorded information about an identifiable individual that may include his or her (1) name, address, email address, phone number, (2) race, nationality, ethnicity, origin, color, religious or political beliefs or associations, (3) age, sex, sexual orientation, marital status, family status, (4) identifying number, code, symbol, (5) finger prints, blood type, inherited characteristics, (6) health care history including information on physical/mental disability, (7) educational, financial, criminal, employment history, (8) others' opinion about the individual, and (9) personal views except those about other individuals.
Link

I wasn't actually looking for a partner, just a friend. The woman I mentioned in the original post pushed the situation toward it being romantic. That was after we had initially agreed that we would only be friends in the beginning. It was obvious that we would have to share personal information but I wanted to keep the friendship as anonymous as possible. Looking at what ended up happening, it's a good thing I did.

If you're implying that feeling comfortable requires an exchange of personal information, I absolutely agree. It's impossible in an anonymous situation to feel comfortable. An anonymous relationship has its place in my opinion but it's hard for me to find anyone else who's interested in that.

originally posted by: olaru12
I don't think you can. How do you establish a friendship/relationship without telling the other person "who you are", what you do, and what you expect from the other person?

Isn't an on line "courtship" about getting to know the other person to see if you are compatible.

Why not just go out in public and pick up women until you find one that "clicks"?

I think an anonymous friendship online is possible. I've experienced it before. I used to have regular partners for playing the card game Spades. You can get close to someone without knowing any of the personal information in a situation like that. Of course, it's only close in a sense but that's enough for me most of the time.

I've honestly only been trying to make friends online. No one seems to believe me about that. I have a partner now. An friendship online with a female could be great in the right circumstances though.

a reply to: Profusion

Just present the most basic info. Generalize.

1st name, basic general area of the world you live, basic, interests, some likes and dislikes.

Its really about just keeping it basic. Then more over time...a little more each conversation as you become comfortable.

Being a.musician my whole life, I have lifelong friends who don't even know my real last name or anything deeper because I never disclosed it. Even in 50 yeare...

a reply to: Profusion

How do you introduce yourself without giving personal information?

Do what everyone else does.....lie

originally posted by: Sublimecraft
a reply to: Profusion

Could you outline your criteria for 'personal information' because it's well past introductions (online or RL) before I give what I consider to be personal information to anyone?

-Phone # / email
-Residential address
-Employer details
-Family details.

I find nothing wrong with talking about what employment industry they're in which may lead to having friends in common as well as chatting about the usual current events etc, what they like to eat etc etc - topics of little or no relevance to someone being able to infiltrate into your private life.

In the instance of you attempting to find a partner, it should be a naturally occurring thing that you both feel....that it is right to part with personal information. That will only come with time and familiarity and feeling comfortable with each other.

Great advice, SC!

To the OP, soak up Sublimecraft's thoughts/advice/observations and most importantly, be yourself (yes, it's cliche, but it's so very true and makes a world of difference - whether platonic or romantic - when the eventual face-to-face occurs). Good luck and take care.

Cheers

a reply to: Profusion

The best way?

Don't start conversations with the intent of extending the relationship beyond the net. Just be a handle.

If you want a date, wait for fate to show you the way. At the bus stop, at the bar, at the library or coffee shop. The net is a great place to share ideas, but starting an interaction with someone on the net, with the intention of building a relationship is not smart.

It's one thing if you happen to form a relationship with someone on the net that is incidental, as a coincidence of a shared interest, like both being members of a paintball enthusiast forum, or being contributors to the same Patreon account, but starting out from a position of wanting to form a relationship of some sort, while retaining all your personal data? Ridiculous.

The whole idea of closeness with another human being, is that you share data. It might not be your social security number and your bank account number, but it will be identifying information. Your age, your birthday, your favourite pizza joint...not sharing these things makes for a crappy way to begin any kind of interaction.

It's like saying "I want something from you. Not only am I going to avoid telling you what that is, I am not going to tell you who I am either."

Go outside. Meet someone in the real world.

a reply to: Profusion

I met someone on ATS who is now my favourite texter lol, safety of thousands of miles distance, she's been fantastic for me in the last week or two because one of my closest friends died suddenly in horrible circumstances.
She's the only person I can text right now who is outside the grief bubble of my social circle...it makes a massive difference.

She makes me laugh and we'll certainly meet in future...you know who you are lol!

Curiously she's the first person I've ever connected digitally direct to my phone from 'meeting' online. ...I don't really worry about sharing information now...if she was ever here to kill me in the UK then the best she'll have is a knife as no concealed carry here haha!

She's the only person I can text right now who is outside the grief bubble of my social circle...it makes a massive difference.

a reply to: grainofsand

That's a great thing that can happen with ats. Good for you mate, although sorry to hear about your loss

a reply to: Profusion

I kind of agree.

There are three people on here who know my name and two of those I have emailed and conversed with. I trust these 'blokes' and have always respected their words and online behaviour. But on other places, with the opposite sex... I never would. (I'm a family man, a one woman man, would never cheat and only go on here and fishing forums so my opinion is probably void)

a reply to: woodwardjnr

Cheers fella...definitely a new one for me as I'm more a face to face person in real life...connected through words this time...suprised myself lol!

Being outside of the grief bubble is amazing though...I don't actually know anyone who isn't sad in my real world life right now...she consoles me and also makes me laugh!

We are so lucky in this digital communication revolution

a reply to: olaru12
LOL, I was thinking the exact same thing.
Pal, you gotta start a nightclub gig. You funny fella.

originally posted by: and14263
a reply to: Profusion

I kind of agree.

There are three people on here who know my name and two of those I have emailed and conversed with.

I've signed off most PM's and such like with my first name, if some killer is gonna find me from that then I'm already in trouble lol

a reply to: Profusion

Frankly, if you don't want it to come back to haunt you, don't say it. I just don't care, and am prepared to defend anything I do or say online. I've never had any issues.

Just introduce yourself and say nothing about yourself or give tiny details that essentially mean nothing. Ask about them, don't give any info on yourself. Easy. But I don't know how you expect to be friends with someone without being truthful with them. Good luck with that.

Maybe you should be careful with who you befriend online. And if you tell personal info, make sure that it doesn't matter/that you don't care if it gets out. Or better yet, get personal info on them so they can't blackmail you. Regarding blackmail, always just let them say what they want and never give in to demands. It's not worth it. The truth always comes out.

a reply to: TrueBrit

Amen.


a reply to: Profusion

Uh. If you have a partner, why the heck are you looking for a friendship with another girl online? That would piss me off if I was your girlfriend. Now, if friendship happens and you weren't looking for it, different story. I think that's the key point here. Don't look for it. Be friends with your partner first. Why are you looking for friendship outside of that??

a reply to: grainofsand

she consoles me and also makes me laugh!

That's wonderful for you! I imagine that you are providing some sort of comfort and happiness in her life also.

I have friends as well from ATS. We share our lives.

We've emailed, texted, phoned, laughed, cried, and generally have a great time!

I can't imagine them revealing any personal information about me. I can't imagine what we could become so angry about with each other that we would want to hurt the other.

Trust has been established over time (years in some instances).

Of course it would be better to meet folks in real life but sometimes it is refreshing to be able to be yourself completely, honestly and openly with someone with no fear of judgement or repercussions.

Perhaps people just 'click' sometimes no matter how they meet? It's a new world today. All sorts of new and exciting ways of interacting with other humans from all over the world. IMO



It is the digital so if the interaction becomes unwelcome or uncomfortable it can be shut down. Yes, it would be a hassle to change usernames, emails, phone numbers, etc. But, it certainly can be done.

a reply to: Profusion

Why not just make up some stuff just in case they are all stalky like.

You can use this site: Face Name Generator

Of course, you can pick and choose which fake fact to use.

And get a burner phone in case they want to text you.

And never give them your real email address, get a spam one.

originally posted by: TNMockingbird
a reply to: grainofsand
Perhaps people just 'click' sometimes no matter how they meet? It's a new world today. All sorts of new and exciting ways of interacting with other humans from all over the world.

Oh massively, it's just the life platform is different. I think the 'click' is different face to face though. If I meet a girl in 'real life' then my absolute first thoughts are am I attracted to her or not. Any connection through understanding, shared interests or whatever are just a bonus after.

I met a barmaid in a pub (sorry, we still call them gender specific job roles here in the UK lol) a decade or so ago, we clicked instantly and that night turned into a passionately tempestuous 7 year relationship. We had nothing much in common aside from sexual attraction lol and it was doomed to fail.

Had I met her only through typed/spoken words then it would never have happened so I wonder if folk meeting digitally is the way forward these days...nah, I'm a bit of an old school slut, it just offers another avenue lol.
I've never met anyone digitally then met them in real life aside from buying say a vehicle online.

I have met someone who I would like to meet in person now though, although it is a little excitingly scary...they could be sewing a personalised body bag for me right now!!

a reply to: TNMockingbird

I think i have a pretty good idea of your character. im sure folks here have the same with me (35k posts is quite a footprint to leave).

That said, @ the op....no to online dating. Go out and find someone who is real life interesting.