a reply to: AceWombat04
First of all, I'm sorry for the late reply. I was at work while shooting my mouth off on here and couldn't give you a proper response due to the
length of your own. Thank you for that.
it's not always a "gift" when you're emotionally and functionally paralyzed because of stimuli overload.
On the contrary, it may be debilitating "in a sense", but I'm almost sure that if I stuck you in the woods or the beach, all that extra stimuli makes
you see the world in ways that others can't. You must have to practice great self control and focus in order to navigate through certain forms of
exposure. Trust me, I can relate.
I'm not here to lessen what you label yourself as having or even to lessen any sense of the importance of what you're expressing, but I must first ask
if your diet reflects what many would allude to as being the physical controllers of mood. I like to supplement a small organic diet full of
powerhouse super-foods. If you don't, try and find something within your budget and pull the trigger. I can help you and so can this fabulous
repository they call ATS. Help is only a PM away.
So while there are some benefits to being "the way I am," my particular manifestation of these issues is not a pleasant one. I essentially have
to be sedated to one degree or another just to function, and even then, being "out and about" is never going to be something that happens except in
fits and starts for me. Which is fine... except when it isn't.
Manifestations are thoughts that may lead to actions. One must come before the other and the latter cannot exist without you justifying it into
physical existence. If your manifestations are strictly physical, then you've already won half the battle in reducing further physical harm or
complicating a non-issue. If not, you must have a severe imbalance to go ahead and manifest these reactions to stimuli into physical form. Earlier, I
said that I do not take medication, but between you and I (and anyone reading this), I revel in my self induced sedation.
For one, alcohol will be the death of your mind and body because of the way it affects your dopamine levels, almost halting it's production when
sober, which just helps keep you in a low state of mind. I like
(the good stuff), digitally, which allows me to access
different cannabinoids for different occasions and/or to counteract different moods that I can't seem to shake naturally. There is no shame in it and
it doesn't have to control your life. If that's what you meant by sedating yourself (I hope Big Pharma isn't involved), then cheers to that.
I'm just saying... some awareness and decorum is always appreciated. Not mandatory! Appreciated. And, sometimes, needed in order to be okay. Is it
everyone's responsibility to help me be okay? NO. As I said, people may do as they will. I'm just bringing to light the effects that can have. In
theory, yes: it's MY responsibility to deal with MY feelings about people's words and actions. In practice though, let's just be real: it's
unnecessary for people to be mean. And they too have responsibility for that choice. That's only fair imho.
To me, this is truth in blunt form. I've learned through my distaste for labels that even words themselves that we apply to everyday objects in order
to aid in our comprehension, understanding and communication, can develop flexible meanings to the subjective observer. I literally force myself into
subjectivity when trying to decipher something that I don't understand about myself, which allows me to feel unlocked and open to my own initially
Sounds tricky, but I look at myself not as a human, but an ever changing meat-sack of Nature's best efforts at attempting to hold me all together
without any failure of the multiple systems that must act in unison to keep me upright and in a state of motion. If you think about the complexity of
ourselves and Nature in general, I'd happily allow some self described imperfections or burdens in order to facilitate my will to exist. If you can't
tell already, I'm an other thinker who likes to distill as many of my thoughts as possible into simplistic reconcilable musings.
Your hopes to appreciate the actions of others is nothing more than an expectation of them and that's where it breakdown every time. Simply put,
Nature is cruel and survival is demanding. You would have to put yourself in a state of predictable and expected outcomes in your environment that are
more or less in your control. Even then, the variables are endless and you should learn to except the uncertainty of the next moment of your next
The thing is, people like to imagine the mind is a magical entity distinct from the brain. And to the extent that consciousness could be
thought of as emergent behavior, I guess in a sense one can effectively argue that it is. It's sort of a ghost in the machine on that level. But at
the same time, the mind is also just the brain. And the brain can be diseased or, if you don't like thinking of it in that way (which I can understand
- I don't like thinking of my very nature as a disease either!) can be morphologically and neurologically "unique" in a particular way which is, very
much outside the control of the individual in question, not pleasant... to say the least.
I actually agree with that whole paragraph, except when you said that it's outside of the control of the individual. Conventional wisdom and
traditional routes of healing can rarely change you on the deepest of levels. Not to be funny, but if your mother was a dirty crackhead and your
father a raging alcoholic pill popper, the likelihood of that child being born in an "advantage state" is unlikely, in support of your opinion.
It's a shame that curing our ailments can either cost too much or the cure cannot be obtained without creating a great difficulty. This alone should
raise a flag in your head that you're in your state of mind partially because you do not have access to the best of the best, both physically and
mentally. Would you give a rats ass about your condition if you didn't have to slog through your current environment? Maybe a nice life as a fisherman
on some remote island? Unlikely for most of us, I know. I recommend trying an isolation tank or flame meditation and instead of calming your mind, let
it run f'ing wild. A true stay-cation.
If it were, say, multiple sclerosis, people would recognize it as a physiological fact of life, and would not tell people to "grow a thick
skin" and "will themselves" to "deal with it." Because it's physical. It's meat. It's ion channels. Well, so is neurology. Which means, so is the
mind. Which means, so are emotions and cognition and how we process and respond to stimuli.
Many people have no idea or are too stubborn to realize how they can be cured. They rely on their own interpretations to gauge and comprehend the
state of their well-being. Some refuse to be helpless and give in to being treated. Some don't believe the cure exists. In your example, the "self"
can be highly dangerous. If the mind is not operating at peak levels or has developed a "disease", then most thoughts stemming from such a mind will
not be congruent to the reality of the situation giving pause to possible alternate outcomes.