ATTN: U.S. Dish Network customers... phone scam alert...

So, there I was... sitting on my behind, watching a particularly enthralling episode of Forensic Files ,and my phone starts ringing.

I answer the phone, and some dude with an Eastern European accent explained to me that he was from Dish Network, and I need to get a new Hopper in the next 7-10 days, or we would lose our dish service.

I do not wanna miss my weekly Game of Thrones


Now, I may not be the sharpest Ginsu in the drawer... but I'm no butter knife, either.

I explained to the gentleman (I will call him that for now) that we get our Dish Network service bundled in with a local telecom company's phone service. I asked if he minded if I called them to verify this, and he became angry, stating that the local telecom company that we go through does not have this valuable tidbit of info, and we would be screwed for weeks without service if we didn't act.


Now, as an aside, I had a Cheech and Chong moment. After hearing this load of crap, it reminded me of this bit that they did. I can't remember the exact dialog, but I will do my best...

The pair spot what appears to be a dog turd on the side walk.

"Hey, man, is that $h.t?"
"Looks like $h.t... "
"Does it smell like $h.t?"
"I dunno, let me smell... sniff... yup, smells like $h.t"
"Does it taste like $h.t?"
...upon tasting said turd "Yup... better walk around it!"

I had this in my head, started laughing, and hung up on him. 5 minutes later, he called again. So, as a mild mannered sort of guy... I used my best demonic growl... at the top of my lungs: "You fool! I am Gozar the Gozarian! Gozar the Destroyer!"

The line went abruptly silent. Not a Bill Murray fan, I guess...

I called our local telecom company; they confirmed that this was indeed a scammy scam scam. A scamizzle my fashizzle...

So, Dish customers be alert... and the world needs my lerts... and loofs.

...larms too...

If they call you, you now have a heads up

And, before you ask (and some will), yes, you may use my Gozar the Gozarian bit. (Which works GREAT on those Girl Scouts that sell cookies... and elderly people in Walgreens... I digress)

a reply to: madmac5150
Thanks for the warning and the laugh. I love the Gozar bit. Wow lol.

A scamizzle my fashizzle

Should be... A scamzizzle (scazizzle) fo shizzle.

Dog.



I am teasing. Thanks for the heads up.

originally posted by: Skid Mark
a reply to: madmac5150
Thanks for the warning and the laugh. I love the Gozar bit. Wow lol.

I haven't heard that bit in at least 20 years... and it just popped into my melon head while I was on the phone with that moron.

One other strategy I have used, with great success... if you have a toddler handy, give the phone to him/her when these idiots call. Or a parrot. Talk to either for any length of time and they will practically BEG for the toddler or bird to hang up the phone.

a reply to: madmac5150
Giving the phone to a toddler would be funny.

Lol, its Gozar the Gozarian, its whatever it wants to be.

Insert 25 dollars to continue…

a reply to: madmac5150

LOL, I keep getting a call on my cellphone, he sounds Indian.

Here is how it goes.

Me: Hello,
Him: This is Rasheed calling from Windows, I see your new computer has a virus.
Me: (already knowing it's a scam) Yes Rasheed, I have a virus.
Him: This is why I called, I will help fix the virus. I see you have Windows Ten is that correct.
Me: (I have a Mac) Yes I have Windows 10.
Him: Ok I need you to turn on remote view, I will walk you thru the steps. I need you to download a program for me and enter a passcode.
Me: I messed with him for 25 min. He was getting all excited because he was thinking I am going to steal all his credit card and bank info.
Then I told him I have a Mac. He said bad words to me and hung up. LOL

a reply to: madmac5150

I always ask what they are wearing and describe how I am touching myself.

Works great but call-waiting screwed up once and I ended up talking to my father-in-law.

It made Thanksgiving that year very awkward.

a reply to: DBCowboy

LOL