Are parent's more selfish now than previous generations?

a reply to: Mandroid7

Oh i know you were kidding. Oh right. Virtual reality. Forgot that was a thing.

a reply to: Mousygretchen

I don't think parents, specifically, are more selfish; I think people in general are more selfish. I know what you mean, though. In another place online, I had someone claim that everything about children was bad, as though any that wanted children were brainwashed. Other times, in a discussion about children on places, some actually suggested placing them in the cargo area, in crates like animals. I wish I was exaggerating.

Just another sign of a world going more mad by the day, I believe.

a reply to: Mousygretchen

This is what the nanny-state has done. Everything has been spoon fed to generation-WHY and they're self-entitled to me time 100% of the time. My GOD they were talking about "Me-ternity Leave" for single women because they were jealous of New Mom's "getting out of work! Burn it.....Burn it all and start over!

I just stumbled across this thread and usually dont reply to topics like this, but I will.

It took me a my wife 3 years to achieve pregnancy, we considered that a miracle alone. We where both 24 when are son was born, he is 5 now and starts kindergarten next year.

About you OP about parents be selfish. I'm not going to lie I ALMOST take that personally. We live for our son and he earns every toy or game he gets. We dont ever push him off, ignore him, or even get a babysitter. He is are sunshine and I personally would have no reason to live with out him.

And out of the 15 thousand dollars of tax refund money we have received over the years we have not spent a single penny, its all for his college fund if thats what he choses.

I have to get out of my car and get into work or I would post more. But point being selfish? Pardon my first bad work F#%k no. We love him more than anything in the world and that will never change no matter what.

originally posted by: Mousygretchen
a reply to: dogstar23
Yeah I agree with most of that..And maybe more people need to learn to use contraception. Do you hate planned parenthood? Sorry, no recreational sex for you!. Just joking. (im not saying that directly to you)
(Sorry guys, I logged off after 15 minutes of no activity on here. I am going to bed now but will be back to respond midday)

I have a feeling the majority of the more self-absorbed/kids are a bother/chore type people REALLY wanted kids, but they're the type who thought having kids would automatically provide them with fulfillment. Or as a status symbol (or now a "status update" - freaking robots...)

They never learned to embrace their new "status" as a parent.

a reply to: Mousygretchen

I think there is a problem in that more parents feel as though they are entitled to carry on as if they never had kids, they reject the responsibility of having them and try to shift that onto the society around them.

A good example of this can be found in technology use and the controls many parents want to inflict on society. We're seeing it happening a lot lately, with parents refusing to take responsibility for their kids and demanding that society change to suit them.

Look at the argument about adult content and the internet. Rather than parents taking responsibility and controlling what their own child sees (in the way parents have done for centuries prior to the creation of the Internet) they want the entire nation around them to submit to censorship to placate them. Rather than just not give their kid a computer in their room, or access to anything other than what's needed on their phones, they would prefer to force the entire nation to submit to being on lists, to having their internet filtered, to opting in.

The root of this is the notion that other people are responsible, when the parents are entirely responsible. Their child doesn't need a phone with full access to the internet, their child doesn't need a computer in their bedroom. They have chosen to do this and when it goes wrong they blame society for it and demand that the whole world around them changes to make their lives easier.

So yes, I do think parenting has changed and I do think far too many parents believe that the rest of society is somehow responsible for their kids.

I don't think I am selfish. I was a single mom. It's a hard thing to do. I went without a lot to make sure my kids had/have what they need. That was my job as their parent though. My needs were only as important as they gave me what I needed to go out and provide for them. Of course when I met my husband he understood my kids were first and I wouldn't be able to just go out.

Now I am a stay at home mom and truly blessed to do it. He works very hard so I can be here for our children. It is a wonderful feeling. Sometimes I want to rip my hair out and other times (most of the time) I can't get enough cuddles. In all fairness I have one not far of teenage years. My kids are smart, sweet little butt heads. LoL

My one rule has been to always talk to them like they are people. Baby talk has always been a big no. They each (2yr old excluded but I am working on her) have a vocabulary well beyond their years. My oldest has learned to question things. He loves nothing more than to read a book on history or watch history channel. He also enjoys a good conspiracy theory and has a few of his own. Aliens are real according to him and Uncle Sam knows it, Pentagon has a super secret room buried deep beneath where are the real decisions are made. Both his thoughts he brought up to me.

My middle child is very tech oriented. He also wants to create video games and computer programs. In the first grade he is learning basic computer programming already. He does attend a school for ASD children but to me that shows how smart our ASD kids really are.

I am proud of them can't you tell? They are so much smarter and better than I will ever be and that is how it should be I think. Yea there are times I miss going to a concert or out for a girls day but what I am doing is worth so much more. I get to watch what awesome things they are capable of both good and bad. How cool is that?

So to say all parents are selfish is inaccurate. Are some? Sure but not all of us. It's a struggle financially, emotionally, sometimes physically. It's exhausting in ways I never understood. It's also worth it.

a reply to: projectvxn
Thanks for sharing your experience and helping to enlighten me.

a reply to: YachiruKusajishi
That's so amazing.. you sound like an incredible mother. And its so nice to hear about you raising confident kids.. Having their own thoughts and perspectives. It really sounds like your setting them up to succeed in life.

a reply to: Mousygretchen

No I think the baby boomer generation is the worst at it, generation x is trying not to be like our parents and the current generation y or z or whatever they are going by, don't have any credit because they can't find descent entry level jobs. The greatest generation generation x grand parents were very responsible with it, the baby boomers are the most selfish and greedy.

a reply to: YachiruKusajishi


Good post.

I think there are quite a few young parents a tad irked by this OP. Self included.

These selfish parents sound made up to me. I don't get how anyone could feel that way about their kids.
. no offense to you OP! I'm sure they are actually out there!

a reply to: GoShredAK
::takes a bow:: thank you! Lol

I know that there are selfish parents out there because I have met a few. I wasn't really upset but I was trying to analyze myself as well. I think the OP created an opportunity for self analysis and reflection. Coincidentally I ask my kids when they got home for honest opinions on whether mom and dad were selfish. They both said No you work hard for us! I even got a "Best. Mom. Ever!" Followed by a hug that nearly took my head off and cut off my oxygen at the same time.

Either they were honest or they have a secret plan to kill me slowly through lack of air from hugs. ::shrugs:: I will take it either way!

a reply to: Mousygretchen
Thank you. I am not incredible but I am trying. My kids make it easy to be good. Honestly I can't wait to see what they are truly capable of!

Eh, I'm gonna give this a second go.

I think it's a multi-generational thing. There were times in the past when women stayed at home and cared for their children. How many housewives remain? Of the females who would be willing to play that role, how many can afford to? Now I know all sorts of variations, stay at home daddy works just the same here (mostly ), but still how many couples ( or triples or whatever, seriously I don't care! ) can afford that?

You have a generation or better already that broke away from the traditional nuclear family structure, and traditional stay at home mom roles. Those are now full adults, and are kinda-sorta parenting the next-generation. If they didn't learn how are they going to transmit? One generation away from it, maybe still enough around you fill in the gap. When all that's left is internet, video games, the tele, and hoodlums, how's this going to play out?

I guess as it is. So the question is, who's to blame again? I had some friends from way back, where we all played as if hoodlums as teenagers, but you came to find the difference after we entered our 20s and were transitioning to early adulthood. The real trashy who didn't have adequate parenting, they never "got it" and went on to have children who had all sorts of issues because... yea their parents didn't know better and were self-absorbed kids their selves. On the other end, the people I grew up with that made it through that stage and were properly parented, they made much better decisions and became decent young adults, parents, educators, leaders... go figure.

So just a random question for the parents in this thread who are still newer at the job, or even more experienced for that matter.

Do you wish that there had been parenting classes in school so that the process wasn't simply trial and error then hoping for the best?

a reply to: Aazadan

I think a one-size-fits-all parenting course by the state is a horrible idea. The ideal would be to make the time for a family to be a family again.

Teachers are supposed to teach academics, not how to operate your family.

a reply to: pl3bscheese

I don't know that it would have to be one size fits all. In my mind I was thinking about classes that offer several approaches to parenting on concepts like discipline, education, nutrition, and so on, speaking of short/long term benefits and draw backs.

I have no idea what you mean by family being a family though. I know a lot of people don't grow up in 2 parent households with traditional work hours. In my case my parents were divorced, I saw my dad on the weekends (spending half that time sitting in the employee break rooms while he worked), and my mom wasn't around much either. From 2nd grade onward it was pretty standard for me to get home from school, then be on my own until 8 pm, then have a short dinner, and in bed by 10pm. I'm not going to say that it was good or bad, or that I turned out fine but rather that if I chose to have children (which I probably won't do), I would literally have no clue how to be a family. There's a real disconnect in my mind between just being in the same vicinity of each other and watching TV or helping with homework, and actually being a family.

I have no idea how common that is for others, where one can look at the way they were raised but not necessarily be sure of that being the right way to participate in being a family.

a reply to: Aazadan

That's great, and when you see the failure that is our educational system, how would you suppose such a wonderful class would be correctly implemented?

Good intention, but I seriously doubt it would turn out well.

You had a younger sister and now you're an expert on motherhood?

You da boss, I guess. You also care a whole lot about other people (specifically strangers who you never met in your life?) and you're using their lives to make yourself appear better? That's real nice. But then, it's not often that people love the boss so have fun being the boss who had a little sis so that must make you mother of the year!

Cheers.

originally posted by: Aazadan
a reply to: pl3bscheese

I have no idea what you mean by family being a family though. I know a lot of people don't grow up in 2 parent households with traditional work hours. In my case my parents were divorced, I saw my dad on the weekends (spending half that time sitting in the employee break rooms while he worked), and my mom wasn't around much either. From 2nd grade onward it was pretty standard for me to get home from school, then be on my own until 8 pm, then have a short dinner, and in bed by 10pm. I'm not going to say that it was good or bad, or that I turned out fine but rather that if I chose to have children (which I probably won't do), I would literally have no clue how to be a family. There's a real disconnect in my mind between just being in the same vicinity of each other and watching TV or helping with homework, and actually being a family.

I have no idea how common that is for others, where one can look at the way they were raised but not necessarily be sure of that being the right way to participate in being a family.

That's what I'm saying. It's a multi-generational thing. Then, what appears to make sense when we're so lost, is to give it up to the state. Don't you think that makes sense to break up the family structure if you want to be able to reprogram a society?

I do think you have good intentions, and hell maybe the way we did things generations ago, in the world as it is, maybe it doesn't best apply, but I can't help but feel that this didn't come to be just cause... I know in the back of my mind... a master way of transforming people, a root to pick at... would be the family structure.

You, not even knowing what a family is supposed to be like, what is good or bad, and giving up that decision to the state... if I were an old man who had done his work to make this come to be... I would be a very happy old man sitting on a big pot of gold.