The Truth About Alcoholism (Infographic)

a reply to: BO XIAN

Greater tolerance has been called a sure sign that one has a predisposition to alcoholism.

Not tolerance to inebriating effect of alcohol but tolerance to being sick like hell, my father was the same, alcohol mixed with sugar = sickness. Since I discovered this, I make my wine dry as hell.

As long I can stop for a couple days without the shake, I feel safe. But as I said I am not a constant drinker, usually does not drink during day and never touch anything stronger than 12%. Anyway, my pancreas will probably give up the ghost long before the brain begin to cause problems.

originally posted by: digital01anarchy
a reply to: BO XIAN

you have never really lived or loved if you believe no sane person would want relief from life by turning off the control for a night.Also who is truely sane in a world like this?

Now with that being said pretty much everything else is spot on.

i have heard people say the drunks are the people who care too much and that they are the people who cant let go off some memory.Some say they secretly hate themselves and drink to escape their past which they can never outrun.

Now I dont believe in telling people they can never do something again for the rest of their lifes because they will fail. But i do believe in balance and everything in moderation.

Hi. Can someone please give me some good advice. I recently left my 21 year relationship due to his alcoholism. The last two years the children and I would find literally hundreds of empty or half full wine bottles hidden in every place imaginable including the gardens outside. In particular the two months leading up to Xmas 2015 I noticed his aggression getting worse with me. He became violent for the first time on Xmas Day and I subsequently left him the next day. I drove 8 hours down to my family and my children and I have been through sheer hell. To this day, and five months after leaving, I've been blamed for everything. Texts me every day telling me his drinking is harmless and I'm imagining everything. This is the man I continue to love because I know he has a disease. But I also know it's up to him to seek help. How can a once very loving and devoted father just turn his back on his children? I just don't understand the behaviour. It's been devastating for my kids and I'm the one left to pick up the pieces. Is he going to die from this? Please help

originally posted by: mumoffive

originally posted by: digital01anarchy
a reply to: BO XIAN

you have never really lived or loved if you believe no sane person would want relief from life by turning off the control for a night.Also who is truely sane in a world like this?

Now with that being said pretty much everything else is spot on.

i have heard people say the drunks are the people who care too much and that they are the people who cant let go off some memory.Some say they secretly hate themselves and drink to escape their past which they can never outrun.

Now I dont believe in telling people they can never do something again for the rest of their lifes because they will fail. But i do believe in balance and everything in moderation.

At times I have felt guilty. Wasn't there something more I could've done for him...how could I just leave him to suffer his own fate. It's incredibly difficult to stand back and wonder if he'll survive. He started drinking at the age of 16yrs. His father had a heart attack at age 42yrs and he tried to resuscitate him and could not. I believe his problems started then, he's now 40yrs old. I'm frightened he will also die a similiar age to his dad. I can't stop this man from drinking. Losing his children has not stopped him. I've tried to talk to his mum and sister but they both blame me and refuse to acknowledge his drinking. It seems as if nobody cares about him but I do. He won't listen to me. He's in too deep.

a reply to: PeterMcFly

Pancreatic cancer etc. is a rather painful way to go as I understand it.

What have you to lose . . . to be more careful even than you routinely are?

a reply to: mumoffive

It is problematic to comment from this distance with very inadequate information.

However, putting your info against the backdrop of the mass of my experiences and training I offer you the following input:

1. Alcohol is likely the only god and mistress he knows. ALL else is secondary and will be secondary unless and until he seeks treatment AND STICKS TO IT AND IMPLEMENTS A PERSISTENT FOLLOW-THROUGH AFTER THE FORMAL TREATMENT IS DONE.

2. It is NOT your fault. The most you have done is likely to enable him and to help him rationalize his drinking in whatever way his crazy thinking managed. But even that--was still his responsibility. However, IT IS BETTER FOR HIS HEALTH FOR YOU TO STAY AWAY FOR AT LEAST SEVERAL YEARS--I'D GUESS 1-3 YEARS AFTER he succeeded with treatment.

3. The children are, of course, likely to blame themselves for not behaving more perfectly. That is normal but absolutely not true. You'd do well to fairly repeatedly disabuse them of that crazy thinking.

4. PLEASE ATTEND AN ALANON meeting and learn all you can about wisdom for your current and near future life.

5. Hubby's crazy thinking and blaming will NOT likely improve as long as he drinks alcohol. It is the only way he knows how to live in the world--at least effectively. He might have some idea of what would be better. But he is thoroughly seduced by alcohol physiologically, mentally, emotionally and likely spiritually. All that has to be cut off, cut out of his life.

6. He obviously has a huge degree of attachment disorder, as likely do you. You were likely a matched set in some key respects. However, you'd need to get some counseling for an extended time to overcome such--and is well worth doing in order to help prevent your children from following too much in the same pattern.

7. PLEASE minimize contact with negative people. Cultivate friends who are supportive, compassionate and empathetic of you and your situation. Seek out group support--at least Alanon. Perhaps craft groups, church groups etc. as well.

a reply to: mumoffive

NO. There's likely NOTHING you could have done. Alcoholics have an incredible capacity to sabotage all kinds of efforts to help them shape up.

It is likely that his father's death did trigger such. Guilt--earned or unearned can be devastating. Alcohol is a workable anesthetic to the pains of living. It just carries a high price tag in suffering with it.

His mother and sister are clueless if they are also in denial about his drinking. Or, perhaps they are alcoholic, too.

Ignore their blaming nonsense. They may be enabling him to continue his drinking in various ways. Have no part in that, is my suggestion.

PLEASE TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF and get treatment for yourself and for your children. THAT is a super high priority.

a reply to: Reverbs

It also kills your B vitamins

I have been getting a vitamin B12 injection every 3 months for the last 20 years. My specialist said i am deficient is B12 body production and instructed the injections. But i think my drinking habits over the years could also be involved.

a reply to: tommo39

I'd guess that it's highly likely the alcohol has blunted the B12 production. You can research that issue on the net.

a reply to: BO XIAN

Great subject and well detailed. I suffer from CMT (charcot) and Peripheral Neuropathy for the last 20-25 yrs. Could alcohol consumption be an underlying cause, or a contributor to both these disease's?. I have B12 deficiency and inject every 3 mths. thankyou.....

a reply to: tommo39

I'm not an expert on that by any means.

I do know that alcohol kills nerve cells in the brain. It's more than plausible that it does so with other nerve cells. The net probably has an answer for you.

I have also read that sometimes, alcohol will be injected directly to a nerve cell to kill it to stop chronic pain.

originally posted by: BO XIAN
a reply to: mumoffive

NO. There's likely NOTHING you could have done. Alcoholics have an incredible capacity to sabotage all kinds of efforts to help them shape up.

It is likely that his father's death did trigger such. Guilt--earned or unearned can be devastating. Alcohol is a workable anesthetic to the pains of living. It just carries a high price tag in suffering with it.

His mother and sister are clueless if they are also in denial about his drinking. Or, perhaps they are alcoholic, too.

Ignore their blaming nonsense. They may be enabling him to continue his drinking in various ways. Have no part in that, is my suggestion.

PLEASE TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF and get treatment for yourself and for your children. THAT is a super high priority.

Many thanks for your great advice. Believe me, my children come first no matter what. We are all in a safe place. I have two daughters in University and the three youngest are with me. I finally got up the courage to leave him and stopped all contact with him two weeks ago as I'm tired of his manipulation and lies. He never lied to me until the disease took hold of him. Yes you are correct, his mother drank heavily, though not anymore and his sister is an alcoholic also. I am very aware that my children are at risk. I have 16 and 13yr old sons and an 11yr old daughter, all whom are currently having councelling. This man was the best father in the world, coached them in rugby since the age of 4 and 5. Took the kids fishing and spent every weekend with his kids. He is not the man he was even 1yr ago. I will never return because he will never admit he has a problem. He is a high functioning alcoholic with a very demanding high paying job. But things are starting to fall apart. I will attend Al Anon meetings shortly, thankyou for the advice. I have absolutely no contact with his family any longer. The most difficult thing in the world was to leave....but I can tell you the children are much happier. I am too. At the moment he hates me as I have exposed his problem. I am grieving for the loving partner I once had. Thank you again for taking the time to reply. I live in New Zealand. Thankyou.

originally posted by: mumoffive
Many thanks for your great advice. Believe me, my children come first no matter what. We are all in a safe place. I have two daughters in University and the three youngest are with me.

Congratulations. YEA!

I finally got up the courage to leave him and stopped all contact with him two weeks ago as I'm tired of his manipulation and lies. He never lied to me until the disease took hold of him. Yes you are correct, his mother drank heavily, though not anymore and his sister is an alcoholic also.

Not surprising, sadly.

I am very aware that my children are at risk. I have 16 and 13yr old sons and an 11yr old daughter, all whom are currently having councelling.

Wonderful. Very important at their ages. Just make sure that the counselor is matched well with each child--that the child feels comfortable and that the child believes that the counselor will be effective in helping them with their issues. Otherwise, keep looking until you find a suitable one.

This man was the best father in the world, coached them in rugby since the age of 4 and 5. Took the kids fishing and spent every weekend with his kids. He is not the man he was even 1yr ago.

That was his choice. Sadly. We cannot change him. You can protect yourselves from his poison. That's the main current & essential priority.

I will never return because he will never admit he has a problem. He is a high functioning alcoholic with a very demanding high paying job. But things are starting to fall apart.

No doubt. You cannot stop that. It may be what must happen for him to wake-up. Sadly.

I will attend Al Anon meetings shortly, thank you for the advice.

YOU ARE WELCOME. Am honored that I could offer something helpful to you.

I have absolutely no contact with his family any longer. The most difficult thing in the world was to leave....

NO DOUBT. But essential. You will become stronger every day. Congratulations for your resolve.

but I can tell you the children are much happier. I am too.

YEA! That stress, pressure etc. gone must be a great relief.

At the moment he hates me as I have exposed his problem.

He has to hate himself a lot more. The Attachment book by Drs Sibcy and Clinton could be of help to you and your children.

I am grieving for the loving partner I once had. Thank you again for taking the time to reply. I live in New Zealand. Thank you.

No doubt. There's plenty to grieve about from all the above. And grieving takes time. Be gentle with yourself. Be patient with yourselves. Support one another gently.

Feel free to communicate as needed whether in the thread or by U2U.

Blessings,

a reply to: BO XIAN

Oh and I know all too well about withdrawal.. It's not like it was before. Back at 20 a night or buying a 24 pack and running out I ran out of money.. Now within a day I was shaking. 2 days no sleep sweating like crazy.. Later on day 2 I was losing my ability to talk. I thought I was saying I need a beer now, but I said I get up the puppy.. Can't figure out puppy but the I get up part was supposed to mean I need to go get beer..

So anyway like tonight I'm on beer 3 but I'm reading too much to drink fast. I have 3 more but not sure I care. Haha.

And if you took what I wrote as denial you have it wrong.


Thanks for the offer of u2u but my first post already explained my thoughts on that.

Smoking is first at bat, but I'm just seeing when my emotional state is in a good place to quit.

I know me very well.

I only posted here to shed some more light.

I always watch myself and worry, as I think there's alcoholism in my family on my mothers side.

I noticed once that I get a craving for alcohol at times when I have exerted a lot of self discipline upon myself- like I found it happened when I was training a horse. At the end of a few intense hours, I would desire alcohol.

I mentioned this to a neighbor once (oh man, I shouldn't have, I wasn't aware yet of how the people talk, and how that probably made her think I OBEY that urge and was telling her I am a drinker!!!! )
But she made a suggestion- she said, "Maybe you just need sugar at that moment? "

I never ate sugar back then, didn't like sweet tastes in general- more of a savory preference. But as an experiment, I tried drinking some orange juice at those moments, and found it DID quench the desire!

But through my life, I have found that the biggest motivator for over -drinking was my views and ideas on it that I got from my environment. My American environment accepted binge drinking as "normal" after a long week, a success, a failure, an emotional event....just about anything, really. It became a support for me in social situations where I was uncomfortable, like parties.

My views changed in France, where it is NEVER acceptable to get drunk. (not that there's no alcoholics- they just are very careful to hide it, and binge drinking is less common). And it took me a while to see that most women refuse to drink any alcohol in public. I witnessed a local woman get branded an alcoholic by town gossip, and when I asked the person spreading that why he thought that, he said he witnessed her have three glasses of wine at a restaurant with her husband once! (he drank the rest of the bottle, but that didn't mean anything...)

Mainly I stay away from it because I don't want to stir up urges for cigarettes which arise if I have even one drink.

But it makes me notice the drinking on American tv series and movies more. Geezus, according to Grey's Anatomy, american surgeons live off of tequila and wine!!!

a reply to: Reverbs

Not sure how much light that post demonstrated. LOL.

Would still like to see you in a residential program for 90 days . . . with good follow-up.

Am still concerned about your medical health amidst all this.

Sigh.

a reply to: Bluesma

Am relieved at your success in avoidance.

Interesting perspectives on America vs France.

I usually strongly encourage folks with any history in their family of alcoholism at all--to drink no more than ONE per day, ever--if that much . . . rigidly . . . religiously. And better, likely, to just be totally abstinent.

I often get Americans responding to that incredulously. But such a strict limit is FAR better than the long slippery slide.

Thanks for your interesting narrative.

Congrats on your self-control.

a reply to: BO XIAN

That was past tense BO

You already agreed, keep up now.

Just playing.



But no even the last post shed light on what can happen to you in withdrawal.
It's a warning.

a reply to: BO XIAN

LOL- One drink, everyday???

First, I am shocked, yes....

Secondly I am shocked that others could find that surprising.... as a strict limit.


Um.... if you are doing anything EVERYDAY, than I would call that an addiction.

I only drink to forget I'm an alcoholic.

Nearly 5 months dry. # alcohol.