For Those Without Their Mom On Mother's Day

a reply to: breakingbs

Ok. Thanks!

a reply to: liveandlearn


Awwww, thank you for sharing that! And thanks for your kind words!

a reply to: Night Star

a reply to: Night Star

Sorry to hear you and others lost your mother but sharing her memory together she becomes immortal, no place to grief, a scar will always remain on your heart but with love you can heal a scar and we can celebrate her life together and life in general


There is no death, daughter.
People die only when we forget them,'
my mother explained shortly before she left me.
'If you can remember me,
I will be with you always.

Isabel Allende,

Silently, one by one,
in the infinite meadows of heaven,
Blossomed the lovely stars,
the forget-me-nots of the angels.

Henry Wadsworth


Because a song
can take you back instantly
to a moment, or a place,
or even a person.
No matter what else has changed
in you or the world,
that one song stays the same,
just like that moment.

Sarah Dessen

Sorry to all who have lost their mothers.

May we also spare a thought for mothers who lost their children.
They seem to go unnoticed.


XxX

I have become a bit bitter towards Mother's Day over the years. Jealousy, more or less being the reason. Social media does nothing but fuel that bitterness with everyone posting pictures with their mothers and I am unable to do that.

I lost my mom in 2005. I was 23 years old, she was 53. She lived with a lifetime of poor health due to getting Rheumatoid Arthritis in her early 20's from a job injury. The many years of prescription meds that she was on to manage this condition ultimately destroyed her. My entire life up until she passed was sitting back and watching her fade away and not a thing I could do about it. It's like watching some one die with cancer, but in super slow motion with weight gain instead of loss.

I never got to give my mother a proper goodbye despite being at her bedside for a month at the end. She was in a medically induced coma the entire time. She was diagnosed with Diabetes 6 months before being hospitalized for setting up cellulitis in her legs. They gave her routine treatment to drain off the built up fluid, but she had a reaction to it and it shut down her kidneys. I was living 600 miles away in Ohio, I received the call and was on the road home 20 mins later.

The following almost 30 days turned out to be the worst days I've ever encountered thus far in my life. 30 days, 2 hospitals, and a domino effect of kidney failure, Rx med withdraws, psychosis, broken bones from flailing about from the pain when they tried multiple times to bring her out from sedation, unable to keep oxygen levels up, setting up congestive heart failure, but unable to do anything about it as she was too big to fit on the op table, other organs failing, being put on life support. I was a my wits end and when you think things can't get much worse, but you're still holding on to that hope, BAM!!! The doctors drop the big decision on your plate. To "pull the plug" or not to "pull the plug" that is the question.

23 year old sons should not have to make those decisions for their mother. Everyone is all like "she is suffering, end her suffering, its not fair for her bla bla bla" but at the end of the day, they are not the one that has to carry that decision with them for the rest of their life. Like a festering wound that never heals and consumes any and all empathy that I have.

The big question is how long. How long after we take her off till she passes. Doctors told me matter of mins. I told them good luck with that because my mom was a fighter and the strongest woman I have ever known. They ASSURED me that she was already gone that the machine was all that was keeping her alive. Boy were they ever wrong. They pulled the tubes and gave her a little morphine for comfort. A few mins came and gone. Soon it was an hour, then two, then THREE. The whole time she was twitching, struggling, gasping, gargling for air. At about hour six, they had given her enough morphine to pretty much stop her heart. Six f***ing hours of watching my mom like that. That's what I chose to do to her. That's the last memory's I have of her. That's the BS I have to carry with me the rest of my life.

Moral of the story, is a big F.U. to mothers day. I hate it. I hate that I was dealt a such a terrible life card like this as it's not fair to my wife, the mother of our daughter, that I feel this way. I do my best to put my feelings aside for her sake as its not her fault, nor is it her problem, but sometimes its REALLY tough.

For those folks that do still have their mothers with them. Good for you. Cherish it, love it, enjoy it, bathe in it. I would give anything in the world to be able to have told my mom that I loved her one more time, but I was stripped of that.

Tell your moms you love them everyday. Never take them for granted. You don't want to live with having missed that chance.

a reply to: Night Star

Thanks for your response in the other thread. This may be my last mothers day to show my appreciation to my mom, I just don't know. I just made her a french toast with maple syrup breakfast, with a side of strawberries, grapes and her favorite tea. Today I'll go shopping for her, clean house, and make dinner for us.

She enjoys being doted over, I feel abashed, its the least I can do for her for all those years she raised me. Where ever your mom is I hope she is reading your Mothers Day thread, and beaming…

a reply to: intrptr

Awe, you or so kind to your mom! Nice!

One moment of unexpected quality can replace a lifetime of horrible quantity.

One day, I had had enough of a life time of drama and the present moment's drama and said I was going to daily Mass and she surprised me by asking if she could come along. Knowing her, the thought made me uncomfortable but I said sure.

I drove, and as I got out of her T-bird and closed the door, she had done the same on her side and our eyes met, unexpectedly, over the roof of the car. Shocked, but neither of us showing it, it was as if we were seeing each other for the first time. We said nothing. We didn't move, but lingered for a long moment in silent agreement, over the gaze into each other's eyes.

Thank God, I got that, not knowing what was to follow. It left me confused, but grateful.

CF

a reply to: confirmed

That was sooo beautiful!!

originally posted by: Hazardous1408
Sorry to all who have lost their mothers.

May we also spare a thought for mothers who lost their children.
They seem to go unnoticed.


XxX

So very true! Thank you for mentioning that!

a reply to: SgtHamsandwich

My heart breaks for you. You did what anyone in your situation would have done. We had to make the choice for my Mom too. Your Mother's suffering has ended and I believe that life goes on after the physical body dies. Being on so much morphine, you Mom probably had no idea what was even going on at the time. Please know that she doesn't blame you and that she loves you. HUGS!!!!!!!!!

a reply to: intrptr

You are doing a great job being there for your Mom!

Thank you! Mom is finally with my Dad who she had missed terribly. I'm sure they are somewhere beautiful and smiling and laughing as they always did.

a reply to: ClownFish

Awwww, thank you for sharing that Honey!

originally posted by: Night Star
a reply to: SgtHamsandwich

My heart breaks for you. You did what anyone in your situation would have done. We had to make the choice for my Mom too. Your Mother's suffering has ended and I believe that life goes on after the physical body dies. Being on so much morphine, you Mom probably had no idea what was even going on at the time. Please know that she doesn't blame you and that she loves you. HUGS!!!!!!!!!

Thank you for the kind words and thank you for your OP.

Sorry to unload like that. They say it gets easier with time, but it really doesn't. You just become numb to it.

Below is a poem we used for her funeral. I loved it and I've held it close to me for the past 11 years. I even have a tattoo of "Miss me, but let me go" in remembrance of my mom. Maybe you can get a little solace from it as well.

When I come to the end of the road
And the sun has set for me
I want no rites in a gloom-filled room.
Why cry for a soul set free?
Miss me a little – but not too long
And not with your head bowed low.
Remember the love that we once shared,
Miss me – but let me go.

For this is a journey that we all must take
And each must go alone.
It's all a part of the Master's plan,
A step on the road to home.
When you are lonely and sick of heart
Go to the friends we know
And bury your sorrows in doing good deeds.
Miss Me – But Let me Go!

a reply to: SgtHamsandwich

That poem is so touching. Thank you so much for that!


It's only been since October for me, so it's still rather new and makes me cry. I knew though that it was her time, that she was getting frail and tired, that she longed to be with my Dad again. I was grateful that she lived so long and was still able to do things with my help and that of my Sister and other family members running errands, getting her groceries, doing housework etc, she was able to remain at home until she had a stroke and passed within days. It was heart wrenching seeing her die. It is heart wrenching knowing I can't hug and kiss her and share a meal and our daily lives with each other. But I know she is better off where she is.


Thank you for coming into this thread and sharing your story with us. And thank you for the lovely poem! Hugs!

In Puerto Rico... Everyone Is Your Mother. Yes... You May Lose One Or Two... But There Is Always One More To Suffer...

That Is An Old Pinocchian Proverb From The Codex Of The Sh¡ttim...

Just saw this, my mom passed away about four years ago and i miss her greatly, but we had great times that were a blast, and i just want to say happy mothers day to her, a little late but still.

a reply to: PinocchioNever heard of that. Thank you!

originally posted by: DersonFed
Just saw this, my mom passed away about four years ago and i miss her greatly, but we had great times that were a blast, and i just want to say happy mothers day to her, a little late but still.

Awwww, I'm sure she knows she is loved and smiling down on you.