7 Habits of Highly Emotionally Intelligent People

Fast Company

People with high emotional intelligence tend to do better at work. So what habits do they have that set them apart?
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www.fastcompany.com...
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1. THEY FOCUS ON THE POSITIVE
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2. THEY SURROUND THEMSELVES WITH POSITIVE PEOPLE
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3. THEY ARE ABLE TO SET BOUNDARIES AND BE ASSERTIVE WHEN NECESSARY
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Although their friendly, open nature may make them appear as pushovers to some, people with high EI are able to set boundaries and assert themselves when needed. They demonstrate politeness and consideration but stay firm at the same time.
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They do not make needless enemies. Their response to situations, in which there may be conflict, is measured, not inflated, and managed appropriately to the situation. They think before speaking and give themselves time to calm down if their emotions appear to become overwhelming. High EI people guard their time and commitments and know when they need to say no.
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4. THEY ARE FORWARD THINKING AND WILLING TO LET GO OF THE PAST
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I think the commentaries that go with each item are brief but meaty, potent.
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They capture the essence of the trait or quality.
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They give sufficient information to allow the reader to see how the reader might implement that trait, habit or quality in their own life.
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This is not the full book of the classic in the field--EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE by Daniel Goleman:
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www.amazon.com...=sr_1_2?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1462595303&sr=1-2&keywords=eq+emotional+int elligence
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But it is greatly easier and quicker to read and packs plenty of punch for the time and text involved.
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IF you want to do better in work and in your family and social relationships, then this article could well be of significant help via the insights and suggestions it offers.
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If you wish to focus on the negative and whine, vs grow and improve, this article is probably not for you.
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plowin deep sorta......toxic is the label for those that gossip and goldbrick, huh

sorta the same idea sector is this....Devine Natural then common laws in this reality.....
Devine is established for our reality
Natural is learned real quick in life, Devine cannot be learned
Common is not even for sure established absolutely....still working out every possible detail as cases appear

seems shallow but Devine law means God has us set up in a cool deal.....got us covered....I guess we should apply ourselves to devine risk.....devine plan....

a reply to: GBP/JPY

I don't think I'm understanding your main points, though I'd like to.

I think your writing style may be toooo cryptic and a bit tooo disjointed.

Perhaps you'd communicate your ideas better if you'd try a topic sentence for each paragraph and then 2-5 supporting sentences for that topic sentence.

Anyway--FWIW.

a reply to: BO XIAN

This is a long-winded question (but you and your wife seem to have a wonderful marriage, my parents divorced when I was 3 and had pretty poor parental skills)

So if you would have/ do have children

What kind of relationship advice would you give them and what kind of partner would you want for your kids

Re: EQ brilliant finally someone mentioned it IQ is so biased without life experience and EQ . My intelligence is supprest by EQ (I am an empath) often that is mistaken for weakness and other misunderstanding, people make so many biased assumptions about me it's not normal (hence the luck of EQ in some people is astounding)

Next question : thoughts on unconditional love

(You don't need to answer either)

a reply to: BO XIAN

Here this made me think of this thread

Infinity is just like kinkless quality of the mind and within this kinkless quality, everything is all righted, if you took the right space, its infinite.

😎

a reply to: BO XIAN
I've had a few bosses like this. The type of people that would let your questions roll around in their head before they answered you. Looking for the best way to answer your question.
They never showed their stress or anger, only positive emotion. The closest they would get to an angry face would be no emotion or stoic face. But never anything that would put you off.
These types of bosses usually have a following too. If they left a company, the employees who respected them would leave with them and go to the new company with the boss.
I still use some of those bosses as references.

a reply to: rollanotherone

I couldn't agree more a lot of bosses are managers and luck leadership skills

One of favourite quotes

If your actions inspire others to dream more, learn more, do more and become more, you are a leader. John Quincy Adams

Me saying this about myself maybe horn tootin ?? that's kinda like me, in a nut shell fucus ..

originally posted by: Obtain
a reply to: BO XIAN

This is a long-winded question (but you and your wife seem to have a wonderful marriage, my parents divorced when I was 3 and had pretty poor parental skills)

So if you would have/ do have children

What kind of relationship advice would you give them and what kind of partner would you want for your kids

Thanks for the honor of your comments and of your questions. I'll see what I can do to reply meaningfully.

1. My wife left me after 9 years around 1981/82 to marry her co-worker. He was much more of a macho man. 9 years later, she divorced him. I don't know what she had about 9 years. I don't know what happened after 3rd hubby. LOL.

2. My parents divorced when I was 2 years old. It was a horrendous thing/jolt in my life. Both blood dad and step-dad were harsh men. Blood dad was worse. If I'd had to live with him, I'd probably have shot him and then myself. He had employees at his gasoline stations. He expected them to GUESS what he wanted done; when he wanted it done and precisely how he wanted it done. If they guessed slightly wrong, there was hell to pay from him. Crazy. Then he blamed the fact he had high employee turnover on THEM! Sheesh!

3. My own attachment disorder has been a lifelong challenge to overcome. I've made, by God's grace and tons of help and work tremendous progress. At nearly 70, though, I still get whiff's of its continuing influence in my life.

3.1 MRI studies show literal physiological brain damage in those with serious attachment disorder in 2 brain areas--the area having to do with managing emotional expression and the area having to do with managing relationships. I now do amazingly above average in both those areas but it has been a long struggle to get there.

4. REGARDING CHILDREN and their future spouses:

4.1 My values would play a huge part.
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A) Pray for your future spouse now--that God is training them to be a perfect match for you; that they be healthy, wise, humble, affectionate, loving, patient, selfless and hard working at whatever needs to be done.
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B) BECOME the sort of perfect spouse for them that you know God would want and honor. Become maximally humble, wise, affectionate, loving, patient, selfless and hard working at whatever needs to be done. Have a servant-hearted attitude (without unfitting groveling or demeaning yourself) toward them as unto Yeshua/Christ.
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C) THEN--follow your heart. Find--rather ask God to bring to you--the one HE KNOWS who would 'light your fire.' Not only sexually, but more important your heart of affection, devotion and delight in your spouse-to-be. Find someone you'd want to open your heart to and your experience of life and the world to day in and day out for the rest of your life.
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D) Find someone that you could count it a true honor and joy to shoulder all that life might and will throw at you come rain or come shine. Find someone you could find it easy to 'promise the moon to' then work hard to deliver all you could on that promise--with joy.
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E) Find someone who shares your values, your beliefs, your basic attitude toward God and life; notions of right and wrong; a basic work ethic in the foundationally key areas. Then find someone who is a great contrast and balance to you in 2-3 areas. Maybe you are pedantic and they are super spontaneous. Maybe you love to talk and they love to listen. Then be very patient when they do too much of what you like most.
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F) Find someone who can stand on their own feet without being co-dependent, chronically helpless or clingy. Yet, who can accept help when needed without fuss.

G) Check out their degree of attachment disorder and from what causes. Insure most of that has been worked through or determine with God that you and your future spouse will win those battles redemptively as soon as workable, regardless.
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H) Run away from someone who has serious attachment disorder with mostly a huge lack of insight and lack of humility about it.
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I) It's not essential but helps a lot if the other person has a similar sleep pattern. Lots of morning people marry lots of night people but it's a challenge in their daily lives. It works better if both are one or the other--usually.
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J) INSURE that both of you share the basic values and expectations about having kids and how to raise them.
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I think I'll stop there. That's probably enough food for thought. I hope I've spoken to what you wanted me to speak to.

Re: EQ brilliant finally someone mentioned it IQ is so biased without life experience and EQ . My intelligence is supprest by EQ (I am an empath) often that is mistaken for weakness and other misunderstanding, people make so many biased assumptions about me it's not normal (hence the luck of EQ in some people is astounding)

Yeah, that's common--lots of folks are clueless about such things. There's so little great parenting on such scores. Little to no training on such things. Dr Murray Banks in WHAT TO DO UNTIL THE PSYCHIATRIST COMES (YouTube) talks about how schools don't teach such things--but teach things instead that help you get to the funny farm faster. LOL.
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I don't know how suppressed your IQ might be. Maybe you merely need to learn a wider variety of ways to let it show or be expressed. EQ is a type of IQ in most solid professionals' constructions on such reality.
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Next question : thoughts on unconditional love

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That's a great but tricky topic, imho.
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UNCONDITIONAL LOVE
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Dr Murray Banks says "Would you plant a tree in your yard and say 'tree, promise me you'll love me forever. Even though I nip you in the bud, promise me . . . "
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Almighty God Yehovah demonstrated unconditional love in that while we were lost in our flaws, idolatries and rebellions, He still sent His 'only begotten Son' (whatever that means) to die for us that we might be rejoined to The Father in eternal intimacy.
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Yet, He still expects us who have accepted Christ's covering for our waywardness by His Blood to cooperate with Him toward becoming all that He designed for us to be originally.
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That's a hard act to follow.
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I think we come closest to unconditional love when we love our children--maybe any children. Maybe when we love a dog--particularly maybe a helpless child or dog.
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Our selfish, !ME! !ME! !ME! society seems to think of unconditional love as a mental illness.
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It's not. It's a demonstration that God has worked an increasing miracle in our hearts--with our cooperation.
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I've loved a lot of people that I'd have been willing to die for. It originally arose out of my extreme isolation and desperate need for connection. But it also arose out of hearing a sermon as a 7th grader about I Cor 13 and asking God to help me love like Jesus loved. He's been answering that prayer the whole rest of my life--often with startling and heavy duty results.
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And, praying to be able to love like Jesus or to have wisdom or to have patience--each of those prayers results in the same heavy duty tuition 'school' of very hard knocks. The refiners fires get quite hot along that road. Sometimes they are hot for prolonged times. Only HIS GRACE SUSTAINS and keeps one alive through such refiners' fires.
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There's nothing more fulfilling than loving God unreservedly and then turning around and sharing His love in one's own heart for others unconditionally. Nothing.

cont

a reply to: BO XIAN

Your answer is perfect thank you

I wouldn't know how to thank you for writing that I will bookmark it

a reply to: BO XIAN

continued:

NOTHING comes close to fulfilling, thrilling, joy-ing, exciting, satisfying . . . as loving unconditionally--particularly those who cannot love back or whom you'll never see again or whom don't know where the loving came from.
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Of course, loving those closest to you unconditionally brings rich return on 'investment.' But it really has to be unreservedly and lavish--freely lavish--graciously lavish. And maybe it has to be that way for quite some time before you begin to 'reap the good you have sown.'
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I was in China during the Tienanmen era when civil war was looming on the brink. The locals were concerned because the government was starting to stir up anti-American sentiment to deflect some of the demand for democracy etc.
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2-3 different families came to me quietly and said: "Dr Bo, don't be afraid. We will hide you. We will protect you."
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You don't understand how lovingly devastating such high risk love was. They not only were saying they were willing to risk their jobs--they were willing to risk the jobs of all their family members and the lives of each one, as well. TALK ABOUT HUMBLING. I was crushed to my core with such love.
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And, they were that sort of quality people. However, they did not show that kind of love to the rest of the 60 foreigners in the city of many million--as far as I ever heard or observed. They might have to an elderly Nun I knew who was a dear heart, too. But the reason they responded so incredibly to me was that they had seen my loving them day in and day out without counting the cost in authentically humble and sacrificial ways. They knew it was real. And they were experts at detecting the phony. Praise God for that.
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If I had not gone through the very long dark night of the soul after my wife's divorce, I'd not have been able to love the Chinese so powerfully, so automatically, without counting the cost and with genuine delight.
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[HEY--THE TINITUS I WENT TO BED WITH EARLIER--IS NOW GONE! YEA! Somehow, it left while I was responding to your post! PTL! THANKS, GOD! It was the worst I'd ever experienced and for longer than ever before. Am so blessed its gone!]
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I don't know that anyone can love unconditionally if they haven't learned to suffer and overcome regardless.
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I suppose someone who had a loving Dad and Mom who DEMONSTRATED day in and day out for the first 18 years of the child's life what loving unconditionally was all about--I guess such a child would likely be able to--at least largely. But I still wonder if there would be some nuance or aspect missing without their personally having learned to suffer and overcome.
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Then there's the issue--is any love that totally selfless?
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Yes, I think there is. A lot of Mothers' love is. And some Fathers can love that way. But it's not so common any more in our era, it seems. It is like the enemy of our souls has seduced the masses away from authentic love and particularly away from unconditional love.
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And I do not think that anyone can love unconditionally without continually having God fill their love buckets back up day by day. Maybe they can do a good approximation but something will be missing and they will wear down and become burned out way too soon in their lives, imho.
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I'd say that approximately 95% or more of the 3,000+ students I've taught on 2 continents knew in their bone marrow that I loved them and would have done whatever I could to have helped them. A lot of them voluntarily told me as much. That was true even of students who had values almost opposite to mine. That was the Grace of God in my life, through my life.
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LOVE IS DOING THE BEST FOR THE WELFARE OF THE OTHER PERSON.
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How much of that do you see of any significant degree or quality in our !ME! !ME! !ME! era?
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And it is selfish because of crazy serious attachment disorder married to human nature run wild. The result is insecurity born selfishness raging rampant.
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Yeah. There is unconditional love. But how to help a child mature to that quality and level of love is a task that I think God has to be in the thick of even with ideal parents. He alone can place that kind of Love in our hearts. He alone can help mature it to a very tough, durable yet tender, gentle, warm sort of thing fit for all circumstances and demands of life.
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Certainly the father has to model it in front of the child from 0 years on. Mother's love is fairly automatic and virtually always there. But Dad's love is of a different sort and he HAS to show it day in and day out for the quality to be transmitted successfully.
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Anyway--I've blathered on long enough I think. If you have further questions about the above, please feel free.
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Thanks again, BoX

a reply to: BO XIAN

You sound identicle to someone I know so bizarre (well not personally but admire their work)

I'd say that approximately 95% or more of the 3,000+ students I've taught on 2 continents knew in their bone marrow that I loved them and would have done whatever I could to have helped them. A lot of them voluntarily told me as much. That was true even of students who had values almost opposite to mine. That was the Grace of God in my life, through my life.

That part

a reply to: Obtain

Hmmmmm.

Curious.

Unless you know me face to face? LOL.

Thanks for the honor of your questions.

LUB