Does it seem to anyone else that "Personal Growth" is now a bad word?

I seem to noticing a disturbing trend in my life and in social media where people are viewing self improvement as a negative thing. "Changing themselves," even for the better, seems to be not just a foreign concept, but an offensive one. They're clinging to Meme's that say things like "You're perfect just the way you are, don't change for anybody" and "You can't be loved by someone until you love yourself." Well, most of the people I see quoting that sort of stuff in life and on facebook tend to be rather in love with themselves anyways. It all seems like self-obsession rationale.

Let me give you an example. I have a friend who's spent the last 15 years living with his dad doing nothing but smoking everything he can get his hands on and playing video games. He won't get a job because he's terrified of being stressed, he dresses in clothes that are falling apart and not the right size for him, he won't even brush his hair or his beard. He also complains constantly that he can't find a good woman who will like him for who he is. I've suggested maybe cleaning himself up a little, maybe trying to better himself in some ways to seem more appealing but he doesn't want to do that because he doesn't want to have to "change" to get a woman. Somehow he's worried that if he improves himself he won't be "himself" anymore.

I guess i'm just annoyed by this narcissistic bullsh** spiritualism that's seems to be saying that self-obsession is a fine and proper thing.

People should be who they are when finding a mate...

If someone doesn't want you, for all of you, they're not good enough...
But there is limits, and if you're a layabout slob, well there is no helping them.

Being a slob is a sure way to be rejected instead of being a prime Alpha that is well kept.


Some are satisfied with their Beta role in society...

a reply to: Slanter

"You're perfect just the way you are, don't change for anybody"

Just about that, it mostly applies to people that feel they've been forced to change their very nature. The person shouldn't change, each of us has our own character, singularly unique, don't change that, ever. People that want that, just want to run you, mold you to their ends.

Its okay to be you, not okay to be somebody else's idea of you.

Damn the control freaks anyway.

Edit: Sounds like your friend is in open rebellion against whomever stole his identity, two guesses who…

If your friend can't bother to take care of himself why would any woman want him?
She would be afraid of being stuck doing everything. No thanks..

a reply to: Slanter

I do agree with the one that says you have to love yourself, but I don't see it as a narcissistic fetish love. It's got to be a mature love of who you are which includes knowing your faults and understanding what you need to work on. It's as much about accepting that you are not perfect as it is accepting the good things you possess.

Until you can love it all, then it will be hard for you to love others and them to love you.

Personal growth required effort. Most don't want to. Bringing other down takes a lot less effort.

It's also the logical outgrowth of the self-esteem movement where we spend all that time building our kids self-esteem instead of encouraging them to do things to earn it on their own.

a reply to: Slanter

There is a significant difference between personal growth, and sublimation of self. Knowing the difference between these, where the lines are, is something which is best learned early. It is possible to come by that knowledge by tutelage, by having wise people around one, when one is young and learning the world around one. However, all too often the lesson is put on hold, inappropriate or incompetent parenting can hold the process back.

However, once learned, the lesson is invaluable.

For example, your buddy, with the personal hygiene issues...I have long hair, and a long beard. I clean and brush both, once every two days in winter, once a day in summer, more if it is very hot. I value my kit, my clothes and equipment and personal accessories. They look after me, and I look after them. I buy functional clothing that wears hard, and lasts a long time, mostly from the army and navy surplus store, plus the odd bits and bobs from alternative wear merchants.

When my stuff starts to break down, I fix it. When it stops fitting me properly, I recycle it into something else, or get it let out a little if possible. I do not do this because I fear looking unpresentable. I do this so that my kit can keep looking after me.

I would never sublimate myself for any reason, I value being who I am. However, because I value the man I have become, I will ensure that I have what I need to get through the day, that my boots are not cracked of sole, that my trousers are not falling apart around my legs, that my shirts are in proper order. Failure to do so can lead to complications and unhealthy situations.

I haven't noticed this at all.

Self development and self-help books are some of the best selling out there. People are making a KILLING on self help books right now.

Most people are miserable and think a book will teach them how to be happy.

a reply to: Slanter

Not to worry. It’s a self-curing problem.

People of the sort you mention rarely breed.

I've noticed it too! Then again I was raised with the idea that everyone is flawed and that we could all do better. It was always stressed to do our best, to try our hardest at everything we did. From school work, to house work, to friendships/relationships, ect.

I"m a firm believer that it is human nature to be lazy and fall into bad habits, but that it is our drive to improve ourselves and our standing in our world that keeps us trying to improve ourselves. I am flawed, I am irritable, I am grumpy, I am lazy, I am a procrastinator! I also more than just that! I have plenty of good qualities as well, but it takes effort to not let the negative qualities take over and outweigh the positive ones. Sure I love myself, but I sure as hell don't think I am perfect or couldn't stand to make changes to be a better version of myself. I could be less lazy, less irritable, less grumpy, ect.. So I actively work on improving myself in those areas!

There are a lot of people who don't seem to think they need to work on their negatives, they just accept them as part of who they are without any effort to try to be better. They also seem to expect others to just accept the negatives about them and love them anyway. Like I tell my kids (all boys) "It doesn't work that way princess" If you have tons of negatives and don't think you should have to try to better yourself, that's fine, but it means that you won't likely find anyone who will tolerate it or accept your crap. IE alone, slovenly, and unhappy in a lot of cases.