17 Signs You Probably Should've Already Broken Up With Someone

Emma Lord
February 5, 2015 Lifestyle on Bustle
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www.bustle.com...
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I'm not saying that this makes it easy to do the actual breaking up, because breaking up, regardless of the circumstances, is never a simple or painless thing. No matter how long you have been in a relationship with someone, there is some kind of history and a degree of trust between the two of you that will inevitably be altered forever, whether or not you decide to stay friends. But at some point, even the pain of breaking up is nothing compared to the long, slow strain of staying in a relationship that just plain isn't working anymore. You owe it to yourself — and to the other person — to give yourselves a chance to find a relationship that really does feel the way it's supposed to. Because if you are feeling any of these things, odds are, you should have broken up already by now:
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1. It feels like a chore to talk to them on the phone
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2. They aren't one of the first people you think of when you get good news
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3. You pick fights over stupid things
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10. Your friends still don't like them
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11. You feel threatened [THIS ONE IS HUGE--you may well NEED to GET OUT!]
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There's some heavy duty items on this list.
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I think it is a valuable list to go through thoughtfully . . . and as fits . . . prayerfully.
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Each item has a good paragraph of explanation.
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Using such a list, imho, requires really candid soul-searching of yourself, your priorities, your values and the evidence--as well as about your partner.
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And, I suppose, most of us end up doing a kind of brutal cost/benefit analysis--if we are remotely sane and wise. However, doing such an analysis requires being uncommonly objective and honest with yourself and about your partner and other major realities in your situation.
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Then there's the issue that so many from broken relationships--who haven't really learned anything about relationships so far in life--are virtually certain to end the current relationship and go right out and find someone else not that different to set up the same old games with. What's the sense in that? The axiom is to be relationship free in terms of romantic relationships--for at least 2 years before starting a new one. It takes that long to 'clear your system' of the last relationship. Yet, I rarely hear of folks taking that time--to their own hurt. And, that is just a rule of thumb. There are reasonable exceptions.
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IF you find yourself going from relationship to relationship committing the same errors over and over again--get some therapy. At least read Drs Sibcy and Clinton's ADJUSTMENT book. There is a Kindle version.
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Cheers.

a reply to: BO XIAN

Please no more linking to pointless blogs about facts that make no matter, until people learn from their mistakes. These "facts" aren't facts at all. Merely observational opinions

Please!! No More Relationship quizzes, advice, blogs or tests. I don't know what's driven you to constantly post these, but Enough.

It's like one big click bait account, I'm waiting for the 1 weird trick to clean your closet ceilings thread or the idea that all pilots in Saskatoon without a prostitution conviction in the past three years are going to love, and as always the popular 19 celebrities you did not know had a transgender racially mixed uncle that raised freshwater clams while cleansing himelf in the waters of lake minnetonka....

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edit on 5/2/2016 by Kangaruex4Ewe because: (no reason given)

a reply to: BO XIAN

Breaking up can be a frightful thing to consider and it's common to put it off out of fear, inertia, lazy-headedness, insecurities.

And, if it's not necessary, it's better to work relationship problems through.

However, we have all seen, in our era, a LOT of relationships formed based on negligible rational sense. When one or both parties begin to realize the thing was more or less 'designed' to fail from the beginning, it's likely time to pull up stakes and split the sheets and move on.

Then there's the whole issue of far too big a percentage of the relationships today are a raging example of DYSFUNCTIONAL PATHOLOGY "A" hooked up with DYSFUNCTIONAL PATHOLOGY "B!" How sweet.

And then they proceed to spread their horrendous hideousness deep into the lives of their offspring. At that point I begin to wonder if my strong aversion to government licensing of conception is the right idea.

Hopefully, more deeply incompatible and terminally immature folks will split-up early--before bringing hapless kids into the world to abuse and continue the cycle of dysfunction and grief.

Yet, I hate broken relationships. And IF things can be rationally healed and made to work constructively and lastingly--great.

A big one for me is once the trust is gone, it's over.

If you find yourself being suspicious, ask yourself why. Look at why you feel the way you do and if you mistrust your partner, walk away.

Sometimes you will mistrust due to patterns of the past and that be worked on, but if you mistrust them because of their own behaviours, if they do not deserve your trust, the relationship is dead. Time to bury it.