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And that right there, is where I worry. Because if she is this way over wedding details...I fear how she will deal with bigger life changes and how manipulative she will be.
originally posted by: MountainLaurel
a reply to: AccessDenied
Good Morning, congrats on your daughter's upcoming wedding to her best friend, that's wonderful and the best way to start a marriage.
Throughout my years working as a floral designer I have seen these types of power struggles over and over, and more often then you might think with the Mother of the groom ! There seems to be some wacky dynamic that many Mother's of Sons go through when their Boy is about to marry. what's that old poem....
"A Daughters love you have for life, a Son's love till he finds a Wife"...lol...it's something like that...but it's makes these women nuts, I've seen it with my own sister and her son who is now in a serious relationship and approaching marriage age. It's an irrational , raw emotion your dealing with, that the MIL most likely is oblivious to herself.
Here are a few suggestions that might help....
1. ASAP plan a casual family event ( at a park, or neutral place ) with both the bride and grooms immediate family , friends involved with the wedding and possibly any "trades" helping with the wedding, depending on their relationship to the family. The stated purpose of this gathering is to bond with the significant others in each others life's, but also to HELP the bride and groom "brainstorm" about finalizing the details and also a "tasting" to finalize the menu.
2. Embrace her desserts, along with the cake....it's lovely to have other selections and perhaps little boxes for guests to take a dessert to go...It's a BIG deal in many cultures to make these extra desserts...lol...my Grandma wasn't allowing any of her kids to be married without Italian wedding cookies ! Give this one to her, make her feel special and important...lol...and keep her busy baking..
3. Ask her and your son and who ever else is involved in possible menu selections and food preparation to bring samples...her sandwiches may be delightful for cocktail hour, your families barbecue is perfect for a more substantial meal .....You're gonna win this one hands down when the MIL can't deny how much most of the family will enjoy the barbecue.....the Men's influence is important on this one too...unless she's a complete nut this should work.
4. Ask the Bride and Groom to each make a "wish list" of how they both see their Wedding Day going.....make it fun, have each one read out loud to the group....from there it opens the doors and changes the dynamics.....presumably now the "group" can give input to support the Bride and Groom , hopefully positive...but again unless the MIL is a nut, she'll yield to the FUN process and stick with the plan to HELP the Bride and Groom Finalize the details and leave HAPPY !
5. Hopefully her 3 granddaughters are involved in the wedding in some way...give her a lot of say so on dressing them and couching them....there's nothing cuter then kids in weddings.....it's an important job only SHE can do right....lol...keeps her busy...:wink:
6. Take a breath and remember that if you help your daughter pull this off and keep her husbands Mother happy, while also claiming her place in his life she will be his hero forever. Your daughter has everything to gain by "winning" this woman over by asserting herself in a way that can allow them both to support the Man they both Love. Again unless she's a complete nut, it's possible...she did raise a son that is good to your child.
GOOD LUCK !!! Feel free to IM me any questions you might have about wedding planning or just to chat.....I've been told I'm very good at this !
originally posted by: AccessDenied
And it's MOM FOR THE WIN!!!!
Houston...we have an elopement!