So many forums I could probably place this in, but since it seems to be so controversial, I am just putting it here. I'm sure many here will
appreciate it, and yes, I'm pretty sure some feathers are probably going to get ruffled. Hopefully the ruffled folks don't lose their minds...
I will say this though and why I think I have every right to post something like this besides the obvious...
I am a 57 year old gay woman. Been gay all my life. Owned a womens bar and contributed much to the community with fund raisers and such. I have helped
turn a once very homophobic community to now one of the most popular places for Gays to move in South Florida. I accomplished this by opening my doors
to all. One simple rule. Good people stay, jerks leave, or as long as you play well with others, you are welcome to stay. I am proud of this.
The thing is, I am 5'10". I use the ladies room and yes I can be considered butch. I would have to say going to the restroom in public has been
basically a chore for the most part. 8 out of 10 times it gets pointed out to me that I'm in the ladies room. Older women glance nervously at the
door to make sure they are in the right restroom. I am gentle with them. Some women are pretty obnoxious about it, their tone insinuating that I must
be illiterate to not be able to read the door. Some just plain rude. I have learned to handle the situations in a number of ways, each according to
how I'm addressed basically. I have even had management come in to check me out. I can honestly say though, I have never attacked, groped, or done
anything to another woman in a public bathroom except maybe to hand them a towel.
So really, I have been having a problem for years and I was where I was suppose to be. This is a picture of me, just so you understand what people are
seeing when they have concerns about me. I realize I don't have to post this, but we all know how some members can get, and I have nothing to
This video below is starting to go virile, so it may end up here eventually anyway. I just hope we can have a nice discussion without too much madness
ensuing. To think it could be quite possible another member from this forum may have been one to give me the "eye," not even realizing I may be a
member they have enjoyed reading. Its a stretch I know, but I only say it for the point. We have a lot of gay members here. Do we really wish these
added problems to their days?
I had no idea you were 5'10!!!
LOL Just kidding, friend!
My SIL gets looks (well used to more than now) for going in the women's room. She has become a little more 'feminine' looking as she has aged.
She's still what one would consider 'butch' but, she went in the ladies room because she had female anatomy. I think. Perhaps I'll ask her
edit on 21-4-2016 by TNMockingbird because: emojis make me hit enter too soon!
I can understand a man who has completely transformed into a woman (surgically) using the women's bathroom, but I can't comprehend how anyone supports
a man who pretends to be a woman because they are more feminine than masculine and yet still has man parts should use a woman's bathroom. I just can't
understand that one. It's disturbing to me. Sorry, just my opinion on the matter.
I personally don't link the Gay issue to Transgender. Transgender is a totally different issue and has nothing to do with sexual attraction. Also,
what consenting adults want to do each other in the privacy of their own home doesn't affect me nor concern me.
On the other hand people with the wrong equipment using the same bathroom as my wife and daughter DOES affect me. I don't care if my family shares a
bathroom with a gay person, but I do have a problem with my wife having to share a bathroom with someone that pees standing up.
If I were gays I wouldn't want to be attached to this issue as it simply makes an already confusing issue (at least to normal folks) more confusing.
I don't think that just because someone dresses up as a man or women it means they are gay. Am I wrong about this?
Here's my take on the whole thing (with a disclaimer bias that I work in one of the larger cities and that may be skewing my view a little).
My concern with these new laws that are coming out bothers me a little bit. It's not that I think trans-people shouldn't use whatever facilities they
are comfortable with. It's more that I believe the laws are basically taking a tough situation and simply making it a heck of a lot worse.
Like I said I work in a very big city and in doing so, I see just about everything. When it comes to this topic, from what I have seen is that there
is almost an unspoken agreement or acknowledgement that women (including those of the trans-variety) use the women's room and me (including the
trans-variety) use the men's room. Just my observations over the years but a lot of us have seen (to use a cliché) a nicely dressed "woman" with an
Adam's apple use the ladies room... and nobody really cares. Everyone basically just "gets it" and realizes that its far more likely this person is
living as a woman to a large extent then it is likely that "he" is going in there to cause any kind of trouble.
Because, to me, it seems that overall there wasn't too much of an issue, I find the law causing more harm than good.
Here's the thing, it is impossible to read someone's mind and this is what concerns me. The language in these laws seem to always point to
(paraphrase) "the gender that the person IDENTIFIES with." Where in the past a dude that is clearly a dude would get thrown out of a women's room
(with good reason), now all anyone has to do is just say, "Hey, I IDENTIFY as a female and you can't do a damn thing." And that person would be right
because how do you prove that?
In what I'll call "the old way" there was some issues here and there but by and large it sort of worked (at least where I live). The law is just
going to make things worse, in my opinion.
First, thanks so much for your thoughtful, open and frank thread. Your anecdotal information has a lot of value as it pertains to your thread.
..... and I agree with you. As the delightfully entertaining Trae Crowder said in the video, transgendered folk have been there all throughout
Trae Crowder was a genuine surprise. Love his speech patterns and his fire and humor.
I don't have a problem with who is in the public bathrooms with me. I go there for specific functions which don't include socializing. Okay,
infrequent banter while standing shoulder-to-shoulder at the urinal trough. TMI. Not that it matters.... I'm a herto man. Should I quiver with
fear and inner recrimination if I choose to use the bathroom in a gay bar? Should I metaphorically flog myself for being in the gay bar in the first
place? NO! I'm there because I'm having fun with friends and really couldn't care any less who is doing what in the stall next to me as long as
they're not overtly noisy.
Does my Darlin' have a problem in women's loo? Why would she?
I don't understand the issue, but I guess it's mostly about fear. Fear of what some of us choose to not understand. Maybe fear of ourselves,
We don't have children, so there is a variable that doesn't resonate with me, however I don't see how that would change things -- parents should be
protective of their children. Bathrooms might be potentially frightful for kids, but that has to do with the way the world has changed (predators
and such) but not in any way -- in my opinion -- related to the sexuality or gender identify of people.
I hope everyone watches the video. It was an insightful and pleasant surprise.
Sorry for the novella. In 1976 I walked into a bar called the Palms. To take a leak. I later became somewhat of a mascot. Fun people went
there. I like fun people.
For most of my life I have looked like an NFL lineman that retired to be a biker. Women typically have never felt comfortable being alone with me,
especially in situations that might be considered vulnerable. its not uncommon that i am made to feel like a creep or a pervert for just existing in
the same general vicinity with someone. People are scared of me in real life. At least, until they get to know me a little. People who know me
trust me with anything, including their money.
We judge books by covers. Its part of the way humans think (we are relational thinkers, which tends to make us both risk averse and somewhat
manipulative. But its kept us alive for a long time.
RE: lgbt, its like chickens. You ever see that chicken thats a little different get chased around and pecked by all the other chickens? same thing,
OK, now imagine if you used the men's room, not so much restroom but locker room. No matter how butch you look, it all comes undone when you are
And as much as you can say you are not conventionally attractive to a man, we also know that rape as an act is not about who is attractive as much as
it's about power. A woman in the men's room, locker room and shower is in danger of being raped no matter what she looks like as a power act.
I am the mother of a boy. I would not want a physical female in the same locker room with him someday because I know how teenage boys can be and I
don't want something to happen. I don't want anyone playing with his future that way over ideas of "fairness" to someone who feels he was put in the
wrong body. It is unfair to all the boys in there and dangerous to all of them.
Another angle to consider is the comfort of women who have been raped or victimized in the past. You say yourself that women are already uncomfortable
and you happen to be a woman. Like it or not, and you know this from your own experience, we are very vulnerable when we are toileting in any way
(whether it's the potty or showering in a locker room) and for a woman who has previously been violated in some way by a man to see what looks like a
man coming in and/or sharing the same facility is tough.
I had a roommate who was raped in college, and she wouldn't even let my dad in our dorm room!
edit on 21-4-2016 by ketsuko because: (no reason
If you have cut off your junk then use the women's room. If you have a penis then use the men's room. That just seems a logical and pragmatic
Not if you are transitioning from male to female, wearing a dress, and have not yet had "the downstairs remodeled".
You do know that there are no urinals in the typical women's restroom, right ? Ask any woman.
They only have stalls with toilets, and usually, I assume, doors on those stalls.
So how in the "bleeping" world would your precious women-folk ever know that they are sharing space with a transgendered person?
Unless you ladies make it a point to peer over or under every stall wall they encounter?
In which case, they have a bigger worry than what they might see!
On the flip side, if a person is in transition from female to male, it is highly unlikely that they will be sidleding up to a urinal in the gents
unless they have already had the surgical enhancements needed to "stand and deliver".
I know many a "pee-shy" male unable to comfortably use the "community trough", who scurry off to the privacy of a stall to do their rain dance,
regardless of their natural equipment.
If the bathroom thing isnt supposed to matter then why does it matter so much to transgender people. Your just using the bathroom, use the facility
best suited for the junk your carrying, why are YOU making it a big deal?? Since when did we start disaplacing the 99.9% for the internet soapbox
perhaps that part of it. I can also see where business owners would object profoundly to legislation requiring them to install new bathrooms. I
think such a thing would be entirely unnecessary and probably financially prohibitive to businesses, governments, etc.
I'm hoping that once the new wears off, everyone can just go back to going to the bathroom, do their business and not be overly interested in the
equipment of those in the next stall.
This content community relies on user-generated content from our member contributors. The opinions of our members are not those of site ownership who maintains strict editorial agnosticism and simply provides a collaborative venue for free expression.