a reply to: geezlouise
Thank you but there is a reason why I told the story. Please read some more.....and remember what I said..."I wanted to be punished".....
Skip forward in my life. I am now a young mother of 3 children between the ages of 3 years and another 3 months old. I have just left my abusive
husband and I have no family to help me. I am stressed, overworked, overwhelmed and depressed.
My first 2 babies were dream babies who ate, pooped, giggled and slept through the night. Did get so lucky with the third. The third was clingy,
crying and woke often at night (probably a reflection of my own emotional state).
One night, a night that lives in my memory, she just would not stop crying and go to sleep. She kept me up until about 3 am. Then she woke me up at
4 am. I stood beside her crib looking at this screaming baby. I had never ever refused to pick up a crying baby in my life but I was so tired. I
just wanted her to stop crying so I could sleep. I couldn't bring her to my bed because by then, I had learned that co-sleeping was a risk factor in
SIDS and I couldn't take the chance but God help me, I was at the end of my rope.
I leaned over, hoping to comfort her by touch and voice. That did not work. I found myself with my hands on each side of her head, pushing on the
mattress, harder and harder, until she was slightly bouncing. Then I heard a stern voice in my head. It was yelling "what the hell are you doing".
Of course, I stopped immediately. I left the room. Left her crying but safe in her crib and just walked away. I knew that at that moment, I was
capable of hurting her. I walked out the back door and sat on the steps and cried myself for about 15 minutes until I was calmer.
Then I just went back to care for my child.
Now imagine, just for a minute, that my baby was crying because she was sick. And when I woke up in the morning, she was unresponsive and
brain-damaged because of an infection. A fever that spiked in the night while I was sleeping.
Would I not want to be punished for my actions? Would I not confess that I "shook" the baby?
We are all human beings and tend to react in exactly the same ways in given situations. Any mother would feel shame and guilt for losing their
patience with their baby. And who among us has not! But if something happens just after such an incident .....well I would be ready to be confess
and locked up! Wouldn't you?
Its called being human and normal. But as a society, we don't allow people to commit suicide and we shouldn't participate in false
PS. My daughter is a fine woman with a son of her own now.
Tired of Control Freaks