posted on Apr, 11 2016 @ 07:26 AM
Relationships are, without a doubt, not my strong suit. I have so many messed up stories about my dating life that, if you don't know me, I may come
off as a grandiose liar. My life is one big failure after another and the dating aspect is no different. In fact, it's comically appealing. If
you've ever watched a rom-com and thought "WOAH, that girl is a HOT MESS. What is she thinking?!?!" then that character was probably loosely based
on me. It is for this reason I have given up almost entirely. For your viewing pleasure, I'll probably post a few of my dating disasters. I ask not
for pity but for you to find the humor in the situation as I have.
When I was young I was standoffish about dating. I never had a ton of confidence and most guys who hit on me were questionable at best. I lived with 2
well known party people and we frequently had shenanigans at our place...all their friends of course because I was not interested in making friends. I
liked to drink and have fun but I certainly wasn't concerned with playing nice with people. In retrospect I was kind of a bitch. But whatever, this
isn't about me, this is about the date. Stop judging me.
One of my roommates constantly had his guy friends in and out of the house at all hours of the night. I generally ignored them and their advances
because I knew what they did in their free time and it just wasn't my thing. I wasn't huge into dating people that had drug addictions so I stayed
clear of them. Well, apparently this was incredibly offensive. My roommate, we called him Jmo, pulled me aside one day and asked why I always rejected
his friends. He made such a big deal about it that I actually cracked.
I told him I would date THE NEXT one of his friends that asked me. I expected a few days would go by and he would forget it ever happened and I would
be free of my contractual obligation.... boy was I wrong! Not even 2 hours later one of his cronies showed up and (for the 8th time that month) asked
me on a date. Unfortunately Jmo heard this and gave me the "If you don't, I will never forgive you" look so I guiltily said I would go on just one
date. The following is a breakdown of the the date in it's entirety.
6:00 Pulls up and comes to the door.... off to a good start.
6:02 I get in the car.
6:03 He asks me where I want to go. This has me conflicted. I personally don't think you should take a girl on a date without a plan.
6:10 We decide on Chillis (my choice because I needed a margarita) and finally leave.
6:20 YAY CHILLIS...the whole drive was a weird, uncomfortable silence.
6:30 We order and he is texting every 5 seconds. No conversation. I am highly annoyed.
6:40 Still texting... every conversation I try to start is met with short replies or silence. So I decide to give him a taste of his own medicine. I
turned my ringer on and text 20 people and place my phone on the table and wait.
6:42 My trick worked! He got annoyed with my phone blowing up and put his down to awkwardly start conversations with me.
6:50 He starts complaining about the food not being out. Apparently he doesn't understand that restaurants might need time on almost 7 ON A
6:51 He gets up and walks towards the door. He is ACTUALLY LEAVING. I am mortified. I leave money on the table for the drinks and he proceeds to yell
at me and tell me that they don't deserve it. I am furious at this point because I have been a bartender and server as well.
6:52 I awkwardly get in his car and he is apologizing and saying he will make it up to me.
6:53 He pulls into Burger King..... are you #ting me?
6:54 I am not even trying to hide my anger at this point and he is LAUGHING at me and telling me I am cute when I am angry. Highly annoyed.
7:00 I am expecting to be going home soon and he suggests a movie. Whatever, at least it doesn't involve me talking to him.
7:05 WE PULL UP TO HIS HOUSE?! WHY!
7:10 He is pouring me a drink and saying he is going to make this all up to me. I am trying to tell him I need to go home. He agrees....after the
movie on his DVR
7:20 I contemplate running into oncoming traffic.
7:30 He smokes a bowl. I ask if he will be sober enough to take me home. He says, again, after the movie.
7:40 My phone dies and I have a dinosaur phone with a weird charge port. Great. My only life line. At least he hasn't tried to touch me.
8:00 He passes out on the couch. ARE YOU SERIOUS.
8:10 I am physically shaking him and yelling to get him to wake up. He starts snoring.
8:20 I decide to take the whiskey, find a spare bedroom and lock him out of it and drink til I pass out.
7:00am (the next day) I come downstairs. He asks why I was up there. I tell him I tried to wake him and my phone died.
8:00am I am finally home. My roommate looks expectantly. I unload on him.
8:10am He promises never to pressure me into dating his friends ever again.
I hope you enjoyed this story because I had to re-live this horrible atrocity and it is 7:27am here but I could now go for a margarita.