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Never use a public defender

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posted on Apr, 4 2016 @ 11:59 PM
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I got arrested for thought crime but I got a good lawyer he pleaded me down to bad karma in the 2nd degree.




posted on Apr, 5 2016 @ 12:10 AM
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Alot of people know about the navy time travel experiment the Philadelphia experiment but not alot of people know about the navy time traveling prostitute project "the Philadelphia girlfriend experience"



posted on Apr, 5 2016 @ 12:10 AM
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What drug was Fred flintstone addicted to? Rock coc aine



posted on Apr, 5 2016 @ 12:12 AM
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Gay guy hates margaritas, but loves his rim salted



posted on Apr, 5 2016 @ 12:14 AM
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I don't see anything ironic about the fact i keep track of how many women I sleep with using a pie chart.
Coincidentally my girlfriend keeps track of the length of her boyfriends' penises using a bar graph.



posted on Apr, 5 2016 @ 12:16 AM
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Me as the director of a news station.

It's raining hail outside? Quick we need to interupt judge Judy so people at home know Muslims are not stoning their house for cheating on them with another house



posted on Apr, 5 2016 @ 12:17 AM
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Our government does not negotiate with terrorists which I think is because they can't find any fbi agents who want to be in a negotiating room with a guy wearing a bomb



posted on Apr, 5 2016 @ 12:18 AM
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2 men pretend a dead form of government called socialism is still alive, weekend at Bernie Sanders



posted on Apr, 5 2016 @ 12:21 AM
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To increase sales of the movie "look who's talking 2" they are rebranding it as "2 broke babies"



posted on Apr, 5 2016 @ 12:22 AM
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It's not delicious its digiorno



posted on Apr, 5 2016 @ 12:23 AM
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New bill Clinton coin, the top is the top of Monica Lewinsky's head and the back is the back of Monica's head



posted on Apr, 5 2016 @ 12:24 AM
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I used to just have a job but now that I work for Malone staffing I have a temporary career



posted on Apr, 5 2016 @ 12:25 AM
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Politicians would tell Americans what happened to the social security trust fund if it weren't for the magician's code.



posted on Apr, 5 2016 @ 12:26 AM
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As the polish say, poles before holes



posted on Apr, 5 2016 @ 12:27 AM
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Here's what I think of ruthless people, they should go to the gas station and get a baby Ruth, then they'd have some Ruth, but if they ate it they'd be ruthless again, so better get 2
edit on 5-4-2016 by SpecialSauce because: (no reason given)



posted on Apr, 5 2016 @ 12:29 AM
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Einstein's parents wouldn't let little Albert play with uranium as a child because uranium had killed many people and they didn't want him to associate with the criminal element



posted on Apr, 5 2016 @ 12:30 AM
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The universe started this way, when 2 planets love each other very much the stork brings them a planet



posted on Apr, 5 2016 @ 12:32 AM
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So I hear you had a rough time after making a mistake, that's why I always recommend to not make mistakes, maybe next time you'll take my advice!



posted on Apr, 5 2016 @ 12:33 AM
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Volkswagen ceo's favorite movie, total recall



posted on Apr, 5 2016 @ 12:34 AM
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Wedding rings inspired by Neil diamond songs better than wedding rings inspired by the song "like a rhinestone cowboy"




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