Sorry to hear you are going through this low time. I found hitting 40 and then onwards that the ennui would come from one simple thing: when I was
younger, I could fill any downtime I had with a million different things, like a puppy in a room full of exciting things, I could guarantee that I was
always busy doing something, usually creative in some way.
Then I got a little older, and my free time reduced, responsibilities increased, and when I did get downtime although I was still impetuous and
flitting from activity to activity I found myself unable to stick with anything I was doing for too long, as I found that the stresses and strains of
everyday adult life made enjoyment of whatever I could do, less, and I got bored easily. As a single guy with no real commitments and not too much
money I hit that mid-life crisis and frankly, to go with the old joke, there was no way I could afford a sports car or a Harley ^_^
I too was in the situation where money was tight. But then something changed and I found my solution - as I moved into the 40's came the ability for
me to really zone in on one activity as a matter of defiance and with a stubborn refusal to let the grind be everything. I eventually became less
impatient than when I was younger - and so eventually I was able to fill my downtime with a single activity that I could let myself get absorbed into
completely. It filled gaps, stopped me getting bored, and gave me a refuge from the daily grind. At first it was publishing an online comic, but when
the ideas for that ran out I moved onto a hobby I had enjoyed in childhood, modelmaking.
I think in part because it was something I had done as a kid, modelmaking held my interest (it is a very demanding, calming and absorbing pastime) and
gave me a little feeling of re-living youth. So I have stuck with that, and it means my days are always busy with either day-job stuff or my-time
modelmaking creative stuff (which now after a few years includes a website, YouTube and teaching and encouraging the small group of folks that follow
me) , which means I no longer get that stressful "empty time" where all you do is mull and ponder. I never get five minutes to even think about doing
Now, granted, that is not a cheap pastime, but not everything creative has to be expensive, and I firmly believe that a creative distraction is one of
the best things because it's not just passive, you really get mentally involved and gain satisfaction and a sense of pride from what you create. I
don't know if you are creatively minded, but I also firmly believe that deep down EVERYONE can be. I know you are struggling for money, so my path
above would be a bad choice for you right now, but I bet you could make a small start somehow (even if it is just a pencil and a pad, for example).
Give it some thought; even with little money there may still be ways to express yourself or try and tap into your creativity in a way you may not
expect, that gives you a much-needed distracting, satisfying time-sink of some sort
Good luck and I hope you find your footing again.
edit on 30/3/2016 by dogsounds because: (no reason given)