Should we be culled?

I'm a failure as a human, I can't hold a job for long, I dropped out of college despite good grades, I have many natural talents, but no inclination towards fostering them. Time and again I start to climb out of my hole, manage some success, and then the depression and anxiety hits, and even though I know what I must do, what I have to do, I hit a wall, sometimes I can break through, but eventually I submit, it's a fight I cannot win every time, sometimes I'm going to lose. In our working society it takes but a few loses to be out of a job. Miss a few days, and your hunting for work again. Expected to work 6 or more days a week, a 5 day week is a rare luxury. I try to make it, I liked my last job and this job a lot, I love the people I'm working with and I'm good at my job. But no matter how much I want this job, no matter how much I like working here, the people I work with, and the pay potential to remove my debt and make me free of debt slavery, I'm here tonight, once again having failed to break through the wall.

I will never be successful, I will fail time and time again, I'm 36 almost 37 it's time I accept a pattern of failure. I cannot meet the demand of society. I'm simply not capable. I'm intelligent, decently skilled and sociable, but I fall apart now and then, I have severe breakdowns and simply put, that's not acceptable in the working world I can't meet their demands. I'm not the only one. There are a lot of us out there. We're not workaholics and we never will be. I take pride in my work, but I just don't have the emotional stamina to keep it up day after day. I'm a leech on society, I've depended on my dad, my brother, and my friends on numerous occasions as the inevitable breakdowns occur and it's happening again.

There's a lot of suicide in my family, I've felt the pains of loved ones who've killed themselves, and even knowing that, I've started the motions myself once. When I'm in this state, I fight that desire for release simply for my loved ones. Part of me, a part I hate, sometimes wishes my loved ones would die, simply so I could rest guilt free.

I see often how we're told, if we want to not live desperate horrible lives, it's our fault. We're expected to be superhuman, to never get sick, never have a bad day, never fall. We're to work harder than our coworkers, work seven days a week, twelve hours a day if we have to. We need to do this and college, graduate with honors, have a 4.0 and manage to have years of experience, each and every one of us. That if we do this we'll be successful, and if we cannot, it's our fault and we deserve what we get. If we can't get and hold a well paying job, we belong in the gutter.

So my question is why even that? Just kill us all. We can't succeed, and we're clearly worthless by the standards of the modern working world. We don't deserve government help, and if we can get it, we shouldn't use it. Clearly I'm not worth anything, nor are others like me. I could offer a lot, I'm smart, I'm capable, I just can't compete in a world where the demands are work, work, work, never stop, never falter. I'm big on learning, I research for fun, I spend my free time being a creative person, I could be so much more, but in the world I live I'm doomed to a life of failure and mediocrity. Not because I have nothing to offer, but because I have no opportunity to put my gifts to use, because I can't meet the demands of a workaholic world. I'm a gifted but broken human being. I have no place in this world.

So why am I alive, what reason is there for people like me to live? We can't meet the standards for success, not because we lack skill or talent, but because we're emotionally broken people, we could offer so much, but instead we struggle to live, and if we dare seek help, we're nothing but leeches. No matter how much we contribute when we're functional, those times we break they overshadow all of it.

I'm clearly weak in our society, and a drain. So to are others like me. I'll always be at the bottom except for small periods of my life where I can function like a normal human being before the inevitable fall, so will they.

Do all of us who cannot compete in a 7 day a week work force deserve to fail? Is such a demand fair? If it is, how many chances am I to recieve before I'm culled as the week useless individual I am?

Mate, I hope I can put into words eloquently enough my empathy for you.

I too have been where you are. I am naturally talented - I was told I was one of those lucky people who possessed the intelligence and talent to be literally anything I wanted to be by the deputy principal.

I too dropped out because of depression and a very nearly successful suicide attempt. I missed Univeristy and higher education because I got lost in the fog of depression, loneliness and the awesome desloation that comes with it.

But

Eventually my depression cleared. I began to realise my own strengths and I underwent a personal renaissance. I never did get that college degree, but who cares. I never did get that 250,000 dollar a year career, but again who cares. I learned that I can overcome literally anything and I fear nothing. Not even death, because I spent so long courting it.

So don't give up. When you are having a rough patch, be kind to yourself. Realise that it is a learning experience and they you are probably destined to be a late bloomer like me.

Happiness can happen. Be open to it and it will find you eventually

./hug

No one is worthless.

The "modern" system is flawed, and no one can toil away at their job, at the demanded pace for long before they will break down from the constant strain.

We were not designed to work as the current system demands.

I'm another like you. And it's tempting to say we're "weak and useless" but those words and others are merely a product of the society we have built really badly. There are no other animals in this world that go beyond hunting their meals and making their shelters and then simply returning to basic activities. I despise the derogatory form of being called lazy (although I fit the word oh so well) because it's a guilt trip, like many others our fellow humans bestow on each other to make us feel badly as you do. Lazy, shameful, useless, slow. Where does that all come from?

Mostly the human history of slavery and how we've set up our caste systems to delegate people like us "working class".
Consider how many wealthy folks have no skills or talent. There's a lot of 'em, but you just don't read about them as they spend their days in their pools and summering in the Hamptons or something.

Believe me. I'm almost exactly like you, except at this time, I'm not working at all and haven't for over 2 years now. I was smart and paid my debts off so when I lost my last job, I was able to do this life of terminally temporary leisure. I have this time to build my skills, to further myself, to prevent future bad situations. I don't do any of that and am setting myself up for giant failure because my class level certainly hasn't changed and when my savings run dry, I could very well be right back in the factory job that I hate. The thing is, a part of me is quietly planning to end it when that time comes because I just can't do it anymore. All of it. And it's really not a good place to be.

So, try and do what you can to lessen your debts. It does help eventually. Do what you have to, to survive and try to get it so you don't have to work quite as much as before.

But never let these guilt trips that are put on us by society make you feel as though you should be culled. No human means anything to this universe. Don't let the false importance of others get to you.

Should we be culled? What in heavens name for?

Because society/someone has judged you less successful for some odd reason? Phooey.

Culled? No. Helped? Surely.

You're young yet, with a lot of life ahead of you.

Puppylove I say this with all the kindness of my heart toward you...

Ahhh forget all that noise. I had an Aunt once that would crawl into a Whiskey bottle by 2PM... She was too pickled to sober up, the DT's would kill her, so, we loved her. The way she was.

You do not have to do nothing for no one. You have to prove NOTHING to anyone for anything.

You, dark moods and all, are very, very, valid.

You are born valid, your right to live as you can is simply - alienable.

I think we should really try to not hurt each other in our day to day... other than that I had nothing to do with the fact you are in this world. With all love and respect...

It is no one else's business.
You have to prove NOTHING to anyone for anything.
You, right now, are valid.

a reply to: Puppylove

You are obviously a fighter.
That's what you do,
That's what you are,
Don't fight that.
So keep fighting, my friend.
If there is no end in sight,
Fight that sh!t too.

Besides seems like there's a lot of culling going on with this giant terrorism mess as it is. Who dictates the culling? You want extremists to dictate these things?

Sorry for your situation. Sounds like depression talking. Listening to the negatives from people or buying into the cultural norms for your own life, such as "being useless if you can't keep a job", can aid that feeling along.

That reminds me of a new study that social media aids depression along, that would include reading online commentary that is ripe with trolls and jerks, so you never know who is lying or being mean or even that they believe what they put into text. One suggestion would be then if you're into social media, take a good break or limit time if that's what you need to help keep you connected.

You have to find what fits you. No, not everyone is fit for a 9 to 5 day time job. Sending some positive vibes your way as well as finding what works for you.

originally posted by: Puppylove
Do all of us who cannot compete in a 7 day a week work force deserve to fail?

No. Who is asking you work 7 days a week??

Is such a demand fair? If it is, how many chances am I to recieve before I'm culled as the week useless individual I am?

Tell me where it says life is fair? This is something I don't understand - why people get upset and say it's "unfair". My kids say this all the time because they're kids and don't understand the real world.

The real world IS unfair! It's unfair when I have to work long hours, it's unfair that I lose almost half my hard earned money in taxes, it's unfair that innocent people are being slaughtered by Daesh as*holes.

Life *is* unfair. Doesn't mean you give up, though.

And I felt like you did - we all do. But I managed -- I look after my family and while I don't particularly enjoying working, it pays well and lets me provide for my kids to have a good future.

So - to your OP title: Should we be culled? No - I don't want to be culled. You can opt to give up if you want. But i won't.

Thanks for all the support everyone. Part of the point of this, a lot of people seem to believe in hard work and success, and failure is deserved for those who can't keep up with such a life style. I want to know what they think should be done with people like us, what's their solution. Do they truly believe I don't deserve a roof over my head, or healthy food or medical care should the worst happen?

There are lots like me out there, we simply can't do what they expect of us. I want to know, if we can't, what do they think we deserve?

I wrote this in a PM where I was asked to describe what I meant by the wall. Decided to share my response here, is my attempt to describe it.

"The wall, it's, kind of, a mental barrier. It's like, you now how sometimes there's a word at the tip of your tongue, it's a word you know you know, but try as you might you can't force yourself to remember it... Well it's like that but for things you need to do.

Like, for example, in psychology in college, we had a paper at the end of the class, if I turned in literally anything I only needed 20% on the paper, I'd have an A in the class and be allowed to skip the final.

But every time I sat down to do it, bam I hit the wall, I was non functional. No matter how much I tried, cried, attempted to make myself do anything, I just couldn't. All I could was sit there in tears and frustration. I never turned in the paper, and as a result no matter how I scored on the final the best I could get was a B, which is what I got as I nailed the test of course.

This was a simple thing, with literally no chance for failure, but I just shut down. I could not make my mind do what I demanded of it. Same with going to work tonight and staying there yesterday. I just shut down.

Unlike the paper which is mostly mental, I could physically work a bit while there, but my body functioned minimally, and nausea and lightheadedness quickly overwhelmed me as I tried to force myself to physically work despite mentally shutting down. The struggle turned physical and I could eventually barely stand, I had no choice but to leave."

That's the wall. Sometimes, I can get through it, kind of like, sometimes you can get through that barrier hiding that missing word from you. But usually it's time that brings you your word back, or lets you get passed that wall. Problem is, work doesn't allow time as an option."

originally posted by: Puppylove
Thanks for all the support everyone. Part of the point of this, a lot of people seem to believe in hard work and success, and failure is deserved for those who can't keep up with such a life style. I want to know what they think should be done with people like us, what's their solution. Do they truly believe I don't deserve a roof over my head, or healthy food or medical care should the worst happen?

There are lots like me out there, we simply can't do what they expect of us. I want to know, if we can't, what do they think we deserve?

You remember that Blind Melon song, "No Rain". It's like that, you need to find your Bee people. A good community has many moving parts.

Sometimes, in a situation like yours, you got to double up and realize you may need to circle the wagons. Can't put food on the table all the time... Try to find a partner that can take the slack then. Later, smooth sailing.

That is a big one, get a buddy. Even Dracula had a pal. Find someone, and I just don't mean a lover. Find someone that can help you shore up the parts that need help. You shore them up when they need it. Someone that builds up you, does not tear things down.

I like to think of myself as kind of one of the inhabitants of "The Island of Misfit Toys". Strangely, Santa seems to have made a lot of them. Find others and gather up. I lived with 4 other vagabonds in college... of which I classically left unfinished.. and life can be rich, living close to the bone. The cigarettes were bad, the guitars and coffee were good, and the people. Amazing.

You're using your non-conformity as an excuse for not being successful within a conventional lifestyle. I too was in a similar situation and simply accepting that my attitudes would rarely be appreciated allowed me to operate with enormous freedom. Acceptance is the key, accept that your current methods do not work and that changes should be made or at least try and hopefully things will change.

This of course is what worked for me and is just my opinion and thus should be taken with a heaping pile of salt.

a reply to: Newt22

My current roommate/friend has been such a person. Has already seen me through two such failures. But I feel really terrible about it. He's literally taken care of my expenses twice now for over a month at a time. He's been completely understanding, but I can't keep depending on him like this, it's not fair to him.

a reply to: zandapanda

Not completely sure what you mean.

originally posted by: Puppylove

..But every time I sat down to do it, bam I hit the wall, I was non functional. No matter how much I tried, cried, attempted to make myself do anything, I just couldn't. All I could was sit there in tears and frustration.

."

That is definitely what I would try to get a hold of... Why are you stopping..? Is it a motivational, emotional, physical issue? Are you holding on too tight. Don't be afraid to zombie out every now and then, we all need auto pilot. How are you recharging your batteries? Do you know what drains them?

That kind of stuff. Do not entertain fear, or negativity. Use it. Use this, find out who you are in this. Be internally truthful and you can figure this out. I, echoing the earlier post, found I was a fighter after all... I figured I'd fight while fighting to fight as I fell fighting the fight fighting. Then I was ok with the punches.

Spit. Wipe the face.... Fight with a smile.

a reply to: Puppylove

Pay him back when you can.

Pay it forward. Anyone worth a damn has been humbled by life.

You are no less. As long as you dont give up. As long as you keep trying you are worthy in my book.

If for nothing else, fight for the next guy who will feel like you.

You arent strange or horrible. We are all human. Truth is, you have all you need to be happy and more importantly all you need to make others happy.

I am /was in your situation. No money, owe too much. I know I am not dead yet, and I know I wont stop fighting. Eventually you end up giving out more than you take in.

Honestly, how many people have you helped? How many more will you?

That is your worth. We all fall.

You have to remember that at the end of the day, you wont even ask for what is owed to you. That you are happy to give your last drop of blood for another. That you would die for others. There too is your worth.

Dont measure yourself by how much money you make. Some of us arent geared for the modern world.

I guarantee you that in a survival situation you will be king of every ones collective survival. You wont even make them feel bad about keeping them alive.

We are all worthy. We just dont all have a clear purpose. In other times past and to come we will prove our worth.

originally posted by: Puppylove
a reply to: Newt22

My current roommate/friend has been such a person. Has already seen me through two such failures.

Ach! See, you got a bud in the corner. Stop counting. When you get on your feet buy or make a special buddy dinner. Then celebrate the victory. Who knows, maybe that will make enough space to see the next one coming and duck.

a reply to: Puppylove

Ever consider the military?

Thats my end game. I think you are past the cut off age, BUT you can always ask for an exception to get in.

You need to serve others. You need to find your purpose helping others.

Give yourself to the world. Body and soul.

I think that is what makes people like us happy. Die for them, live for them. Give your all to them.

a reply to: Newt22

I... don't know. I've tried to figure it out been never dealt with that problem itself directly. I've tried dealing with things that cause me anxiety and stress, but thinking on it, I'm not sure it's that simple.

I mean let's look at the paper example. I only needed 20%, it certainly wasn't a stressor, the only real stress there was the mental block itself. Even today, I'm stressing, but its because of this shut down, my anxiety is because of that mental block, more so than the thing it's blocking me from.