Strange phenomenon last night in between sleep and awake. Twilight consciousness

Please dont make fun of me. LOL

I had a weird experience last night. Good I guess, weird.

I laid myself to sleep last night. I was feeling energized but heavy.

I started to slip into sleep but didnt go the usual path. I was semi-awake, letting what felt like waves pass over me. My brain felt under preassure, but not painful. Like a flexed muscle.

I started to get a feeling like one I had before, years ago, where I was meditating, but felt a pain and dread, anxiety over where I was going.

The last time I recoiled back awake I felt great pain and lasting trauma. It was unsetteling.

I didnt want that this time and since then I have figured out that the fear is natural and not real pain.

So this time I kept with it.

All along I felt and heard this chime. A melody.

I stayed with that and was not myself anymore.

Something at this point was with me. Like a guard at a gate. It tried to bounce me back.

We struggled in ways I cant describe. Like two gasses fighting, like two sounds, forces at odds.

In the end I summoned something inside me and overcame.

At this point I was really frayed, not where I could not go on, but where I felt a purpose had been served, so I was done there.

I CHOSE to wake up. When I did I was REALLY disoriented.

I HAD NO IDEA WHO I WAS. I forgot what the room was like and could not find the light switch. I couldnt think like myself. I wouldnt know my name if someone asked me at that moment.

It was hard to figure out why it was dark, that lights worked on switches. It slowly came back to me.

It took a while and so when I did find the switch, I stumbled out and sat in the living room for a while to collect myself.

This was in my daughters old room where we keep baby stuff now. I like to sleep there because its dark and silent.

I went to my bed I have not been sleeping in since my wife sleeps there with our baby now. I curled up at the foot of the bed like a dog and slept.

I cant describe how strange it was. I lost the fear of the first time that made me recoil and left me messed up for years.

Since the first time I have been prepairing for this happening again. I wanted to see it through, so I have been mentally prepairing since.

Its progress. I cant say I NEED to go through this, but I know on some level I have to see this through.

The thing I summoned in me to overcome was like a force of will, an ignition of a fire, a light. THAT was really not myself, and it left me changed. Better, at peace. I felt powerful in my dream state. No fear or pain. No emotion, only pure thought.

It was amazing.

I underatand this could all be nothing, but during the exchange there was a deep level of communication.

Not so much as words, but I understood it as language. This force was trying to bounce me back in dread like the first time.

I dont think it was evil, though it was NOT something good and warm.

It could just be a component of my own subconscious mind.

I know it may happen again, maybe years from now like last time, or tonight.

I dont fear it at all anymore. I feel like that door is open and that was the purpose of this.

Next time, I will go through.

So thats it. I just wanted to share this and see if others know about what I am talking about, or if they want to know more about it.

It was not of this world. I am in no way seeking to be special or telling you I have super powers.

Its an interesting phenomenon that probably has a rational explination, BUT it is still highly unusual and so for me leaves me trying to figure it out.

I cant lie, it did feel spiritual, but that doesnt explain it all. That could just be me interpreting something I dont understand in ways I can make sense of it.

There is more out there than we know.

Thats all.

Did you have a head-ache afterwards and have you ever been on morphine before ?

i ask because the same thing happened to me where i was attacked by a demon. Then whilst awake in bed, dazed with a head-ache i could see 3D objects constructed by ascii characters, like the Matrix movie except they were tiny cubes and gray with white text.

i think the world is being readied for a major transformation next week, especially when fiery or electrical djinn are made visible to the naked eye.

a reply to: tadaman

neat,
im not trying to discount your experience or talk down on this, but please do consider it may have been a stroke/seizure, you certainly wouldnt be the first person to misinterpret such as a spiritual experience... your disorientation after waking certainly sounds like one common symptom. might want to chat with a doctor,

a reply to: tadaman

I know who was behind that, The Great Dragon Mother, just gently pointing out really that if she wants to take your soul then she can anytime, and there won't be anymore you to remember, but the good news is you've been so fantastic lately i'm sure she's going to let you keep it.

I enjoyed reading a genuine and chilling encounter with her, so thanks for that...

a reply to: tadaman

I love the way you put it into words!

a reply to: tadaman

I just wanted to share this and see if others know about what I am talking about, or if they want to know more about it.

I would certainly want to hear more. At the same time, I am honored to be a recipient of what you did share.

I think you are going about this properly. I like the idea that you are not seeking an explanation, sort of already knowing that none is possible.

Its progress. I cant say I NEED to go through this, but I know on some level I have to see this through.

Yes. You have my admiration. In fact, you are sort of reminding me of myself, right down to the "That's all" except I just abruptly end with "That's it" when I realize that I've said what I wanted to say. No long good byes here.

I hope you can get a good rest. Please, I am not in the least discounting anything here, but exhaustion can be a catalyst to some odd experiences and an obstacle in understanding them.

Cheers

a reply to: Rapha

A strange sensation. Couldnt describe it. Not painful.

Never been on medication. I dont really fall in line with religious thought of demons and such. I am very spiritually minded though.

I say it felt spiritual because there was a sort of intelligence to the force I was in opposition with.

I cant lie, the thought did cross my mind during but I knew that would make it worse, so I didnt let that take hold and morph into somerhing I would fear.

The whole matrix thing you desribe, yeah. That was a part of it. Not like characters but an infinite informtation taking form and morphing into something else.

Like evolving thoughts taking forms and trying to establish the environment.....making one be dominant.

It felt like myself in a way. Like me VS me.

I won. LoL

Well I walked away from it. So I guess thats good.

a reply to: tadaman

I sure won't make fun of you.

Thanks for sharing that. In some ways, I get where you're coming from. And yes, there is definitely more out there than we know.

Wow, thanks for the warm words everyone. I was sure I would get flamed on. LoL

Some interesting replies. I really want to read more about the dragon mother angle.

Thanks everyone!

Thank you for sharing. There are dreams, and then there are DREAMS. And when you have a DREAM, you just KNOW it is more than the spicy pizza you ate for dinner. Sounds like you are aware there is a message here for you in all that. Hope you figure it out. Peace.

a reply to: tadaman

Off the top of my head, it sounds like - hypnogogia.

Pink Floyd did the topic justice ...

originally posted by: tadaman
We struggled in ways I cant describe. Like two gasses fighting, like two sounds, forces at odds.

Was the gas/smoke similar to this ?

a reply to: Timely

That sounds like a valid suggestion.

The lucid dreams during hypnogogia can be intense, and I would imagine that if you pull yourself sharply awake just when you are on the cusp of sleep, it could result in momentary disorientation - kind of like waking a sleep walker.

a reply to: Rapha

At times, that was more a way to describe what best fits into words.

We were like an Ouroboros trying to be each a head and make the other the tail to be consumed.

Like two sides of a coin trying to flip one way over the other.

If that makes any sense.

Formless thought unto itself. Like electric currents sparking around each other and then making an arc over the other at times.

a reply to: tadaman


Ummm...what your expressing sounds a lot like Buddhist enlightenment training...As you described later in the thread you were battling your ego self...the part that clings to the physical...your spiritual nature was attempting to move beyond it's influence...it should be easier to cross that threshold from now on...

Not to detract...you also stated that you used to meditate...I would merely reply that once such a path is initiated...one can never really walk away...and that meditations continue below the conscious plane even though you may have laid the active conscious forms aside...

If I may...A good number of years ago I was attending a session...I.E...a seven day zen meditation from five am until nine pm each of those seven days...This took place in the Zendo...(Dogan style from the Shunryu Suziki tradition) at the Zen center in San Francisco...

I am an extremely strong willed personality..I put all of my effort into the meditative practice and on the fifth day I was meditating on what it might mean to be in a living state and the process to step from life into whatever interplay might exist after the physical self passed on...

I opened that particular door and stepped across the threshold...I found myself in a place of ultimate warmth peace and love...a place where the enormity of the all was laid before me...or rather it was me...In the time I was there I had become all knowing...I had found that other side and it is the most wonderful place that I long with all my being to return to...

In my ignorance however...I had willed my own physical death...stepping back through that opening was the single hardest thing I have ever done...I was attempting to re-enter a body whose organs were shutting down...whose physical nature was in the process of death...In order to re-enliven my organs I visualized them all becoming flush with health and life again...it was the greatest struggle and took more concentration and focus than I had ever needed to use before...it left me completely exhausted and ravenously hungry...

For months subsequent to that day I found myself sliding back through that entryway and had to maintain a constant vigilance...I still remember the path to that doorway...it's the place I most want to be...my true home...But I had already made the decision prior to that particular journey to become Bodhisattva and remain that I might help all other souls attain enlightenment prior to leaving...

Compassion and empathy are very hard taskmasters...and enlightenment can only be held for brief moments this side of the veil...We catch it's reflection and think we grasp it as it slips away like a fistful of water...

I realize that the doors you and I experienced are very different in their natures...but I would never discount or denigrate your experience...I only relate my experience that it might validate yours in your own mind...

Be well my friend...Gird and guard if you seek to travel such places...




YouSir

a reply to: YouSir

Very interesting reply. I say I used to meditate because I have found that its possible to cary a medatative state in regular awaken life. I tried to make it an always on sort of thing.

Like keeping the engine idle, rather than starting and revving it to its max when you need to "go".

In this state you can go to 100 mph or a dead stop. The point being to keep the engine in mind because you are aware of the form, the vehicle you are.

Thanks for sharing your experience. I was aware of that sensation of crossing a threshold beyond that would leave my body unsafe. Like knowing you left the door unlocked while getting into bed.

I felt that I could return, so I didnt need to cross that threshold yet. That it was enough for it to be open.

Thanks again.

a reply to: tadaman


Ummm...mindfulness...a meditative state of hyper aware non focus...the idling engine...

Meditation is far too easy for me these days...matter of fact...since that time many years ago...
My engine is also always on idle and extremely deep meditative states are only a slight shift of consciousness away...a void of immense power...

I no longer meditate on anything specific...rather for me it's a cessation of thought...a zero point void where focus and concentration and visualization and thought have been set aside...

When I was studying Gnostic texts...one of them related that...THE Spirit...loves a void and will rush to fill it...All I really know is the immense power in such practice...and I honor such that I never abuse it...
Never for self...only ever for the uplifting of other souls...Never for self...always outwardly projected...

For what it's worth...when ever I say...be well my friend...that is what I honestly express...a wellspring of caring that knows no limits couched in a seemingly simplistic turn of phrase...

May you and yours always know blessing...may your light shine that others might know they never walk alone...that it is never truly dark...that they are well come and well thought of...




YouSir

a reply to: tadaman

It sounds like you had a very cool experience, thanks for sharing that.

The feeling i got from this was that you were releasing something within your subconscious, and whatever it was it's gone now.



Years ago i had an experience like that, it was more of a prayerful intention at the time, 3 days it took to release my fear and it's never returned.

a reply to: tadaman

While reading about your experience my thought was these kinds of events are not uncommon and are becoming more and more common. We're not in Kansas anymore and, in my view, what used to be considered paranormal is well on its way to being the new normal for many people. Thanks for sharing!

Even if it "was just a component of your subconscious mind" the subconscious mind is vast, vast, vast.

While you believe you are mentally prepared for 'this,' your wife and kids won't be.

You need to stay grounded when you experience that, not investigate. It would be different if you were single with no young kids. It wasn't good or evil because it was the Grim Reaper, or who ever, or what ever, personifies death to you. Desiring to go back and feeling at peace with it means you left a door ajar in that space. You need to close it through grounded meditation/prayer. And not a fair weathered one. Get in character down to the dress. You have a family that needs you.