Can I borrow $20 for gas so I can get to work this week?

Maybe this should be in the rant section, but I am not really ranting but dismayed by the logic of some our youth.

A young lady I know who I gave a place to stay when she found herself homeless, called me the other day asking if I had $20 she could borrow so she could have gas money to get back and forth to work till she got paid.

Being the sucker I am, I said sure.

She arrives at my apartment and sits down and we start chatting a bit and she says, "Check out my new tennis shoes!". I look at them and sure as hell they are Nikes!

I asked her, "How much were those shoes?".

With out blinking an eye she says, $80.

I looked at her and said, "So you mean to tell me it was more important for you to pay $80 for a damn pair of tennis shoes than to make sure you had enough gas money to get back and forth to work?"!

She is 28 years old!

I am not the smartest person on this planet but can anyone explain this type of mentality that I am seeing running rampant in our youth today?

a reply to: seeker1963

But did you give her the $20 ?

originally posted by: Discotech
a reply to: seeker1963

But did you give her the $20 ?

I did say, "Being the sucker I am."?

a reply to: seeker1963

Then you're part of the problem

How is one supposed to learn from the mistakes if they keep getting forgiven ?

You should have told her if she wants gas for work to take her shoes back and get a refund

You can't really complain about her poor decisions while making a poor decision yourself of giving her the money

a reply to: seeker1963

Consumerism, impulsiveness, lack of responsibility and piss-poor financial planning... sounds like she was raised in the 90's/early 2000's. 28 you say? So then she must have been born in 1988-1989...

well, the media and brainwashing programs certainly have come a long way since my parents (born in 1950's) were raised.

I too am around this girl's age (I'm 26), put myself through school & have a decent job.. but I have zero debt and make sure I take care of priorities (aka Bills, food, gas) before I buy anything else. Too bad so many (probably 80-90% of my peers) others seem to have tunnel vision and enjoy buying things on credit since "they don't have to pay for it right now"

Shaking my DAMN head...

a reply to: seeker1963

The $20 was for weed.

They just don't get it.

They've grown up, well, they have experienced life thus far, in an instant gratification, self entitled world. And I don't get that.

What really confuses me is that there are others "out there" that are more mature now, at such a young age, then I think I will ever be. And thank God for that!

(a drink to go with that steak that I just saw you at)

originally posted by: TheBulk
a reply to: seeker1963

The $20 was for weed.

Nope! She isn't a stoner.

a reply to: TheBulk

"Nike tennis shoes 1st, extra curricular activities 2nd, gas/responsibilities dead last (and that's after trying to mooch off of friends/colleagues who are financially responsible) "

Nothing against weed but at least pay for it with your own damn money, and GET your LIFT together girl! makes me want to slam my head on the table out of frustration!

originally posted by: Discotech
a reply to: seeker1963

Then you're part of the problem

How is one supposed to learn from the mistakes if they keep getting forgiven ?

You should have told her if she wants gas for work to take her shoes back and get a refund

You can't really complain about her poor decisions while making a poor decision yourself of giving her the money

You know, as much as your words piss me off you are right!

However, I give everyone a chance. She won't borrow gas money from me again. I just didn't want her to lose her job because of not having gas money. She has come a long way since she lived in my concentration camp.

a reply to: seeker1963

As long as she thinks she can rely on others to pay for her mistakes she will keep making them. To her she doesn't understand the responsibility because others will cover her.

You could have taught a real good life lesson, but you gave her the $20

a reply to: Discotech

On the surface maybe that was the way to go.

What you don't know is what kind of work she does and being on your feet all shift the shoes may have been a necessity.
Do I have older shoes that are adequate? Sure...
Will I get sent home if I show up in them? YEP.....so ramen this week it is if I want to keep working.
In her case, gas to get there.

Everything isn't cut and dried.

originally posted by: Discotech
a reply to: seeker1963

As long as she thinks she can rely on others to pay for her mistakes she will keep making them. To her she doesn't understand the responsibility because others will cover her.

You could have taught a real good life lesson, but you gave her the $20

I sure did!

ONCE!! Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice.......?

It was the mentality of the young uns and their thought process that I was addressing.

You are right though. I can't argue it. Being an enabler can and is an issue with many....

a reply to: seeker1963

I would be proactive with her, and go through how she budgets. Teach her how to budget.

I am 28 years old. I am bankrupt.

I asked my parents for £6,500 to pay all my debts off, a very awful and emotional conversation. They refused. They did however pay for my bankruptcy.

Tough love. Tough love.

I now know how to budget. Live off cash, have a teapot for rent and divide my money as soon as I get it to cover all my bills. Then take the cash I have left over out.

Physically seeing it in your purse makes you think twice about spending it. Do not use the card in the machine!!

If she doesn't learn, she will lose her job and have to become bankrupt. It might be a tough lesson, but she will learn from it.

a reply to: seeker1963
Nonetheless, I think you are a good man for helping her out. Just get the $20 back when she has it.

I had a friend do something similar to me. He had a new baby and had asked me for $60 to get, formula, diapers, etc, as he said he didn't have any money after paying rent, bills, blah blah blah. I said sure, gave him the money and then later on that night, I saw him sitting in front of the VLT's for hours! I was so mad I couldn't even talk. (yes I get that gambling is an addiction, that's not what this is about).
Next month, same thing, except now it's $80 (guess he figured to try to get more before the well went dry), I asked him what he needed it for. He said the same thing. I told him that I'm not going to give him any more money but I would drive him to the store and buy him whatever he needed for his baby. He said thanks, said he would call me later and that was the last time that he ever contacted me, and the last time I heard from him. Found out later that he was on welfare the whole time, lying about it while working under the table. Serious gambling addiction.

originally posted by: MrsNonSpecific
a reply to: seeker1963

I would be proactive with her, and go through how she budgets. Teach her how to budget.

I am 28 years old. I am bankrupt.

I asked my parents for £6,500 to pay all my debts off, a very awful and emotional conversation. They refused. They did however pay for my bankruptcy.

Tough love. Tough love.

I now know how to budget. Live off cash, have a teapot for rent and divide my money as soon as I get it to cover all my bills. Then take the cash I have left over out.

Physically seeing it in your purse makes you think twice about spending it. Do not use the card in the machine!!

If she doesn't learn, she will lose her job and have to become bankrupt. It might be a tough lesson, but she will learn from it.

Her story is a long one. Totally from a dysfunctional family, mother died 5 years ago, father thinks with his other head and a drug addict.

I agree with Disco. I should not have given her the $20 dollars.

I am sure you learned your lesson?

Anyhow, I will admit I gave her a cushion thus enabling her to get away with it once. But she won't do it twice.

I was just pointing out the mentality of our youth in todays society more so than anything. I will also say not all 28 year olds are the same as well.

a reply to: Caver78

Oh come on man, we're talking about tennis shoes. There's no cheaper but almost as comfortable alternatives to Nike ?

There's no point in making mistakes if there's always gonna be somebody to cover you, you're never going to learn anything.

Sometimes the harshest lessons are the best lessons in shaping a person

This is the kind of the mentality that allowed the banks to get bailed out when they should have been left to rot

a reply to: seeker1963

Don't feel like a sucker. A good pair sneakers is about $80 today. I spend $12 at Payless on a pair of pumps, but never sneakers, I spend a lot of time walking in them.

It's possible she should not have pointed out the sneakers to to you.

You're a good person for loaning her the money.

originally posted by: Discotech
a reply to: Caver78

Oh come on man, we're talking about tennis shoes. There's no cheaper but almost as comfortable alternatives to Nike ?

There's no point in making mistakes if there's always gonna be somebody to cover you, you're never going to learn anything.

Sometimes the harshest lessons are the best lessons in shaping a person

This is the kind of the mentality that allowed the banks to get bailed out when they should have been left to rot

Disco, I am a hard ass and maybe more so than you! I didn't want to nor did I have the time to give the life story and back ground of this young lady.

I was the person who pretty much forced her to get her GED because her worthless father allowed her to quit high school. She is the result of piss poor parenting! Period! I opened my home to provide her a roof over her head, and trust me, when I told her she could move in with me, I also told her I would make her life a living hell so that she would want to get a job and get out in the real world on her own.

I did that!

I said you were right about the $20 dollars. However, you do not see the whole picture?

It isn't like she is a drunk or a drug addict?

She just need to learn "Common Sense"?