Some people devolpe polite manners and some don't

a reply to: peppycat

Manners are out of fashion so all the cool kids should be bringing them back....ironically.

Even in England where we're supposed to be like Hugh Grant and perpetually 'sorry,' manners aren't as popular. Can't recall the last time I saw a fight with either man saying 'sorry' after every punch lol. We're all developing city manners where eyes are wary and avoid contact with others. Tough saying thanks and sorry without looking at someone first.

The new generation of online gamers are desensitised and cheerfully call everyone faggots and retards without thinking twice. Snapchat and FB have reduced our young men and women to seeking approval from internet 'friends' and clicking 'like' instead of actually telling someone they look good or saying, 'thanks, man.'

The world (recently) seems to be forgetting that behind every pair of eyes is an emotional being. They forget that the letters we see on our screens have been put there by individual humans with lives and emotions.

Is it so hard to be nice to each other? Not for all people, just a lot of them

a reply to: Kandinsky Nicely written post and makes very good sense.
I'm in the states and I'm growing weary with all this Trump rally mayhem that's going on. He is starting to seem like some one who would want to bring back gladiator/coliseum type situations and people that support him seem to want a Mad Max world of sorts... this I gather from what little I have been following of our 2016 election.
It's not just political stuff, a couple years back on my local news, a man was severely beaten over a sports team difference at a baseball game.
I live in a fairly friendly area and all I can do is my small part. A woman, yesterday was staring me down, so i smiled at her. I have absolutely no idea as to how teach people on a big scale, that hey... it's okay to be nice, it's okay to be respectful and show gratitude.
Thanks for reply, it gives me some things to think about.

a reply to: peppycat

firstly i never give anything to recive. if i help or do a favour for someone then its because i want to.

yesterday i seen a guy waling with a petrol can, looked like a long walk, i drove past him and found his car. dam it was far.
i turned around and picked him up and took him back to his car with his family in there waiting for him .

i did it because my instinct said to do it and never gave it much thought. He was very thankful, yes its nicer to be thanked than not, but still dont bother me either way.

i think we have to look at their parents, if parents dont have good manner,s kids wont. no matter how kids are or people are - i always look to the parents performance

a reply to: peppycat

Manners are a habit.

You start saying please and thank you and you're welcome as soon as you are big enough to talk. That's how my parents taught me and modeled it and that's how we're raising our son. Hopefully, by the time he's on his own, it will be a habit he just does without thinking when people do considerate things for him.

And all the other manners build on it.

It becomes second nature.

a reply to: peppycat

I like to rush up to doors in front of people & then hold it open for them. They never see it coming. Usually they say thank you, sometimes they don't & I just laugh and shake my head at them.

a reply to: BigScaryStrawman

Holding the door is a must for decent society!

a reply to: BigScaryStrawman

Where I live, people will get into a bit of a scuffle over whom gets to hold the door open for whom...

But it balances out in the end because if it's two sets of doors, the person that gets to walk through will then quickly grab the next set of doors and hold it open for the person who held open the first set of doors.

Everybody feels they did their fare share equally for each other and walks off with big smiles on their faces.

It's quite funny to watch !

a reply to: CranialSponge

I live in Los Angeles so I'm just glad that people don't spit on me as they walk past while I hold the door for them.

a reply to: peppycat

OK, are we talking about simple manners like saying please and thank you or outright acting considerate of others at all times?

Acting considerate of others is a more difficult thing. It involves having been taught to think of others as much as if not more than yourself, and it's a tougher skill. Simple please and thank you are habits you begin to ingrain early and can be learned as parents both train and model.

The art of considering others to open doors for them or pull chairs out for them or help them when they drop something requires that you actually think of them and notice them in your daily life.

a reply to: ketsuko I was mainly talking about simple gratitude for going out of your way to help someone and that person you helped taking on what you did for them as their own... like you don't even exist.
The topic expanded into discussions about manners in general.
I agree that please and thank you are habits that you need to condition yourself into practicing.
Experiencing the feeling of gratitude comes natural to most, yet some don't have the practice of saying thank you. It is something I learned and thought about a lot over the years.
I'm not saying every little thing one does for another needs a thank you as it is good in general to help those in need without expecting anything, even a thank you in return.
Basically the little bit that did to go out of my way for someone, wasn't for a person in any level of suffering. It sort of boils down to give a little credit to where credit is due. On a larger scale, scientists expect to be listed for any contributions they provide in something and get miffed at someone not giving them the proper credit. It is something that has no Physical/monetary value, just acknowledgement for doing research and helping the thought process along in a helpful way.

I feel very fortunate that I came from a loving, huggy, kissy type family. We also grew up with manners and said thank you and showed appreciation to people.

I'm thinking that there are some people who just don't show their feelings or they are very shy, or have social anxieties or perhaps might be experiencing some personal problems in their lives, so they aren't quite themselves.

a reply to: peppycat

I'm going to try to put this into words.

Perhaps being polite to someone benefits you more than it benefits them.

Sure, you're nice to them, you help them out. And they are better for it.

Do they thank you for it? Is it important?

I think being nice is its own reward. I'm not talking about inflating your ego or boosting your self-esteem, I'm talking about it actually making you feel good.

If you help people or are nice to them, REGARDLESS of how they respond back, then you will benefit from it regardless.

I hope I explained it clearly without confusing you.

a reply to: peppycat

I thought about you off an on all day.

I'm always paranoid about how I smell.

I read or heard once that a common trait of sociopathy is that they can't really smell.

The movie, perfume, was really pretty fantastic if you haven't seen it yet.
I think smells are interesting for sure but never considered myself a big smeller, lol!

What DBCowboy says makes a lot of sense to me, I agree.

Hope you're feeling better today!

a reply to: DBCowboy I get what your saying I do nice all day long and I don't expect much if anything in return and I have felt good being this way.
The thing is I have deep rooted issues that go back and this thread had me deal with and identify buried emotions about my existence being acknowledged at all.. one of the things I am grateful to ATS for.
I don't want to go into exact detail and am trying not to be vague.
This person didn't need my help, and I would have been fine if not for the fact that they then took credit for something I brought to the table... this wouldn't have bothered me but then they acted like no one at all helped them and I had tried to explain how to make use of what I brought to the table... they actually basically said no- one helped them figure things out in any way...
So, being the no-one I've grown up feeling I am, my feelings were hurt and it made me create this rant and deal with buried emotions. Yeah maybe its just my ego and maybe they didn't understand my explanation of how to use something I took the time for, but this thread helped me and I'm glad I started it because I feel all the better for doing so.
Hope I've made sense.

a reply to: geezlouise Thanks for thinking of me, I'm much better now so thank you for your concern.
I've grown used to my different smells and alot has to do with how you eat... I'm stinky when I eat too much meat and I get onions and citrus at various times too. There was a time before deodorant was invented and people probably were more comfortable with our natural smells. I enjoy dabbling in aromatherapy and discovers that Hop's C02 in a low dilution kills oder bacteria... can't seem to spell oder right. The hops oil on it's own smells funky, but in a low dilution mixed with something pleasant like lavender mixed with 90% alcohol and distilled water works as a good deodorant, but not antiperspirant. I'm way off topic, let me know if your interested at all in aromatherapy and I can direct you to a good site.

Take care!

originally posted by: Night Star
I feel very fortunate that I came from a loving, huggy, kissy type family. We also grew up with manners and said thank you and showed appreciation to people.

I'm thinking that there are some people who just don't show their feelings or they are very shy, or have social anxieties or perhaps might be experiencing some personal problems in their lives, so they aren't quite themselves.

No wonder you are so kind and gentle. I remember my friend I've known since before kindergarten had a hugging and loving home and she is very nice person to this day.
This thread, your gentle nature, peoples kindness and my crazy emotions brought to mind this song,

I did a good bit for my friends granddaughter who is 12 for her birthday, balloons, candy and 125 dollar shoes and she didn't thank me. It made me not like her. She just kind of expected it.

I have a sensitive smeller, for me it isn't the most awesome thing to have sometime.

a reply to: peppycat

Awww, thanks! Your emotions aren't crazy at all. HUGS!

originally posted by: Medicator
I did a good bit for my friends granddaughter who is 12 for her birthday, balloons, candy and 125 dollar shoes and she didn't thank me. It made me not like her. She just kind of expected it.

125 dollar shoes? I wouldn't pay that much for myself let alone anyone else for just a pair of shoes. Wow, and no thank you? That is just...so wrong! Talk about ungrateful! Someone better teach that kid some manners!