People are being offended by compliments more and more, plus some.

I read the whole thread just to make sure that my take on this hasn't been touched on yet.. Interesting train of comments here...

Here's the deal.. In my opinion.. This issue is about debts owed, and some peoples hesitation to make a transaction..

Sound weird? Well it is.. But think about it.. How does it make you feel when you give someone a smile and get a frown in response? It feels like you've been jipped, and you have been in the world of human interaction..

In reality, for the most part and in most interactions with most people, you are selling your compliment, whether you like it or not.. Compliments are worth quite a bit more than a smile.. "Thank you's" are expected to be met with "your welcome's", "love you's" create a debt by the receiver, and so on etc.. If during one of these transactions, your compliment is met with a negative response it tells you that the person you gave it to isn't willing to make the transaction with you.. If they accept your compliment then they owe you something equal in value..

Though it may seem strange to think of it this way, it's just the way we deal with each other.. In reality, we go about our day making these kinds of transactions with almost everyone we come into contact with.. It's all about making trades and racking up debts with the people we interact with.. The goal is to have everyone you know be in debt to you...

It makes a lot of people uncomfortable when you aren't close enough to them to be putting them into debt to you..

Some people don't play by the rules and go about trying to put everyone else into their debt by trying to offer up their goods(smiles, compliments etc..) in inappropriate ways.. They're basically selling you something you don't want and expecting reimbursement.. Some others take the game too far by throwing compliments around like candy, and some of the people they interact with eat it up so quickly and throw their own compliments around willy nilly as well.. These people have tarnished the game with a type of inflation that causes the price of genuine compliments and similar transactions to go way down...

For these and other similar reasons some of us get a bad taste about the whole situation and become jaded to the game..

It's a sad ordeal when some people become so jaded that it makes them uneasy when they get compliments.. The currency that can be traded in these scenarios can be anything from money to time to equally traded comments or smiles, to even ones body.. And when someone's currency has been stolen or taken unwillingly then it damages them towards the game as a whole..a couple of the above responses were from people who have been unfairly treated, and forced into transactions with others who they either didn't want to trade with, or who took a lot more than what was owed..

It may or may not be a good thing to see the world of human interaction in this way depending on who you are, but if you try and see the connection, then the game makes a lot more sense..

Here's the rub.. There are a few among us who have tossed the rules of the game right out the door..

These people toss the whole game into question for the rest of us and effectively topple the rules in every interaction they have.. They are the same people that don't recognise the hierarchy that exists in almost every relationship.. They're the ones who have figured out how to genuinely love others unconditionally.. They look everyone square in they eye, they admire only the good attributes of those they come into contact with and never dwell in the negative side of anything.. These are the few who have become mentally, emotionally and spiritually mature enough to rise above the game.. They have given up the good feelings if being owed a debt by others.. These few make the rest of us a bit uncomfortable about our place in the game.. but they are admired and embraced by those around them. They inspire the rest of us in ways we can't comprehend.

At the end of the day, your currency and the next guys are not comparable.. There is no way to find a real balance between any two parts..

Give yourself freely in every aspect with no expectation of return..

When you become a conduit in this way, you'll find that your energy levels, positivity, happiness, as well as "currency" become an endless stream of goods provided by the universe..

When you give a smile away, or a compliment ,or some of your time or knowledge or experience in such a way that repayment is not needed, then you become a little bit more true to yourself and less a slave to the game.. Some times others will be confused by the fact that you give yourself away for free.. Those close to you will try to convince you that you deserve more or that you have value that you aren't aware of.. See this as a sign you're on the right path.. And never never get hung up trying to balance the transaction in a way that is fair for everyone.. It'll never happen..

In the transaction with the long haired girl, you effectively took back your currency, which was what she wanted.. It justified her place in the game.. It will in turn make it harder for the rest of those who play in the long run.. Next time the long haired girl gives you the stink eye in return for your compliment tell her that she is very lucky to have such an abundance of beauty, and that you admire her ability and willingness to share it FREELY with the rest of us and just move along.. No need for any return..


All the great things in this world are free... All the things that make it great were given freely by others as an expression of themselves or the beauty of the natural world around them..

I really love this.

originally posted by: Aedaeum
It's interesting to see the many colors of human perspective in here, about basic social interaction. It makes me long for a youthful humanity in which we had the choice to greet each other with respect and poise. Our scars now make it impossible to greet each other with anything but apprehension.

I'm really sorry that society has degenerated to such a degree that a simple greeting/compliment is grounds for debate. This really sheds a light on how far we've fallen as a species. It's a little ironic... Human beings need each other and yet positive interaction between us is so irrevocably strained; it's potentially lessened to nothing more than shallow passing comments, which if presented with the wrong tone, could cause unnecessary friction on that relationship. It would almost be humorous if it wasn't so depressing.

And as for Quauhtli:

I get it!

Someone else in another thread entirely once said something that will stay with me forever. They said... love is not like a natural resource that you can ever run out of... there's an endless reservoir of it. But people don't know that and so it becomes the currency game you so beautifully illustrated. I love you!

I'd also like to say one more thing to JustAnObservation in regards to adding a "new" perspective. For some reason it bugged me all day... and I think it's because, on the contrary, you've just illustrated the "old" perspective. There's nothing new in what you've said despite your lofty claims. And it is I who have offered a new perspective. At the very least I'm trying to! And I really do hope you feel better, soon. But it won't benefit any of us much longer to continue to deny the truth.

a reply to: geezlouise

You have made many unfair and ignorant assumptions regarding me and what you think I believe/feel/etc, in addition to assuming that you "truly understand" which you very clearly do not! One example being that you told me it is okay to feel good - as if I believe otherwise? Of course I know this, I never said it wasn't, and I feel fine thank you! All I shared was my irritation with comments regarding physique and my belief that people are too different to group together into one very general opinion. I don't know, you seem to think you know me and are coming to conclusions that bewilder me. But that is okay, and it is all I have to say to you, as I don't think it will be productive to further attempt to explain anything to you.

It's easy. Don't try to communicate with superficial idiots. If you slip up thinking someone is reasonable only to find out otherwise, don't pay their pettiness any mind. Why bother? You know what they are. They're superficial idiots. Leave them to their tiny world view.

a reply to: JustAnObservation

Well I'll be! I'm sensing hostility.

So, I'm sorry my dear. I hope no one annoys you anymore with compliments regarding your physique. I really do. Good day to you, sir!

originally posted by: Quauhtli
Give yourself freely in every aspect with no expectation of return..

When you become a conduit in this way, you'll find that your energy levels, positivity, happiness, as well as "currency" become an endless stream of goods provided by the universe..

Well you started off making some decent sense, but this reeks of naivety. I've seen a lot of people who kept to similar beliefs, only to burn out and be burned over and over again in this world. In the end, their boundless energy of giving shriveled up, and they had to look in the mirror and questions the assumptions they made so long ago which formed the beliefs that allowed them to be so foolish, for so long.

I'd rather just accept that the transactions occur, and not much care to play into most of the game. It's a superior route to be aware of the game and choose your interactions wisely, than to be clueless and stick to blind faith that'll eventually betray you.

a reply to: JustAnObservation


You are very lucky to have such an abundance of beauty as well as wisdom, thank you for your willingness to share it freely with the rest of us..

a reply to: pl3bscheese

Being helpful to others is its own reward. I try and treat others the way I would like to be treated because I hope that one day they or their children may do the same for my children.. Or at least that is the point.. Expecting that to be the case would be naive. But you know the old saying, "if you can't beat them join them" I guess in this case, in my opinion, I'd think we all have the choice to either become jaded and start accumulating currency from others, or choose to only allow yourself to express helpful and good things at no cost..

I have a very long way to go in this life to get to the place that I want to be in regards to my relations with the world and other people. I may very well be naive. One day I may learn that I've been wasting my time and energy.. People tell me all the time that I don't take care of myself enough, and that I let people walk all over me. My actions are taken as weekness regularly. I just tell myself that I'd rather not take the route that most of these people suggest.. It doesn't feel right to me.. I get everything I need from the music of nature and the beauty that surrounds me. I really don't need anything else.. I enjoy my work, my home, my relationships in all ways.. My cup is full.

I may not be very good at explaining things that I feel.. But in the part you quoted I was trying to convey an idea that I have had.. I think that our mission on this earth is to be a conduit of sorts, sharing the endless love and beauty that comes freely from the universe. I think that as we get older it becomes easier to see the truth, and hollow ourselves out a bit to allow these things to come through.. It's not the case of everyone, but seems to be true for the elders that I have admired and strived to emulate in life..

a reply to: Quauhtli

You're conflating the issue. Expense is physical, first and foremost in most exchanges. Any emotional expense is additional. People who are endlessly giving do so at great cost to their limited energies while being a living being. I know you really want to believe that some how these people you imagine to be superior to others are gifted with more energies that others because they match what you imagine to be an ideal way of living one's life. It's just not the case, they are bound by the same laws of the universe as the next, but perhaps have less psychological stress dragging them down by aligning with values and beliefs formed in their formative years of development.

I don't care to sway you or anyone else in this matter. The truth is self-evident, I've experienced this throughout my years. It's very foolish to give endlessly assuming you will be rewarded with more energies than the next. Yes, re-read your words, you are contradicting yourself over and over again.

Mulling this over a bit, I think another thing that has tarnished this for me as well is that I've worked retail, I've been trained to engage with customers (back in the day), to make them feel "special" etc... always came across as incredibly crass to me and very insincere. Way too many interactions have been commercialised.

Now I'm on the other side of that equation I hate being spoken to that way - even more than I hated doing it to people. I'll politely request "no conversation please" in chain stores, if they're attempting to sell me things that I don't want. Give me the surly-teen that doesn't want to be there and is monosyllabic, good customer service is if I ask a question and they're helpful, not trying to sell me a bunch of junk that I don't want.

A stranger approaching me and being complimentary is generally assumed to be a sales person.

a reply to: geezlouise

The girl with the long hair has issues if she talks like that, I LOVE how you told her to just cut it then. That was AWESOME!

I love complements, getting and giving them.

Now, I do no think anyone is better than anyone else, but when it comes to dating, there ARE leagues. It is very nice to receive a complement from any guy, but when someone out of my league keeps trying and does not gather my hints, that is when I get pissed and annoyed. Bitchy a lil...yes maybe. I never want to hurt anyone's feelings and this fella is forcing me to be rude.

a reply to: pl3bscheese

But what if... giving yourself over actually recharges your internal battery? But by giving yourself over... I'm talking about a change of perspective and attitude. Like refocusing your eye in a new direction.

I know it's a hard thing to grasp, but it's something that's been a recurring theme in my life lately. And it's been going on for a long time. I KNOW I told you this before but maybe it's time to say it again. One night I was out with my friend and I blurted out, "everyone looks so beautiful!" to which my friend responded, "do you think that's what they're thinking of you?" And I said no! It's not about me! It's about them being them! Then, weeks later, I was out with my sisters and it came over me again, I made a comment about how everyone is so beautiful in that area. And one of my sisters said, "don't you wonder if that's what they're thinking about you?" And I said no! It's not about me! BECAUSE WHEN MY EYE TURNS INWARD, IT BECOMES WARPED!

But I realized that their eyes must be focused inward, on themselves- Like they focus on what people are giving them/thinking of them, like they're more concerned about what their surrounding environments are giving them... while I'm more focused outwards. I'm more focused on how I feel about others, NOT how they feel about me. I'm more concerned with what I think of others, NOT what others think of me(although that does concern me of course from time to time)... and there is a difference here, and I truly think that it's my focusing outward that saves my life on a daily basis. And it may be utterly self-centered and selfish in a different kind of way but at least I'm not constantly thinking about what my environment will do for me(that's selfish in a different way) and at the end of the day... we're all selfish. Cause we only have ourselves to contend with.

So I think, turning your eye outwards... in this very specific way that I have tried to illustrate, I think it actually gives you strength and charges you.

I think you are talking about something else. Like a woman staying in an abusive relationship- but we're NOT talking about that. At least, I'm not.

a reply to: jokei

Your mental space is very, very foreign to me! Wooooow! Probably a difference of lifestyles? I'm not a huge shopper so I don't deal with sales people very often- like grocery stores and the occasional clothes shopping, but even then I don't deal with annoying sales people? I AM however in the customer service business, but I kind of like my job tbh. I actually sincerely like my customers, lol. So wow! Wowzers what a difference in perspective.

And I like you veracity. I know whatchu mean! lol.

a reply to: geezlouise

I had a similar experience to yours. I recently met an old friend, and noticed how long her hair had gotten in the last 2 years I haven't seen her.

I told her how she had beautiful, thick , long hair, and it really suited her face.

Instead of thanking me for the compliment, she started complaining about how long it takes her to brush and dry her hair.
(So, if it bothers her so much, why didn't she cut it? Why is she pretending as if she could not do anything about it?)

Seriously, people have forgotten how to take a compliment.

Just say 'Thank you'.

a reply to: geezlouise

It's psychological, but that doesn't mean it's not real. Perhaps I'm taking for granted the degree to which I've mastered the skill. Psychological stress can be considerably depletive to one's energy stores. I tend to overlook this and focus on the sources of energy depletion in my own life. People can ask a lot of me in very concrete ways where I have to prioritize effectively and outright shut out some people's requests else risk treading water. That leads to not being of help to anyone including myself.

I get that some people are extroverts and naturally need to help more than the next. I don't think that magically gives them boundless energies. Even extraverted helpers burn out in the long run.

a reply to: Harut

YES! There it is. Just say 'thank you,' the end.

I think possibly that girl was fishing for more compliments though- as if to tell you how much work she puts into it so that you would sympathize and respect all the work she goes through to have beautiful hair. It's painful to be beautiful, sometimes, quite literally.! Like wearing heels and brushing out knotty hair all the time. LOL! But yea, she took that opportunity and went digging and that's kinda greedy.

a reply to: pl3bscheese

Psychological is biological, imho. And very real. I was told that psychological/mental/emotional trauma was common in adult type 1 onsets like myself. So very possibly, psychological stress can lead to auto-immune disorders, it's all very real to me. So yeah I get that part.

a reply to: geezlouise

Yeah, possibly, I guess more than anything it's been working for large retail companies that's jaded me - all the training's been "milk them for cash by pretending to be nice" and scripted interactions, it's really the scripted interactions that I hate and the "hi, how are you today?" - because I have enough respect for people to answer that honestly and a salesperson doesn't need that kind of conversation in their day, nor do I want it - I also find it really creepy when salespeople ask your name, or read it off your card and address you, really dislike that.

Then again, I'm british and I actually kind of enjoy bad service in a perverse way. I'll happily speak to strangers, but 90% of the time I am, it's people trying to sell me crap :/ I'm not some antisocial jerk, I'll go out of my way to help elderly people and try to be polite and kind as a general rule, but when I'm shopping it's headphones as barrier.

As somebody that usually negates a compliment with an appeal to their own flaws and comparison to others that are better talented, I must stress that not everyone that dismisses a compliment has a negative or spiteful motive for doing so.

I'm the old fashioned type of guy I use Ma'am and sir,open doors, I always SMILE and say hello.
I am married to a mean lady and that is a good thing because SHE is worse than me ,but hates most things feminist.
I usually get a bowed head to the floor when I meet an Emo person,it apparently is my Eyes that bother them( Dunno why)
Then there are the people who just glare at everyone THAT is their interaction with humanity. I get mildly upset when they don't smile back or worse talk s##t ,I take most up on it because I REALLY like harming bullies by hand.
I avoid crowds now that I'm slowly croaking,but politeness SHOULD make a come back.
If youg women want to dress like hookers ,nurse or whatever I look it's a bio thing, they can get over it .
I prefer their eyes anyway,it's the ONLY way to see if they are liars or intelligent.