People are being offended by compliments more and more, plus some.

originally posted by: AceWombat04
I used to complement people. But after the first time it was misinterpreted as some sort of "advance," rather than casual musing, I stopped. My social anxiety does not permit me to risk feeling like that again lol. I can't bear being seen as "that guy."

Peace.

And that is the down side of this whole issue. Whatever the reason was for them responding as they did is anyone's guess. You may also be over sensitive to their response making it seem worse than it was, only you and the other person know the details. But aside from that, it could have been handled differently. Obviously if it wasn't an advance on your part they assumed to much and reacted incorrectly. They may not have realized the effect it would have but it has resulted in you closing off to social interaction.

It's always easier to do nothing and keep quiet. It takes a bit of courage to do something like speak to someone, even to pay them a compliment, rather than not. That doesn't mean you need to praise them with thank you's because they said they like your hair or whatever. But if both parties would just be considerate it wouldn't have to be that way.

Don't expect your compliment to be automatically get you praise but it shouldn't be met with a "f*ck you" either. If your getting the compliment it doesn't mean you have to shag them for that simple gesture but you don't need to make them feel like a fool for saying something to you. It seems as easy as just being civil and polite. "Hey, I like your ....." " Hey, thanx." or "I like your dress", "Hey thanks." That easy.

a reply to: mOjOm

One would think. But I'm also not insensitive to the reasons some feel the way they do about compliments, and try to be mindful of that.

Either way, it won't be something I have to worry about ever again.

Peace.

Firstly, I have PTSD. I’m sorry you do, too, JustAnObservation.

I had a very, very bad year myself. So I get it. I really do. And I know that my looks are fleeting and I don’t have any control over that, either, so while it strokes my ego just right to be called beautiful I am NOT so attached in that I let it define who I am so that when I grow old I should feel utterly defeated and lost as though I don’t know who I am anymore… no, I won’t have that. So, I’m working on that big time and honestly, I imagine myself being a kind of classy and established old lady who’s had an interesting life, written a couple good books maybe, and left a couple masterpieces behind with important messages for her family, and humanity. But just because my youth is fleeting, or just because I have no control over it, it doesn’t mean I shouldn’t get to enjoy it. I fully plan to enjoy whatever youth I have left and the rest of my life to the best of my ability no matter what I look like. Because YOLO, lol.

And part of it all has to do with accepting my lot. I am short and I can’t change that, so I will not allow myself to long to be taller. I will not allow myself to want what I can’t have because that would be dismissing reality too entirely for my own comfort. So, I have brown eyes and I refuse to spend the rest of my life wanting and coveting blue eyes. I will want my brown eyes. I will not want anything else. I will want my ugly vagina, my thin lips, my warped self image, all my errors, all the gray hairs on my body, my boney fingers, my small boobs, and etc. I fully accept my lot no matter how imperfect. So on and so forth.

Secondly, the girl I complimented was NOT a stranger that I randomly walked up to and complimented. She was an acquaintance who was connected via friends. And it wasn’t the first time I had met her or interacted with her… I could kind of tell what kind of person she was prior to the compliment, though, but I gave her the benefit of a doubt and alas, my insight was spot on. It usually is.

Thirdly, I love some of you a very lot from a distance. Thank you!

Still reading.

a reply to: JustAnObservation

For your information I was been bullied since grade 1 to 7th by half my class. A personal hell while my family broke apart and our lives were ruined on many fronts.

Beyond that, I learned to grow. I used to be a dove. Peace, indigo child.

Abused and beat up daily by the worst kind.

I learned to grow, fight back and remember why the strong pick on the weak.

I see the same thing now. People trying to act like animals and then when the authority comes they play the victim like you never could.

So no.

If you dont like people and their compliments, see a professional and stay home.

I dont have to cater to people being jerks just because they can play the victim.

NO ONE helps. We are on our own. No one wants to change that.

Nice people can explain their reasons and will be heard. If your nasty you are not a victim. You are a manipulating bully trying to find your way.

So what ever. Broken animals made the world. We are learning to fight back, and take it back.

I have a trauma too. I cant deal with peoples trauma when they act like dicks.

Animalistic instinct makes you snap on nice people being themselves.

They should learn WHO to be nice to, and who to be a stronger animal with in response.

a reply to: geezlouise

You have a hideous soul...

Just thought I'd change it up for you.


/rattles.

a reply to: geezlouise

Hey, nothing wrong with loving how you are and wanting compliments - as I said, a lot of people like that sort of thing and there is nothing wrong with it. I only say what I say because I think it is important for people to realize that while it makes them feel good, it may not make others feel good. One shoe doesn't fit all sort of thing. So when someone reacts negatively, even lashes out, perhaps it is not because they intend to be rude to you - perhaps it is a reaction that stems from deep rooted problems or anxieties. I realize this is not always the case, too. Some people are downright mean, and that is never okay! I only meant to point out the fact that you never know why someone may behave as they do. I hope you understand my meaning, and realize I have nothing against you

Though I wish generalizations such as those who can't take compliments not being able to give them wouldn't be made, as I just don't find this to be true at all.. I may not like having things said about my body, but I love freely and express my love for others freely. Empathy and understanding are key.

a reply to: tadaman

I'm with you, tadaman. I love you.

I, too, have been broken. But I will not let it twist me up inside until I don't recognize myself anymore (it almost happened though so I DO get it). But I will not play games any longer. People who can't be complimented do NOT know how to compliment others. There was a time when I practically gave everyone the stink eye because I thought they were "in on it." I had to fight myself out of that hell. And yes... some people just have a bad day, or year, but while people are having their bad days and years... being hateful... unable to receive or give love, I'll just leave them alone. And I'll be over here loving those who will have my love.

PS: The "weirdo" who asked what I did for valentines day is a customer, not a fellow co-worker. I am a barista. Just to clear that up.

originally posted by: geezlouise
PS: The "weirdo" who asked what I did for valentines day is a customer, not a fellow co-worker. I am a barista. Just to clear that up.

That makes more sense. I couldn't understand why someone going around groping people would be able to keep his job. If you boss has even half a heart he/she would ban that man as a customer.
I had been a barista for a "good olé boy'' type that only hired young women because ''only men have the money'' I had a hard time with men expecting me to laugh at their jokes that I didn't find funny. As if I'm supposed to be flattered that they are even taking the time to get me to laugh. ( I really don't think that not laughing at something you don't think is funny is mean or snobbish... ) for anyone thinking me not laughing is cruel and that of a feminazi.

I like complements for the simple fact I grew up feeling unattractive. I like compliments on my character and looks and I like to give them if I am truly being sincere. I don't care what gender I'm giving or receiving them from. It's a nice gesture. I'm sure if someone was giving me the creeps, breathing heavy, twitching or whatever weirdness while they complimented me... I would be on high alert... pepper spray within reach.

Take good care!

a reply to: geezlouise

I love you too.

Writing that almost brought me to tears. LOL

I agree, we have to preserve our innocence they would rip from our soul. I have learned to guard it like the most treasured thing I have, only revealing it to those who are worthy.

Worthiness. A hard concept to learn.

You are right. We must not let this world change us. We are here to change the world. Learning how is the battle. Its halfway between our heart`s light and this worlds darkness.

Thank you,

Have a good one.
Hold it down.

*hug your way.

Some people are incredibly receptive to thoughts as well as words. Bombard her with thoughts of love and see if it changes her feelings towards you.

I don't mind when someone gives me a compliment depending on what is said and who it's coming from. I look really young for my age and I don't like it when older men look at me or give me compliments. About a year ago, a guy tried to give me a compliment/talk to me. I had a bad feeling about him and I went off on him and told him to leave me along. The guy looked like a creepier. It turned out I was right and he is a register sex offended. i don't want people like that complimenting me. And that's not the only incident I've had like that and I don't feel bad for telling the person off because I had good reason to.

Just because someone gives another a person a compliment doesn't mean that the receiver of that compliment has to say thank you or accept it. It annoys me how some people get upset just because someone doesn't want to be complimented by them. Get over it, because you are not living that person's life and don't know what they have been through that makes them act a certain way to compliments.

What I've said sounds mean, but I don't care. It's a person's right if they want to accept a compliment or not and if that upsets someone then oh well.

a reply to: Rocketgirl

My OP is a little odd because in the first half, I talk about how girls, mainly, complain about being complimented. TBH, I was going more for... girls publicly claiming annoyance but secretly enjoying it deep down inside. Even some of the contributors here saw my thread as an opportunity to... kinda make themselves feel good deep down inside- by sharing their experiences and making sure we all know how many compliments they've received.

But then in the second half of my OP, I talk about how I've utterly rejected engagement with a customer who has a bad reputation, not so unlike your experience. Only, my customer is mentally slow and can't help himself, but he's raised red flags due to invading someones personal space and now I basically face him with utmost caution. He's not a safe person, so that's why I have to give him the stink eye but only sometimes because if I'm TOO CRUEL, then who knows what kind of sick thoughts might end up in his mind. So, I think I covered that and you basically just reiterated my OP... however, you used this thread as an opportunity to share your experience with us. And I thank you for that.

But I was going for the basic deception of liking it secretly, but complaining about it outwardly. As though you have to dress up your boast in a complaint. As though you're not allowed to feel good about something and talk about it without being called a braggart so instead you complain about it, because I think everyone likes being complimented deep down inside. But there's also something else going on, too, sometimes, like a game has to be played. It's a kind of power struggle, where... some use a compliment as an opportunity to get above and feel big, which isn't cool and yes it derives from insecurity and even jealousy. Or they're untrusting, and scared of being hurt again, and the pain they endured prior twisted them up until they can't receive kindness. Either way, it's all about being broken inside... and just not being able to receive love or feeling like you have to dress up good things in negative things just so others don't judge you. It just doesn't make sense cause others are gonna judge you no matter what you do, so why not just remain true?

Or perhaps they share their experiences in order to get others to see why generalizations and assumptions regarding people they do not know are bad, and why others may react in the way they do - not because they are deceptive and secretly want to feel "good" by sharing or want peoples compliments regarding their experiences. Perhaps instead they speak because they hope for the person they are addressing to understand that grouping a multitude of people into one category based on solely their own experience is incorrect.

I wish you the best of luck and have a nice day.

a reply to: JustAnObservation

There ain't nothing wrong with feeling good or wanting to feel good. But I think that is maybe the hardest lesson I ever had to learn, and I'm still learning it. The struggle is real.

Fairwell.

It's interesting to see the many colors of human perspective in here, about basic social interaction. It makes me long for a youthful humanity in which we had the choice to greet each other with respect and poise. Our scars now make it impossible to greet each other with anything but apprehension.

I'm really sorry that society has degenerated to such a degree that a simple greeting/compliment is grounds for debate. This really sheds a light on how far we've fallen as a species. It's a little ironic... Human beings need each other and yet positive interaction between us is so irrevocably strained; it's potentially lessened to nothing more than shallow passing comments, which if presented with the wrong tone, could cause unnecessary friction on that relationship. It would almost be humorous if it wasn't so depressing.

a reply to: AceWombat04

I used to complement people. But after the first time it was misinterpreted as some sort of "advance," rather than casual musing, I stopped. My social anxiety does not permit me to risk feeling like that again lol. I can't bear being seen as "that guy."

I know that miscommunication where a compliment only meant to make someone temporary happy makes the person misinterpret it as an invitation to something more. Even when the comment is responded happily miscommunication on the meaning can happen.

a reply to: Rocketgirl

Some predatory souls use empathy and kindness as a manipulation tool but some souls have their own abilities to see thru that manipulation. The more awareness/"the sharper the consciousness" the less possibility to bull# you since the energy behind the surface smile and words being shown will not be the same.

originally posted by: geezlouise
a reply to: Rocketgirl
But then in the second half of my OP, I talk about how I've utterly rejected engagement with a customer who has a bad reputation, not so unlike your experience. Only, my customer is mentally slow and can't help himself, but he's raised red flags due to invading someones personal space and now I basically face him with utmost caution. He's not a safe person, so that's why I have to give him the stink eye but only sometimes because if I'm TOO CRUEL, then who knows what kind of sick thoughts might end up in his mind.

What's the nature of their learning disability? If it's autism they may well not understand their behaviour is innapropriate, very common for autistic people (and people with learning disabilities in general) to not understand what appropriate personal space is.

I have been bullied too, PTSD and thus would rather not say anything at all to any one for just about any reason. That said, if any one in real life complimented me, I'd be smiling for the rest of the day and wondering what does it all mean (like the double rainbow meme). I don't care if I'm ugly, cute or average because at the end of the day, these strangers don't matter if they think I'm ugly. While being complimented that I'm cute would make me feel good, unless they are going to be my friend or more, they don't matter much either.

People suck, it does not matter what you look like, they will find something to hurt you with. Sure, you can change the way you look and hope that you "blend in", but these people still suck even if they don't show it. There are some good people, but they are too afraid to show it, because, you guessed it, people suck.

So in all honesty just be who you are the way you are, it is less work, changing your self will just cause a new set of problems from unexpected angles. For example if you are slim and think people will hit on you less, nope, you will get chubby chasers and people who think you have low self esteem and are thus easy to bed. You will also get bullied, which is much worse. Also, bed head would be the only way to go, some guys love short hair, buzzed and even bald!

Don't change for the sucky people, change for the great people and only if YOU want to. Only the great people are worth it.