It started years ago when I complimented a girls hair.
It was very unique and unlike the norm, reaching all the way down her back, passed her butt, and deserving of all the attention and compliments it
got. But to my utter surprise she rolled her eyes at me... and stated with an air of cold contempt that she hears it all the time and in fact it
annoys her. I immediately felt shot down and tossed aside as part of the multitudes of annoying joe-shmoe's who stupidly compliments her hair. But I
felt I was wrongly treated, and even tricked into it, so I decided to try to help her out by suggesting that she simply cut off her hair. Just cut it
off. Problem solved! To which she just looked stunned and didn't know what to say.
Furthermore, in my experience, girls complain about being hit on ALL THE TIME! And act like it's such a nuisance. Like OH MY GOD someone called you
beautiful? HOW DARE THEY. And like, oh my god someone looked at your youthful, bouncing boobies barely contained in you tank top? HOW DARE THEY
GLANCE AT THE CLEAVAGE YOU HAVE PROUDLY DISPLAYED. The brutes! The savages! It's ghastly, isn't it.
But honestly, it doesn't make any damn sense to me anymore. So I've begun to suggest that people just imagine what it might be like to be called ugly
all the time instead.
Because even if sometimes, as a woman, I feel like my value and worth relies strictly on my appearances and that feels kind of belittling (not to
mention fleeting), I still accept my lot and I'll take compliments over insults any day of the week. And if I dare be so bold and honest, it actually
feels good to be desired, and to be told that someone thinks I'm beautiful. I won't lie about it, and I'll never complain about it again. I just
don't want to be assaulted, OK? Because that's really where I draw the line. Because there are boundaries and there's such a thing as crossing them.
But generally... if I catch the clerk behind the counter at the gas station checking out my boobies before he tells me that I am beautiful? I'm not
going to complain about it! Even if I know there's a chance that they're sitting there imagining what I might look like naked, reducing me to a
sexual object in their minds eye- I can't stop them from doing that. lol. And I'll still take the compliment over an insult any day of the week.
So thank you, thank you thank you!
And just... I'm still feeling a little shy but I'll have you know that the weirdo who asked what I did on valentines day twelve times in a row
(because I ignored him) is just a tad bit slow. And he's been weird before that. Because I don't think he understands boundaries too well; he's
actually harassed a fellow co-worker of mine and has been known to cross boundaries (grabbing girls from behind, jumping out from around corners and
behind things to surprise girls in a quick scary embrace). So, that's why I ignore that dude, IF YOU MUST KNOW. And in fact, I'm now giving him the
stink eye because he tricked me a couple times(but didn't touch me) and I won't smile at him at all now, and I avert all eye contact. But I
understand he's not a bad person, not really. But I will NOT willingly put myself into a position where I might be the one who he's grabbing
unexpectedly. Like hello, THAT IS NOT OK.
And I'll have you know that I have to make judgement calls like that on the daily- yes I judge people. I have to. Because people can get pretty
creepy, and I'm no dumbo. So please, I'm human. I'm just like you deep down inside because I'm pretty sure you wouldn't want to deal with specific
unwanted attention as well. It doesn't make me a bad person, does it? And sometimes I'm just having a bad day, or year. Cause I pretty much cried
for over a year so sometimes people have bad years, too. It happens.
But I know I've been kind of tactless in other areas of my life, too. I can't help it sometimes. I'm just beginning to crawl my way out of this deep
dark abyss and now I'm changing. Again. But I'm no braggart, and I don't think I'm better than anybody. I never have. I just know what I'm good
at, and while I know I have limits... I've always believed that I could be better than whatever I am or at whatever I'm doing, so, I admit I'm a
pusher of self limits. Cause in other words, I'm just never good enough for myself. So it's not hubris, ok? In fact, contrary to what it may seem
like, I have a heavy self-loathing and shame that I've been working on shedding... and I'm just trying to gain even a shred of confidence in whatever
I'm capable of doing. And I do a lot of stupid embarrassing things all the time that don't really help me out in that endeavor, lol, but I'm
My eye tends to become warped whenever it turns inward... so I must refocus outward.
edit on 13-3-2016 by geezlouise because: (no reason