a reply to: Akragon
I'm married, and never used, nor considered an online dating site. If I was
still single, I still wouldn't consider an online dating site.
That said, I don't think there's anything wrong with people doing so if that's what they feel is best for them.
To me, it seems it would be the opposite of what people hope it would be. They're hoping for less awkwardness, less time-consuming, improved
"filtering", more options. I would find it far more awkward to try to make a connection with someone I'm not speaking with in person.
I never "set out" to meet women, it always happened as part of life. Whether because a friend of a friend you hadn't met before attends a party you're
at, a fellow dog walker on the path ("beautiful dog" is a great pickup line), a co-worker, a friend's girlfriend's sister. I didn't spend time seeking
out women. Online dating/meeting seems awfully time-consuming to me.
The subtleties your subconscious mind detects and uses to provide you with positive, negative, or insightful cues about a person are basically
non-existent with online dating. My mind is a signficiantly better algorithmic calculator than any website's, and factors in an infinite number of
cues, rather than the "stats" entered into a person's profile on a website. Those cues can be so subtle you're not even aware of them consciously.
Slight movements of facial muscles and pupil dilation/constriction based on something you say or a movement you make tell you something in-person.
Besides the obvious personality-compatibility "Q&A" people go through with each other, when a lot of those subtle cues add up to a positive or
negative connection, both individuals "just know" whether taking things further makes sense. It's not magic or anything like that - it's rapid,
complex and massive information processing. Websites just don't do this. People interacting in person do, and do it faster than a webpage loads.
As far as more options - that can be true in some ways. Living in a small town of say 500 people means the internet opens you up to a lot more
people, however, it also only allows in those people who put themselves up for online dating. Still, people can leave themselves open to both, of
I believe life, in general, presents a much greater range of possibilities, and that pre-filtering via online services cuts out most of a person's
most ideal candidates. That isn't to say it doesn't work - it surely does work in some cases. Also, unlike myself, some people feel more comfortable
meeting people based on profiles, "matching" preferences, and through the medium of a computer/phone than they do face to face. That's fine. For
people who are really bad judges of character, I could see how the filtering provided by such services could be helpful (if the people they're
considering are honest, of course.) The only way I see how it could be a time saver is for the type of person who actually dedicates time to trying
to meet people to date - which seems like a supremely miserable endeavor in my opinion.
I guess that's just my stream of thought / opinion on why it's not for me (if I were to be "looking") and never has been. It's so limiting, and
frankly, WAY too much effort, when meeting people is kind of a natural facet of being human.
I also find it fun to think on the many-years-long chain of events which led to me meeting my wife. Just one excerpt in the process: 17 years before
I met my wife (while in high school), a girl I was in Orchestra with mentioned a friend of hers to me who lived just a few blocks from me and was also
big into inline skating. She introduced us, we became great friends. As her younger brother grew up, he joined us in our skating and other adventures
and we became great friends as well. Years later, the brother was back in town, working a couple-months-long job about an hour south from me. He
used his GPS to find a bar in the area he was going to be in. The first place that popped up on the GPS, a TGIF, is the one he went to. I wasn't
aware he was back in town and hadn't seen him in a few years. I was supposed to be helping my brother rebuild part of his deck that day, but he had
something come up, so I drove down and met my buddy at the restaurant/bar. My future wife was working as a cocktail waitress there while going to
Thinking of the paths that led to our meeting is mind-boggling. If I hadn't taken up playing the double-bass in 4th grade, I wouldn't have been
friends with the girl who introduced me to the friend whose little brother was working for a small company which was just bought out by a large
Japanese corporation, who assigned him to lead the project he was driving to. On his way to his hotel, the moment in his drive he chose to have his
GPS search for a watering hole resulted in the place my future wife was working showing up as the first option. His decision to call me with the
"surprise! I'm in town, come drink with me!" coupled with my brother's change of plans...without that perception of an incredible chain of events, it
would all just feel too artificial to me.
If it works out in happiness for people, however, then I'm very happy for them, and I have nothing against it or against anyone's decision to do so.