The Bus Home: How Some Conversations Are Impossible To Ignore

a reply to: eluryh22

Okay.

I wouldn't imagine yelling at the persons, or "doing" anything physically - simply making a comment to them, that's all.
A statement about your perception of the behavior, for the target to hear, as much as the others on the bus.
Just saying it outloud, that's often a way to get people just being more aware of each others presence, and thinking.

But reading the responses here, I see everyone thinks there was a real risk of being badly injured or killed if you'd said anything, which I didn't automatically assume. I guess it's been a while I've been out of the big city now!
Trying to pull on my own experiences, if it is like LA, you wouldn't want to say anything to the latino gang bangers around, they were always packing firearms and knives, and were quick to use them.

I am realizing I was sexist, because I didn't make that connection because it was a girl...

a reply to: Bluesma

Bluesma,

It is not the physical repercussions that concerned me at the time, but the legal ramifications. I realise now how seriously previous events have knocked my understanding of my place in things. I have been somewhat uprooted by events not referenced in this thread, and I need to get back to that place where I know exactly where I stand, so that issues like this do not inspire me to inaction, but once again insist that I make what stand I must, even if it would be futile in the moment.

I must remember that the ripples of what I do, and what I do not do, have consequences beyond my ability to perceive directly, and that I must make those ripples as potentially positive for everyone around me as I possibly can, like I used to do, before I had my psyche rattled off its perch.

a reply to: Helicopter

Helicopter,

I am sorry that my countrymen made an ass of themselves, and dishonoured their ancestors in front of you, and that they attempted to make you feel less than welcome. I hope that you do not hold such stupidity against the rest of us.

For what it is worth, I hope you earned that aggravated assault warrant. There is nothing more disgusting to me than xenophobia, and I hope the gormless moron who vexed you was eating through a straw for a time as a result of his contemptible behaviour.

a reply to: TrueBrit

I wholeheartedly agree with you there, the problem just being that we live in a society that doesn't always encourage being informed, or trying to educate oneself. Ignorance is unfortunately bliss, and my opinion is that she has done a lot of this damage herself, and chosen to do so, but society and the world around her has also played it's part in making her another one of the ignorant folk.

So I guess she is partly to blame for the way she behaves herself, but there are a lot of other factors that has played a critical roll in molding her into the individual she is. She could've always chosen to be informed, and a well rounded individual, but society and the world around her could also have helped with this process.

a reply to: TrueBrit

Oh yeah, TrueBrit.... I seem to remember reading about some controversy you were involved with.... some accusations of harrassing someone verbally, wasn't it??? I am a bit fuzzy on the details now, but I remember that , along with everyone else here, there was no doubt in my mind that you were the one being victimized in that!

I had forgotten about that. That totally puts this experience of yours, and the angst about it into a totally different perspective! I would have probably done like you, and also struggled with it inside like you, if I had been through what you had!

a reply to: GreenGunther

The way I look at it GreenGunther, I had an awful lot of really good excuses to fail to gain understanding when I was growing up. We were poor as dirt, had a useless father, mother was clinically depressed, school was hell, other people my age were uniformly awful, and an awful lot of my time was taken up by things that were in essence, a bag of crap.

But I never once felt that I had a choice, because I knew that information, having it, using it, was vital. And so, regardless of, in spite of the very good reasons I could have used to avoid data, avoid thinking, avoid the whole sorry mess, I went ahead and developed a personality for myself. If I could not give myself an excuse, even when there were many about, no one has permission to give themselves an excuse.

a reply to: TrueBrit

Your story reminded me of a bus story I had a few years ago. I was riding a greyhound bus (in the US this is a bus company that focuses on cross country travel rather than city travel... a less expensive alternative to flying) and it was late at night. All I really wanted to do was sleep, but I couldn't because of the conversation going on behind me as a woman was talking into her cell phone. The conversation drifted back and forth between her work in a carnival, comparing and contrasting various hard drugs, her tenuous relationship with her family members because she wouldn't share her meth supply with them, and lots of talk behind peoples backs of how horrible various people were.

That bus ride was something of a wakeup call for me. At the time I lived in a small town that is pretty well insulated from the urban culture.

That's when I realized that for as much as people like to debate about things like how much welfare spending we should commit to, who if anyone should be invaded, tax rates, and everything else... the country simply will not be made a better place until we remove the self destructive cultures.

In this conversation, I said nothing to the girl. A few words from a stranger will never change anything. I did however write down the whole event so I would never forget it. If one day in the future I get into politics (this would have to be the far future), given the opportunity I want to revitalize areas of the country where this is the typical behavior.

I'm sure that has been said by a lot of people throughout history, and not always to good results, but I believe a society is properly judged by the poorest, most downtrodden, and most vile among it and I refuse to think that there's not a way to help those people (the poor part is easy... those with vile personalities, is a bit harder)

this is indeed a tricky situation. I would love to tell these kind of people to cram it, but I also dont want to get my behind handed to me, so I mind my own. sad, but safe and alive.