The Bus Home: How Some Conversations Are Impossible To Ignore

Fellow members, greetings once again.

I went to see a movie last night, for the first time in a very long time. Which movie is unimportant, or rather, not relevant to the scenario at hand.

When the movie was done, my friends and I left the cinema, stood outside and chatted a while, and then went our separate ways. I headed to the bus stop, and boarded the bus for home. At the first stop on the route, a young girl, who could not have been more than seventeen years of age, boarded the bus also, and immediately recognised some other passengers, who were sat right at the back, about six seats to the rear of my position. Now, normally speaking, I keep my self to myself, and as long as everyone else on the bus is minding their business, by not broadcasting it at outrageous volume, I can tune out of whatever conversations are happening around me, and get lost in my brain for the quarter hour that the journey home normally takes.

Not so on this night, on this bus. The girl I mentioned plonked herself down at the back of the bus, and within seconds I knew what was going to happen. A long, loud, expletive laced conversation on matters including the consumption of hard drugs, how much one of the people she had recognised would probably enjoy performing a particular sex act upon her, and how ugly various people in film, life, and history were. She even opined that one of the people, another young lady, who got on the bus not long after she did, looked "like, you know, dirty, and a bit of a ******* tramp yeah? Like a used condom or sumfin.".

I was looking at the target of this barb, right at the back of her head, and I saw her face fall from behind, such was the disgraceful nature of what was said, the only quotable part of which, I have provided. That was not all that was said on the matter, but that is all I can bare to post. Now, I am not one to generalise and I am aware that not all seventeen to twenty one year olds behave, or speak like the girl at the back of the bus. But the fact that there are people who will sit there, and with great volume discuss hard drug use, their unwanted and unwelcome opinions as to the physical characteristics of one or another fellow bus user, the fact that this was a young person, makes me quite angry. I had been having a good night. By the time I got off the bus, I was once again reminded why some days of the week, I am ashamed to be a member of the species.

I would once have stood up, turned around, and told said mouthpiece exactly what I thought of all this, but recent experiences have shown me that a) it would have had no, or negative effect on the atmosphere in the bus, and b) that doing the right thing, is something which, while I am always prepared to do, ought to be done at the right time, and with proper protection from unreasonable consequence, and I have had an awful lot of unreasonable consequence over the last couple of years, as some of you may know.

However, in the cold light of morning, I realise that I probably should have just bitten the bullet, and let that individual know exactly what everyone else was thinking, that being something along the lines of "Miss, your mouth is a pit of such filth that only Satans rear passage can compare to it, in terms of the foul content, and vile issue which comes from it, and I believe I speak for everyone on this conveyance when I say the following: shut your disgusting mouth, keep your opinions of everyone here to yourself, and when you get off this bus, go and get yourself a hobby that includes something other than experimental chemistry."

I am left wondering what kind of a country I live in, where I am aware that saying and doing the right thing will always be worse for me and mine, than doing and saying nothing. I am ashamed of my restraint. I appeased someone and I hate myself at the moment for so doing.

I would like to discuss the state of things today in this country, what it means when even I have my mouth shuttered by the possible legal ramifications of my words and deeds. What would you have done, how would you have done it, and how much would your choice be effected by things other than your gut?

a reply to: TrueBrit

Pick your battles, right? You're not the only one who's bitten their tongue and regretted it deeply from that moment on. I'm smiling at the opposite situation too. How many times has someone gotten involved and the next day realised they should have stayed out of it?! Hands up now!

You didn't 'appease' anyone by staying out of it. That's to seek approval off them and you certainly weren't doing that.

a reply to: TrueBrit I used to volunteer with a homeless charity for young people. More often than than not it would be the girls that kicked off. I once found my self defending my self and another girl from a snooker ball attack to the face. It was a baptism of fire for me. I'd only been there a week, so was a new face to everyone. From that point on. I knew just to keep my mouth shut if I saw any brewing bickering between girls. They can be much more vicious than lads, who don't tend to argue about the same things. It was much easier to reason with boys and communicate and reason with them on their level.

Girls can just be too emotional. Unfortunately we live in a sick society. I don't know what the causes or solutions are especially with young women, when they can be more violent especially in packs. The female of the species is more deadly than the male.

Yikes! In my town, no bus river would allow a bunch of foul language.
I'm not sure what you could of done other than a kind word to the target of the nasty mouthed woman.
I'm not sure what the bus drivers are like where your at, but passengers should not have to listen to loudmouthed swearing and the bus driver should have shut her down.
I feel bad for you and the woman that got targeted.
If my bus driver didn't do anything about it, I would have asked them to.
It's hard to see someone put down and I'm not sure I would of kept quiet, but the loud person was a drug addict and may have gotten more outta hand if something was said to her about her behavior.
So, you might have done the best thing in holding your tongue.

a reply to: TrueBrit

In this instance TrueBrit you did the right thing considering what has happened to you very recently with regard to the UK justice system. I too myself have been in a similar situation with regard to false allegations whereby now, thanks to the justice system, i have a criminal record. I now zip it and walk away for fear of the same thing happening again.

Can you imagine if anyone on the bus had recognised you, if you had of intervened, then they made a "song and dance" of the whole thing afterwards.

It certainly does not make it right but i understand perhaps why you choose not to do so and question yourself as to why you didn't.

The world (UK) is a changing, we have parents openly smoking drugs when picking children up from school (as reported in the UK MSM this week) what does that tell you of society and the "younger" generation of today, god help us when the next generation +1 is in charge.

CbG

a reply to: peppycat

About four years ago, three of us chased about fourteen little sh!ts off a bus one afternoon. They'd gotten on and been abusive to the driver who'd, rightfully, bollocked a couple of them. When it was time to get off, they rose as a mini-mob and intended to spit at and punch the driver. Before they could hack up a good spit, me and another guy shoved them off the bus and the driver flung open his hatch and came out bellowing and swinging.

Like cowards, they all fled to a safe distance and started shouting abuse and threats. Little bastards every one of them.

They were from a place the English members will shake their heads at - Skelmersdale.

a reply to: Kandinsky

Kandinsky,

My gut tells me I was wrong, and my head says I was justified, if not right. I feel a little sick about it to be honest. Appeasement or not, I feel like I ought to have been free to drive a banner pole down and call foul. I feel really bad for the target of the worst of that conversation, and for the rest of the passengers as well.

At the same time as being in a position where I ought to know better than to open my mouth, I am also in a position where I do know better than to keep it closed. But my main concern as regards to this thread, is where do others sit with this sort of thing, and what is to be done about re-organising the priorities of people, so that standing for common decency and decorum is not something which opens one up to the sort of unreasonable consequences I mentioned.

a reply to: TrueBrit

I had been having a good night. By the time I got off the bus, I was once again reminded why some days of the week, I am ashamed to be a member of the species.

This right here sums up every single bus ride I've ever had late at night.

I vaguely remember one night I was taking the bus home and there were several guys whom were obviously piss drunk. Initially no one payed them any mind, until one of them began throwing up. Everyone else on the bus laughed and poked fun at the guy, of course the other guys in reaction to this began to get aggressive and started threatening to beat people up. So naturally a few bus riders told them to calm down and even went over to help the guy whom had thrown up all over the back seats, how did the drunk guys react?

By swinging punches at other bus riders and getting all rowdy. Eventually the bus driver pulled over, told them to get off.
They refused. Bus driver called the cops and waited till they arrived.

I realize they were intoxicated but sometimes getting involved in public situations like this aren't always the best. Had other fellow bus riders attempted to subdue them(once they got violent), I honestly don't know how worse the situation could've gotten.

Sometimes you gotta be careful and ignore unreasonable people.

a reply to: TrueBrit

My friend, and I call you that having read many of your posts and knowing that I could enjoy a long night of story time over pints, you acted right.

There isn't a single path to right. I, given my ridiculous physical stature and the liberty it gives me, would have shamed the guttersnipe. I like to watch them squirm uncomfortably, especially when their men are too scared of me to intervene.

The state of things these days, though I know you're across the pond, means my mouthy brand of justice can get me killed. I still won't stand for nonsense. There is no fault in keeping mum though and I don't look down on those that do.

a reply to: woodwardjnr

I understand what you are getting at woodwardjnr and agree that females who are of a certain disposition, prone toward kicking off trouble at the drop of a hat, can indeed be more dangerous than the male of the species, or at least, more rapidly dangerous. Everything is relative, and I much prefer angry, whacked out people, to professionally dangerous persons, but as I say, you are absolutely right.

a reply to: peppycat

Indeed. I am fairly sure the driver knew what was going on, and refused to deal with it as a matter of it being more than his job was worth to get involved. Being a bus driver can be very difficult work, and when I was a lad, it was the case that all the drivers on my routes home, hated the run to my neck of the woods. It was a whole different ball game back then, kids with slingshots and BBguns pelting everything in sight, drivers getting attacked, bricks through windows, that sort of thing. I think there is a lack of willingness to be involved in dispute resolution on the part of drivers now, especially on my route home.

What can I say, I am an end of the line chap, in an end of the line town, surrounded by end of the line people.

a reply to: corblimeyguvnor

Indeed. You grasp the scenario perfectly.

I think I need to have a word with myself, because I distinctly remember a time, not very long ago at all, where I would risk a knife in the guts for less than what happened on the bus last night, and I do not, in the cold light of day, accept that my reasons for keeping my mouth shut are good enough.

They used to say you are never more than 20ft from a rat...I suppose really, you are never more than 20ft from a human rat.

I get that you felt bad after witnessing this.
In my experience this feeling comes from not following your instincts.

Next time just tell the foul mouthed little b1tch to shut up and damn the consequences. You'll feel a bit calmer after.

a reply to: TrueBrit

You'd have as much chance of the 'banner pole' making a difference as whoever that king was who told the tide to turn back. The girl with the colourful language will have a background saturated in the same thing and won't have been taught any better. Her own kids will be just the same.

The target of her attitude might have felt momentarily better and that might have been the best incentive?

But my main concern as regards to this thread, is where do others sit with this sort of thing, and what is to be done about re-organising the priorities of people, so that standing for common decency and decorum is not something which opens one up to the sort of unreasonable consequences I mentioned.

I'm all in favour of a polite, thoughtful society that gives as big a damn for strangers as it does for itself. At the same time, I'm a realist and probably interact with more people like your bus trouble-maker than most around here. Underneath the cussing and offensive behaviour are human beings who could have had a better start or better role models.

If you can, look up Mayhew's London and 'costermongers' to see that nothing has ever changed. It'll make you smile to see young people noted for their offensive language, criminality and gang mentalities. It's good stuff

a reply to: TrueBrit

i used to feel the way you do about needing to speak up and help.

until one night....

i was 19 years old. i just left my girlfriend's house. it was 1030 at night. i was driving down the street when i saw a man and woman in heated/physical confrontation. i stopped my pickup, honked and exited the pickup. i loudly asked, "hey lady you okay? need help? or police?"

she turned to me and said, "mind your own #ing business you piece of sh!t!"

i thought, "oh well f**k these two a$$holes."

and left.

if someone asks for help i will if i can. i don't blindly go and "do the right thing" any more. this lesson has served me well in the 30 years since that night.

a reply to: Kandinsky

See, I think I forgot something last night. It is not always the sole aim of a person standing for right, to directly effect the source of ones ire. Sometimes it is enough to provide an example to other people around, to remind everyone witnessing the events which inspire one to intervene, that the standards they quietly believe in, can and sometimes must be believed in as loudly, and with as much enthusiasm, as others might violate those standards.

I am increasingly sure of this, the further away from the incident I am dragged by the flow of time.

Thank you for writing this post. I was recently contemplating a watered down version of this, regarding a small group of Catholic girls in a coffee shop, 30 years ago. I sat there alone, pretending not to notice, while wanting to rip them apart, but when they got up to leave, one of them flung her purse over her shoulder and I got a quick glimpse of a large button that was stuck into it. It read, "Life's a bitch, and then you die."

My attitude changed abruptly and I wanted to run after her and....well, just hold her, even though I am not the affectionate type. But I just continued to sip my coffee, as if nothing had happened. That nothing still haunts me to this day. I think it could be because I get it. It just pains me to see what these kids are exposed to, that this is their understandable conclusion. I sort of think we, an older society, have ourselves to blame.

But I occasionally get a glimpse of their counterparts, and it is as if they were silent angels whispering behind their smile, "Don't worry. The world will be okay."

Sigh.

a reply to: TrueBrit

It is not always the sole aim of a person standing for right, to directly effect the source of ones ire. Sometimes it is enough to provide an example to other people around, to remind everyone witnessing the events which inspire one to intervene, that the standards they quietly believe in, can and sometimes must be believed in as loudly, and with as much enthusiasm, as others might violate those standards.

Aye. Positive role-modelling for some and as a deterrent to others. The sticking point on that is how we're all influenced by everyone else. If everyone does nothing, we all do nothing, right? This means that sometimes we must stand up for something purely because it's the right thing to do and in spite of how it can go badly.

No doubt, everyone in the thread will have stood up for the right idea, or person, and then been flogged for it lol. Pesky humans, huh?

a reply to: Kandinsky

Pesky humans indeed!

I need to get back to basics, remember how to forget the results, and act in the moment.

a reply to: TrueBrit

something i'd like to add. i hope it isn't a thread jack....

every day i see people glued to their phones, tablets and laptops. chatting and texting every free minute they have. if you read most online threads you see unfiltered garbage typed from the safety of the computer screen. now, as technology becomes the primary connection to the world and to people in general that snarky garbage is seeping into real life. it's the natural progression i guess. what i see is a new culture based on insults, bragging, and childish views on sex and relationships. it's everywhere and not only from the younger generation, but even people my age (very late forties) are guilty of these crimes of ignorance.

so it's no surprise to me that the girl on the bus said and acted the way she did. she is living her online personality in real life.

at least that's how i reason life in my head.

very hard to have an effect on stupid ... You intervene in the scenario you described and it could have been you against several in a no space bus; not good odds for anyone.

I am glad you told the story and quite pleased you had the wisdom to stay out of a ruckus with what society classifies and children.. Headlines at the Daily Post of how a grown man got into a fight with a bunch of kids.. Does not matter if you are maimed or they got their filthy mouths busted.. You be the headline, No ? I have very little doubt the word game would have escalated to violence... and I was not even there. hahah


Also think of the quality of life these little darlings are going to have... There really is justice (sometimes) in this universe.. Just stand back and watch ! hahahah

I just feel sorry for the kid the girl will bring into this world..

Otherwise how was the play/movie Misses Lincoln ?

originally posted by: 727Sky
You intervene in the scenario you described and it could have been you against several in a no space bus; not good odds for anyone.

It's still pretty good odds for me, especially in a relatively enclosed place. I understand the sentiment though and that isn't the case for everybody so, as I said before, this decision wasn't one he should give much thought to. He could have ended up getting attacked by a mob. There is nothing wrong with staying silent. I'd rather somebody has hurt feelings than he ended up getting mobbed.

The benefit of my size is that I don't have to worry about little piss-ants... but it's a hell of a thing trying to fit in the seat of a plane. They make things for disabled people, for blind people, and for deaf people, but they don't make things for large people.

LOL... boo-hoo right. Not trying to complain. For all the problems being large presents it also has benefits.