posted on Feb, 17 2016 @ 06:09 PM
So those of you who've seen my posts in the past will have noticed I had a strong evangelical stance over time and have been vocal about my Christian
faith . It's crazy how much attitudes , and beliefs can change over a short time frame and I'm clearly no exception to that rule .
My biggest issues with the Christian faith current day is this . It is made very clear throughout scriptures that God is no respecter of persons ,
that the inhabitants of the earth are regarded as nothing , there are verses that talk about how God predestines to love some and hate others before
they are even born. But then we hear of John 3:16 for God so loved the " world " that he gave his one and only Son that whosoever shall believe in
him shall have everlasting life . But then belief is not just enough just a few books later and we will hear that if one isn't truly repentant and
carries any of the sins of lying , sexual immorality , cowardliness , etc .. their portion will be in the lake of fire .
But this lake of fire wasn't talked about in the old testament ( at least not in those terms , not even close ) ....
So do you see my point .. even the most sincere genuine christians out there if they are honest and real enough will admit that either the bible is
LITTERED with contradictions OR it is has been altered throughout history , mistranslated deliberately or purposefully .
I've felt at times indescribable peace and love that come from feeling like a loved , forgiven child of God . And I have a fondness and love
for Jesus Christ in my heart . But I don't know what to do with that anymore , I don't even know what to believe anymore because im not so sure
anymore it was a genuine peace. I'm tormented by the idea that a God who loves me will only love me if I abide in him and stay obedient though it
all until the end .. and if I don't .. I get sentenced to an eternal doom of the likes so horrific one shudders just at the thought .
That is another contradiction .. because even the most terrible parent could never ever fathom sentencing their child to that fate ( regardless of
how bad that child was ) eventually our conscious kicks in . So it begs the million dollar question . If our conscious ( which believers will say is
God given ) tells us that would be wrong , why do we just accept that God can and will do that to any of his children without so much as even
questioning that ? One word ... FEAR
And it's that very fear that keeps ALL religion fine tuned and spinning ...
I'm starting to believe the majority in the " know " who are in positions of religious authority don't even believe in the faith , but they
know their flock does . And what better way to control the flock then through fear ?
The second I have started asking too many questions about the faith in the past was the second people avoided me , ostracized me and cast me aside
.. I guess you can say I'm coming out of a fundamentalist school of thought and feel more lost then ever . ( I know there are so many of you out
there too , and others who have similar themes echoing in their lives right now )
It's a scary time to live in the world right now . WW3 could erupt at any time , terrorist regimes want to convert all or die , disease is
widespread etc ... and the hardest part I feel for us all I we all have a desire to know the truth , to experience happiness , peace and security .
But it feels like we live in a world where that is not really being offered to us and so we search as a result
Every political , religious or social movement seems to try to offer answers or peace . But our world is so fu*ked up that even those movements by
design pit us against one another. So I guess the big question is how do we find our peace in this world and how do we make a difference ?
I want to believe the answer truly is Jesus Christ , and I want to believe God will make it right in the end , but I just don't know anymore
And I don't know how to make sense of a book that tells me there will be family against family , war , wolves against sheep .. I don't understand
the contradiction between our human nature and old testament commands of an eye for an eye ( warlike nature ) and Jesus 's command to love our
Religion has created enormous restlessness and confusion in my life because the answers that seem to be in the book go against so much that I
feel , believe , sense ... how do we others who believe just have faith and never question the horrific parts of the bible ?