posted on Feb, 12 2016 @ 07:11 PM
Sometimes a fluke experience, aka The Law of Accident or perhaps Fate, can shake us to our core and wake us up for a moment. Some of us may need
continuous shaking to awaken and then we look about and yawn and say, “Now what?”….No, I don’t like that….
I am nobody, from nowhere….No, you won’t like that…., even if it’s true.
I’m not sure how this is supposed to work. I am supposed to take a fake name, get a fast education on what an avatar is and create one, go through
hoops to protect my identity and location, feeble as it is, and then introduce myself to how many? 250,000 and counting?
I posted something and then went back and changed the name “to protect the innocent” and felt sick afterwards. I already know I won’t be able to
do that if I need to put a fake name to myself in a post. I’ve been rehearsing trying to do that all week and I know I can’t do that. All I own is
my first name, and even that I didn’t choose. But it’s all I own. I recognize the opportunity to be someone else now, but I also realize how much
I don’t want that. So, my name is Susan. Why be so afraid to say that? I’ve been hiding for my entire life. And much of it for good reason. And my
teacher…yes, I was fortunate to have one when he was alive…once told me that the best place to hide a tree is in the middle of a forest. And ATS
is an amazing forest! Already in two weeks, I am empowered enough to state my own name. Plus, I am sort of playing with the notion that there may be
safety in numbers. I want to add, “but enough about me” but would that count? So, I will say what you probably want to hear. With a name like
ClownFish, why fear just jumping into the Water:
I remember being conscious before I was born and I remember the events shortly after. Not the “white lights and why did you slap my behind” events
but an awareness of my own consciousness.
More likely than not, I had a significant UFO experience when I was four, followed by an out of body experience because of a brutal domestic violence
event. I was placed in a convent to forget what I had seen, but I thought I was put there to be punished for what had happened and so I withdrew. When
I survived to the age of reason, being around seven and beyond, I realized that I could not have possibly been in the sky for those two events and I
began to doubt myself and withdrew even further.
As an adult, albeit questionable at times, I had an odd experience with a ball of light, that seemed to initiate some odder experiences of hearing
voices and having visions, all of a religious nature. I could also see the future. I didn’t know what to make of this, but I thought it might be a
good thing and might be useful to the Church. I went to my priest but he suspected that I was possessed. I didn’t buy that so I went to see the top
psychiatrist in the university. And he said I was psychic. I wasn’t sure what that meant at the time. He sent me back to the priest who put me on a
fast, apparently not knowing that fasting increases psychism. For me, this was a time of horrific fear and confusion, and I dealt with it as I do with
everything. I withdrew as far inside myself as I could go.
Some years later, I accidentally got introduced to the world of the psychic circus when we attended a psychic fair. I thought that this would be my
opportunity to learn more about the field but inadvertently got thrown into a baptism of fire when the first meeting I was invited to got canceled due
to a murder in another town and the psychics impulsively invited me along for their investigation. I think that this was when I fell through the
rabbit hole, or holes within holes. This was when the extent of my psychism became more apparent. Since the Church didn’t want me, I thought I might
be of service to the police. Big mistake. I learned of police involvement and had to pretend that I didn’t know what I knew in order to save my own
life from the people paid to protect us. Again I withdrew, this time from everyone: the Church, the psychics and my friends at the state police. I
thought that this was my opportunity to try to imitate a normal life.
But those years became mingled with years of what I believe to be masked UFO experiences of a different nature to when I was a child. And everything
was sprinkled with other paranormal events. My life became my own private circus and I was trapped on a merry-go-round without an exit sign. I wanted
desperately to reach out for help but to whom? The only thing that could possibly help me was a lobotomy, and I wasn’t that desperate. I always
maintained the belief that as weird as it all was, I might understand it some day. But for now things were getting messy.
When everything was about to collide 20 years ago, we moved to another state and started a new life with a new business. The good news was that most
of the paranormal stuff stopped since we were too busy drowning in employee problems and business red tape. The bad news is that it was all for
nothing when we lost the business, our home and my health from an accidental, freak massive poisoning to our property and myself. And so, we were left
to wander about for some years now. We were trying to set down roots but the recent fear of fogging from the Zika virus has us concerned as I am
deathly sensitive to these things. How odd to survive so much and then now this.
The catalyst in finding ATS was what some call the dark night of the soul, or one of many nights, but a few incidents of psychism have started to crop
up again. Nothing like before, but it has peaked my interest once again in this mysterious thing called life. I feel like I have stumbled into a
hidden forest within a forest, in a Fahrenheit 451 world and for the first time EVER, I feel I am not alone and I am not crazy. Well, maybe a little
around the edges, but within acceptable limits.
Can I go now?