Is it me who is old fashioned as a parent or just responsible?

This also brings up an interesting thought for me.

Are we really doing our children favors by sheltering them well into their teens?

People always say they want to keep their child innocent for as long as possible but is that really a good thing? The world at large is not pretty, is not nice, and doesn't give a damn about your innocence. Pretending like the world is a safe, happy place can give your child some extremely skewed views on reality.

a reply to: anxiouswens

Manners make the Man and you appear to be teaching him those.

As to the games, don't worry about those considering most kids who grew up playing games that include both violence and guns turn out just fine.

Your not old fashioned, you are however a good parent.

I agree with your parenting practices 100%. You're doing a fine job. I'll sign off with a couple favorite quotes about parenting:


There are only two lasting bequests we can hope to give our children. One of these is roots, the other, wings.

The wisest parents will make sure the children habitually experience the true consequences of their conduct. This can be done overtly or extremely subtly.

I believe that what we become depends on what our parents teach us at odd moments, when they aren't trying to teach us. We are formed by these little scraps of wisdom.


“Through the blur, I wondered if I was alone or if other parents felt the same way I did - that everything involving our children was painful in some way. The emotions, whether they were joy, sorrow, love or pride, were so deep and sharp that in the end they left you raw, exposed and yes, in pain. The human heart was not designed to beat outside the human body and yet, each child represented just that - a parent's heart bared, beating forever outside its chest.”
― Debra Ginsberg

a reply to: anxiouswens

I think you are confusing "common sense" with "old fashioned". My 7-year-old daughter loves her games (Minecraft, Sonic, etc) but she also begs us to play GTA for her. She knows she cannot play and the moment she runs over a dog or something, she'll burst into tears and throw away our PS4 so... we only allow her to watch as I go to some deserted area (with pedestrians turned off) and just do crazy stuff in cars and she also digs the shopping element almost as much as I do.

Bottom line, those are ADULT games. I wouldn't let her play it any sooner than I would let her watch adult films (which means when she's an adult). Your son's friend's parents are negligent. Peer pressure and feeling like he fits in is a rough thing, I'm sure. Maybe he can find a crowd that emulates more appropriate games like a Minecraft club (some schools actually have those).

Anyway, awesome job not caving and for taking an active role in your child's exposure to media.

I've got an 8 year old and no way in hell would I let him play GTA. He gets to play Minecraft and Lego. I play COD and Destiny so he has asked but I told him he needs to get older before playing those games. Destiny isn't as bad as COD and COD isn't as bad as GTA imo but he's still too young.

Well as a 23 year-old my teenage years aren't to far from me yet. I've been gaming since I was a kid, and something I can tell you is that certain games are a work of art. They are a well formed expression of the artist. Whether that is an expression of himself, or commentary on current events or a lot of other possibilities, I'm no art expert, but I sure know something good when I see it. I'm guessing they're playing gta v multiplayer as well as call of duty. Multiplayer can be fun, I'm a battlefield veteran myself. Multiplayer games rarely express the emotional message that a single player game can. I played some of the most violent games of my generation when I was a kid... Soldier of fortune, GTA (all of them), Hitman, F.E.A.R, Ghost Recon, Splinter Cell and many, many others.

These we're all single player, some of them had great stories, some of them had great gameplay and some of them gave you nightmares, especially F.E.A.R, but what a game! You must always remember that sometimes with the violence comes an amazingly immersive experience and opportunities to learn a lot. Games have taught me so much, but you have to weed out the crap from the gold. I would recommend something like Mass Effect 3 or Bioshock Infinite. Just watch the beginning of each of those with him and you will understand what I mean. They are works of art, beautiful in their own way (:

Multiplayer is good fun and all, but very very seldom do they convey the fantastic intelligent message that a singleplayer story game can.

P.S In the singleplayer mode of GTA V there is a torture scene where you get to waterboard, and pull teeth out of a foreigner. You get the option to skip it at the begging of the scene I believe. Perhaps just inform your son about that. Also, if his friends are incorporating GTA V into their imaginative play, just make sure that it's not girls acting as prostitutes and the boys picking them up, coz you can do that in the game... Just make sure he understand things within context and that just because something is in a game doesn't make it right, although it is a wonderful way to express yourself in ways that you cannot in average everyday life.

OK, WAIT. I just realized your son is 8 and not 12. 12 would be a good age for all things mentioned. Perhaps introduce him to some city builders and oh, DEFINITELY the kerbal space program! So much knowledge to be gained.

a reply to: anxiouswens

as a mid twenties dude that plays alot of gta, your doing fine, i think those guidelines on age restrictions in games can vary a couple years depending on the child but really shouldnt go further then that. gta is a very adult game even just the single player version is full of adult content, if you have a mature 16 year old then thats probably fine, but i wouldnt let an immature 19 year old near it, if that makes sense?

the manners and decorum you are teaching your kid may have little place left in our social structure but it will be invaluable to him in presenting himself as professional in careers, and for that the behavior needs to be inbuilt, it cant be faked so easily especially by someone who never learned it.

originally posted by: corvuscorrax
This also brings up an interesting thought for me.

Are we really doing our children favors by sheltering them well into their teens?

People always say they want to keep their child innocent for as long as possible but is that really a good thing? The world at large is not pretty, is not nice, and doesn't give a damn about your innocence. Pretending like the world is a safe, happy place can give your child some extremely skewed views on reality.

Believe me, what they are being sheltered from at home, they are learning at school from other kids. If you bring a kid up right and set down rules and shelter them as much as you can, you are teaching them right from wrong and hopefully they will see that and become good kids regardless. If a parent and everyone around them just allows them to do what they want then there will certainly be problems.

a reply to: anxiouswens

Respectively....I think you need to adapt. The % of input of such things is high from friends and school and games etc. And kids spend more time with those than with you at home.

You should install good values tho...but it does go only so far....Peer pressure was like that too when we we're kids. You just have to do your best giving them so values.

Its one of those times we realize we've become Our parents....good luck!
You sound like a great parent!

originally posted by: Night Star

originally posted by: corvuscorrax
This also brings up an interesting thought for me.

Are we really doing our children favors by sheltering them well into their teens?

People always say they want to keep their child innocent for as long as possible but is that really a good thing? The world at large is not pretty, is not nice, and doesn't give a damn about your innocence. Pretending like the world is a safe, happy place can give your child some extremely skewed views on reality.

Believe me, what they are being sheltered from at home, they are learning at school from other kids. If you bring a kid up right and set down rules and shelter them as much as you can, you are teaching them right from wrong and hopefully they will see that and become good kids regardless. If a parent and everyone around them just allows them to do what they want then there will certainly be problems.

Cheers to that, kind woman!
My gf shelters her kids a little too much and it shows. Her oldest is twelve going on thirteen and still believes in Santa Claus. She is having a hard time letting them grow up, but that said, they are good kids. They come to me with a lot of the more "mature" questions and I answer them honestly. I have found that if you dodge or lie about uncomfortable topics it ends up doing more harm then good.
The world isn't a nice place and won't do favors.

A lot of parents these days are unwilling to let their child fail at anything. Bad juju there. We learn from our mistakes and being a good parent is about allowing our kids to screw something up so they can learn from it and learn how to cope with failure and move on and try harder.

You sound like a great loving mature parent! I have a son in college who plays games after homework. He used to be into call of duty which I really thought was awful. The other son is a teenager and he is an honors student so he also plays after homework. He plays basketball with other friends on line and they talk through the head set, he can play and visit with his brother who is away at college. He plays basket ball on a church team in real life too. The games you have to sign for to purchase are meant for adults. I would stick with the sports games, legos, age appropriate etc... Avoid the mature theme games. You know doctors do surgery now with game controllers for robotic surgery. So there is a real purpose for the gamer hand eye coordination.

I'll just say that I grew up in the time of 90s video games, I remember killing strippers in Duke Nukem 3D and finding it hilarious that it made the alien pigs angry! My father didn't have many standards though, I was taught to be a polite and adorable child on the outside at least. And I have never killed a stripper, or an alien pig, ever in my real life. Though I do spout some badass "Hail to the King, baby!!!" quotes even to this day.

I am younger than you at almost 30, and I have an almost 3 year old son. And you are absolutely NOT just being "old fashioned". The attitudes of kids these days sickens me and I despair at the idea of my son being of an age to engage with the masses. Will walk down the street, be at the park, at the shopping mall, and you hear what look like 12-year-olds talking about getting laid, 7-year-olds swearing their heads off to anyone who looks at them, etc. I saw a toddler sitting in a shopping trolley saying the c word and was utterly shocked.

I blame their parents more than the possibility of them playing mature videogames though.

A lot of parents don't understand (or care) that videogames have RATINGS on them, just like movies. GTA is a game made for adults, not kids. "But it's a game! Games are for kids!". The notion is such rubbish! It annoys me to no end seeing this crap in the news constantly. "Mother Such-n-Such complains to Such-n-Such because she bought a game with blood and murder in it and how dare it be a game because games are for kids and who cares that there's an M or R rating on it, her son wanted it so she bought it without investigating."

SMH.

a reply to: anxiouswens

Nope. I'd keep him away from those games too. Grand Theft Auto especially, but I'm an adult who games and I have more of an idea what he'd be seeing and playing than maybe those other parents.

We absolutely plan to let ours play games, but we also plan to pick and choose what he plays and we plan to play some things with him, just like my parents started watching "R" movies with me when they started letting me watch them.

It's not that he won't ever be appropriate for those games, just that I think 8 may be a bit young to expose him to hard core gang-banging and hookers in his storylines.

a reply to: anxiouswens

I am breaking a norm here as I usually read right up until the last post before commenting but in this case I think your OP needs a straight and unadulterated answer.

I understand fully where you are coming from in this, My son is 9 and I am 39, his mum(no longer together) is 49 so you had them at a similar age. He has older brothers and sister who are now 22, 19 and 17. that's the background done I think.

He has grown up in a world older than himself and has seen his brothers and other relatives speaking and acting a lot older than him. Although he feels drawn towards this he is happy to still be a little kid, he sometimes wants to watch movies/play games ect that he is not old enough for and that is natural but if I say he's not ready for that yet he seems to accept it, It is almost worrying that he does if I am honest. He is quite happy watching Minions 2 or snow dogs even though I know his friends are talking about older films and it is the same with games, his brothers when they are home are playing call of duty or GTA but he is happy to play Minecraft.

I think I said this in another thread but I asked him what he wanted for his birthday expecting him to say some Xbox game and he said he wanted a chemistry set??? I was so SO proud and to watch him there with his little goggles and pipette with litmus paper made me really happy that he was enjoying something so "old fashioned and beneficial to his develpment.

Encourage him to be himself and do not worry if a little peer pressure every now and again makes him question the world, He seems like a genuinely good kid and will do the right thing and make you proud.

If he swears or gets demanding or gives in to peer pressure remember that it is hard at that age but trust your instincts, give him a mile and he will most likely not even take an inch.

Hope this helps.

originally posted by: ketsuko
a reply to: anxiouswens

Nope. I'd keep him away from those games too. Grand Theft Auto especially, but I'm an adult who games and I have more of an idea what he'd be seeing and playing than maybe those other parents.

We absolutely plan to let ours play games, but we also plan to pick and choose what he plays and we plan to play some things with him, just like my parents started watching "R" movies with me when they started letting me watch them.

It's not that he won't ever be appropriate for those games, just that I think 8 may be a bit young to expose him to hard core gang-banging and hookers in his storylines.

Can I ask how old you were when you started playing adult games?

Younger that those older though appropriate or of the right age? when you did start playing games where you are killing indiscriminately how did affect you personally?

My kids played those, when they were older (around 16). They didn't pick up any behaviors from the games, and eventually they tired of them and stopped.

Though I can think of two of my sons friends that ended up playing way after high school, not continuing their education or getting a job. (one is literally living in his moms basement, for real) But they had a situation that set them up for behavioral problems already. I suspect that without the games, they would have evolved towards doing some of these crimes in real life! This way they live it without having to actually make any effort or risk.

I was a young mom, and I think I wouldn't be so permissive if I had young ones now. But I think a good base of relations and structure arms them against all kinds of stuff!

Don't worry about being the strict mom - it won't hurt him. I just mean to say, don't panic either if he finds ways to cross the line (play at a friends house or something). It probably won't ruin him.

originally posted by: nonspecific

originally posted by: ketsuko
a reply to: anxiouswens

Nope. I'd keep him away from those games too. Grand Theft Auto especially, but I'm an adult who games and I have more of an idea what he'd be seeing and playing than maybe those other parents.

We absolutely plan to let ours play games, but we also plan to pick and choose what he plays and we plan to play some things with him, just like my parents started watching "R" movies with me when they started letting me watch them.

It's not that he won't ever be appropriate for those games, just that I think 8 may be a bit young to expose him to hard core gang-banging and hookers in his storylines.

Can I ask how old you were when you started playing adult games?

Younger that those older though appropriate or of the right age? when you did start playing games where you are killing indiscriminately how did affect you personally?

I was 10 when I first started playing GTA...

Didn't affect me.
Here I am today doing 25 to Life in a max-sec using my free hour to gas on ATS.


No seriously it didn't affect me, but really games have changed since 1997...
Not only graphics wise but concept wise...

You couldn't sleep with a hooker and kill her to take the money back in those days...
GTA changed.

As for COD, it's nothing but a Army recruitment tool.
I wouldn't let anyone under 18 play it.

But wouldn't you know I've had pre teens tell me they've shagged my mother in comms.


Kids nowadays.

Your being the parent that you feel works for you. I have been playing Call of Duty, Doom, and Civilization with my oldest since he was four years old, and watching Walking Dead, and take him to the movies to see hardcore action shooters. He is a very yes sir, no sir kid. Well mannered. Does not scream obscenities at anyone, says please and thank you at all times. He is 9 years now. We play football outside and he builds legos more than anything. He is very inclined towards sports and science, which I think is AWESOME!

Let your kid play COD, so long as you are there to explain right from wrong there should be no issues. One of my son's favorite things to watch after a cool movie (im talking action, sci-fi Horror) is the special features to see how they did what they did. He always tells me "I know this is all pretend dad, I want to see how they do it" . I love that boy.

I notice at the playground, my son is WAAAAAYYY more social-able and well mannered than the sheltered kids with helicopter parents throwing fits, yelling rudely, and crying like babies when they trip and fall into the mulch.

I got me barbarian kids, and they shall rule the Earth!

a reply to: nonspecific

I was an adult, and I think you get the wrong idea. I am not into games that have me killing indiscriminately. I don't play things like COD or GTA. I do plenty of research on games though because they are pretty expensive, especially triple A titles like those. So I am plenty familiar with the kinds of things in those games. Plus, there is always YouTube where any parent can simply go watch game play vids and see for themselves.

While I do play games with violence in them, I prefer games where the violence has context and reason and is set to a story I can agree with when I play it. I play the Mass Effect series for example because I get to be the hero who saves the universe and I am shooting bad guys and aliens. I do not indulge in wanton violence for no reason unless I decide to take that opportunity. The same goes with the Dragon Age series.

As far as affecting me personally? Nope. It's pixels on a screen. But I already had a well formed sense of reality and fantasy and a moral foundation laid in by the time I got to where I could indulge my gaming desires.

originally posted by: CharlieSpeirs

originally posted by: nonspecific

originally posted by: ketsuko
a reply to: anxiouswens

Nope. I'd keep him away from those games too. Grand Theft Auto especially, but I'm an adult who games and I have more of an idea what he'd be seeing and playing than maybe those other parents.

We absolutely plan to let ours play games, but we also plan to pick and choose what he plays and we plan to play some things with him, just like my parents started watching "R" movies with me when they started letting me watch them.

It's not that he won't ever be appropriate for those games, just that I think 8 may be a bit young to expose him to hard core gang-banging and hookers in his storylines.

Can I ask how old you were when you started playing adult games?

Younger that those older though appropriate or of the right age? when you did start playing games where you are killing indiscriminately how did affect you personally?

I was 10 when I first started playing GTA...

Didn't affect me.
Here I am today doing 25 to Life in a max-sec using my free hour to gas on ATS.

No seriously it didn't affect me, but really games have changed since 1997...
Not only graphics wise but concept wise...

You couldn't sleep with a hooker and kill her to take the money back in those days...
GTA changed.

As for COD, it's nothing but a Army recruitment tool.
I wouldn't let anyone under 18 play it.

But wouldn't you know I've had pre teens tell me they've shagged my mother in comms.


Kids nowadays.

I think I was about 18 when the first GTA came about and even then it was a bit rubbish, Like Zelda crossed with NWA.

I would not like my son to play GTA but have no issue with him playing COD or war games, that's just the modern way of playing army but without the sticks for guns that we had.

You cannot hit some dude 300 miles away and if they swear they swear, we all do it.

Especially when you get sniped from out of nowhere...